Trying To Match My Dainty Name

Lillie//27//British//I wasn’t skinny enough to be diagnosed with ana, so it’s called ✨disordered eating✨ and I’m not eligible for therapy lmao This blog is no.1 on the list of things my GAD therapist doesn’t know about, not pro ana AT ALL, and I never post meanspo

[light-as-a-lillie]

Me to My Fitness Pal:

How many calories are in the skin I stress-bite off the inside of my cheeks?

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I love to tell myself that since I’m not skin and bones, there’s no way I could actually have an ed

Then I spend every groceries trip holding back tears and have to have a moment like ‘fun fact! That’s not normal bestie! x ‘

[k1ttybones]

my fat distribution is so weird cuz tell me why my rib, hip, and chest b0nes are visible, yet i still don’t have thin arms and a defined face…?

[light-as-a-lillie]

New challenge:

Gotta get minute in a single week bc I have a pointe shoe appointment. Being the size of a house isn’t very ballerina of me x

[iaia777]

Overthinking should at least burn calories.

[light-as-a-lillie]

I am back off holiday and feeling like a WHALE from not having had control over my food for the week, fml xxxxxxxx

[analovezalot]

I love being hungry it makes me feel like I’m accomplishing something

[light-as-a-lillie]

For the first time ever, I’m not actually proud of myself for a relapse. I’d spend so much of my relapse’s being proud of myself for ‘getting myself under control’, but for the first time, I’m ashamed.

I keep convincing myself that I’m doing it for attention or to just be edgy. But if I were doing that, why would I refuse to let anyone see it and still act so secretively about the restrictions.

I just can’t see a point in my life where I’m not constantly on the brink of a relapse. I can’t picture a future where I’m not constantly controlled by a voice in my head that tells me that the exercise and restrictions are imperative. I can’t imagine ever not being disgusted and disappointed with myself.

I’m sorry, I know this is a lot, but I’m just feeling helpless this time

[light-as-a-lillie]

Does anyone else find that the older you get, the harder super low cal days hit you? Like as a teenager, I’d eat 500kcal a day, go to school, go to work, got to ballet and I’d be fine. At 27 years old? I can wfh, do nothing and find myself retching over the toilet bc I nearly passed out from the same thing.

[light-as-a-lillie]

Long time no see girlie pops x

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People seriously underestimated the ability of vegetables cooked in a well seasoned broth to feel like a whole meal 

Like you’re one step away from it being a soup or a stew but it’s practically no calories 

[light-as-a-lillie]

Aight I’m back on this shit again, what did I miss?

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A new low: watering down diet coke.

[light-as-a-lillie]

So did anyone else know that the laughing cow has 19kcal cheese?????? Cheese is my fave food and it’s been one of the biggest struggles for me while restricting, but 19kcal??????? Give me????? Now?????

[light-as-a-lillie]

When did my 11:11 wish become to be SKINNY

I thought of all the things in the world I could wish for and THATS the first thing my dumb ass monkey brain could come who with?????? the FUCK??!!?????

[light-as-a-lillie]

I’ve been on some real skini shit recently. This fucker is existing off soup and fruit.

I might genuinely die if I don’t have a flat stomach for my masters graduation or my up coming girls holiday

[light-as-a-lillie]

My looking at my vitamin tablet: ah, solid food, excellent progress towards recovery 😌