Similarities and differences in NPD and AvPD
NPD and AvPD are two relatively different personality disorders. You don’t often hear anyone speaking of their comorbidity, yet there are certainly people out there who have or believe they might have both disorders. Which is why I’d like to address this and compare and contrast them in an informational post.
Let’s start with differences. Just remember that when one has two contradictory personality disorders, they may experience one or the other contradictory symptom, both symptoms but in different situations, or a mix of the two symptoms simultaneously.
NPD and AvPD contrast in the following ways:
NPD involves a lot of anger and a lack of control over it, while AvPD causes an inhibition in feeling and expressing anger. This might cause one to experience hugely pent-up anger with no way of letting it out, except perhaps to self-destruct.
NPD can make someone desire a lot of attention or to always be the center of attention, while AvPD can make someone afraid of having too much attention on them out of the fear of being negatively scrutinized. This might manifest in a way that causes one to desperately crave attention but be too scared to do anything about it. They want to be praised and admired, but instead fear that they will be judged.
NPD causes a sense of grandiosity and superiority, while AvPD causes a sense of being inept and inferior to others. This is one of the biggest dichotomies in the two disorders. There’s really no other way of explaining it but that many people experience these two symptoms in a fluctuating manner, or even both at the same time. When praised, a person with both disorders may feel that they totally deserve such praise, but simultaneously have the nagging feeling that they can’t possibly be as amazing as they’re told. Alternatively, they may respond in a self-deprecating manner, but inwardly feel a sense of arrogance and inflated ego.
NPD makes it so that the person is largely focused on themselves, failing to even consider the needs of others, while AvPD may make it so that the person is hyper-focused on others’ needs and ignores their own needs to please people. There aren’t a lot of ways in which these symptoms can be experienced simultaneously, so they probably fluctuate, or someone with both disorders may experience only one or the other.
NPD often causes one to overshare and constantly talk about themselves, while AvPD causes one to fear opening up because they might be judged. This might make it so that a person with both disorders overshares and talks about themselves a lot, but finds themselves regretting it later on and believing they must’ve said something stupid.
Now, despite their differences, there’s a surprising overlap between NPD and AvPD. The two share the following potential symptoms:
Hugely negative reactions to criticism. Both can make one feel greatly injured by even constructive criticism. This can cause withdrawal and feelings of depression, or in the case of NPD, it can cause either internalized or externalized anger.
Avoidance of situations in which one might be ridiculed. Piggybacking off the last bullet point, people with both disorders may completely avoid some situations involving social interaction if they think that others will criticize them or find them to be flawed.
Fear of failure. This can cause one with both disorders to avoid opportunities in life in which failure might be an outcome. This includes even educational or occupational opportunities, leading to a life which may lack direction.
Being highly self-conscious and concerned with how one is viewed by others. Both NPD and AvPD make a person hypersensitive to the scrutinization of other people. They may be constantly wondering how others are seeing them in a social interaction or even just walking down the street.
Vulnerable self-esteem. Despite NPD’s reputation for being all about grandiosity and “high self-esteem”, it’s actually quite often centered around a very fragile self-esteem. This means that those with this mental illness base their self-esteem off of how others view them, or how they think others view them. If AvPD causes the default belief that others view them in a negative way, then they might have considerably low self-esteem which can only be increased by instances of praise and admiration.
Perfectionism. Both disorders cause one to be highly critical of themselves. They can make one believe that if their work is not perfect, if it’s not “the best”, then it might as well be the worst.
A strong need to be liked and approved of. NPD makes it so that one needs to feel basically worshipped by others, and AvPD makes it so that one desperately wants to be socially accepted. Both cases can cause one to feign politeness not necessarily for the sake of being polite, but for the arguably selfish reason of needing to be approved of.
Fantasizing about an ideal life. This is one of the diagnostic criteria for NPD, but it can also apply to AvPD. Both disorders can cause someone to be preoccupied with thinking longingly about success in life.
If you have anything you might be able to add to these lists, feel free to do so. This is all just off the top of my head and a lot of it relates to my own experiences.
Keep in mind, even if you relate to much of this, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you have both personality disorders. Since many of these symptoms are very general and happen to relate to each mental illness, there are other possible things you may be dealing with. Remember to do lots of research on each individual personality disorder before making any decision as to what you may have.
