Pairing: Zuko x Fem!Reader
Summary: Reader is in love with Zuko, but sadly, he is very much in love with Mai.
Warnings: Angst, Grief/Mourning, like one curse word lol
It had been years since your passing.
Zuko had long since, joined Team Avatar. Helped them defeat his malevolent sister, and father, and taken the throne as Fire Lord. He was engaged to be married to Mai, and the planners were putting together a big wedding, set for the fall.
Now, at twenty years old, ruling in a new era of peace, and love, the young Fire Lord seeked something else; inner peace and understanding. He was starting to question a reccurring dream that he’d been having for years now. At first, it’d only happen once, maybe twice a month. Then it became once every week. As of late, it was happening almost every time he closed his eyes, he didn’t understand it.
“Thanks for agreeing to tea, Uncle” Zuko says as he carefully pours the hot beverage into the cup closest to Iroh, then pouring one for himself.
“Anytime, young Zuko. Are you alright? Have you been eating?” Iroh says, noticing his nephew’s slightly sunken cheeks.
“I haven’t been in the mood to eat much lately” Zuko answers truthfully, looking down at the hot tea cup clasped between his hands.
“You need your strength. You must take care of yourself. If not for yourself, then for your people” The older gentleman says, making his nephew sigh.
“I know, Uncle. I just-“ Zuko takes a moment to try and find the right words. “I’ve been having these weird dreams, and they feel so real, but I don’t know what they mean” He explains, slightly relieved to finally tell someone about it, someone he knows won’t judge him.
“Weird dreams, you say?” Iroh strokes his facial hair, a quizzical expression on his face.
“Yes, I have the same dream almost every night. Sometimes, I even find myself daydreaming about it. It always starts out the same.. peacefully. I’m in a field, filled with beautiful cherry blossoms, and I can hear faint laughter. Then, those same flowers, end up catching on fire. But the flames are always too big for me to handle, so I catch on fire as well. The laughter quiets because I can only hear my own screaming, and then I wake up drenched in sweat” Iroh listens carefully, sipping his tea, as Zuko explains his strange dream. “Although, the last few times I’ve had the dream, instead of ending in a fiery blaze, a heavy rain puts everything out. What do you make of that?” Zuko asks, and puzzled look that mirrors his own, is etched on his uncle’s face.
“Sometimes, recurring dreams are born from something in your life you’ve not yet acknowledged. Usually something that is causing stress of some sort. The dream repeats because you have not yet corrected the problem at hand. Recurring dreams also surface, when there is some sort of trauma in your past you are trying to deal with, most times it is something you need to heal from” The Fire Lord sips his tea as he takes in this information, fore he knew exactly what would be causing him such strife.
“Y/N” Zuko puts his head in his hands, “It’s been four years since she’s been gone, and that day still haunts me.. I never even got to say goodbye” He immediately feels a lump in his throat, eyes stinging as they threaten to release a floodgate.
“You are still holding onto that pain, young Zuko. You must learn to let go, or you will continue to have these dreams” Let you go? He couldn’t do that, he wouldn’t ever let himself forget about you.
“I can’t let her go, I loved her!”
“I loved her, and I was too scared to tell her! I’m a coward! The least I can do, is never forget her!” Zuko exclaims.
“I didn’t say you had to forget her, Zuko. But you must find a way to let go of such unresolved feelings, or it will drive you mad” Iroh says, trying to calm the younger man.
“I already feel mad” Zuko says quietly, “I was supposed to be her best friend, and she didn’t even feel comfortable enough to tell me she was dying” He sniffles, “One of the last things she said to me, was that she didn’t even know if we were friends at all” He can still remember that sad look on your face.
“Does our friendship mean nothing to you anymore?”
Zuko’s heart ached to see you so dejected that day. He hadn’t meant to hurt you with his actions, truly. He just thought distancing himself from you, and dating Mai would help him forget his feelings for you.
It was true that Zuko loved you, but it wasn’t a love one would have for a family member, like he tried to say.
He was in love with you, and he had been ever since the two of you were young.
He wanted you in every way.
To kiss you, to hold you in his arms, to take you on romantic dates, and spoil you with his riches. He wanted to be the one you shared your innermost thoughts with, to wake up, and end the day with you. Although he felt this way, he could never bring himself to confess to you.
Zuko’s mind would always wander, thinking of the worst case scenario; what if you didn’t feel the same way? He could only imagine the pure awkwardness between you two, if his love was not reciprocated. He couldn’t bear to lose you in his life, so he settled for Mai. Mai was pretty as well, although Zuko didn’t think she held a candle to you. But most importantly, he knew for a fact that she liked him.
That way, he could still have you as his friend, and in his life. Even if he had to settle for loving you from afar, that sounded better than the risk of losing you.
It seemed like a great plan, until Mai started becoming increasingly more jealous of you. “You don’t need a girl best friend, when you have me. It’s literally in the name, girl-friend”, Mai would tell him in her usual humdrum voice. She knew just how close the two of you were. Often times she would start spats with Zuko for even being near you, so he chose to distance himself.
“Your friendship will always mean everything to me. I mean, honestly, you’ve always felt more like family to me than Azula, and she’s my sister” He’s still wants punch himself when he remembers that conversation. Like family? Why the hell did he say that?
And before he could say anything else, that’s when you’d started that damned coughing. Zuko definitely thought it was suspicious when you immediately pushed him out of the room right after. And he remembers how his balled up fist, was meres inches away from the door, but at the last moment he decided against knocking.
A decision he would come to realize, was a huge mistake.
“There were so many signs that day. Signs that something was wrong. But still, every one of them, I ignored” Zuko grits his teeth as he speaks, trying not to cry. “I should’ve went back in there and got her to tell me what was wrong” The Fire Lord stares down into the teacup placed in front of him. The beverage has cooled down, but is still producing warm steam. He’s suddenly reminded of the way you blamed Li and Lo’s tea, for your odd behavior.
“It sounds to me, like you are feeling guilt. Is it because you believe you could have prevented her death?” Iroh questions after carefully taking another sip of his beverage.
“I could have!” Zuko’s on his feet now, palms pressed to the table as he screams his frustration to his uncle. The outburst makes Iroh’s eyes widen, but it only takes him a quick moment to realize Zuko needed this release.
“I could have helped her! I-I should’ve walked with her back to the beach house! My gut told me I should, but I ignored it!” The young fire lord is hysterical by this point. Angry, hot tears stain his cheeks, and his throat feels like he’s swallowing gravel. All these years, all these feelings he’d not worked through, and now he felt like a pot boiling over. He felt like he was reliving that day all over again.
“She died, scared and alone, because of me!” In the heat of his anguish, Zuko smacks his teacup into the wall. The cup loudly shatters on impact, the jagged pieces clatter, as the hot contents drip down the wall, and pool to the floor.
Zuko drops back into his chair, his body buzzing as he sobs.
Iroh gently rises to his feet, calmly circling the table to grab his nephew, pulling him into a much needed embrace. “I wasn’t there for her!” Zuko sobs into his chest. Iroh envelopes the younger man’s frame, holding him firm, as tears threaten his own eyes.
“I failed her, Uncle” Zuko’s voice says, muffled, and quiet. Iroh’s right hand rubs gentle circles into Zuko’s back as he speaks.
“You cannot hold all of the blame for this, young Zuko” He says, voice as soothing as rain.
“How can I not?” The fire lord sniffles, “I wasn’t there for her when she needed me. She’s dead because of m-” The older gentleman shakes his head, as he cuts Zuko off.
“She died because of an awful disease, one of which, she did not seek the treatment she needed. I am sure you never imagined something like that would happen to her” The words seem to comfort the young man, the tears flowing from his eyes slow down slightly, as he takes a deep breath. “Had you known something fatal was wrong, you would have done everything in your power to help, correct?” Zuko mumbles a small yes, and his uncle pulls away from the embrace a bit to look at him.
“Then you cannot blame yourself for what you did not know” Iroh says, squeezing Zuko’s shoulders with his large hands.
“Even if I try not to it, doesn’t work. I don’t know what to do anymore, Uncle” He admits, his voice sounding completely defeated.
“Perhaps you could start by giving her a visit. Have you done that at all since her passing?” Iroh questions.
“No” Zuko sounds ashamed as he responds. What a hypocrite he felt like to be mourning you, yet he’d not visited once in all these years. He just couldn’t bring himself to do it. He still didn’t even want to believe you were gone, let alone go visit your burial site.
“Try it, let some things off your chest”
————————————————————————————
It had been four days, and Zuko still hadn’t made his way to your grave. As the Fire Lord, he was a very busy man, but a big part of him used those duties as an excuse not to see you. Although you were long gone, it still hurt him to think of your name being written on a tombstone; a hurt he did not wish to bear.
Zuko’s reoccurring dream had not ceased, and it seemed like they were getting more intense each night. This caused him to skip out on sleeping entirely some nights. It was slowly taking its toll on him, and while writing a very important letter to the Northern Water Tribe, the young fire lord begins to doze off.
In a field, surrounded by bright, and beautiful pink cherry blossoms, Zuko stands alone. The smell is heavenly, and the sight of such beautiful flowers, makes his heart feel warm. When the breeze sways, a lone blossom lands in his palm. And he swears he can hear, what sounds like your laugh, ringing through the field. A small, sad smile spreads across his face.
Damn he missed your laugh.
His eyes close, enjoying the moment of peace this always bring him. That is, until the moment tragically passes.
When his eyes open again, it’s a stark contrast from before. The entire field is in bright flames, smoke filling his lungs and making him cough violently. The pink blossom around him, burn into black ash, as the bloom he held in his hand drips with crimson blood.
He sweats profusely as the flames prickle at his skin, a scream of agony leaving his lips. He drops to his knees after futile attempts at batting the flames off his clothing. Just as his body goes limp and hits the ground, and it feels like he will succumb to a fiery death, the storm comes.
It’s a gentle rain at first, but it picks up faster, harder, after a moment; effectively quelling the wildfire. Zuko welcomes the feeling of the cooling water droplets on his hot skin, pushing himself up to be on his hands and knees. When he lifts his head, he can make out something in the distance.. or was it, someone? He squints as the steady raindrops blur his vision.
It’s looks like a woman, and it looks like.. you?
The figure’s back is to him, but Zuko watches as the feminine silhouette crouches down gracefully. They touch the ground with their palm, and soon the field begins to bloom back to life. The figure stands to their full height again, and Zuko can’t help but to call out to it.
“Y/N?!” The figure stops in its tracks, as if startled by Zuko’s voice, before looking over its shoulder. He pushes himself to stand up with what little strength he has, before calling out again.
“Y/N? Is that you?” The rain has dwindled down to a calm misting, and he wipes his eyes finally able to see. The silhouette has turned to face him now, and his heart skips a beat at the realization.
“Please, wait-“ Zuko feels himself getting choked up, as he runs towards the silhouette. You don’t move, but it feels like the more he runs, the further away you seem to get.
“I miss you so much, please stay!” Once Zuko is finally close enough, he reaches out. He wants to touch his dream goddess, wants to pull you into a hug and never let go. Yet, once his hand reaches out, you disappear completely; fading between his fingertips like smoke.
Zuko jolts awake, face covered in salty sweat, just like every other time he’s had this dream. Although, this was the first time he had seen anyone else in the fantasy, let alone gotten close enough to almost touch them.
He was going to see you tomorrow.
———————————————————————————
After insisting he didn’t need a palanquin, and lying to Mai about where he would be going, Zuko makes his way to your burial site.
Once there, he notices how neat the site is. He knows Ty Lee, and your family come by constantly to talk to you, and make sure everything is tidy. It gives him a bit of relief to know he wasn’t the only one still mourning you after all this time. That he wasn’t the only one that adored, and missed you dearly.
Zuko hesitates for a moment, before getting on his knees in front of your grave. After taking a shaky breath, he bows his upper body in front of the tombstone for a long moment. It made him sick to his stomach to be here, but maybe his uncle was right. Maybe he needed to get a few things off his chest.
“This wasn’t supposed to happen to you” The jagged rock like feeling in his throat hits him immediately. You had been gone for a while now, but you were still such a sensitive subject for him.
“I miss you.. so much” Zuko says, squeezing his eyes shut. “I keep dreaming about those damned cherry blossoms. A-And I could have sworn I saw you in that dream last night. I couldn’t see too clearly but it.. it felt like you” He takes a deep breath, remembering the figure in his dream.
“I’d give anything to be able to see your face again, to hear your voice, to tell you-” The fire lord is so swept up in his words, he doesn’t seem to notice the footsteps coming up behind him.
“Zuko?” His breath hitches, heart almost beating out of his chest. He could recognize that voice anywhere.
Zuko turns to the sound of her voice. She sits primly in a palanquin, held by four servants. Her arms cross over her chest, and annoyance is etched into her features.
“What are you doing here?” Zuko asks, Mai was the last person he expected to see.
“I could ask you the same thing” She says, rolling her eyes.
“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m paying my respects” Zuko’s harsh tone, and biting glare, leaves Mai taken aback.
“After all these years you finally decide its sooo important to visit her? And to lie to me about it?” Mai scoffs, “Gosh Zuko, I thought you were obsessed with her when she was alive, but fuck, she’s dead! Don’t you think-”
“I know she’s dead, Mai! I fucking know that!” Zuko’s voice booms throughout the quiet graveyard as he cuts his fiancée off. The servants nearly drop the entire palanquin from his sudden volume. “You’ve always been jealous of her” Mai’s shoulders slump, a look of defeat plastered on her face.
“Because I knew you loved her” She says, her voice small, and barely audible. Zuko’s eyes widen, almost like he’s been caught red handed.
“Why do you look so surprised? I’m not stupid Zuko! Anyone could see it! You say her goddamn name in your sleep!” Mai sighs. “I knew you loved her, and I knew you settled for me. I just-“ She turns her head from his gaze, not wanting him to see the tears threatening to escape her eyes.
“I thought once we got together, you’d forget how you felt about her, and fall for me. Obviously I was wrong. Even in death she still torments me” Mai says the last part more to herself than aloud.
“Save it” And before Zuko can say another word, Mai is ordering the servants to carry her back to the castle.
Zuko is left there in silence, his fiancée’s words ringing through his head.
Mai was aware of the love he harbored for you. She knew she was the second option. She knew, yet, just like Zuko, she thought his feelings would subside after he settled.
Oh how naive they had both been to believe that.
Although he’d come here to speak to you, to get some type of closure; after this back and forth with Mai, his brain was muddled. He’d have to return to you some other time when his head was clearer.
“I’ll come back to you” Zuko says to your tombstone, bowing one last time.
“I could ask you the same thing” She says, rolling her eyes.
“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m paying my respects” Zuko’s harsh tone, and biting glare, leaves Mai taken aback.
“After all these years you finally decide its sooo important to visit her? And to lie to me about it?” Mai scoffs, “Gosh Zuko, I thought you were obsessed with her when she was alive, but fuck, she’s dead! Don’t you think-”
“I know she’s dead, Mai! I fucking know that!” Zuko’s voice booms throughout the quiet graveyard as he cuts his fiancée off. The servants nearly drop the entire palanquin from his sudden volume. “You’ve always been jealous of her” Mai’s shoulders slump, a look of defeat plastered on her face.
“Because I knew you loved her” She says, her voice small, and barely audible. Zuko’s eyes widen, almost like he’s been caught red handed.
“Why do you look so surprised? I’m not stupid Zuko! Anyone could see it! You say her goddamn name in your sleep!” Mai sighs. “I knew you loved her, and I knew you settled for me. I just-“ She turns her head from his gaze, not wanting him to see the tears threatening to escape her eyes.
“I thought once we got together, you’d forget how you felt about her, and fall for me. Obviously I was wrong. Even in death she still torments me” Mai says the last part more to herself than aloud.
“Save it” And before Zuko can say another word, Mai is ordering the servants to carry her back to the castle.
Zuko is left there in silence, his fiancée’s words ringing through his head.
Mai was aware of the love he harbored for you. She knew she was the second option. She knew, yet, just like Zuko, she thought his feelings would subside after he settled.
Oh how naive they had both been to believe that.
Although he’d come here to speak to you, to get some type of closure; after this back and forth with Mai, his brain was muddled. He’d have to return to you some other time when his head was clearer.
“I’ll come back to you” Zuko says to your tombstone, bowing one last time, “I promise” about it. It always starts out the same.. peacefully. I’m in a field, filled with beautiful cherry blossoms, and I can hear faint laughter. Then, those same flowers, end up catching on fire. But the flames are always too big for me to handle, so I catch on fire as well. The laughter quiets because I can only hear my own screaming, and then I wake up drenched in sweat” Iroh listens carefully, sipping his tea, as Zuko explains his strange dream. “Although, the last few times I’ve had the dream, instead of ending in a fiery blaze, a heavy rain puts everything out. What do you make of that?” Zuko asks, and puzzled look that mirrors his own, is etched on his uncle’s face.
“Sometimes, recurring dreams are born from something in your life you’ve not yet acknowledged. Usually something that is causing stress of some sort. The dream repeats because you have not yet corrected the problem at hand. Recurring dreams also surface, when there is some sort of trauma in your past you are trying to deal with, most times it is something you need to heal from” The Fire Lord sips his tea as he takes in this information, fore he knew exactly what would be causing him such strife.
“Y/N” Zuko puts his head in his thands, “It’s been four years since she’s been gone, and that day still haunts me.. I never even got to say goodbye” He immediately feels a lump in his throat, eyes stinging as they threaten to release a floodgate.
“You are still holding onto that pain, young Zuko. You must learn to let go, or you will continue to have these dreams” Let you go? He couldn’t do that, he wouldn’t ever let himself forget about you.
“I can’t let her go, I loved her!”
“I loved her, and I was too scared to tell her! I’m a coward! The least I can do, is never forget her!” Zuko exclaims.
“I didn’t say you had to forget her, Zuko. But you must find a way to let go of such unresolved feelings, or it will drive you mad” Iroh says, trying to calm the younger man.
“I already feel mad” Zuko says quietly, “I was supposed to be her best friend, and she didn’t even feel comfortable enough to tell me she was dying” He sniffles, “One of the last things she said to me, was that she didn’t even know if we were friends at all” He can still remember that sad look on your face.
“Does our friendship mean nothing to you anymore?”
Zuko’s heart ached to see you so dejected that day. He hadn’t meant to hurt you with his actions, truly. He just thought distancing himself from you, and dating Mai would help him forget his feelings for you.
It was true that Zuko loved you, but it wasn’t a love one would have for a family member.
He was in love with you, and had been ever since the two of you were young.
He wanted you in every way.
To kiss you, to hold you in his arms, to take you on romantic dates, and spoil you with his riches. He wanted to be the one you shared your innermost thoughts with, to wake up, and end the day with you. Although he felt this way, he could never bring himself to confess to you.
Zuko’s mind would always wander, thinking of the worst case scenario; what if you didn’t feel the same way? He could only imagine the pure awkwardness between you two, if his love was not reciprocated. He couldn’t bear to lose you in his life, so he settled for Mai. Mai was pretty as well, although Zuko didn’t think she held a candle to you. But most importantly, he knew for a fact that she liked him.
That way, he could still have you as his friend, and in his life. Even if he had to settle for loving you from afar, that sounded better than the risk of losing you.
It seemed like a great plan, until Mai started becoming increasingly more jealous of you. “You don’t need a girl best friend, when you have me. It’s literally in the name, girl-friend”, Mai would tell him in her usual humdrum voice. She knew just how close the two of you were. Often times she would start spats with Zuko for even being near you, so he chose to distance himself.
“Your friendship will always mean everything to me. I mean, honestly, you’ve always felt more like family to me than Azula, and she’s my sister” He’s still wants punch himself when he remembers that conversation. Like family? Why the hell did he say that?
And before he could say anything else, that’s when you’d started that damned coughing. He definitely thought it was suspicious when you immediately pushed him out of the room right after. And he remembers how his balled up fist, was meres inches away from the door, but at the last moment he decided against knocking.
A decision he would come to realize, was a huge mistake.
“There were so many signs that day. Signs that something was wrong. But still, every one of them, I ignored” Zuko grits his teeth as he speaks, trying not to cry. “I should’ve went back in there and got her to tell me what was wrong” The Fire Lord stares down into the teacup placed in front of him. The beverage has cooled down, but is still producing warm steam. He’s suddenly reminded of the way you blamed Li and Lo’s tea, for your odd behavior.
“It sounds to me, like you are feeling guilt. Is it because you believe you could have prevented her death?” Iroh questions after carefully taking another sip of his beverage.
“I could have!” Zuko’s on his feet now, palms pressed to the table as he screams his frustration to his uncle. The outburst makes Iroh’s eyes widen, but it only takes him a quick moment to realize Zuko needed this release.
“I could have helped her! I-I should’ve walked with her back to the beach house! My gut told me I should, but I ignored it!” The young fire lord is hysterical by this point. Angry, hot tears stain his cheeks, and his throat feels like he’s swallowing gravel. All these years, all these feelings he’d not worked through, and now he felt like a pot boiling over. He felt like he was reliving that day all over again.
“She died, all alone, because of me!” In the heat of his anguish, Zuko smacks his teacup into the wall. The cup loudly shatters on impact, the jagged pieces clatter, as the hot contents drip down the wall, and pool to the floor.
Zuko drops back into his chair, his body buzzing as he sobs.
Iroh gently rises to his feet, calmly circling the table to grab his nephew, pulling him into a much needed embrace. “I wasn’t there for her!” Zuko sobs into his chest. Iroh envelopes the younger man’s frame, holding him firm, as tears threaten his own eyes.
“I failed her, Uncle” Zuko’s voice says, muffled, and quiet. Iroh’s right hand rubs gentle circles into Zuko’s back as he speaks.
“You cannot hold all of the blame for this, young Zuko” He says, voice as soothing as rain.
“How can I not?” The fire lord sniffles, “I wasn’t there for her when she needed me. She’s dead because of m-” The older gentleman shakes his head, as he cuts Zuko off.
“She died because of an awful disease, one of which, she did not seek the treatment she needed. I am sure you never imagined something like that would happen to her” The words seem to comfort the young man, the tears flowing from his eyes slow down slightly, as he takes a deep breath. “Had you known something fatal was wrong, you would have done everything in your power to help, correct?” Zuko mumbles a small yes, and his uncle pulls away from the embrace a bit to look at him.
“Then you cannot blame yourself for what you did not know” Iroh says, squeezing Zuko’s shoulders with his large hands.
“Even if I try not to it, doesn’t work. I don’t know what to do anymore, Uncle” He admits, his voice sounding completely defeated.
“Perhaps you could start by giving her a visit. Have you done that at all since her passing?” Iroh questions.
“No” Zuko sounds ashamed as he responds. What a hypocrite he felt like to be mourning you, yet he’d not visited once in all these years. He just couldn’t bring himself to do it. He still didn’t even want to believe you were gone, let alone go visit your burial site.
“Try it, let some things off your chest”
————————————————————————————
It had been four days, and Zuko still hadn’t made his way to your grave. As the Fire Lord, he was a very busy man, but a big part of him used those duties as an excuse not to see you. Although you were long gone, it still hurt him to think of your name being written on a tombstone; a hurt he did not wish to bear.
Zuko’s reoccurring dream had not ceased, and it seemed like they were getting more intense each night. This caused him to skip out on sleeping entirely some nights. It was slowly taking its toll on him, and while writing a very important letter to the Northern Water Tribe, the young fire lord begins to doze off.
In a field, surrounded by bright, and beautiful pink cherry blossoms, Zuko stands alone. The smell is heavenly, and the sight of such beautiful flowers, makes his heart feel warm. When the breeze sways, a lone blossom lands in his palm. And he swears he can hear, what sounds like your laugh, ringing through the field. A small, sad smile spreads across his face.
God he missed your laugh.
His eyes close, enjoying the moment of peace this always bring him. That is, until the moment tragically passes.
When his eyes open again, it’s a stark contrast from before. The entire field is in bright flames, smoke filling his lungs and making him cough violently. The pink blossom around him, burn into black ash, as the bloom he held in his hand drips with crimson blood.
He sweats profusely as the flames prickle at his skin, a scream of agony leaving his lips. He drops to his knees after futile attempts at batting the flames off his clothing. Just as his body goes limp and hits the ground, and it feels like he will succumb to a fiery death, the storm comes.
It’s a gentle rain at first, but it picks up faster, harder, after a moment; effectively quelling the wildfire. Zuko welcomes the feeling of the cooling water droplets on his hot skin, pushing himself up to be on his hands and knees. When he lifts his head, he can make out something in the distance.. or was it, someone? He squints as the steady raindrops blur his vision.
It’s looks like a woman, and it looks like.. you?
The figure’s back is to him, but Zuko watches as the feminine silhouette crouches down gracefully. They touch the ground with their palm, and soon the field begins to bloom back to life. The figure stands to their full height again, and Zuko can’t help but to call out to it.
“Y/N?!” The figure stops in its tracks, as if startled by Zuko’s voice, before looking over its shoulder. He pushes himself to stand up with what little strength he has, before calling out again.
“Y/N? Is that you?” The rain has dwindled down to a calm misting, and he wipes his eyes finally able to see. The silhouette has turned to face him now, and his heart skips a beat at the realization.
“Please, wait-“ Zuko feels himself getting choked up, as he runs towards the silhouette. You don’t move, but it feels like the more he runs, the further away you seem to get.
“I miss you so much, please stay!” Once Zuko is finally close enough, he reaches out. He wants to touch his dream goddess, wants to pull you into a hug and never let go. Yet, once his hand reaches out, you disappear completely; fading between his fingertips like smoke.
Zuko jolts awake, face covered in salty sweat, just like every other time he’s had this dream. Although, this was the first time he had seen anyone else in the fantasy, let alone gotten close enough to almost touch them.
He was going to see you tomorrow.
———————————————————————————
After insisting to the guards that he didn’t need a palanquin, and lying to Mai about where he would be going, Zuko makes his way to your burial site.
Once there, he notices how neat the site is. He knows Ty Lee, and your family come by constantly to visit and talk to you, and make sure everything is tidy. It gives him a bit of relief to know he wasn’t the only one still mourning you after all this time. That he wasn’t the only one that adored, and missed you dearly. Once there, he notices how neat the site is. He knows Ty Lee, and your family come by constantly to talk to you, and make sure everything is tidy. It gives him a bit of relief to know he wasn’t the only one still mourning you after all this time. That he wasn’t the only one that adored, and missed you dearly.
Zuko hesitates for a moment, before getting on his knees in front of your grave. After taking a shaky breath, he bows his upper body in front of the tombstone for a long moment. It made him sick to his stomach to be here, but maybe his uncle was right. Maybe he needed to get a few things off his chest.
“This wasn’t supposed to happen to you” The jagged rock like feeling in his throat hits him immediately. You had been gone for a while now, but you were still such a sensitive subject for him.
“I miss you.. so much” Zuko says, squeezing his eyes shut. “I keep dreaming about those damned cherry blossoms. A-And I could have sworn I saw you in that dream last night. I couldn’t see too clearly but it.. it felt like you” He takes a deep breath, remembering the figure in his dream.
“I’d give anything to be able to see your face again, to hear your voice, to tell you-” The fire lord is so swept up in his words, he doesn’t seem to notice the footsteps coming up behind him.
“Zuko?” His breath hitches, heart almost beating out of his chest. He could recognize that voice anywhere.
Zuko turns to the sound of her voice. She sits primly in a palanquin, held by four servants. Her arms cross over her chest, and annoyance is etched into her features.
“What are you doing here?” Zuko asks, Mai was the last person he expected to see.
“I could ask you the same thing” She says, rolling her eyes.
“What does it look like I’m doing? I’m paying my respects” Zuko’s harsh tone, and biting glare, leaves Mai taken aback.
“After all these years you finally decide its sooo important to visit her? And to lie to me about it?” Mai scoffs, “Gosh Zuko, I thought you were obsessed with her when she was alive, but fuck, she’s dead! Don’t you think-”
“I know she’s dead, Mai! I fucking know that!” Zuko’s voice booms throughout the quiet graveyard as he cuts his fiancée off. The servants nearly drop the entire palanquin from his sudden volume. “You’ve always been jealous of her” The words slip out of him in anger. Mai’s shoulders slump, a look of defeat plastered on her face.
“Because I knew you loved her” She says, her voice small, and barely audible. Zuko’s eyes widen, almost like he’s been caught red handed.
“Why do you look so surprised? I’m not stupid Zuko! Anyone could see it! You say her goddamn name in your sleep!” Mai sighs. “I knew you loved her, and I knew you settled for me. I just-“ She turns her head from his gaze, not wanting him to see the tears threatening to escape her eyes.
“I thought once we got together, you’d forget how you felt about her, and fall for me. Obviously I was wrong. Even in death she still torments me” Mai says the last part more to herself than aloud.
“Save it” And before Zuko can say another word, Mai is ordering the servants to carry her back to the castle.
Zuko is left there in silence, his fiancée’s words ringing through his head.
Mai was aware of the love he harbored for you. She knew she was the second option. She knew, yet, just like Zuko, she thought his feelings would subside after he settled.
Oh how naive they had both been to believe that.
Although he’d come here to speak to you, to get some type of closure; after this back and forth with Mai, his brain was muddled. He’d have to return to you some other time when his head was clearer.
“I’ll come back to you” Zuko says to your tombstone, bowing one last time, “I promise”
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