“you are a lawyer and he is a hamster” is one of the funniest statements ive ever had the pleasure of reading
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@lillianashryver
“you are a lawyer and he is a hamster” is one of the funniest statements ive ever had the pleasure of reading
This is.. the sweetest thing I’ve read
that is so amazing ohhhh my gods, this guy absolutely is not the asshole that is just???? amazing platonic intimacy and affection?? which is good????
“I kissed the homies, as is custom.” Blessed sentence
Me when i saw winx trending:
@salticid you’re amazing and I love ur cryptic spambot convo I hope u like this!!
[twitter]
My husband’s job primarily employs adult men but there is one (1) teenage girl and my husband said originally he worried she might be a bit of an outcast but instead every man on the crew was like “huh guess I am a dad/older brother now.”
She was in a car crash on the way to work one morning and called my husband to let him know she’d be late and he was like wtf guess I’m gonna be late too because I’m coming to pick you up and then he told his team and they were like I think you mean WE are coming.
Imagine you are a teenage girl probably rushing to get to work and you crash your probably new car and feel absolutely miserable and now you’ll be late to work but then suddenly in the distance a car full of all the adult men you work with just pulls up and is like “we came all the way here to pick you up” the mental image right now is fr.
Apparently she tried to call her dad but it was 3am and he was obviously sleeping so she called my husband and he not only came to find her but fished her glasses out of the hood of the car (she’d dropped them while looking inside), drove her to the hospital, and told her to take the day off. She insisted on coming back to work so he used his lunch break to watch TV with her to make sure she didn’t doze off (concussion risk).
You’ve heard of the Mom friend but my husband is very much the Dad friend. He said when he answered the phone she said “hey please don’t be mad” and he’s never felt such powerful Fatherhood energy in his life.
Girl: *calls for aid*
Every single dad packed into the car:
This is possibly my favorite response to this post
This girls father: Thanks for helping my daughter out guys
Your husband and all his coworkers:
fixed it
Chess with grandpa
I'm taking a bath with lights off and a lit scented candle, I thought it would be a nice relaxing experience but I feel like a draugr in a skyrim dungeon
Impeachment... 2!
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*makes a snow duck* *makes a snow duck* *makes a snow duck* *makes a sn
TOMORROW IS HALLOWEEN!!!
WHAT THE FUCK IT’S CHRISTMAS EVE WHY DID SOMEONE REBLOG THIS
TOMORROW IS HALLOWEEN!!!
Wish this would specify the purpose of hostile architecture - preventing homeless people from surviving.
you ever read a gay fanfic and you can just FEEL how straight the author is