I'm Lilly and I'm not smoll

Height: 159cm HW: 78 CW: 71kg GW: 68kg UGW: 52kg

[lilnotsmoll]

A few months ago I started eating Skyr for breakfast and about 2 weeks ago I started to take a 30 min walk almost every morning. And since then I just keep losing weight. I plateaued at 73kg for the longest time and without really changing a lot (30min walk is always possible and sometimes I still only eat fast food/snacks all day) without fasting, without actually exercising. I JUST KEEP LOOSING WEIGHT. And it feels really sustainable. Like I can imagine keeping this up for the rest of my life😌

Plus I have a girlfriend now, it's a ldr and I'll only be able to see her in 6 months. And if I keep losing weight like this I might be down to a healthy weight🙌

[lilnotsmoll]

I might ask the girl who I've been seeing for the past 3 months if she wants so be my girlfriend.

She's such an awesome, attractive, kind, wholesome, funny, hot person and I want to keep her in my life for ever

On the other hand I feel like she doesn't deserve being stuck with such a broken person like me and there's a strong urge to never talk to her again and ban her from my life, because I guess I don't want to let myself fall deeper for her and get hurt later

[lilnotsmoll]

What is the fucking point in being overweight, when my boobs literally still can't fill an A Cup!?

[lilnotsmoll]

Got myself some temporary tattoos to curb my desire to put scars all over my body

[purpleskiesandcryingovercals]

useless random fact about me: i don't have a middle name

[billiane]

I don’t trust people with no middle name

[purpleskiesandcryingovercals]

it's not THAT uncommon in my country. i could have gotten a middle name when i was baptized but it's mostly for people that don't have a christian name.. technically speaking my middle name is the same as my first name bc that one is christian and after a biblical person, but it would be pretty stupid to give a kid two same names, like barbara barbara (not my irl name, just used as an example). that's why in my case it's only one (first) name and no middle name

*idk if what i wrote makes any sense, however that's how it is where i live

[billiane]

That’s interesting. It’s very common for people in my country to have a middle name chosen by the parents, given to them at the same time as the first one (so when you register the birth and names, parents will mostly choose two names)

So it seems really weird when people don’t have one. Mine’s Yael by the way

[fattysoup]

I have 2 middle names! The first one is Elizabeth

[purpleskiesandcryingovercals]

stop bragging around, imma cry (also it's a very beautiful name)

[ac1d1c-thoughts]

I also don't have a middle name. my parents just didn't give me one

[aestheticrecycling]

One of my friends doesn’t have a middle name (“I just spent 20 hours pushing this thing out I’m not thinking about a middle name I just wanna sleep” -her mom) so I gave her one

[purpleskiesandcryingovercals]

i want a middle name

[goodbye-tumble-deactivated20220]

I also don't have a middle name but want one

[poison-flower]

I have a middle name but I tell people it's my lat name, because my real last name means 'shit' in several languages, including my local one

[lilnotsmoll]

I didn't knew middle names where given to the child so that they had also a christian name. Maybe thats more the case in more religious countries? Like I think my spanish teacher told me once, that during Franco every girl had to get Maria as middle name.

As far as I know, middle names are a protection against magic. You know how a name has power? When someone knows your real name, they can cast a spell on you. It's also a common trope in tv/movies.

Before the middle ages, people didn't have the problem of needing to tell people their complete name (not sure if they just didn't have family names or if they just didn't have to tell random people). So when they needed to give out both their given and family name, they where vulnerable to spells from random people. That's why they invented secret middle names.

I'm not sure about other countries, but in germany you generally don't have to give out your middle name when you sign up for stuff, not even for university/school. The only institutions I know where you absolutly have to give out your middle name is the state and the bank (which makes sense, because they probably have the most power over you, as they could completly ruin your life. The banks could delete all your savings from your account and leave you completely broke and the state could revoke your citizinship and birthrecord, basically delete your existance)

[lilnotsmoll]

I want to want to recover, I want to want to go to therapy, I want to want to get better. But I just don't?

I don't know why

Maybe my brain thinks I'm not worth the effort. I know that I think, that other people suffer more than me and need therapy more than me. I know that there aren't enough therapie spots in germany, and that some people who depend on it have to wait several months to get help. I know that I won't kill myself if I don't get therapy. But I also know that being on the brink of death should'nt be the pivotal point for going to therapy. I also know that a lot of people go to therapy that aren't in a worse place than me, so why should I wait to get worse before getting therapy?

Maybe it's about wanting to handle things myself? I want to be selfreliant and independant but I also have trouble letting people in and showing my true emotions and opinions. Another thing I would like to tackle in therapy.

I just don't know why I'm thinking/feeling this way

[haredjarris]

if you’re looking for a sign to not relapse, this is it.

you deserve recovery. it’s okay. it’s going to get so much better.

[captainragtag]

hey what if someone invented a machine that allowed women to transfer their pregnancies to men and then the government passed a law that if a woman didn’t want to have a baby the biological father was required to carry it how fast do you think birth control would stop being an issue

[iidelirium]

BEST NIGHTBLOG POST EVER

[sevenpoints]

“IT’S UNETHICAL TO FORCE PEOPLE TO CARRY A BABY!!!!” MEN SHOUT

“NO FUCKING SHIT!!!!” WOMEN REPLY

[the-haiku-bot]

“IT’S UNETHICAL

TO FORCE PEOPLE TO CARRY

A BABY!!!!” MEN SHOUT

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

[angelaeleni]

You are supposed to take up space.

You are supposed to take up space.

You are supposed to take up space.

[lilnotsmoll]

Most trilingual thing I did in a while:

Wrote a 3 word sentence to my brother where each word was from a different language.

I only realised after I wrote it.

I know my brother will understand it just as naturally as I wrote it.

Neither of us will find this sentence odd in any way.

[lilnotsmoll]

You ever feel the existential dread that you can't pause time no matter what? The hours will relentlessly pass and the more you think about it the more time passes and there is just no escape... or are you normal?

[dankmemeuniversity]

[werenotreallystrangers]

[dankmemeuniversity]

[beau-loves-roses-deactivated202]

Reblog this to give the person you reblogged from a heart shaped cookie

[traumaticchild]

bitches be like “let me be as self destructive as possible so someone will notice im suffering but as soon as they point it out i insist im fine” im bitches

[anxietyproblem]