Nevertheless hasn’t said anything outright about the homophobia that comes with living in a conservative society but it’s embedded into Soljiwan’s scenes.
The first thing Sol does after confessing to Jiwan, is apologise for her feelings. Assure her that she won’t act on them. Say that she knows perfectly well Jiwan wouldn’t feel the same way. How many times has she told herself that?
Sol, who is literally wearing a cross around a neck when she says this.
Who first decided to in her own words ‘run away’, leave and finish her studies in another country rather than stay and face her feelings for Jiwan, and then resolved to stay but to not say anything, to very possibly stay in the closet forever, to just be by Jiwan’s side - silently suffering - because they’re best friends and it should be enough. Because losing Jiwan in any way is more painful.
Sol, who looked uncomfortable playing spin the bottle and panickily downed a shot and went for a smoke instead of going along with it when it landed on her. Who freezes when Jiwan strokes her face. Who is perfectly gentlewomanly, so aware of the lines between them, between her and any woman.
Who barely registers the men around her and is oblivious to their interest in her but says Sehun is funny when Jiwan asks her if she likes him because that’s what she’s supposed to do.
Sol who doesn’t seem like a crier but has cried twice. Once when quietly begging a drunk Jiwan to stop giving her hope, and again after confessing her own feelings to Jiwan. The cruelty of having this thing that society says she shouldn’t have, can’t have, dangled in front of her knowing it could be taken away in an instant.
And Jiwan. Jiwan who had to get pretty drunk in order to say or possibly even do anything about it.
Who is barely able to understand her own feelings - why she is so jealous at the idea of Sol dating, at the idea of Sol dating men, at Sol being away from her - because there is no one she can look to for guidance, no one talks about it not like that, she’s not supposed to feel like that about any woman let alone her best friend and so she’s spent however long rationalizing her feelings as intense friendship and only friendship.
Jiwan who had to walk away after Sol’s confession, only able to say that she meant her own drunken utterings but that she has no idea about more, unable to conceptualise her own future anymore - how this changes everything; does she come out? could they date with any openness? is it only Sol she has these feelings for? - and yet more unable to stand the pain on her best friend’s face.
The both of them finding the courage to say “I like you” because the pain of losing each other and the fear at losing the chance to be with each other is too much, but neither of them brave enough yet to give voice to attraction to women in general, to say the words. Sol who bristled when Jiwan came close to broaching that secret, Jiwan swallowing her tongue when Sol challenged her to say what sort of things about herself she thought Sol hadn’t shared with her. The way they both hear other people make intimations about their closeness, about Sol’s sexuality, sometimes as vague jokes other times somewhat judging.
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