~* The Undertow – Sevika x Delilah (OC) Part 3 *~
Click images for their origins.
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3 xx
After the final battle in Piltover, some things have changed, some have stayed the same, but maybe the world will finally let Sevika build something peaceful and good all of her own with Delilah. But when was the world ever that kind, when was life ever that graciously simple, and when do the monsters of the past ever truly leave you? (Artist credits: Dallas Bird article ... @notfoundartwork
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
TW: main character deaths, juicy, delicious, sweet, fluffy smut (my FIRST time writing it too, *wink*), issues during birth, and CPTSD for Sevika. Because baby girl can't catch a break, and we all love to make our favourite characters suffer like sad marionettes.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
It had started on the anniversary.
All of Piltover and Zaun were celebrating. A whole week had been dedicated to it, and it was to be an annual event.
It was an understatement to say that Sevika tensed at the suggestion when it was first brought up in a council meeting a mere month or so after the devastation… A mere month… And to Sevika, it was indeed devastation.
But to Piltover, it was a celebration, and why wouldn’t it be?
A slum’s rebellion stopped with some minor reforms and a gesture of an olive-branch through instating her as representative for Zaun. She saw it for the obvious ploy it was, though it appeased many. But it was a step forward, however performative, and she was determined to use this power to the fullest.
And to give some semblance of unity to the story told throughout the Lanes and Topside, a snake-in-the-grass tyrant and powerful false prophet were beaten down with blood, sweat and tears by a united front brought together in the face of doom…
With… Blood, sweat and tears…
The blood…
All those people… My friends… It wasn’t a short battle. That’s just what fucking Piltover was blessed with by luck of where they were fucking born. A dribble of some fools’ cum that landed in the right cunt at the right time on the right side of the bridge, and just like that they get to miss decades of horrors. They get a short battle. And us…? Our war was fucking generational… An eternity of devastation in a lifetime for each of us… So many people… My people… Silco. Vander. Felicia… Isha… Jinx…
But sure… Let’s make a fucking celebration of it.
Bang, scream, clash, smoke.
Fireworks, cheers, bands, street food.
Gunshots, agony, clanking weaponry, seared flesh and crumbling buildings.
Jostled tools on a tray, contractions, doctors pushing through the door, boiling water sterilising over a fire, sobbing.
The sweat…
The stink of battle. It had run putrid through her nostrils that day and clung to her skin. Metallic odours filled the air thicker and thicker with each Zaunite that fell.
Some people hyperbolise that you can smell fear, but Sevika knew it was true.
The sweat of exertion, joy and sex; it smelt different because your body pumps different chemicals. It’s sweet. It’s warm. It’s contagious. It’s what made her hold Delilah closer, flush against her body when she danced shimmering with perspiration at the Last Drop, or gracefully shameless at some well-dressed function. It’s what made Delilah bury her face in Sevika’s pits when they cuddled after they’d sent each other to heaven and back, no matter how much Sevika teased her about it.
“You’re disgusting!” She’d laugh, Delilah’s nose tickling her dark hairs more than she’d care to admit, “I’M disgusting! You’ve got to let us shower or your whole face will be sticky with this!”
Delilah tried to menace her with a playful growl, gripping her with all four limbs like an amputated octopus and burrowing further, “Never! You smell amazing! It smells like you! It’s like home! Let me frolic in your dank pits~!” She proceeded to violently nuzzle her way in, mute-motorboat-style.
Sevika tried to wriggle away and push at her head, but it was half-assed, “Urgh! You’re filthy! And don’t say “dank” like that! You make me sound like a swamp!”
Delilah giggled, full and joyful like a gremlin, but when she peeked up there was the look of a devil in her eyes too, “I thought you liked it when I got filthy, Sevika?” Her voice dropped low, just as her hand did, trailing and teasing and cheeky, licking her lips, “It’s what got my face sticky in the first place, isn’t it?” She finally moved her profile from its nest, but only to trail kisses up Sevika’s collarbone, stopping momentarily to pluck an armpit hair from her mouth.
Sevika subdued a cackle, “Smooth—Nngh!” Delilah cut her off with a pointed suck low at her jumping pulse, nibbles moving up to her ear and her hand finally reaching it’s destination.
“After all this time, darling, you still don’t know how badly you affect me? It’s torturous, you know? It’s like every part of you was sent to drive me mad. Even your smell is intoxicating.” Her whispers tickled and burrowed in Sevika’s ear and shot down her spine, pulling it taught. Her slender fingers ran so delicately over Sevika’s thick folds and through her coarse curls, that the poor woman had to grab onto Delilah’s arms just to stop herself from bucking into her touch, but there was nothing she could do about the sweet little gasps clutching at her throat. “Your scent, baby, your smell… Everywhere… Anywhere… Any time, Sevika, every fucking time. It’s like you’re flooding my veins with hot wine… every… time.” She pressed gentle, reverent kisses across Sevika’s jaw and up her cheeks and brow.
Delilah’s free hand moved up, arm curling around to cradle the crown of Sevika’s head, stroking through her hair, playing with strands here and there the way she knew she liked, carding through her sweet undercut that was probably due for a buzz-down. It tickled so deliciously, so soft, so brutally soft that it stole Sevika’s breath. It was enough of a distraction that she didn’t notice Delilah’s fingers sneaking up until they grazed her still-swollen clit. Gasping, her eyes slipped shut and her head arched back into the thick pillows. Gods, it was almost too much! Too damn slow…
“’Lilah, please—”
She giggled, fucking giggled! Sevika wanted to flip her over and show her not to laugh at someone falling apart for the fourth fucking time that night, but--! Damnit there was no way she had any ability to move from her spot if it ran the risk of this gentle onslaught stopping.
Brutally soft.
Delilah placed a sweet kiss on the apple of her cheek, right under her eye, “Please, what, pretty girl?”
Sevika groaned. She was almost a decade older than Delilah and being called pretty girl shouldn’t leave her as boneless as it did, but nevertheless, she was already helpless and keening into her lips, “Please, Princess… More…” It was only just above a gasping whisper.
Delilah’s lips pursed in such an amused, self-congratulatory smirk.
She says more, like we haven’t already gone several rounds. Gods, I love this woman.
Delilah hummed at the response, closing her eyes and speaking against her skin. It was so easy now, but Sevika hadn’t always been this open to being taken care of. It both thrilled and warmed her that they could have fun with it now, “You’re such a beautiful girl, every inch of you, isn’t that right, Sevika?”
Her words seemed to reverberate into Sevika’s skull. Years ago, if anyone had said she was beautiful it would have felt like a lie or manipulation, but Delilah had patiently turned praises into truths which she ate up like a starved pup. She felt them all the way to her bones which curled and bent into the warmth of her touch like blazing glass in a forge... Years dedicated to burning the world that subdued and oppressed her had left her freezing, convinced that struggle and solitude in a crowd of equally pitiful people was the only way she’d live. Even the idea of Independent Zaun eventually seemed like something she’d only contribute to; never experience herself.
And then there was Sunshine…
Sevika turned her head attempting to catch her lips in her own, but…
When Delilah had received no verbal response, her fingers and kisses slowed. She pulled her face just out of reach making Sevika cry out pitifully, “Aren’t you darling...? You know you’re such a beautiful girl, right? Let me hear it…”
Sevika nodded hopelessly, brow furrowed in hunger and arm rising from Delilah’s shoulder to grip her face in a plea but not dragging her in an inch. She knew where the power was in these moments, and Janna, did she love it!
“Yes! Yes, please, I am such a beautiful girl, princess! You’re beautiful girl. Yours-- Please, princess, please.”
“Awww,” Delilah cooed, brushing feather-light against her clit again just to see Sevika jump – a test of control – before relenting, “Yes, you’re right. Good girl,” She inched closer to Sevika’s lips and increased her toying below bit by agonising bit, “Beautiful, good girl. My… beautiful… good… girl...” When she finally seized Sevika in a fierce kiss, the poor thing moaned high and brief into her mouth like Delilah’s lips were hot coals searing her skin deliciously, body wracked with building tremors as Delilah finally applied the pressure she wanted to her overly sensitive bud. Sevika yanked her in, cradling her jaw with a need that smeared her flushed, freckled cheek in her large, calloused palm ever so gently, and holding her body as close to hers as possible to ground herself.
So-- So close!
Delilah’s hand detached and squeezed Sevika’s thigh, mouth and body shifting again – away. Sevika wanted to cry!
“What--? No!” She whined pitifully, “Baby, why’d you--?”
Delilah froze her position-switching, feigning confusion, “Oh? I thought you wanted more?” She was currently half-bent right between the woman’s legs, and in her dazed state it took Sevika a whole three seconds to catch on. Delilah was already sitting up, “Was I wro--?”
“No! No, you weren’t!” Delilah smirked, pearly-whites flashing, and began to resume position, “Gods, yes please!” Delilah – so close to being laid fully between Sevika’s sumptuous thighs – paused AGAIN to shoot her a look. Sevika rolled her eyes in thirsty, impatient exasperation, hands crawling up and gripping through Delilah’s hair in anticipation, “Please, Princess.”
Delilah huffed in smug self-satisfaction, trailing her nose in the crook of Sevika’s beautiful mound through her thick, coarse hair and drawing in a long indulgent breath through her nose, “Mmmm… Like hot wine… Incredible…” Teasing licks and nips at her taught tendons had Sevika’s fingers gripping harder at her roots. Delilah’s green eyes seemed to cut through the dim moonlight making its way through their sheer curtains, “So what do you say, gorgeous? Will you let me drink my fill, now?”
Sevika growled in frustration, slamming her head back into the pillows and teetering on the worn edge of her patience, “I swear— I’ll need a fucking drink if you don’t hurry up a—Haa— Aaah! Fffff-UCK!” And the richest sob tore through her gasping form.
Delilah’s lips had latched onto Sevika’s hood, tongue lapping, delving into and dragging up her puffy folds like they dripped ambrosia. For all Delilah felt, they did. To her, Sevika was a goddess. An exquisite, flawed, loving goddess with emotions and complexities that ran far deeper than many thought they could. Somehow, somewhere along the way Sevika had permitted Delilah to see all the intricate minutia that worked within her; not to necessarily fix or improve them, but simply to see them and just… Hold them.
Hold her.
Delilah thanked her lucky stars every day for this blessing, and she would worship her Goddess in any way she could whether it be sweating and panting from above, laying prone and prostrate, wide-eyed and folded like a damn lawn chair below her like she’d hung the stars Delilah saw so frequently in her silver eyes, strung up like a leg of ham to be devoured or on her fucking knees like the zealot she was for this woman.
Her left hand brought her middle and index fingers in a v-shape to run up and down Sevika’s deep magenta petals, massaging slow and strong, squeezing them together here and there to see her squirm. Sevika tried so hard to stop her hips from rolling against Delilah’s face, scared to whack her nose, but she should have known by now that Delilah would have none of that. She would have Sevika use her how she wanted – needed.
How Sevika needed.
Delilah could sense her restraint, and she was determined to break it. Her right hand came to join the party, fingers running through the slick gushing at the centre of her lover’s core from the aftermath of what had already been a long night. Sevika knew what Delilah was planning, and the excitement made it flow even more.
Delilah pressed three fingers flat against her weeping entrance, rubbing in steady, weighted circles. Sevika thought of their neighbours for a microsecond as her throat tightened around her heady breaths and her voice began to trill and crack, almost frozen in anticipation. Delilah’s fingertips dipped in a just fraction under her applied pressure, dragging back and forth less than an inch before sliding back in and bearing down, heavy and controlled on the ring of muscle, both stretching opening Sevika’s needy hole with the action and closing it by squeezing her labia shut around them with her other pair of digits who’d not left their duty. Her tongue kept trying to worm it’s way to her nectar like it had no idea about the deliberate seal her evil hands had made and created a gorgeous suction around her nub with her lips.
Open up, stay shut, don’t lose a drop, let me in.
Delilah grinned into Sevika’s flesh as she whined and whimpered loud and debauchedly above her. Sevika was sounding absolutely wrecked. After so many rounds that night, she was easily slipping into a state that made her forget anything about her body except what it could feel, and FUCK, did it feel divine!
Delilah couldn’t wait to personally answer the door to any noise complaints next morning with a pussy- shit-eating grin.
Sevika sobbed at the mercy when Delilah finally dragged the nails of her left hand down and around the globe of her ass to dig into her hip, her other hand FINALLY pushing her fingers into her fully, turning 180o and curling upwards with cruel accuracy. They weren’t thick, but they were long and strong, and even as Sevika’s core clamped and fluttered around them they stayed crooked, twisting and pumping and pressing firm against the rough patch of spongey tissue inside her that had Sevika’s hips writhing against her in seconds.
Delilah revelled in the burn as Sevika’s grip risked tearing clumps of her curls out, pressing her face further into her and damn-near cutting off all air. This is what she wanted. For Sevika to feel good.
She did need to hold on for the ride though, or she wouldn’t be able to keep hitting that sweet spot buried in her with all the movement. Sevika was close – she could tell – and Delilah wasn’t about to let it float out of her grasp. Delilah wrapped her arm around Sevika’s pelvis, effectively locking her in and wrapping her legs around her head no matter how hard she thrashed.
Fuck oxygen. She could die happy here. They could carve, “They both finished with a smile,” as her epitaph!
Sevika felt the live electric coils of copper winding tight in her gut spread and grow exponentially through her muscles and out to her fingertips like mycelium, a hot charge building to a breaking point she was sinfully familiar with. Her chest was seizing up with desperate tension, limbs shaking and twitching, spine curling, eyes clamping, mouth gasping, “Delilah—Fuck—Princess, I- I’m—Fuck, PLEASE don’t stop! I- AH! Nghhaa--!!”
SNAP.
Sevika’s voice ripped through her throat, caught, froze, and then wailed, skipping and scraping between high to low to high again, broken and wholly blissed out all at once.
Delilah couldn’t think of a better sound, and Sevika couldn’t think of a better feeling. Her body couldn’t decide if it wanted to curl into or back from the intense sensation her Princess relentlessly dragged from her.
At some point the ceaseless ministrations pulled something extra from Sevika in another wave, and succulent squirt pulsed out onto Delilah’s eager lips. Not a drop was wasted, and Sevika was only able to moan comparatively weakly through it in contrast to her previous melody. Delilah mewled into her personal piece of heaven like she was the one ascending as Sevika continued to convulse on her love, but neither of their hands were letting go.
Delilah kept going as Sevika rode out the pleasure, greedy and angelic, until all she could do was shake and whimper tiredly in the sheets. Delilah eased to a stop, placing several tender kisses to her labia and still-jumping clit.
Sevika only just opened her eyes when Deliah rubbed and squeezed her twitching thighs soothingly. She leaned on them like pillows, arms still wrapped around them and eyes gazing up at Sevika’s floppy form with complete adoration. Seeing she was spotted, Delilah climbed up her limp body with smooches and sticky caresses until she was snuggled up into her side again, “Come here, baby girl.” Sevika happily complied, removing her metal arm and sliding it under the bed. She took a sip of water from the side-table and offered some to Delilah who gladly accepted, before she twisted over and into the arms that somehow made this large woman feel as small as a bird.
Delilah went to stroke Sevika’s hair back but realised her fingers were still covered in cum. She grinned and raised them to her nose, inhaling happily along their length like Sevika would when assessing the quality of a cigar. “Mmmm, intoxicating~!” She said, starting to lick them clean.
Snorts erupted from Sevika’s nose, “Janna’s fuck, you’re an idiot!” She huffed, “Way to wreck the mood!” She didn’t mean a word of it and Delilah knew it. Sevika had had plenty of fucks in her life that stayed serious or near brutal in baser need, and though she most certainly had those with Delilah too, she loved her goofy ass. Her Sunshine made everything lighter… Brighter.
She cackled back into her shoulder, clean fingers finally raking through her dark tresses to expose her doped out portrait, “Sorry, Sevi-baby.”
Such a breath-taking face.
Delilah felt her love flare up and out, radiating from her heart, special words gathering in her throat. She muttered it lazily under her breath, “Barraba banma warra biyay.”
Sevika cocked her head, thinking as best she could with whatever braincells she had left, “Okay… Umm… I got the words, quiet and mine, but couldn’t get the rest.”
In the past few years, Delilah had been trying to connect more with her heritage. Her mumma’s. Helena had tried to disconnect from it out of some sense of shame that Delilah could never quite imagine herself having. Maybe she’d thought if it followed her to Piltover, other parts of her past would, even though her heritage had no direct bearing on her experiences… And Delilah knew first-hand how far she’d go to avoid that.
But Delilah didn’t want to hide something beautiful, and she wanted to pass their family’s rich history on… And so, language lessons began amongst other things, mostly self-taught. Delilah had quickly found that there were gaps in recorded knowledge, so she filled vocabulary with the language of her matriarchal grandfather who was from a closely neighbouring Peoples.
Sevika truly loved that Delilah put so much value in heritage, and the cultural exchange she and Delilah developed… Also, it was hilarious to hear Delilah politely curse out Council members in a language none of them were familiar with, saying it so sweetly that they could only assume it was a compliment. Sevika had never heard someone say, “I shall eat from your skull,” as a compliment before. She had to excuse herself from the room when she’d had the moments of mental translation in her head.
Delilah smiled, leaning in to hold Sevika’s forehead to hers, “There’s no direct translations for love, but that just meant we got creative.” She tucked a few more matted strands of hair behind Sevika’s ear before pulling her tight to her and tangling their legs in comfortable routine, “I said… You are my quiet place.”
Sevika furrowed her brow, “I thought guraang was the word for place.”
Delilah pecked the tip of Sevika’s nose, “For a flat, sandy place, of which you are neither,” Delilah grabbed fistfuls of Sevika’s ass and squeezed a few more laughs from her weary body. “Warra is for clear, open places. It’s how you make me feel.” Delilah looked back up into Sevika’s eyes with all the love in her soul. “You’re the clear, quiet, open space where I can rest my heart.”
Sevika had to swallow the tightness in her chest that threatened to spill from her eyes. She drew a shaky breath in, “And people usually just say, “I love you”,” she said with a watery laugh, shutting her eyes and leaning into the peace of their embrace and pressing their foreheads together, “God’s, and I do. I do love you, Delilah. So much.” She inhaled Delilah’s scent deep, letting their breaths cycle between each other’s lungs, “Barraba bawarra—”
Delilah smiled, “Barraba banma warra biyay,” she corrected her, eyes slipping happily shut too. She could see their circuit of pulsing comets behind her lids again.
Sevika huffed a giggle through her nose, “Sorry. Barraba,” – Kiss –, “banma,” – peck –, “warra,” – smooch –, “biyay.” She clasped her hand to Delilah’s jaw, pulling her into a kiss she hoped conveyed everything she felt in her chest. “Barraba banma warra biyay.” She devoted the words to memory. Sevika let her hand trail all the way down to the growing bump of her Sunshine’s belly, her large palm holding it safe, protecting it, and calloused thumb rubbing soothingly where Delilah’s skin had begun to stretch tight.
Delilah’s eyes peeked open enough to see Sevika completely enraptured by the marvel of biology they’d begun growing, as she whispered to it so, so softly, “And you will be too. Barraba banma warra biyay.” Sevika bent low a moment to place a long, tender kiss above Delilah’s bellybutton.
Delilah’s lip wobbled, overcome by the adoration Sevika felt for something that was barely considered sentient yet. But it absolutely was in their minds. Delilah had to bury her face in Sevika’s shoulder to stop her from seeing the hormones get to her. She breathed deep, her scent soothing her… And warming her… And invigorating her… And… Fuck. If she wasn’t pregnant already, she’d have Sevika put a baby in her right then and there.
Sevika felt Delilah’s hips grind subtly on hers and her thigh rub up between her legs. She groaned miserably, “Janna’s fuck- Your hormones, woman! Give me five minutes, at least. I’ll go blind!” But she couldn’t complain, really.
Because everything was finally – fucking finally – perfect.
But what are the chances of anything perfect lasting in this world…?
Screams, blood, shouts, sweat, clattering, sobbing, tears.
The birth wasn’t as easy as they’d hoped.
Not at all.
It was downright terrifying for Sevika, and if it was so for her, she had no idea how Delilah had kept herself together. She was so close to—
The odds that one or both of them could have—
Did they? Surely, they didn’t, did they? But…
Blood. There was too much, too fast and for too long. The racket of the doctors and nurses trying to do the best they could overwhelmed an already weakened Delilah, disorientated and tired from the exertion and asking where their baby was. She was out. It was done. Why couldn’t she hear her?
They’d thought once their baby was delivered, the worst was over, but…
Sweat. Delilah had stank of fear. The hyperbole was true in more than just battle. It wasn’t intoxicating. It was sickening, far too sweet and bitter, like the smell of rotting fruit. But Sevika still held her close and wouldn’t let go for anything, even though the smell clung to her skin and wrapped around her throat for near hours after. Even when the doctors told her to let go so they could move her, she wouldn’t. Delilah had insisted that standing felt easier, and Sevika made sure she could. She’d been holding Delilah upright in a partial squat for ages while the contractions tore through her, and she wouldn’t pass her over now, even if their baby was finally out.
Sevika had sworn when Delilah had first told her nine months ago; Delilah would carry their baby, and she would carry Delilah.
Carefully and quickly, she helped her darling over to the bed, laying Delilah’s back against her chest so the doctors could do what they had to.
She would be safe in her arms, right?
And all the while, Sevika held onto her as Delilah squeezed her hand in vice-like strength it made no sense for her to have by the fifth hour of pushing. The doctors said first time mothers usually only took two. Sevika held her as she pushed her taught body against her chest trying to bear the stinging and seizing pain below until finally… Finally… The doctors stopped…
They’d stopped… The room was so quiet…
Sweat clung to Sevika’s body like a second, wretched, skin that she wanted to tear off.
Blood covered the sheets and had run onto the floor.
Sobbing.
Tears.
Sevika woke with an inward shudder, tears streaming silently from her eyes, body locked in place. She’d curled in on herself at some point in the night. It was so cold. Why was her back so cold? Delilah usually—
Sevika felt like she was choking, head still spinning from the dream. She couldn’t move. She tried so hard, but she physically couldn’t! Her own body was working against her, and her mind was too.
Why couldn’t she move!? What didn’t it want her to see?
Eventually, after what felt like an eternity of effort, she was able to flex her toes, then her feet, then force her legs out over the mattress, then squeeze her fists – well, one of them really, but she often thought she could still feel the other –, then pull her arm out, then stiffly, slowly she sat up on the side of the bed… She couldn’t face it.
She didn’t want to turn…
She didn’t want it to be real…
Please, Janna. Please, no one else. No more, no more, please! Not her!
But she had to see for herself.
Sevika bit her lip to keep her sobs at bay and slowly slid her hand behind her, reaching for what should be there, but— Cold, empty sheets.
A whimper broke through, so quiet, the beginnings of final erosion that sends proud pillars of rock finally tumbling into the beating ocean after millennia, “No—” She turned her head to see a completely empty bed where there should have been a mess of hair, long limbs and freckles in soft, star-covered pyjamas, but—
Horrifying nothing!
“No, no, no, nononono!” She frantically pushed the sheets back and felt the cover like Delilah had been the size of a bead and simply lost in the fabric. Lost.
Lost.
Lost. She’s gone. It’s happened again. Why? Why!? Why her?? WHY???
Sevika’s chest constricted, her breathing hitched at every turn but kept speeding up, heaving like her ribs were a vicing fist. Her eyes, heart, gut and head burned painfully as her world came crashing down around her, her sight locked petrified to the empty sheets and body hunched stiff.
She almost jumped at a tinkling to the side of the room. A breeze through the open window had nudged the charm mobile above the crib. Shells that Sevika had collected for Delilah who had strung them up on driftwood. She’d mentioned she liked the operculums and glycymeris best, and whatever the fuck those tiny purple and pink ones were. They had littered the shoreline to the point where their light, cone shapes had stuck everywhere on Sevika like sand, no matter what she did. Delilah looked so beautiful, swollen like a ripe berry and glistening in the sun, laughing at Sevika’s quickly melting frown and frustrations. Sevika brushed huffily where they’d coated her backside and thighs trying to get them off. Finally, Delilah helped, “Don’t worry my lovely mermaid. Your tail is still beautiful…” And, looking lovingly into her eyes as the sun warmed their skin deliciously…
Delilah grabbed a solid handful of that ass, pinching and squeezing until Sevika was shrieking and had to throw Delilah like a frisbee into the water to make her stop. Delilah promptly threw a hunk of seaweed at Sevika, and then it was all out war.
It had been such a perfect weekend…
But…
Sevika felt like she was going to throw up. There was no way Delilah would have left their baby near an open window, even if it was in a crib.
She couldn’t bear it if she was correct.
Sevika already felt like her insides were trying to claw their way out. Hear heart was shuddering in her chest, so hard that she was certain it would knock her off her feet if she tried to stand… But she did anyway… She had to know.
As she made her way to the little bed, images and voices stirred in her head. Everyone she’d known. Everyone she’d cared about. Everyone she’d loved. Everyone she’d lost. They either left her, died in front of her, she’d found the body, or there was no body to bury. She didn’t know which had been worse.
Blood, sweat, tears.
The explosions rattled in her ears.
Bullets whizzing past, just missing her as they ran… But not Felicia. Sevika had heard her body drop. No cry or moan. Just instant, unforgiving death. Sevika didn’t dare turn around and had just kept running. The action didn’t feel like her. It wasn’t her! It was something terrified, primal, preservational.
It felt shameful.
But she was younger then. Still hopeful she had something to save herself for tomorrow. Still believing she was worth more than a sacrificial tool for “The Cause”.
More explosions and the roar of stone walls collapsing. Searing pain tearing up her side and into her veins.
She’d sold Vander out. Those poor kids were just trying to help him. She’d seen them grow up. Hell, she’d even changed some of their nappies to lend a hand in simpler days. Though she stood by the cause, she’d never forgiven herself for the part she’d played in that.
Bodies don’t sink for long, but then, Jinx never did much dirty work to learn that. Bacteria eat away at the corpse and gases build up. The dead rise.
Dumb brat should have weighed him down… Sevika felt bad for even calling her that in thought. She didn’t even blame Jinx for his death anymore, having seen what her own mind could do to her.
Silco’s body had washed up on the shores of the river a few days after his death. Sevika had been brought in to identify the cadaver. It wasn’t for any police-work or ceremonial reasons. The rest of the Chem-Barons just wanted it verified from someone close to him if the main competition was out, deformed as he was, and Sevika needed to see it with her own eyes to believe it.
His skin was a fetid sallow colour, lips and other soft fleshes bludging blue and mottled by the water. The rest of him was half gnawed away by the acrid waters and marine-life. She’d cried herself to sleep with a bottle of something fermented and rich that she’d plucked from his office supply that night. When she’d woken on the couch there, she could have sworn he was still in his chair, about to swing around all cavalier and scold her for not wrangling Jinx well enough.
He wasn’t.
But Delilah was there.
In case Sevika threw up in her sleep, Delilah had rolled her onto her side so that she was partly hanging over the couch and made sure there was a bucket near where her mouth dangled. Nevertheless, Delilah bravely let her rest her head on her lap anyway, a hand still in her locks and a blanket slipped over them both.
Sevika and Delilah had been searching for Jinx and Isha for days when Vi finally found her…
Sevika could finally stop looking then, but… She just stopped altogether.
It was too much, too fast. Too many.
Delilah could barely get her to eat for weeks, let alone speak. Something in her had broken and hardened all at once that day. Her throat had somehow torn itself mute from her silent crying in nooks tucked away from concerned eyes. She couldn’t bear to look into them. Their care had been relentless, and Sevika felt like the least deserving of it.
She wished they would all just stop. That all the putrid feeling twisting and writhing inside her would stop.
Sevika finally collapsed out cold one day when walking to the bathroom, and with no resistance Delilah could take her to hospital. Exhaustion, dehydration, malnutrition and most likely underlying CPTSD with suspected survivors’ guilt, the doctors had said, but they weren’t a psychiatrist, and they highly recommended she go see one.
Understandable, they had said, nodding solemnly. Like they’d understand fucking ANY of it.
They’d tried to advise her on all sorts of treatments and programs, but Sevika didn’t want to hear it. What was the point? None of those fuckers could conceive a shred of what she’d been through. They had no idea. Eventually, she’d had a gut-full of their instructions and ripped the IV out, ready to leave.
Delilah’s panicked face and pleading had been the only thing that got her back under the sheets. She knew it wasn’t, but in her tempest of emotion, the devotion that was usually treasured by Sevika felt like weaponised love.
Why do you have to love me so damn much?
Why do I get to live? Why do I get a chance? Didn’t any of the others deserve one? I’m the least worthy after all I’ve done, no matter my reasons. It should be anyone else breathing right now…
Delilah had perched next to her on the bed, having finally convinced her to stay in the room, “Darling, please,” Her soft palms took Sevika’s face, turning her to her with a voice both gentle and grave, “We either take care of you back at home, or you stay here, and they will. But I don’t know what to do if you won’t meet me half-way on this.”
Sevika finally looked up, and – Gods – her eyes. Pain had welled in Sevika’s eyes like a punctured hull, and it made Delilah happy. Relieved.
After weeks of absolutely nothing – muted, dull, silver voids – Sevika showed Delilah that there was still something left living in her, “I just—” Sevika sighed, slumping on the hospital bed, and with that exhale she came so close to tears, “Don’t want to do this anymore. I can’t do it again.”
This all-consuming grieving. What if I just…
Stopped?
Maybe then I could rest. Have peace.
Delilah knew exactly what she meant, and the idea scared her to pieces even if she knew Sevika wasn’t thinking straight.
She grasped at straws and at Sevika’s hand, “I don’t blame you at all, baby. No one on earth would. It’s fucked - everything that’s happened is so unfair and… fucked… and no one deserves a skerrick of it. But after all you got through already… Don’t go out like that.
“I love you so completely. I would do anything for you, but…” Delilah struggled to keep it together, “I can’t do the living for you. I will move mountains and hop clouds to the moon and aid rebellions to take down warlords if it helps you, but… This is something you have to do for yourself… Not by yourself – never that – For yourself.
“And, if you can’t do it for yourself, then do it for me. We can start small with a bit of food and water, and most certainly, a nice long bath.” She tried to joke, but her composure was breaking, lips wobbling, “Back to basics, first. The rest we’ll work on together, but… I can’t be here for you if you’re… Not here.”
Her voice cracked, watery and constricted, “And if that’s not enough, then I need you.” She lifted Sevika’s chin, and her face broke her, “You promised. You promised I wouldn’t have to be alone. But do you honestly think that’s just a one-way street? You think I’m going to let you hurt yourself like this? You’re too precious!” Her voice started to sound almost like a challenge, “Because I promise you, Sevika, you will lose that battle. I promise you’re stuck with my love, and I’m not going to let you give up on living. You’ve given so much for so many good reasons. Don’t give your life up for nothing.”
Sevika’s stoney façade cracked starting in her gut, through her tightening chest and curling all the way through her temples to her eyes. It shattered there at the quiver of her chin, and she fell into Delilah’s arms, spent, not even the energy to cry but her body made the movements, “I’m so sorry, ’Lilah! I’m so, so sorry!”
“It’s okay, my love. Shhh, shh, shh… It will always be okay,” Delilah rocked her and reassured her and soothed her until her heaving ebbed, kissing into her hair like she could plant the seeds of happiness intracranially. Later, they could finally try and have a deeper discussion about all of this, but for now, she just wanted Sevika to start recovering.
Eventually, she properly sidled on up next to her on the bed with a kiss and an upheld spoon. Light broth, short noodles, roughly chopped vegetables, herbs, spices, and chunks of fetta; hardy, warm and fresh. “I love you, Sevika. Now hush up and eat your soup.” After a few mouthfuls she added quietly, and much to Sevika’s surprise, “… Mum made it for you…” She raised another spoonful which Sevika knew she could do herself, but this was good. For both of them.
And for the billionth time since they’d first met, one of them was dedicated to picking the other up off the ground and gluing them back together with tender application of golden will and heart.
But tonight, the moon slithered through the curtains like a sickly silver serpent to snatch the last warm light from Sevika’s grasp. A grasp that shakily gripped the railing of the crib like the thin wood could possibly hold up her mounting weight.
By this point, Sevika couldn’t support herself, trembling as she was on legs that were growing number by the minute.
Completely empty. Not even a small bed sheet to clad the tiny mattress for what should have been a tiny body atop it and a tiny heart inside that, beating softer than a little bird’s wings.
Sevika pressed her quaking hand to the slab of foam, hoping… Maybe if she did, a gurgling bundle might materialise from thin air, and a set of little fingers would curl out to her.
Stone cold… Like a tombstone.
The cry ripped out of her throat shakily and high like it was just remembering it could do that. Every realisation, every fear, seemed to truly hit Sevika all at once and she snatched her hand back, wide-eyed and terrified, like the chilled fabric would set a virus up her arm to turn her to icy petra.
But she knew that was impossible, because a wretched, burning pain surged through her so hot and hard that it threw her doubled over and heaving to the window, despite there not being anything in her guts to expel into the street.
Swinging to the other end of the scale again, her skin broke out into a cold and trembling sweat in seconds as she reached behind her to clutch at the wooden frame as a foul lifeline, the barest glance back sucking any strength from her limbs as she sank against it, crumpling into her knees and grasping through her skin at the stinking heat of panic seizing her body.
The cry from before quickly heightened into a frenzied and untuned scream, wailing, wet and grossly warbling with grief and fat tears.
She didn’t care who heard.
Who was there to hear?
She couldn’t even think – just felt – and fuck she wished she couldn’t feel anything ever again if this was the final and true capacity of pain. She couldn’t fathom it getting any worse or better. How could anything feel good after this?
Half-waking memories of the possibilities in their future – discussed in hushed and excited whispers between kisses and caresses – taunted her as they went off to die in her mind.
Every anticipatory little purchase or crafting or decision or babyproofing made in preparation for “Their Little Critter” laughed in her face as they came forward. The late nights she’d lay awake, stroking Delilah’s growing belly and wondering what they would look like, who they’d take after, who they’d cling to most, if they should sleep in bed between them mostly or stay in the cot, what their first word would be, what lessons Sevika would try and teach them first, or what she and Delilah would be called. Delilah wanted to be called Mumma or Mother like how she did with her own, and that suited Sevika just fine. She liked the idea of being called something so soft as Mummy.
She’d imagine how scary but enticing the notion of guiding them to be a kind young human was, how she didn’t feel remotely cut out for this but couldn’t damn wait. Every time she had thought of it, the high it gave her would shock her beautifully and utterly like nothing else ever had. It would get to the point where she’d eventually be outright grinning in excitement as Delilah giggled and poked her cheeks in fond mockery. “If you get any more ecstatic, I’ll see you skipping down the halls and kicking your feet in Council meetings~!”
She’d even tried humming tunes she remembered slipping from her own mother’s mouth to Their Little Critter through Delilah’s skin, bashfully practicing for when she could have them in her arms and trying so hard to get it right. She’d never wanted something to go right so hard in her life. Every time she imagined the opposite, it would overwhelm her… So, with Delilah’s help she stayed focused on the more likely positive outcomes. She could almost imagine the exact space and weight they’d take up when she would finally hold them for the first time.
Even now.
It was cruel.
Sevika howled raw and ragged and heaving and hit her own frame, rocking in place, pulling at fistfuls of her hair to gain some control of her agony and letting her vocal cords shred themselves so she might not have to hear herself again later. She wailed so hard that drool sputtered and hung from her wide-open jaw, and pressure mounted behind her eyes to the point she thought they’d pop out if she kept clenching them shut so hard.
There was nothing going through her mind in that moment. Nothing could, even if she wanted it to. The grief, the pain, the terror… It was all-consuming.
She didn’t even hear hurried feet slapping down the hall or the door opening. Not the gentle whisper of her name, not the tiny whimpering gurgles threatening to build and copy her.
But she smelled them.
Orange blossom, jasmine, and… Newborn... A touch of lavender … She remembered finding it for the baby blanket to help soothe them…
She peaked between where her brow was pressed hard against her knees, convinced that the socked feet in front of her must be a delusion… But then there was Delilah’s touch and—It must have been a very accurate dream, or…
“Sevi-baby! You’re okay! We’re all okay, baby. Shhh, shh, shhhh… We’re right here.” The delusion’s toes crackled as they bent low to Sevika, holding her close by the back of her head like a tether. She slowly guided Sevika’s hands away from where they gripped her hair and held them to her cheek, shifting her own to Sevika’s to guide her face.
She needed her to look up.
Curls. Curls everywhere. Gold and dark carob. Delilah and… Their baby…!
Sevika was a hair’s breadth away from crying out again before she saw Olearia’s little face, eyes scrunched up, uncomfortable, distressed and close to tears herself. The poor thing must have been upset for a while based on her red cheeks, and Sevika’s panicked sounds through the halls wouldn’t have helped.
Her eyes flicked between the two, realisation dawning on her that they weren’t apparitions – weren’t ghosts. Sevika threw herself at them with as much caution for their bundle as she could, clutching any part of Delilah she got first, not letting go for anything, trying and failing to keep her exquisite relief quiet.
She would never be able to truly describe the feeling. Never.
They were still there.
They were real and alive and there and with her and she would never let anything take them from her. Never.
Delilah’s long fingers carded through her hair, cooing and soothing both of her babies as she moved to sink into Sevika’s side and pull her close to her heart. The rhythm under her ear was like angel’s drums. Sevika buried her cheek into Delilah’s chest to hear it and leaned in to bring her face close to her baby’s, hand cradling their head.
Sevika just managed to gasp, “You were both gone! I woke u-up and you were gone— I everything was s-so cold, and I remembered— All I could remember was—!”
Delilah kissed down from Sevika’s temple to the corner of her mouth, speaking against her skin like she could make her words penetrate through to her brain and have her believe them, “I know, I know, darling. I’m so sorry that’s how you woke up. It would have terrified me too.” She held Sevika and her baby girl close, allowing Sevika’s pain to pass to herself like she could take it on for her. “Unfortunately, the Little Madam had a major blow-out in her nappy. Had to change the whole bedding set, and since I was well awake by then and Miss Grizzle-Guts can’t seem to settle, I figured I’d give her a proper bath to sooth her and scrubbed the nappy and linens while I was at it. I opened the window to air the place out, and the mattress. I’m sorry I scared you, Sevika. I love you, darling. We’re all okay, I swear.”
Delilah’s thumb wiped at Sevika’s soaked eyes as the wreck of a woman rose, held her forehead to hers and breathed them in. Sevika pulled herself with everything she had back to her world as the grasp of her night terrors, twisted memories and waking dreams ebbed weakly.
She could see pale green eyes, the wood grain of the crib, starry pyjamas, an elegant ring, and a gentle smile.
She could feel warm breath on her cheek, and a soft baby blanket. Her finger inched closer, and Olearia’s deep tawny skin was soft and so, so warm under her calloused digits. She’d only just started to grab things, but her little hand wrapped around Sevika’s finger with a strength she knew came from her side. A proud smile pulled gently at Sevika’s mouth.
She could hear the curtains and shells rustling and Olearia’s irritated grumbles still stirring. Poor thing must be having A Night as well.
She bent her head closer to her baby girl and breathed her in. That sweet, plain newborn smell still clung to her 3 months in, and her breath gave milky hints that she’d just been fed.
The idea that Sevika had the chance to learn all these nuances of a (relatively) simple domestic life pulled at her heart strings with the force of a gladiator playing tug-o-war. She never thought she’d get the chance in her younger years.
Sevika tasted the several happy tears that rolled to the pinches of her mouth.
They were okay. She was okay.
She was dying to reach out and hold her little bundle in her arms – desperate – though Delilah felt her hesitation. Bless her – Sevika didn’t want to upset Olearia more than her echoing cries down the hall might have already done.
Delilah smiled. Osa-vika, you big mumma bear.
Delilah pulled her hand from Sevika’s hair and uncoiled her arm from around her shoulders. “Here,” Delilah shuffled to pass Olearia over. The poor thing was still grizzling and squirming, “I think someone needs a hug,” she said, pointedly.
Sevika’s gaze screamed, Oh Gods, yes, please, please, please. Come to Mummy, Oli-Baby, but she leaned away, wiping her face, “I’m a mess. Better not if she’s had a bath.”
Delilah scoffed and ignored her, passing Oli over with such determination that Sevika had to take her, “Oh please. She shat so hard before that she coated the sheets! Thank the Gods for mattress protectors. I think she’ll be fine with a bit of snot, sweat and tears.” Delilah fondly watched Sevika scoop her up, “You always settle her quickly, anyway.”
There was no jealousy at all in her words, only affection.
Sevika had been a natural at holding Olearia since the first day, unlike Delilah who was still a touch stiff and nervous about it. She cited it as a worry of crushing a little limb or bending a joint the wrong way. Oli just slipped into Sevika’s large hands and somehow, their bodies slotting together perfectly. With only a few shifting adjustments, prime real estate was found in Sevika’s bicep. They put it down to the extra cushioning from her muscles, muscles which were given the chance to soften a little, now that she wasn’t brawling for her life 24/7.
Delilah wrapped Sevika’s shoulders in her embrace again, stroking her skin and looking on with such fondness that she could self-combust. Sevika tucked the grumbling Oli into the crook of her arm, laying her palm lightly on Olearia’s tummy to ground her. It nearly covered her whole torso! She rubbed in steady anticlockwise circles, and… “Hey there, Little One…” in tones so sweetly deep that Delilah felt them rumble through her own diaphragm.
In an instant, Olearia’s owl-eyes went to Sevika, blinking out a touch of the tension.
“Have you been giving your Mumma a hard time?” There was barely any reprehension in her voice. Uh-oh. Sevika might suck when it comes to being Bad-Cop down the line, Delilah thought with a little grin.
Like she could understand, Olearia’s little chest stuttered in breath like she was about to grumpily coo a retort.
“Ah-ah-ahh. None of that. You aren’t sick, and you have been changed, bathed and fed, and I’m guessing from the stain on your Mother’s shirt that you’ve been burped.” Delilah looked down at her shoulder and muttered a curse under her breath, rising on crunching toes to change the button-up.
Sevika chuckled, “Well alright then. That’s settled.” She dropped her volume further to a sweet, low whisper, and began to delicately trace the curves and contours of Their Little Critter’s chubby face. Her cheeks squished slightly under the minimal pressure like if one placed a dormouse on a feather pillow. Sevika trailed her finger down Olearia’s forehead to her chin, gently booping her button nose and cherub mouth on the way down which brought out a wee smile, “Now, unless you can tell me a good enough reason for you to be making such a fuss, I think we should all try and get some sleep, hmm?”
What an easy child to convince. A true Mummy’s Girl.
Olearia’s owl-eyes had started to lazily lid themselves, but not quite. She retook her grip on Sevika’s digit, gumming sleepily at it a bit before letting her quarry flop at her chest.
Delilah was lifting her flanno shirt off and reaching for a replacement when she heard it. A familiar, dulcet tune hummed low and sweet.
She turned and – like so many nights before, and with many more to come – she saw Sevika rocking Olearia side to side, her voice lilting out between her lips as gentle as a spring rain rolling down a hot roof. With nothing but adoration, Sevika’s eyes were focused solely on the small miracle they’d created – their own little angel – and Delilah knew every day from that alone that Olearia and she were Sevika’s whole world. It had been tough and terrifying, and still was – Gods, more than she let on –, but Delilah had never been so happy in her life.
Sevika watched enraptured as Oli’s lids slipped lower and lower, not quite wanting to stop looking at her Mummy herself. She smiled, bending a touch and holding her up closer to her face so she could whisper, “You have nothing to worry about. You are healthy, you are safe, you are cared for, and you are loved completely. You are okay, Little One.” And finally, Olearia’s eyes shut.
Sevika knew she wasn’t just saying that for her baby’s comfort alone.
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Honestly, I probably had this thing finished 6 months ago, but kept coming back to make final edits and deliberate whether to put Delilah's POV of all this in, but I think I'll save that for a different installment. I was happy just focusing on Sevika here since Part 2 was so Delilah heavy. PLEASE oh pretty please with a cherry on top, leave a little comment to tell me what you think. I keep feeling I need to change the way I write Sevika's dialogue, worried that it doesn't sound as much like her as it should, but part of me justifies it as Delilah rubbing off on her. ALSO~! This was my first time writing smut <3 So opinions on that would also be very much appreciated xx
