Chapter 1 - Along Came a Spider
Chapter 2 - Something Fishy
Chapter 3 - The Island of Broken Dreams
Chapter 4 - Brothers with Arms
Chapter 5 - Career or Comrades?
Bonus Content:
It's Trouble Kelp with a Wood Chair! by ionlymadethissoicouldleaveanask
1 year Anniversary
Oh Gods! It's Trouble Kelp with a Steel Chair!
It's Just Smug Looks All the Way
I Am at a Loss for Words
I'm Not Calling You a "Good Girl"
Thank You for reading! (Holly)
Thank You for reading! (Turnball)
Character Cards (together) Holly Short, Julius Root, Turnball Root, Trouble Kelp
Artemis Fowl tag #af | My Art tag #my art | About Me | Art Blog | Links
Holly, my girl!!! I'm... putting this under a cut. Because I got to the fourth question and realized my curse of not shutting up has struck again, and this got real long real quick.
First Impression
I wanted to be her when I grew up. She was plucky and brave and smart and badass. She made mistakes but owned up to them and learned from them. She fought for what she wanted. She wasn't afraid, even when everything seemed stacked against her. She was resourceful and sneaky and not above punching her manipulative, lying captor in the face, even if he was a child.
Now, I'm sure part of that is I first read Artemis Fowl when I was the actual target audience of a 9-12yr old. But some of it was also just that she was everything I - a shy, nerdy, unathletic kid - thought was cool.
Impression now
She's still badass as all hell but dear god girl, get some friends!!! Get out of the house in a not-stressful situation once in a while!
I still admire her pluck and spirit and fighter personality. At the same time, she strikes me as incredibly lonely (especially in later books) and trying so damn hard to achieve her dreams of Being A Good Cop she's lost sight of everything else around her. I think she needs to take a sabbatical from doing any kind of police/ detective/ special forces work and like. Maybe talk to a therapist. Or see if there is something else - anything else - she wants out of life. Tying her Entire Personality to her job is uh. Not healthy.
She also seems very young to me now??? Which is probably because I have aged and the book characters have not, but still. I used to look up to her as A Cool Adult to Model Myself After and now it's like looking my family members that at ~10yrs younger than me and going "Ah. You are, technically, an adult. And yet. These decisions you're making? Not smart. Good luck with the growing and learning, I'm here if you need me, please don't get a tattoo while drunk."
Favourite Moment
Punching Artemis in Book 1. He deserved it, she was owed it, great characterization all around. Also, while it's a separate moment, her Healing Butler in Book 1. The two kind of go hand-in-hand as far as her character goes: she's willing to fight back against things she thinks are wrong, but she genuinely wants to help people.
Artemis kidnapped her and held her hostage and took advantage of her to try and extort her people, and then he proceeded to be a condescending asshole to her. He deserved to be punched.
Butler was just trying to protect his own people, in a battle well outside his wheelhouse. Even though he had also kidnapped Holly and held her against his will, she was willing to Heal him. Not because he deserved it, but because it was the right thing to do.
I just think those two scenes encapsulate her so thoroughly. She follows that same pattern in the rest of the books, too. She'll fight for what she believes in, and what she believes in is helping people and making the whole world a better place.
(It's also just incredibly funny and cathartic to have Artemis knocked ass-over-teakettle, especially when it's entirely his fault)
Idea for a Story
Okay so bear with me here. It's sort of about her but also kind of not. Anyways.
A silly crackship I have for this fandom is Grub Kelp/ Lili Frond. I have like a whole thing about that constantly spinning in my mind but it's not the topic here, so I won't get into it. But. How does Holly (and, by extension, Trouble and Artemis) react when they are invited to Grub & Lili's wedding?
Unpopular Opinion
I don't actually hate that she doesn't have much character growth. Nor do I think it's particularly true. Sure, it's a lot less drastic than Artemis's, but it is there!
She goes from being The First Female Recon Officer who tries so hard to be a Good Police Officer to being Captain Holly Short, Foremost Expert on Artemis Fowl.
She never followed the rules, per se, choosing to do what was right over what was in the rulebook, but by the end of the series she's taken that up to 100. She knows the rules exist. She knows why. She knows they should, probably, in the majority of the time, by the majority of people, be followed. She just no longer gives a shit.
She's broken every rule there is (usually for good reason) and now no longer cares for them. Come at me bro, she says to the poor IA intern who is investigating her this week. I did the right thing and saved everyone's lives (again) and if you don't like it you can fucking fight me in the Spud's Spud Emporium parking lot. BTW I'll be bringing my 7ft tall Mud Man friend as backup and a small hacker genius who can psychologically manipulate you into giving up your bank account information - with no real purpose because he hacked into it already and signed you up for a thousand cat magazines.
I get, from a Doyalist perspective, why she has a more discreet character arc than Artemis. Artemis is the star of the series (it's named after him, after all). Presumably, readers are going to be around his age, are likely going to be human rather than a fairy, and are probably going to be dealing with their own trials and tribulations of growing up. They will likely relate to Artemis more than a Fully Grown Police Officer.
From a Watsonian point of view, too, I can see it. She's in her 80's at the start of the series. She's also in her 80's at the end of the series. For a species that lives several hundred years, that's like saying "Hey so you're personality hasn't changed much from being 21 to being 22. You should work on yourself more." Like, c'mon now. She's still got 400+ years to go! She's not even a fifth of the way through her lifespan!
Also, back to that whole "she needs to find better ways to deal with loss" thing: She's very much stuck in the past. Her parents, Root's death, missing large swaths of her friends lives while stuck in Limbo, literally going back in time to relive horrible experiences with Spelltropy... the girl is trying to move forward, but everything is pulling her back. She has every reason to not want to change! It would mean changing away from the person she knows herself as (her parent's daughter, a Recon officer, Root's... apprentice isn't the right word, but you know what I mean). She's still growing as a person, just understandably slower than a human child would be.
Favourite Relationship
I really, really like whatever Holly and Trouble have going on. They go from colleagues to possible romantic partners to adoptive family. The way they argue and have each other's back and have secret ways of communicating (the sneaky order-not-order in TAC, for example)... They're not quite siblings, but they very much are family.
Favourite Headcanon
She never stops being a Disaster™️in her personal life. Her first introduction is her grabbing a half-finished smoothie because she couldn't be bothered to make breakfast, and still being late to work. She continues to break rules, run late, and have a terrible dating life for the rest of the series.
I like to think she never really grows out of that. Regardless of what she does career-wise, her office is a mess. Despite being a largely tech-based society, her office is littered with paper. A dying fern sits sadly on the windowsill because she forgets to water it. She eats takeout for most meals because she can't cook to save her life and is not about to learn how now.
Half her uniforms are stained with questionable substances (could be curry, could be blood, who knows?), her hair stays short so she doesn't have to think about styling it, and everyone quickly learns to tell her the meeting starts half an hour than it actually does.
for that character ask game, I’m curious. You’ve answered at length about Julius (much to my delight); tell me your thoughts on Trouble? (Or Turnball, your choice) (or both)
You should know by now that if you give me a choice I will do both >:3
Trouble
First impression
I thought he was the stereotypical flyboy jock, who would eventually be Holly's love interest. He didn't get much character development in the books so I was largely uninterested in him as there wasn't much to learn about him.
Impression now
Now, considering how much I've talked about Trouble with @ionlymadethissoicouldleaveanask, I've really come to like him a lot. He's a lot more fleshed out as a character to me, instead of a one-dimensional caricature of an Action Man™. I adore his relationships with the other characters like Holly and Grub, and especially the (misdirected) dislike he has towards Artemis. I also find it interesting how much he is modelling himself after Julius as time goes on. (Trouble Kelp? You mean Julius Root 2.0).
Favorite moment
Laughing so hard he threw up. For some reason the fact that he simply laughed so hard he threw up lives rent free in my head.
Also, this is one of the times I'll acknowledge the Fowl Twins books, there's a scene where he asks for two kilos of raw chocolate, no interruptions and to ignore any sobbing noises coming from his office after receiving a report about the Fowl twins. And I find lying on the couch, eating chocolate and sobbing to be incredibly relatable. Absolute king behavior 👑 #selfcare
Idea for a story
Trouble's first day as a commander. He would feel like such an impostor and so out of his depth.
Unpopular opinion
Trouble is the same height as Holly. I will not believe your tall Trouble propaganda.
Favorite relationship
Holly. I like how they're friends and rivals and comrades. How fully they support and trust each other. They're drift compatible. I want them to bully Artemis ✨ together ✨as a treat.
Favorite headcanon
After Julius' death Trouble was mentored by Vinyáya and became very close with her. He was devastated when she was killed.
Turnball under the cut (where he belongs)
Turnball
First impression
He's feeding SPIDERS to people that RIP their way out of you?? New fear unlocked. I hate this. I hate him.
I also remember being very excited that Julius has a Secret Evil Brother.
Impression now
He's the embodiment of mansplain, manipulate, manslaughter. I feel like throwing up every time I think about him and Julius. Like he is so insulted his baby brother is more famous than he is. He wants to ruin Julius' career and life just so they are on the same level again. He views Julius not as a person but an extension of himself, (his baby brother) and hates it when Julius does something he's not supposed to.
Also his wife Leonor who he loves enough to die with but also removed all agency from her??? He only loves people as extensions of himself and I need to bite someone about it.
Favorite moment
"Is that really what you want to talk to me about, Julius? Uniforms? After all this time."
It's so hard to pick a favorite because I love all his scenes, but I really love the scene where Julius and Turnball talk to each other for the first time in 500 years and they just immediately start to insulting each other. Because they're siblings. It just never leaves you.
Idea for a story
Few ideas actually.
I would love to explore Julius visiting Turnball in prison (just think of the angst!)
Or Turnball receiving the news that his brother is dead. I loved his little moment of rage towards Opal in TAC, so I can only imagine how angry he must have been when he first heard the news.
Turnball and Leonor's fucked up love story.
Unpopular opinion
I liked his fucked up relationship with Leonor, who he basically made into a thrall and only feels slightly bad about it. Incredibly fucked up thing to do. I love it. I need the whole story, asap.
Favorite relationship
Leonor, obviously, for reasons stated above.
Julius and Turnball, the heartbreaking sibling dynamic of it all. Julius wants his brother back so much. Turnball hates that his brother is a person and wants to reduce him to a thing he can control. Duty is the death of love and if someone is going to kill my brother it's going to be me.
Also Turnball and Unix. The unflinching loyalty to someone terrible. Someone who could and would kill you without hesitation. Unix is living the dream of being a living weapon.
Favorite headcanon
He was super well liked when he was part of LEP. His parents loved him and were proud of him. His brother adored him. His teachers and professors were impressed by him. His was popular among his peers. And just the golden boy of LEP over all.
Yaaaay, more talking about the Characters !!! 😄
Love that you suggested Mulch, I pretty much never think about him so that's super fun !!
First impression
"... qu'est-ce que putain de quoi."
I like Mulch's wit and idgaf attitude, but all the focus on his bum flap and fartiness always weirded me out tbh. The more he was forced into the plot each book even when it made no sense, the more I grew really annoyed at him.
Impression now
Still about the same ; some parts of his personality are funny and endearing, but he's too much of an empty comic relief of a character, and since I don't find his comedy funny, he just annoys the hell out of me :') Colfer's obsession with dwarves farts is a borderline kink at this point - which, you go my dude have your windy fun, just, that's not for me.
Favorite moment
When he's locked up with goblins in book one and he starts swallowing one. "You, spit out the prisoner !" is just such an iconic line 🥲 that poor LEP officer.
I also like his introduction with Holly making him reveal all the watches he's stolen in the waiting line at the LEP entrance, but it feels a bit less unique.
Idea for a story
I think a one-shot of his first encounter with Julius could be cute.
Unpopular opinion
While Mulch as-is truly annoys me in the books past book 3, I don't necessarily feel like the only solution would be to just scrap him out of the plots entirely. I feel like him having a more serious arc at some point could have been interesting, to make him a more fully fleshed-out character. We barely see how hard Julius' death hits him for example.
Also, the fact that past-Mulch in The Time Paradox versus Mulch almost ten years later in The Atlantis Complex is exactly the same person with the same personality is poor character writing, period. He never evolves past a comic-relief character and I would have liked a chance to like him more. (I also think he had no business being forcefully included in TTP but that's another story, and not a hot take at all)
Favorite relationship
Julius. Their dynamic is very endearing. I love how they reluctantly respect each other even if they'll never admit it outright.
Favorite headcanon
I've been thinking a lot about a way to make Mulch more palatable to my tastes, and I like the idea to completely scrap dwarves as a fairy species, and instead take inspiration from the Nordic trolls - a mineral-based lifeform, that can turn into sand or mud to seep through walls, and avoids the sun because daylight freezes them into rocks. I feel like it keeps a lot of elements from the books while being less, well, farty.
One related headcanon to this idea is that this version of trolls gradually mineralise, their form of death is definitely turning into stone. I like this idea because abusing the shape-shifting powers too much prematurely wears their bodies out ; and since Mulch uses these powers basically non-stop with his criminal life, then... he'll die very young compared to his species' lifespan.
...
DIE MULCH DIE
Ahem. Thank you @valhelos for this ask, it was actually very fun to ponder about this Frond-forsaken lil guy 🥲 What does it say about me that I'd rather turn him into a rock than deal with his ass ? ... I guess it says as much as Colfer's obsession with bodily gases 🤷🏻♀️
me, when Colfer starts describing Mulch's ass and bodily functions:
Also this is so valid, I wish Mulch had more a purpose in the books other than being comic relief, alas.
Also I'm never forgiving Colfer for having Mulch quit being a criminal because Julius died and then abandoning that idea and having him go back to being a criminal.
every time i start to feel cringe for being too deep in the hyperfixation i remember the intense depression i have waded through and have to remind myself that enjoyment is fleeting (so grab it with both hands), and life is for loving (so hold that love close), and if anyone thinks i’m cringe they must not be having a very good time (and i hope they can find a good time soon).
Maekar: Some men will say I meant to kill my brother. The gods know it is a lie, but I will hear the whispers till the day I die. And it was my mace that dealt the fatal blow, I have no doubt. The only other foes he faced in the melee were three Kingsguard, whose vows forbade them to do any more than defend themselves. So it was me. Strange to say, I do not recall the blow that broke his skull. Is that a mercy or a curse? Some of both, I think.
Duncan: I could not say, Your Grace. You swung the mace, m'lord, but it was for me Prince Baelor died. So I killed him too, as much as you.
