Just my little freak show of life!

I am still searching for perfection! This blog contains triggering material ( esp. ED's, self harm, suicidal tendencies, depression...) This blog also contains explicit adult material. So if you are easily triggered and/or not of legal age in your country please stay away from this blog. Thank you very much. I am in no means trying to glorify any of the mental illneses above...I am merly trying to find a place to cope with my life and to express my self.

[catchymemes]

[oddpoke]

My old friend, my companion, and my brother in arms

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

Many relationships would be a lot healthier if we romanticized honest, open and direct communication instead of idealizing the idea of a partner who’s intuitively in tune with your every need. You don’t need someone who can read your mind, you just need someone who’s willing to listen when you speak.

[onlytwitterpics]

[dankmemeuniversity]

[fairmanor]

The funniest thing about LOTR is Aragorn constantly overstepping the Elves’ personal boundaries. They come from a race where touching your heart is one of the highest signs of affection and he’s over here pulling them into bear hugs and slapping shoulders like a brawny middle-aged dad

[willkill4pudding]

LMAO wasn’t Aragorn raised by Elves? He knows what he’s doing

[fairmanor]

True, but the momentary panic in Haldir’s eyes here is hilarious

[niche-pastiche]

Okay but what this potentially says about Elrond and the rest of the elves he was raised by is absolutely heartwarming. Because IRL humans need a certain amount of touch and affection and hugs and stuff. It’s particularly important for things like brain development and while it varies from person to person it’s still more than what elf kids need

And it honestly looks like Aragorn is not only comfortable with this kind of physical affection, he’s used to it. 

Which makes me think that instead of looking at young Aragorn, and asking him to be more like an elf to fit in with those around them. Elrond looked at this kid and and thought to himself “how can I be more like what this child needs to thrive” 

Aragorn has been raised by Elves since he was only 2 years old. So if we’re going by Piaget’s theories of child development, that puts Aragorn, (who would have been called Estel at the time) in the pre-operational stage. Or somewhere thereabouts. So Elrond is raising this kid when he’s learning to talk. When he’s constantly asking “why?” about everything. 

Young Estel would have grown up surrounded by elves and elf children and just by virtue of not being an elf, he probably would have had to deal with feeling less capable than those around him. He wouldn’t have been able to do things like run across snow, and didn’t have the ability to see as far as they did with their “elf eyes” and I am imagining all manner of bruises and skinned knees as he tries to keep up anyway. 

And it would take some getting used to his new surrounding, but  I can’t stop picturing the first time tiny little Estel runs full tilt across the room and hugs Elrond’s leg. 

And instead of scolding him or asking him to be more like an elf to fit in, Elrond consciously sets aside his own discomfort in the face of what this child needs to thrive. And if what Estel needs is hugs, then hugs he shall have. 

Elrond picking up itty bitty Aragorn in a great big hug, and being just as uncomfortable about it, but hiding it well because this child was entrusted to his care and he will not let the boy grow up feeling unwanted or unloved.

And so Aragorn grew up surrounded by elves, but he grew up to be someone who naturally and unselfconsciously displays affection. 

I think that speaks volumes about Elrond. 

He raised this kid from age 2 to age 20 (so the majority of his formative years and well through his teens) and it was around then that Elrond’s own daughter gets back form visiting her grandmother Galadriel and meets this boy for the first time.

So I have NO IDEA what the various stages of child development would be for an elf, but I doubt their exactly the same.

Sure, Elrond might seem distant now, but there is no way Aragorn became the guy who is constantly overstepping elves personal boundaries to display affection without Elrond choosing to sacrifice his personal boundaries for the sake of a child’s well being.

[fairmanor]

This is the best possible addition to this post

[thespectacularspider-girl]

Considering Elrond was born half-elven and was eventually made full elven by choice, while his twin chose to be human (and thus started Numenor) it makes sense, as Elrond didn’t grow up fully elven.

Elrond probably knows what it’s like to grow up as not-elven, around full blooded elves and knows what humans need.  He’s probably the one elf remaining on Middle Earth that COULD comprehend what Aragorn needed growing up, as a human.

[thebaconsandwichofregret]

Aren’t children like, very deeply treasured by Elves?

What if Elves are incredibly affectionate with Elven children? And with Aragorn they’re like “well he’s only 150, we can’t stop cuddling him just because he got tall!”

[booksandbrainsandsoftthings]

Not sure who needs to see this, but if a Service Dog starts backing into you, pushing you away from their handler, or they sit down at a leash distance from their handler

You Should Move Away.

They are performing a task known as "spacing" or "blocking" that helps reduce or prevent anxiety in their handler.

They are NOT "asking for pets" or being disobedient or asking to be spoken to. All you have to do is stay back from the dog and handler.

This is not a capslock PSA because I'm not sure how many people that don't have a SD actually know this is a trained task.

[naamahdarling]

I did NOT know and this is both very cool that SDs can be trained for this, and very important that we all know how to respect it.

[pagetbrewstar]

me: *watches criminal minds for 9 hours* anything: *makes a noise* me: I’m looking for a white male between the ages of 25-45 probably a loner probably most definitely hates women probably drives a red late model dodge truck probably lives alone his moms name is Helen and his favorite color skittles are the red ones

[stephensttrange]

mcu meme  - 4/10 scenes.

It’s the unspoken truth of humanity that you crave subjugation.

[mizkit]

I see this scene reblogged a lot off the one Hiddleston blog I follow, but it almost always ends with Loki’s “There are no men like me” line, which is completely missing the fucking point of the scene. And I get that it’s about the Hiddleslove, which is great, but it’s completely missing the fucking point of the scene. And it is a very important point.

This is one of my favourite moments in the whole MCU because of its incredible power and strength. This is not Captain America with his super soldier serum juice standing up to a god. This isn’t even a young man who might think he’s somehow got a chance against the prick with the horns. This is an old, old man who knows, who knows, that he’s probably going to die because of what he’s doing, but he is not going to kneel to another man like Hitler.

Maybe he did, seventy years ago. Maybe that’s why he would rather die now than remain on his knees. Maybe he *didn’t*. Maybe he fought against his own countrymen, because he wouldn’t kneel to a man like this. Maybe he’s always been one to stand up. Maybe he lost everything once because of it. Everything except his integrity, and maybe he’s ready to die instead of risking losing that now, at the end of his life. Maybe his integrity cost him so fucking much seventy years ago that he hopes he’s going to die for it now because he almost wishes he’d have died for it then, but if he’s going to die for it, he’s goddamn well going to die with it.

Maybe he’s a Holocaust survivor. Maybe he’s Jewish. Maybe he’s gay. Maybe he’s Romani. We don’t know.

We don’t know anything about this man, except he’s the bravest goddamn person in the Marvel Cinematic Universe.

And that’s why it bothers me every time I see this scene go by with his response cut from it. Because it’s missing. the. point.

[whitepeopletwitter]

[whitepeopletwitter]

[jewishzevran]

This thread is a few years old but it bears repeating. I’m tired of being treated as if I am invisible. Listen to Jewish voices when we talk about fascism. I am begging you.

[toastbutteregg]

[roxolotl-remaking-deactivated20]

Look i dont wanna sound like a Fandom Mom or whatever but what do you think women over 25 or so are supposed to do? Do u really think theyre supposed to drop all their interests and just talk about taxes and marriage or whatever? It seems like 25+ year old fanboys do not receive this kind of “ooh cringe” reaction either. There are guys in their 40s with comic book collections and shit and people might think theyre a nerd at worst, not a freak who shouldnt be trusted

[fangirlunderground-blog]

Thank you. Because, here’s the thing, I literally tried that. And this sounds really dramatic but it kind of ruined my life for a long time.

Once I got out of grad-school and started working, at exactly age 25, I figured it was time to get serious because I was “too old for this stuff” and frankly I was afraid of being judged. 

I sold all my comics, I stopped reading fanfiction, I stopped playing video games. All of it. It’s not that I never, ever watched anything “geeky” or spent a weekend binge-reading a kink-meme, but when I did, it was rare and I’d feel guilty about it like it was time wasted. I’d keep it all to myself, you know? And without any kind of inspiration, I eventually stopped drawing. After all, I didn’t need it for my “serious job,” so why bother? Unfortunately, my former skill is so atrophied now it’s nearly lost, but worse than that, it’s stressful now instead of the thing I loved to do for most of my life.

What was I doing instead? Well, I’d work my miserable, toxic job, come home and worry about how far behind everyone else I was, and how weird I was compared to all my colleagues. I’d go out with people and do the things they liked doing, but I only pretended to. But I’m not great at that and pretending to be someone else ate me alive. Unsurprisingly, by 31, my anxiety and depression was not in a great place, and I fuckin’ snapped. Not just because of this stuff, of course, but it honestly contributed. I quit my job and left town.

Suddenly I was completely alone, no job, no friends, and no reason to pretend to be someone else. So, I started doing all the things I’d given up. I read all the fanfiction I wanted, I bought a Playstation and an SNES and played them for hours. I bought back every comic book I loved, watched every Marvel movie I missed, and caught up on my favorite characters. I started traveling around just going to cons for the first time (NYCC, GeekGirlCon, DragonCon, etc). In fact, at @geekgirlcon and DragonCon especially, I saw groups of women who were 60+, just fucking enjoying things, and it made me feel so much better about my future. I’m not even joking, I literally cry every time I think about it, because I never realized how scared I was about aging in a world that thinks I’m already a decade too old for the things I love. Suddenly, that wasn’t so scary. 

And then I just stopped pretending that I wasn’t into this stuff. I mean all of it, even the stuff no one understand, even the stuff people openly make fun of, even smutty fanfiction. 

And look, I’m not saying this cured my depression, or that everything is perfect. For one, I picked a city that’s awful for geeks and I’m trying to figure out where to move and how. For another, I lost six years of making like-minded friends, and it’s hard to find them now because we’re all so worried about being judged and online – the space that was always a refuge for me as a loner weirdo growing up – is now apparently a Children of the Corn. But I’m happier here, actually fucking liking things, than being the unobjectionable robot woman I’m apparently supposed to be. 

I don’t expect anyone to actually be interested in this, or have gotten this far, but because I’m having feelings about turning 36 on Monday, I just want to tell anyone who is about to turn 25 that you should just tell people to go fuck themselves. It’s your life. You’re going to offend people no matter what you do, at least choose the direction that makes you happiest, because those people certainly aren’t going to pay for your fucking therapist bills, are they? 🦖

[taraljc]

This is gonna sound weird to you guys, but when I first started writing fanfic and sending stories to fanzines to be published back in 1991, in my first fandom all of the fans and writers and editors and readers I met were shocked that I was 17 because they were all in their 30s, 40s, and 50s. I was the outlier. I was an aberration.

Wanna know when young people started discovering fandom en masse? In the mid 1990s, when AOL got their internet gateway.

All the folks who ran fannish mailing lists and conventions and published ‘zines and posted fanfic online were over 18, because email and IRC and Usenet and FTP sites and listservs were primarily used by adults because they were almost exclusively college students, government employees, and academics. And the users of gated communities like BBS, GEnie, Compuserv, and AOL all skewed older. Only Prodigy was actually aimed at kids, because prior to the mid-to-late 1990s, children weren’t getting online until they went to university.

And what kids found was the fandom that adults had built online, after being a part of it offline for decades.

Even when FFN was launched, the people who initially posted there were the same people who had been posting fanfic to the internet for a decade: THE GROWN-UPS.

So the idea that we’re meant to put away childish things is hilarious, cos for most of our lives, fandom was not a part of our childhoods. It was a part of our everyday adult lives.

[megpie71]

Look, anyone who tells me I should drop fandom because I’m over 25 is going to get laughed out of the room, because you know what age I was when I first discovered organised fandom existed? 

I was 26.

I started writing fanfic (or at least, I started writing stories that I labelled as fanfic, rather than just “stories”) at about age 30.  I’m in my late forties now, and I have no interest in dropping fandom.  I especially have no interest in dropping fandom because some brat who wasn’t even born when I started putting my fanfic online wants to try and sell me their internalised misogyny.

[seperis]

I was twenty-three when I found fandom; in all the important ways, it decided the course of my life.  

I didn’t even know I liked tech; for my first fic, I needed a webpage, it was ugly, so I opened it to look at the code, saw my first html, and fell in love.  Now I’m an analyst who tests programs for statewide and even national use.

I didn’t know I liked people; I thought something was wrong with me, that I seemed to always say the wrong thing, that I seemed to think wrong.  Instead, it just turns out how I think is just fine; there are so many people like me and I still meet them to this day.  

I didn’t know I could make and maintain friendships, short or long term; as it turns out, not a huge problem.  I make and maintain friendships of almost two decades and still made new friends as of this year.

When my son came out to me as gay, I was ready for the question he wouldn’t ask that I had to answer right then; I love you.  Of course it’s okay. And why the fuck are you awake and messaging me at three in the goddamn morning?  YOU HAVE SCHOOL TOMORROW.  Without all the friends who told me what they needed that day for themselves, I’m not sure I would have known that was something he needed to hear.  Without my friends, I wouldn’t have known to even expect–much less how to answer–a thousand questions (at least) he had, and where to have him look for more.

(Also didn’t hurt fandom was the one place I could be sure was all the happy ending gay love stories any gay child would need to read and knew exactly where to send him.  Fuck knows the pro version still isn’t exactly thick on the ground though it’s getting better.)

When I first started, I was mentored by an older woman in her forties-fifties, and on her webpage she had a log of all this shit she’d done just in the last year; traveled to hang out with fan friends, all the fic she wrote that year, all these people she met, this wonderful life.  She posted to all these sites, and she posted to mailing lists her opinion and argued without fear or self-consciousness.

All I could think is I want to be her.

At twenty-three, I couldn’t imagine it would be possible for me. I’m forty three, and as it turns out, I underestimated myself; it’s even better.  

[harriet-spy]

Something you activist kiddies should keep in mind with all the “lol a thirty-year-old in fandom doesn’t she have dishes to do” nonsense is that it’s not only generally misogynist (not sure why you struggle with that one, it’s 101-level, but okay), but it is specifically designed to thwart women’s power by separating you from potential networks.

You think men just somehow magically get powerful as they pass into adulthood?  No.  They are mentored by, they get given chances to move up from, they learn from older men in their social networks, including in predominantly male “fannish” space.  Power, knowledge, opportunities move through those networks–and don’t kid yourself, they are primarily masculine networks.  By narrowing your networks to women within one or two years of your age, the “lol thirty-year-olds” rhetoric cuts you off from resources you might use to get stronger.  That’s a feature, not a bug.

Just the other day, I was in a room full of older fans that included a Nebula-winning author, an agent for a (different) Hugo-winning author, two tenured professors in radically different fields, and a member of the Foreign Service.  You’ll make your own friends in fandom (I did; one of my closest is 15 years older than me, and, my, did I learn from her), but these are the kind of resources available to you there.  Misogyny wants you to despise and avoid older women because it wants you weak.  Is this really something you want to play along with?

[silentwalrus1]

#reblogging for @harriet-spy’s excellent commentary#its NOT AN ACCIDENT#that we disown our mothers and foremothers#it’s how they keep us weak#its how they destroy our networks#fandom is the best old girls network in the world

[niniane17]

And, by the way, thinking that a woman over 30 is “too old” to have fun is a misogynistic notion in itself. Our culture already fetishizes female youth to the extreme and does a very good job to convince us that our life is basically over by the time we are 29, why would you want to contribuite to that? It isn’t just that you’re never too old for fandom, it’s that most of the time all these “old women” aren’t old at all.

[callmebliss]

I am here for the old girls’ network

[easchechter]

The old girls’ network saved Star Trek.

The old girls’ network started the first media conventions.

The old girls’ network redefined fanfiction to be stories about characters (as opposed to stories about fans themselves, which was what Fan Fiction was prior to Devra Langsam and Spockanalia.)

The old girls’ network was fandom before FANDOM was a word.

[systlin]

I’m 31, and I’m too powerful for any of these kids to stop.

[tyrograph]

I’m literally working on a comic [working title ‘AO3 Saved My Sex Life’] about how rediscovering fandom in my late 40s changed my relationship with my body image and my sexuality.

[ohfreckle]

I found fandom when I was 20. There was no internet, and back then the general assumption was that you were dealing with adults because those were the ones who had the money and means to create and buy zines.

I’m 48 now. And guess what? I’m knee deep in tax law and balance sheets nine hours a day, just like I should be according to the self-proclaimed fandom police. I do the dishes every day, I do the laundry, have a mortgage, mow the lawn, care for the elderly. I’m An Adult™, and I still enjoy fandom and write smutty fanfiction in my free time. Life isn’t a rigid path where you’re only allowed to do one thing at a time, it’s the journey you make out of it.

[lilybellsworld]

Literally the best part of having my “adult job” after my apprenticeship and stuff was being able to afford all the comics I could not afford before and finally start reading them the way I wanted (comics are pretty expensive - like around 20€ each - here so I could sometimes buy 1 before but let’s face it, one every 2-3 month aint so great when you want to read a Series...Fuck being to old. One of my best friendships grew around fan fiction. She was my coworker and we never got along that great until we started talking fandoms and FanFictions and now she is one of my very best friends, we write FanFictions for each other and we obsess over actors together and I love it!!!

[alexsgaskarth-deactivated202009]

the thing that’s getting me about chadwick, is how tired he must have been. how much strength it takes to be undergoing painful treatment and invasive surgery, and to still be creating art. to know you probably will not live to a ripe old age and to say “i’m creating a legacy now” and using the time you have on this earth to tell black stories, to embody a warrior and a king for black people to see themselves reflected in, to create art. that sort of strength deserved to live, it deserved to survive. it’s so incredibly unfair.

rest in power chadwick, we watched you play a hero but little did we know, the hero was you all along. wakanda forever and always king.

[thelovethatyouhad]

You did it! You broke 2020 down to its bare essentials!

[bebx]

I enjoy these way more than I should

[cyndigenous-deactivated20210204]

Anti-Indigenous things to quit saying/doing:

- Stop saying “off the reservation”. It’s a reference to the pass system that was in place restricting Native people from leaving without permission.

- Stop making “1/16th”, “great-great grandmother”, etc. jokes. All of these reference blood quantum, a system designed to “breed out the Natives”. Indigeneity isn’t defined by a percentage, fraction, etc. Quit policing Indigenous identities and quit joking about genocidal tactics.

- Stop calling things your “spirit animal”. You don’t have one. Only Indigenous people from specific nations have spirit animals.

- Stop making dreamcatchers. They are sacred Anishinaabe culture and are not cute trinkets, crafts, etc. Buy them from Anishinaabe artists.

- Stop buying those little cloth “teepees” for your kids/pets/whatever. Also stuff with tipi prints

- Quit referring to your “tribe”. Enough with the “bride tribe” nonsense and all the rest. Stop trivializing tribal affiliations.

- Don’t wear “war paint”. Don’t put a feather in your hair. Don’t dress up as Native people or characters.

- Stop referring to your meetings/side discussions/parties as a “pow wow”.

- Stop supporting sports teams that use racist terms and logos and caricatures of Indigenous people.

- Stop using white sage. It is sacred and overharvested. There are lots of types of sage you can use instead.

- Stop “smudging”. Smoke cleansing exists in many forms in many cultures, use that. Non-Natives can’t smudge.

- Stop tokenizing your Native friends, classmates, in-laws, half siblings, etc.

Please add more!

[wiisagi-maiingan]

- Stop treating Native spirits as generic monsters or cryptids, especially w*ndigoag and sk*nwalkers.

- Stop using imagery of skulls in Plains headdresses, especially as tattoos. This shouldn’t need to be explained.

[neechees]

Non-native but ESPECIALLY white witches/pagans stop trying to practice native religions/spirituality or trying to contact native spirits, leave our shit alone. They’re closed, period. The only time it’s okay for you to participate is when you’re invited by a native person, and your participation ends when that event is over, case closed.

[randomrav3ns]

- “You don’t *look* Indian” is wrong on numerous levels, among them the assumption that mainstream media’s stereotypical presentation of us is the way we somehow all must look. Stop saying any version of that. Your nearest midsize powwow will give you a full array of Native people with every phenotype you can imagine, from the ones who fit your narrow, stereotypical boundaries to the very pale, blue-eyed, blond grass dancer to the dark-skinned dancer with locs and her fancy shawl appliqued with African tribal patterns. If we’re Native, we look Native, period.

- “Native Americans believed…” As though 1) there was a monoculture and 2) Natives no longer exist/aren’t relevant in modern times and are relegated to history. We’re still here, and acting like we aren’t just helps perpetuate the genocidal tactic of deliberate invisibility. Also, we are not now, nor ever were, a monoculture, so a present-tense “Native Americans believe…” is also invalid.

- This was somewhat covered, but to be clear: “How much?” is not something for you to ask, especially not to people fighting a war of cultural attrition and erasure while trying to weave together the ragged threads of families and cultures and identities that were targeted and torn apart for centuries in an (ongoing) attempt to eliminate us.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

I wish I had found this while I was teaching Native Studies but I had amazing understanding students and the First Nation representatives of the area’s tribes who came in to teach us about their ceremonies were wonderful.

All this info is so important.