Goblin Time

| He/Him | Gay Disaster | | Jayvick + Steddie | | Art tag: Limbless doodles |

[limbs-are-optional]

ANNOUNCEMENT

I will be moving all of my art to @exhausted-companions

My art on this blog is entirely buried and overwhelmed by my constant reblogging. Art already posted here will remain up, but any new art will be posted there.

[ka-mi006]

Love me Flambae who can't flirt for shit when it comes to Robert, but HEAR ME OUT—Flambae who IS actually really suave and good at flirting because you don't get that many hookups just on accident.

Flambae had been attracted to Robert for a while. It wasn't initially obvious, especially not to himself, but after everything, he's come to really respect the guy. And Robert is attractive, in his own scrappy way. Flambae likes him, he wants him.

And it doesn't really matter whether or not Flambae really knows he genuinely likes the guy. He starts flirting, a gentle lilt of his words, a sly tug of his lips, a tilt of his head, warm fingers brushing against his nape, lingering just a little too long.

Robert notices immediately and ignores it for the most part. When it didn't stop, he started bantering back, just a little. Nothing that ever crossed the line.

It was enough permission for Flambae to dial it up a little. A hand on the small of his back, squeezing just the slightest before pulling away. Flambae leaning down to whisper something into Robert's ear, or leaning down to listen when Robert has something to say.

Always that smirk on his lips when their eyes meet, and maybe a wink or two thrown in.

When they bump into each other in the locker rooms right out of the shower, Flambae greets him with a purred, "Hey," and a searing gaze that rakes slowly down his body, appreciating.

Robert is appalled.

"What is this?" He demands, suddenly furious. Chad blinks, surprised, as he dries off his hair.

"What is what?" He asks innocently, tilting his head playfully again.

"Stop that." Robert huffs, a scowl on his face. "Don't—Don't treat me like one of your hookups."

Chad pauses, eyes widening. "You think that's what this is?"

"Isn't it?" Robert is furiously stuffing things into his bag to leave. "I don't want to be treated like a toy."

"You're not." Chad wraps a hand around his wrist, stilling him. "Robert."

Robert doesn't meet his gaze. His lower lashes are wet, Chad realizes. Not from the shower.

"Robert." Chad softens his voice, tilting the shorter man's jaw up with a warm hand. "What's wrong?"

Robert chews his lip and doesn't answer, his eyes refusing to look at Chad.

"Robert," he tries again. "Why are you crying?"

Robert takes a shaky breath. "Is that all I am to you? A hookup? Just—" His voice cracks, "Just someone to pump and dump and be over with?"

"No," Chad is appalled Robert would think that. "Of course not. I-I care about you, Robert."

"But you keep—" Robert huffs, "—you keep fucking flirting like you want to get in my pants."

"I do though." Chad admits quietly, almost chastised.

"I don't want it to be casual." Robert looks stricken.

Chad laughs now, more at himself but Robert looks utterly offended. He jerks his head back sharply, preparing to leave. "You know what, fuck you—"

"No! No, I mean—fuck." Chad hurries to tug Robert back towards him, wrapping his arms properly around him. "I like you, Robert. I don't want this to be casual either, if you don't want it to be."

It's criminal, how fast Robert relaxes into that. "Really?"

"Yeah." Chad smiles, pressing his cheek against Robert's, breathing in his scent. "We're dating now, Robert. Just so you know."

Robert laughs quietly at that, a gentle shake of his shoulders. He fully leans into Chad's embrace now, rubbing his cheek against Chad's stubble. "Jerk."

"And we're very exclusive," a kiss against Robert's temple as the shorter man giggles, "just you—"

"Okay—"

"And me—"

"Okay—"

"Exclusively—"

"I get it!" Robert tries to escape the flurry of kisses being pressed against his jaw and neck. "I get it, okay."

"Mm, do you?" Chad asks slyly, smiling into his skin. "I think I might need to prove it a bit more."

He loves the way Robert laughs merrily at that, the way Robert has his arms wrapped around his shoulders and fingers playing with the hair against his nape.

He'll prove it to Robert for the rest of his life just how much he means to him.

[avatarmerida]

Happy pride month to the tiny cowboy and tiny Trojan man from Night at the Museum

[futurakid]

[leg-stealing-bee]

[closetedguyy]

[knitordeath]

This hands down the best comment in the notes, I will not be taking criticism.

[song-of-sea-and-sky]

happy pride month 2021 I ain’t quittin’ you…

[msue0027]

[maxstarfall]

[gengaritez]

[pumpkin--rabbit]

[minyicho]

[bismuthfool]

Imagine that your knowledge of the once-lost Earth is limited to religious stories, legends about the past, rare and hard-to-find texts and images, and one tree you've seen in person... And then you're given access to nature documentaries. Would you choose sleep over watching movies?

Simon rejected sleep.

Simon is afraid that everything will be taken away from him again(((

[mangofloatville]

"why the hell are we in space?"

Supernatural x PHM x Iron Lung (because I can)

Part 2 is posted !!

[fae-they]

so are we keeping our glasses on or off during sex

glasses on or off during sex

on

off

i do not wear glasses (u better rb this)

Remaining time: 2 days 1 hour

[wildehacked]

things in fic I'm used to people kind of faking their way through writing about:

the city of los angeles

the city of new york

sex

how drinking alcohol works

how getting high works

how a child of any age speaks

how nuclear physics work

how [my job] works

how debilitating being shot in the shoulder is

how hypothermia works

things I have never before seen someone fake their way through writing about, until today:

what french toast is

[headspace-hotel]

read through the notes on this one trust me

[kiragecko]

Here's some of the notes, starting with the things multiple people brought up:

SHRIMP COCKTAIL:

banahbanah: #flashback to that one fic where Peter Parker frets about drinking shrimp cocktail because of the alcohol

generaldeliciousness: adding: what a prawn/shrimp cocktail is

#why is your character turning it down because they're under 21 #do you think prawn cocktail is a cocktail #this lives in my brain rent-free constantly #the rest of the fic was so normal #and good enough that i'll still re-read it #but bro

And then many, MANY, people wondering if this was actually authour mistake, since Peter really would do this!

POMEGRANATES:

zhajhassa: #haha where's that post that was like someone describing someone eating a pomegranate but they ate it like an apple

thornhands: #once someone wrote persephone biting into a whole Pomegranate #had to stop and stare at a wall for a minute

sungsingsanguine: I once saw someone very confidently write about a character eating slices of pomegranate.

FRUIT TREES:

zagreuses-toast: #given a very endearing glimpse into a writers blindspots by seeing them describe someone sitting under a ''pineapple tree''

salatrash: I remember something about picking watermelons... OF A FUCKING TREE

baander: #cranberry trees

DOUGH/BATTER:

maycelium: #I'm a chef so I'm really used to people not accurately describing how to cook food #But I was surprisingly flabbergasted when someone was writing making a cake and was kneading it. Which uh #Not necessary for cake. It was interesting for sure but just bizarre

livebloggingmydescentintomadness: #the one that drove me nuts was when a character set aside a batch of PASTA DOUGH 'to rise' #pasta doesn't have yeast!! #it does need to REST but it will never RISE #you do not want an airy crumb on your noodles

lovesodeepandwideandwell: #THE ONE WHERE THEY MADE COOKIES BY LADLING BATTER INTO A TRAY

Some other topics:

ANIMALS:

catenarwhal: #mandatory 'how cows produce milk' mention#i'll never recover from that one I fear

piromantic: #one time i saw someone fake their way through describing how spiders behave

pluto-lichen: horses

misskittypotter: #stardew valley faking its way through what fresh fish smell like

pa-pa-plasma: #saw someone faking their way through knowing what a seal is once #i still am fucked up over that one to this day. they just straight up did not know #& they were NOT good at guessing it either like it was clear they had never googled that animal ever #& was only just now realizing via answering questions from anons that seals are not!! what they assumed. initially

SEX:

dykevandyke: #what a prostate is #and where it is located #as in. external.

dreamyeyedrose: #I remember back in the ff.net days reading an Ichigo/Renji fic where the writer assumed the penises go inside each other #and I was like “I mean I don't know how it works for sure I don't have one but idk if that's how it works”

SOME OTHER FOOD STUFF:

thetrekkiehasthephonebox: #add another one to the list bloggers#this character is cooking a salad

shosta: #still baffled about the published work that didn't know food could freeze

sun-dari: #once i read a fic where the author didn't understand cinnamon

alto-tenure: #read something recently where the author was just. blatantly wrong about spices

dramatic-dolphin: #i saw someone try to fake their way through what ramen is once. like 14 years ago.#but i remember.#i was very confused about ramen for a few months. they were writing it so authoritatively.

the-celery-stalks-at-midnight: #i will never ever forget someone putting leftover fries in the microwave to reheat them and setting the timer for five minutes

typeghost: #this sparked a memory of a hannibal fic where the author had to fake their way through writing about gravy

draculin: #the one fanfic where the author knows about coffee only as a concept wrote a character as a coffee drinker#was very interesting#I don't remember the fandom or the plot but I was mesmerized by the coffee actions and choices

11235811235811: #there's a lot of faking their way thru congee in the svsss fandom i'll also note

fishali3n: #read one where the person clearly didnt know what tofu is

emmy-everafter: #in the aftermath of shadow and bone s2 i saw a lot of people pretending to know what stroopwafels are #babes they are more like cookies than breakfast waffles #like yes there is a waffle pattern but you're not gonna cut into a stack of them with syrup and sugar#🤣🤣🤣

NON-FOOD STUFF:

red-umbrella-811: Shoutout to Dame Agatha Christie for faking her way through what a wrench is in a very popular published work.

bluebeetle: #once saw someone have a character put an entire phone book in their pocket

nonametis: #- sex talk in languages other than english #<- or just the petnames in a different language other than English

sadisticpony: #the fanfiction i saw this week where op DIDNT KNOW HOW AUTOMATIC DOORS WORKED #and that they arent in peoples homes!!! of course. also opening the automatic door for someone is unironically very funny but its not #its not like. grabbing the door handle to let someone in. helpppp

danmeichael: #reminds me of the fic with the figure drawing class where the character started with the feet. #i love you feet first figure drawing author

meowmix1100blr: #me watching this one fic absolutely obliterate what the board of directors does

vexedhexes: #one time i read an architect character making a doorway bigger by building a bigger door #what a beautiful world. #OH. also gravity falls fic where they go 'oh piedmont is in california so its warm all year round'

leveragehunters: #characters going to a beer garden #And it's literally a garden outside the pub#It was a very cute mistake

fitofpique: #yes! #grown men do not get blind drunk off two beers #but i am possibly guilty of the hypothermia one #assuming it does not make you very horny?

dadvans-likes: #always thinking abt the soup kitchen fic #the entire setting of the fic was 'soup kitchen' #and i very quickly realized #the author did not know what a soup kitchen was #and they thought that soup kitchens only served soup #fic

msmargaretmurry: #i love fanfiction #once read a fic where the characters played 20 questions #but the author seemed to not know how to play 20 questions and was just kind of winging it........ #immaculate

shakespeareaddict: #Look I know not all of us are hockey experts #But it takes about ten seconds of research or any attention paid to the show to realize #That the Stanley cup playoffs are not in fucking September

baejax-the-great: #the funniest one i saw #was someone faking what church is like #like 1. they really didn't have to write an entire church experience for their fic #and 2. they had clearly never even watched a show where people went to church #it was bonkers weird

twosunson: #things ive seen authors faking #knowing how to unclog a drain #knowing. literally any history #knowing what ketamine looks like (apparently- oregano) #(you know who you are)

waterhorseyblues-ao3: #beltane being celebrated in winter #wales being portrayed as a completely separated land from england (i wish) #characters getting up after weeks of bedrest like that dosnt completely fuck you up

violetfairydust: #i once read a fic where the flight time from london to seattle was 3 hours

purekesseltrash: One time, in a fic set specifically in Des Moines, IA, two of the characters casually drove 20 minutes to the ocean. The memory continues to delight me. I want to know where that author thought that Iowa was.

[oddarette]

Yep, I made a frutiger aero soft soap alien… 💧🐠🤍🫧🧼

[nitashinori]

That post about death note being "everyone's first anime" (untrue statement) made me curious and now I want to gather data for science

Can you reblog this and tell me where are you from and what was your starter anime?

[sergle]

ok so this would be my vision for the cigarette cake x

[acatin]

Finally finished this comic! For my simon first au, ofc

Grace recovers enough to be more aware of his surroundings and... there's another human!? Its Simon's turn to be seen as biblical :)

[queer-as-city-folk]

send this to all the fags in your life

[queer-as-city-folk]

and send this to all the dykes in your life

[merrilybloody]

I know it's a bit vague exactly how the timeline of Iron Lung compares to the timeline of PHM, especially given they're in different universes and such. But I kind of love the idea of Simon actually being from the distant future in an alternate timeline compared to Grace. Like, Grace is from 2023ish, and Simon is from like 2300s or something.

Mostly because that much time means that the languages humans speak would definitely have shifted. Probably to the point that whatever Simon speaks would be completely incomprehensible to Grace. Especially given that Simon was born on a whole other planet. Sure, they have a few words that are the same. Enough that they can tell that they're both speaking languages that are probably related to each other. But nothing close enough to be able to communicate easily.

(Except for the swear words. Those definitely haven't changed, there's just more of them now and Simon is more than happy to demonstrate that :D)

So Simon shows up, completely feral, and he and Grace can't even talk to each other. Grace is stuck pantomiming and drawing pictures and putting on puppet shows with Rocky's models to try to explain things to Simon, who is definitely freaking the fuck out. He's backed into a corner, shooting Armando looks like if the robot comes near him he'll try to bite its mechanical limbs off.

And then Grace has an idea. Music! Music is soothing, and tunes can stick around for centuries and still be recognizable. Maybe this will be how they communicate! So he quickly grabs one of his many laptops and starts frantically searching through the vast media library, trying to find a song that he thinks might still be around and recognizable in 300 years.

He starts off with "Twinkle Twinkle, Little Star," because the tune has been around for centuries and is taught to ever child he's ever met. Simon goes still when the first notes echo out of the laptop speakers, his eyes going wide with recognition. Encouraged, Grace tries another song. And then another. And another. Some Simon reacts to like he recognizes them, others get a blank stare. Slowly Grace moves through music history, as Simon starts to relax.

And then, spotting one song in particular, Grace hesitates. It's definitely more modern, and it's in English, so there's a chance that this strange human that's somehow landed in their laps won't know it. But hey, it's a great song. Worth a shot, right?

The first strains of "Bohemian Rhapsody" fill the room, and Simon's jaw drops open. He listens to it for a moment, all the way to the first verse, his brow furrowing in concentration. And then, to Grace's shock, he starts to sing. Only, it's not in English. It's in whatever version of English Simon speaks.

(Holy Moly, he has a nice voice, Grace thinks absently)

Thinking quickly, Grace starts recording Simon. Simon makes it through about half of the song before he has a coughing fit, but it's enough for Grace to get started on his second language translation program. It's not hard. He mostly copies what he made for Rocky and duplicates it for Simon.

And that's how they learn to communicate. Grace finds songs that Simon knows, and Simon sings them. Sometimes Simon starts singing a song, and if Grace recognizes it, he sings along. From this, Grace can start to create their shared dictionary.

Through the power of music, two very different people from very different times and places slowly learn to understand each other and grow closer together.

How very human of them :)

[wilderbas]

fem merthur. that’s it.

[slif-art]

Went down the bloodymary rabbit hole last night bc my grandmas dog kept me up and this is the result.

I based his carapace on cinnabar bc not only is it bright red and very pretty, it’s the main source of liquid mercury aka Eridian blood, and has been associated with immortality in ancient China. It just felt so perfect hehe.

[merymeou]

Very important to me that Simon essentially comes from an alien culture from grace’s pov.

I imagine the way you express gratitude or well wishes in Eden has to do with the tree also, a more formal expression might be ‘May thy body rot and nourish the soil and join the creator in eternity,” but in casual speech it gets shortened and sounds. very unsettling. To those not in the know.

I also think Simon isn’t technically speaking English, it would sorta be like a modern person trying to talk to someone speaking in Elizabethan English-like you can kinda understand it, but you gotta really focus.

[tahioxaaa]

Dragonized Gloink Qween