Limerick Machine

Your source of infrequent nonsense verse. (I'm a real person, not generative AI)

[limerickmachine]

There once was a man with a song

Every note of it wrong

He sang it quite flat

Nobody liked that

Especially since it was long

[limerickmachine]

There was a robotic spider

With enough room for a rider

Not in a saddle

Too wide to straddle

Occupants would sit inside her

[pangur-and-grim]

okay actual question: why don’t people write rhyming poems anymore?

like I bought a couple poetry magazines, and none of this shit rhymes! I’m so sad! is it not considered intellectual anymore? I think the smartest thing a person can do in their whole life is rhyme a word with another word

[limerickmachine]

the rhyming in po et er ee

is childish, someone might see

expression is found

in dissonant sound

no matter what fun rhymes may be

[finally-figured-it-out]

There was a young man from Peru

Whose limericks stopped at line two

[limerickmachine]

but I was not him

and so on a whim

I wrote the last three lines for you

[yesterdaysprint]

The Day Book, Chicago, January 6, 1912

[retroactivebakeries]

#fuck dude he sure does

[limerickmachine]

Are you alive??

i am

[limerickmachine]

Wanting to try self expression

to try to end my depression

i don't know myself

I'm stuck on a shelf

which ends up with self repression

[limerickmachine]

I once wrote a page in a book

the page was stolen by a crook

I found it online

evidence of the crime

but all I could do was to look

[limerickmachine]

there once was an old man from Bude

who loved to paint men who were nude

he always got wrong

the length of the schlong

he made them so long it was rude

[limerickmachine]

there once a person from Home

who wished when inside of the dome

the wish was ill thought

to do what it ought

the result was a very big bone

[limerickmachine]

all of us work well together

like we are birds of a feather

we all are so kind

within the hivemind

I just hope you like wearing leather

[limerickmachine]

an alien from outer space

was sat in an orbital base

to monitor us

(they thought we were sus)

and make sure we stayed in our place

[limerickmachine]

Obsessions have come and have gone

Like Jacob had with Bella Swan

Reciprocation

Of infatuation

Is not something you can count on

[limerickmachine]

There once was a mouse in Vermont

Whose sudden apearance would daunt

He felt big and strong

But he was quite wrong

When broomsticks chased him aslant

[limerickmachine]

There once was a man from Nantucket

Who had a big hole in his bucket

He asked, "Liza, dear

How did this appear?"

She shrugged and then told him to chuck it.

Our hero would not be defeated

A bucket out of he'd been cheated

With a bit of skill

This hole he would fill

Liza just thought him conceited

He toiled all day and all night

Determined that he would be right

Liza not amused

The man was confused

"I can't fix the hole nice and tight"

So Liza chucked out the old bucket

Surprsing the man from Nantucket

He cried and he wailed

She said, "you have failed,

So go get a new one or suck it."

[limerickmachine]

There once was a man who was lost

He did not determine the cost

Of going when forced

His route did exhaust

And now he will die in the frost

[limerickmachine]

My office is close to my bed

So that I do not end up dead

I'm staying at home

But I'm not alone

Because of the voice in my head