reverie

lina ☆ 31 ♐︎ ☆ a quiet return to light

[7pleiades7]

Venus' Baths, (Detail), in English Gardens of Caserta

By: Architect Andrea Graefer (1782) and by: sculptor Tommaso Solari (1762)

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

[linablossom]

fragments

I don't think anyone would choose to dissect themselves like this, to peel back layers and slice away anything that is noteworthy or recognizable or demands attention. but I can't deny that there is also a sense of calm that comes from it. to exist only when needed, to show up how others expect, then disappear after. to traverse in liminal spaces, skirting along the edges of activity. to have no one know your name or who you are.

I've already made myself this small, reduced myself to fragments. I've found ways to slip through the days unnoticed and undetected. and it feels so safe to exist like this. if people don't really see you, they can't recognize anything underneath the surface. there are no demands or expectations to meet when you can't be remembered.

the problem with 'healing' is that you can't stay small and I'm starting to feel it now, how each layer builds upon the last, making my presence take up space. where people start to double-take and take notice or comment about how 'this isn't her.' and that attention feels too much, my presence too big, that I feel an overwhelming need to grind it down, make myself small again, where I can slip through the cracks and vanish without a trace.

I shouldn't dream of vanishing. but I also shouldn't dream of exploding my existence across the room, demanding, begging, to be seen, while also wishing that everyone around me is blind to it.

[unreadable]

[9atherin9]

palacio de cristal in el retiro park (madrid, spain), built in 1887 by architect ricardo velazquez bosco

[linablossom]

dispersion

sometimes I hope the kindness I put out in the world does not find its way back to me.

like seeds lost in the wind, carried somewhere far away from here, where it has a chance to grow and live a life more beautiful than anything I could offer it.

[titsay]

[gentle-sadist2]

You're always waiting for the moment people change their mind about you. Waiting for the slower replies. Waiting for the distance. Waiting for the silence that feels different from all the others. You've spent so long expecting people to leave that your mind starts packing their bags before they even touch the door. That's why you're exhausted. Not because you're weak. Because you're constantly standing guard against things that haven't happened yet. Always watching. Always preparing. Always bracing for impact. Look at me. I'd rather have your attention than your anxiety. I'd rather have you looking in my direction than searching every dark corner for danger. You've been keeping watch long enough. Let me do it for a while. Let me be the one looking for trouble. You can rest.

[1980vibes]

one of the best feelings is knowing that you’re wanted. knowing that someone wants to talk to you, wants to know how you’re doing, wants to see you.

[gentle-sadist2]

The saddest thing about you isn’t how much you care. It’s how convinced you are that you have to earn being cared for. Somewhere along the way you decided you had to be useful to be loved. Helpful to be wanted. Easy to be kept. Strong to deserve a place in someone's life. So you keep giving. Keep understanding. Keep showing up for people who barely notice how much of yourself you're handing over. And when you're hurting? You hide it. You tell yourself you'll deal with it alone. You tell yourself nobody wants to hear it. You tell yourself you'll be fine. Look at me. I don't want the version of you that has everything under control. I don't care about the version that's performing strength for everyone else. I want the exhausted version. The tired version. The one that finally admits she's carrying more than she was ever supposed to carry alone. The one that quietly wishes someone would notice before she has to ask. And when that version shows up, I'm not going to treat you like a burden. I'm not going to make you feel guilty for needing comfort. I'm not going to disappear because you're having a bad day. I'm going to sit beside you and start taking the weight off piece by piece. The worries that matter stay. The ones that don't get thrown out. Simple. You spend so much time acting like you have to earn care from people who barely give it. But being cared for was never supposed to be a reward. It was something you deserved long before you started accepting crumbs from the wrong people.

[surfacegravity]

[ss-writess]

“I want to be the reason you feel safe being soft again.”

[nonefrancesca]

I don’t want to fix you—

just sit beside you

until your guard gets tired of standing.

until your hands forget

they were ever braced for impact.

and one day, without noticing,

you’re soft again—

not because of me,

but because you finally could be.

[winged-thinged]

You have to let people love you. You have to let people get to know you. You have to let people help you. Being so completely selfless that you try to erase yourself off the face of the planet and never ask for anything and reject everybody's offers of support makes you very hard to love! Unfortunately. Emptying yourself out of everything that makes you, you is not actually what your loved ones want from you, generally. They want to make you happy! They will be so so sad if you don't give them the chance. It's not all selfish. I promise.

[titsay]

[shark-making-soup]

hey. hey.

wanting attention is not a bad thing. wanting people to care about you is not selfish. it’s okay to want people to listen to you. you don’t need to do anything to deserve love. love is not a finite resource; we hold enough of it in our hearts to love each other every single day of the year. you deserve to be loved every single day of the year. don’t forget that.

[thoughtsdenubolous]

Thanks for being nice to me I’ll remember you forever

[himekokosu]

Viola

[pmamtraveller]

weeping willow