Have you ever read your old writings and thought, who is that? I don’t know her. Life experiences strip you from the inside out and create change. The older I get, the more I realize this. The more I re-read my old self, the more I want her back. Instead of wishing for her, it is really just a time to try and write more often on many platforms. I have been doing 3 pages of stream of consciousness each time I sit to write in my own college-ruled notebook. I learn from my own writings. It shows me my worth, my creativity, my heart, and my soul. When I write, I know nothing else other than to write from the heart.
I am feeling inspired. Girl- take that and run. My inspiration has been a dry well. I have witnessed the affects of negativity in a workplace. I have experienced how it eats away at you hour by hour every shift. I refuse to let this happen any longer. I have taken far too long to rebuild my website due to my current workplace. It has made my soul home underneath a rock. I gotta say though, I have been damn courageous at my job. Never thought I would work with a man that eerily mirrored my ex-husband. “Why the hell do you wear so much black? Try some color.” “So Lindy, why is your hair actually straight today?” Good gracious God, I never thought I’d hear statements like that again. (Just wait for the “juice glasses” post I plan to write.) I stood against him boldly. The only good part of this job experience is I am sitting here jamming loud music. A song by $uicideBoy$ just came on and immediately reminded me of a client. I can hear a song by Lizzo, a song by Garth Brooks-- a wide range of music, and think of so many people that came in and desperately needed sobriety. Deep down in my soul, I wish sobriety on every human. Sobriety is a beautiful life. I am lucky that I don’t suffer from addiction, but watching those that do, isn’t a pretty experience.
Here’s to writing. I am thankful for the joy in writing. I like myself when I write.
#2. The Dish Your Mom Always Cooked That You Wished She Wouldn’t...
“The dish your mom always cooked that you wished she wouldn’t. What did it look like, smell like, taste like?”
Sloppy Joes. Hands down. I was the only one who loathed the announcement of sloppy joes for dinner. “Mom, what’s for dinner?” “Sloppy Joes,” she said. “NOOOOOOO!” was my response. My sister’s response? “YES!!!” My sister and I are complete opposites and didn’t realize that until our late twenties. First of all, where does the name “sloppy joes” come from? I was (still can be) a very picky eater. I don’t even remember what kind of meat made sloppy joes. Ground beef? Slopped with mustard and ketchup? Like, are you serious? I hate ketchup the most. Never liked it, never will. It smelled sweet and oniony. As soon as I saw those ingredients sitting on the counter in preparation, I started making a peanut butter and jelly.
642 Things to Write About Me by The San Francisco Writers’ Grotto. I know I will not be consistent in writing, but I am going to try and write from all of their prompts to keep feeling creative. I love writing. Here goes #1.
Write a letter to the teacher (or coach) who made a difference in your life, asking him or her for help. What are you asking for? Why?
Well, for starters- As I read “(or coach)” I immediately thought back to middle school- hell on earth. The coaches left a terrible imprint in my life. Middle school in general left a horrendous imprint on my life in Abilene, TX. I could still list the names of coaches and “popular” girls of Lincoln Middle School. A forever scarring memory. Gag me. So we won’t go with a coach who chose Hatsie or Jennifer or Amy as favorites while looking down on and treating the “C” team DANCER Lindy like a waste of space... Moving along. :)
I would say a teacher who made a difference in my life was perhaps Dr. Barton. School really isn’t that great of a memory for me. I hated middle school and high school. College mostly fell into the same pattern due to my start at ACU and then my ping pong experience at UNT. However, Dr. Barton was such an excellent teacher. He knew how to teach his subjects of policy and research so well, that it makes you feel like the impossible is possible. That is a rare feeling to find.
I applied to the social work program back in 2013 and was denied. I was super sad, and now looking back on it... it was incredibly meant to be. I was accepted the second time (perseverance!) in 2014, but then my emergency brain surgery happened. I did not join, once again. To my surprise, I survived my brain trauma one year later and decided to attempt as a third times charm. I drove to Denton summer of 2015 once I finally recovered, and asked Dr. Barton if it was still possible for me to join the program. His desk was so clean. It looked like he just moved into his office. Except. Except for the one piece of paper on his desk. He said, “my, it’s funny you ask, because I have this accepted list on my desk from fall 2013 and your name is right here,” as he slid the paper toward me. He laughed, and said “I have no idea why this is out, but I mean come on! You had brain surgery. You couldn’t help that. Of course you can join!”
Honestly, I walked in thinking there was no way it would happen. And then it did. I was given the okay by Dr. Barton, and my entire life changed for the better. I reached my goal, and graduated from UNT 2017. I met some of the most wonderful people. Not only that, I took my experience learning social work so different than I would have the first time I was going to attempt. Life’s timing is nuts. AND, I thought I was going to fail Dr. Barton’s Research class, but I made it out with a B. He makes all things possible.
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