🥀 💀 🥀

died off a hot cheeto//🌈 // 36 //

[lipsredxasarose]

lipstick queen💄 💋

[peeingwithmypenis-deactivated20]

I've had enough btw

[toddsolondz]

i’m like a clown that no one hired or pays

[spadigga]

[butch-womb]

It's actually imperative that you are open and proud of your attraction to fat people and bodies

[stupiddykehag]

How it feels complaining at you guys

[sparklebog]

Women and girls will never be free if we cling to the infantilization of women and sexualizing of children. Take my hand

[sparklebog]

Hagging out is the only way

[deusben]

babe wake up...i need to tell you multiple thoughts that don't corelate at all that i had in the span of five minutes..

[lipsredxasarose]

[lipsredxasarose]

I have a thing about germs 😑

I wasn't always like this. I believe it is actually anxiety.

It was much worse in the past and as my life has stabilized, it has gone down. But still, I seem to care more about it than most people I know.

I have a lot of rules surrounding germs. I don't let anyone touch my food or drink. I will pour some of my chips or crackers onto a paper towel for them.

I don't eat unless I wash my hands first. In public, I don't touch things like door handles or rails. If I have no other option, I'll cover my fingers or hands with my shirt, or I'll need to wash my hands or sanitize them after I touch a thing, before I touch anything else. I sanitize my hands immediately after leaving the grocery store and wash them as soon as I get home.

My biggest most important one is that when I return home from work, I HAVE to shower before I ever touch my bed. Crawling into bed without showering is my nightmare from hell lol.

I could go on about the rules but you get it. It just blows my mind when I see people doing these things without a thought and I wonder why I'm different and why I care. Why am I so afraid to get sick? Is it my past medical trauma? Is it just anxiety in general and this is how I deal with it?

My last therapist didn't give a fuck about this, like she didn't seem concerned at all but I feel like it probably should be explored in therapy 🧐 I'm spending a lot of time and energy on this, yanno?

[lipsredxasarose]

Please romaine calm. I brought a salad today.

[vrtualdreamgirl]

we can’t talk here contact me in my dream tonight

[atramentumnoctis]

[lipsredxasarose]

CONGRATULATIONS ON GETTING INTO UNIVERSITY!!! 🎉🎉🎉

Thank youuu

[lipsredxasarose]

Me: *opens camera*

Camera: YOUR FACE

Me: JESUS. please never show me that again

[lipsredxasarose]

The other day, I received a little packet in the mail from the university. It was a little welcome thing and it had 4 or 5 stickers on it that said like "I love social work" with the school logo and "*school* of social work" etc and I got a little teary eyed lol.

Like I still can't believe I'm a student of a real university. Like I'm really... it's real.

As a kid, especially in the 90s, it was just a thing that you were gonna grow up and go to college.

And that's just not how my life played out. I wanted to go, but other stuff happened. And I really sort of gave up. I just thought it wasn't gonna happen for me. I thought I couldn't do it. I always see bumper stickers and stuff around town that are like "*school* ALUMNI" and now *I* have the stickers? Unreal

What's really wild to me is I can zoom out and see how all these little pieces fit together perfectly to build the path that led me here.

How my struggles and issues at my job pushed me to want better for myself.

How I got into therapy and then diagnosed and then medicated, allowing me to manage my illness.

In therapy I tackled my driving anxiety and my social anxiety which later led to me being able to drive to and show up for class.

I quit getting high so I could think clearly and do my work.

I earned straight A's which led to me getting into an honor society which likely helped my odds of getting accepted into this program.

I thought I couldn't afford it but I got through community college because I found out my job has tuition assistance and my mom stepped up to help too, plus I got grants, federal aid and even scholarships due to my high grades.

I thought I would need student loans for university but I discovered a grant that pays my entire tuition. Like it just...all came together to put me right here.

It's unbelievable honestly. And I want to make sure that I don't view this as "oh a bunch of random things happened and I got lucky". Absolutely not. I made them happen. I worked hard and made the right choices to get me here. I did this. I should be proud of that.

[lipsredxasarose]

TODAY I MEET MY THERAPIST. I HOPE WE WORK WELL TOGETHER. I HOPE SHE CAN HELP ME WITH STUFF.