🥀 💀 🥀

died off a hot cheeto//🌈 // 36 //

[lipsredxasarose]

missed me missed me now you gotta kiss me

[sjowgren-deactivated20240728]

this isn’t fun anymore i need a kiss

[lipsredxasarose]

the first people trying to sext with you are the ones that put "not interested, don't even try" in their bio

[lipsredxasarose]

I think I'm gonna go to the store and buy stuff for tacos. I need.... something 😭

[lipsredxasarose]

I think I'm gonna go to the store and buy stuff for tacos. I need.... something 😭

[lipsredxasarose]

whenever I start getting sassy just send me home cuz it's gonna get worse. that's the first sign

[lipsredxasarose]

please let me go home, I need to cry in the shower

[lipsredxasarose]

never forget the time I took a screen shot of my managers text so I could send it to a coworker to talk shit.... and accidentally sent it to my manager.

[lipsredxasarose]

Bringing egg salad to work is so embarrassing. Like yeah sorry that's my food that smells like straight farts. I'll kill myself sorry

[lipsredxasarose]

So I joined that therapist Facebook group and I have noticed a lot of people making posts that scare the shit out of me.

What scares me the most is people talking about having to work 2 jobs, getting paid $15/hr, and not having stability in finding jobs.

I have known that BSW jobs do not pay very well. It's just part of the reality that our country absolutely hates anything that helps disadvantaged people, and these types of jobs are often funded by grants, of which there are very little. Thus, low pay.

However, I was under the impression that once I got my MSW, and became a licensed therapist, that I would find a steady salaried job in a clinic and be comfortable. Never thought I'd be rich but I thought I'd be comfortable. Does a masters degree not mean anything? That's insane.

I also didn't think about the fact that it will take me 2 to 3 years post grad to earn enough hours to become licensed. That means I can expect to become a licensed therapist in 5-7 years, depending. I'll be 41-43 years old before I reach my goal. And even then, is it steady work? Does it allow me financial security?

I am so scared and confused. I am trying not to feel like the walls are crashing down. I am afraid to spend so much time and energy only to discover that the path I chose won't bring me what I want.

I am never ever one to let fear or hard work stop me. I am a very determined person. I am still moving in this direction despite the fear and uncertainty. But I need to be careful. I need all the information I can get. I'm fucking interviewing every mother fucker I come across. I'm going to learn from others. I'm not going in blindly.

[rosesgray]

CHER (1991)

[lipsredxasarose]

I process things slowly and deeply, and this seems to have me being misunderstood at times.

It can seem like I didn't hear you or understand you or I didn't get the gravity of the situation. Because my reaction may be small or not visible in that moment.

But what happens is my brain actually soaked it in, and over the next few days it will start to process and then I will feel it or it will click. But I need time.

I heard you, my brain heard you, but it will take awhile before I can really feel it. It's hard to explain, it's strange. I think I need quiet. I need to process.

My last therapist really recognized this. She told me "your brain is like a sponge. you really listen and learn and soak up the information."

I think this might be why the world feels overwhelming. Because I take everything in, I remember everything said to me. People often feel shocked that I remember things about them or remember what they said. I just don't seem to forget, so I carry a lot.

[fatartappreciation]

Wonderful art by Jette Asmussen!

[lipsredxasarose]

[feminamorte]

Fruits of Passion | Shûji Terayama, 1981

[lipsredxasarose]

[xbunnyclawsx]