🥀 💀 🥀

died off a hot cheeto//🌈 // 36 //

[lipsredxasarose]

lipstick queen💄 💋

[lipsredxasarose]

[lipsredxasarose]

I have a doctors appointment today that I'm anxious about.

I guess you're supposed to start mammograms when you're 40 but because cancer runs in my family and I've had pre-cancerous moles removed, my doctor wants to start early.

I wanted to cancel so bad but then I was like no. I've heard so many women who had breast cancer be like ALWAYS GET YOUR CHECKS AND CATCH IT EARLY. I know someone personally who just got diagnosed with it and within 2 weeks she was bald from chemo. That's fucking terrifying so yes I'm going.

I'm anxious absolutely about being uncomfortable and getting vulnerable but I just remind myself that these are healthcare professionals who have seen it all and they don't care what I look like, they're just doing their job. Just get it over with. It sucks but it doesn't suck as much as cancer.

[lipsredxasarose]

I was trying to go to sleep last night but I was having trouble. I was thinking about a way to describe what it was feeling like inside my head.

And it's Iike a big empty, all white room. And the entire room is vibrating, like when a car has too much bass. And there's a bouncy ball that was thrown against the floor hard, so that now it's bouncing back and forth, up and down, off every wall, floor and ceiling, and it never stops. And there's a radio playing one small 20 second clip of the same song over and over and over. And there's a voice that is saying random sentences on a loud speaker (those are my thoughts). And there's a movie on a projector screen being played that is showing random clips of my day, memories, and things I imagine. And everything's happening all at once and the absolute only way to calm it is to start counting my breaths, and try to focus on my chest moving up and down with each breath. Even then, the thoughts will still happen but it's much quieter than if I'm just laying there.

It's not like that always. Mostly it's the constant unending stream of thoughts coming from the voice, and the songs playing, and the images that come along with the thoughts. The vibrating and the bouncy ball are added when I'm anxious. And sometimes it all feels like way too much and that's when I start to feel like my breath gets short or that I'm feeling a little panicky because it's too loud and it won't stop. That's when again I have to focus on my breath. I do it all the time, middle of work, at the doctors office, anywhere.

[lipsredxasarose]

my life is a clown shoe

[omneco]

[machineteethepoch]

[forsapphics]

New York City, 1970s

[valtsv]

*walks into an antique store* i’d like to see your most evil items, please

[glumshoe]

oh hey sorry I’ve been distant lately…. I’ve been really busy having a brain that is bad

[lipsredxasarose]

babe turn off the lights, we're gonna watch a true crime documentary

[prettyfunnyy]

[persianmom-deactivated20260602]

I love lay in bed and disassociate time

[lipsredxasarose]

Idk dude I fell so in love with this dog that I watch videos of that it makes me wonder if I really should get a dog one day in the future lol. I don't really want a dog but if it was her, I would. I light up so bad when I see her. SYD-A-KNEE 😭😭

[heavensickness]

baby girl i can get melancholic and sentimental over things you can't even imagine

[forestraine]

🐿️🦆🪺🦔🐇

[girlwhodoeskratom]

im scared for whats to come but im still chilling cutely