This came together pretty seamlessly, and has already made both @forlornraven and I leak because we had wayyyy too many feelings about this, as we do about all things Pendeus. It was a joy to write and I hope it is a joy to read. If you’re anything like us, have a tissue or two handy, just in case.
It was strange, waking up without him there. Thaddeus reached out, still half asleep, searching for the body of the boy he loved. He found only empty air.
“What are you doing?” asked a voice that was decidedly not Pennant. Thaddeus looked up into the ever-grim face of his best friend. Strange, to consider him that now, but Thaddeus and Bram had been through much together, had come to rely on each other more than either could have ever imagined.
“Looking for Pen. Forgot where I was.” Thaddeus had made a makeshift bed for himself in Bram’s study, while Pennant took their room. It was bad luck, Pen had insisted, to see one another before it was time.
“Sleeping alone was your own idea.”
Thaddeus smirked at Bram. “Darling, sleeping alone is never my idea.” Bram scoffed and looked at the time.
“You better get up. You would not want to be late to your own wedding.” Thaddeus disappeared, only to materialise right in Bram’s face. Bram gave a long-suffering sigh and Thaddeus laughed. Another day, Bram might have given him one of his withering stares or a sharp retort. Not today. Bram would let Thaddeus have his way. That’s what the best man was for, after all.
“Calm down, Pen,” Fax muttered, fussing with the flower crown on Pennant’s head, which was difficult since his brother kept flickering in and out of corporeality.
“I would like to see you stay calm on your wedding day.” Pennant grinned in the mirror as Fax flushed a deep red. He had been dropping hints to Fax about marrying Bram since his own engagement. Of course the two of them were so clumsy, so stubborn, that Pennant feared it would be quite some time before the two of them would tie the knot.
“Then… think about Thaddeus. Let that ground you.”
“I am thinking about Teddy, that is precisely the problem! I’m in pieces thinking about him. I just want to see him already!”
“Sleeping apart was your idea.” Fax delicately adjusted a forget-me-not.
“I know,” Pennant pouted. “It’s what you’re supposed to do. I wanted to do it right. I want this day to be perfect.”
“It isn’t the traditions that make a wedding perfect, it’s the people,” Fax replied absently. “Why, Halifax! I’ll make a romantic of you, yet!” Pennant giggled at the look on Fax’s face. Fax frowned and tugged lightly on a lock of Pennant’s blue hair.
“Sit still. I’m almost done.”
“Thaddeus… about the speech.” Bram was adjusting Thaddeus’ suit and being very careful about not meeting his eye.
“You are not getting out of it, Bram my sweet.” Thaddeus couldn’t help but grin at his friend’s scowl. Truly, he wasn’t all that bothered by speeches or seating or any of that. He wanted only to marry Pennant, and Pennant wanted a true and proper wedding. And if such a wedding meant he got to watch Bram Valdis squirm at making a speech then all the better.
“And people think that I am the callous one.”
“No one thinks that, Bram, certainly not I. If you can’t make a speech at someone else’s wedding, however will you get through vows at your own?”
“I haven’t a clue what you’re talking about.” Thaddeus could be mistaken, but he was sure that there was a flash of crimson on the tops of Bram’s ears. “I’m not getting married. There… you are ready.”
“You aren’t getting married yet. Don’t worry darling. I’ll be sure to have Pen toss the bouquet your way,” Thaddeus winked.
“I need a drink,” Bram sighed.
The ceremony space was simple and very, very Pennant. Blue and white flowers decorated the chairs, wooden poles held aloft strings of lanterns and flowers. Smaller ropes of lanterns had been strung up in the trees, ready to be lit when the sun went down.
Thaddeus was resisting the urge to fidget as he stood in front of the archway. He cast an envious look at the officiant, who seemed inordinately serene. Why was it that everyone was so calm when every one of his nerves jumped and skittered beneath his skin? Zay caught his eye from where she sat and nodded encouragingly, which helped some.
It wasn’t that he was nervous, he had every faith in Pennant. He knew that any moment he would see his love walking towards him, towards his outstretched hand. No, it was excitement. Eagerness. He wanted to be married now. He wanted to slip that band onto Pennant’s finger the way he had dreamed of for the longest time. A hush fell over the clearing and Thaddeus knew that if he turned around, Pennant would be there. And sure enough he was.
And the sight was glorious.
Teddy looked glorious. His hair fell in soft waves just below his chin and he wore a flawlessly tailored suit with silver detailing. It fit his lean body perfectly and Pennant turned molten to the core. In his lapel was a small, blue forget-me-not. In his eyes there were tears and the sight of it cracked him open and then Pennant was crying, too, crying and laughing and feeling all too much at once. He held tighter to Fax’s arm as his brother escorted him down the aisle. Each step so slow, so achingly slow. It took all his self-control not to run to him. It felt like an eternity before he could slip his hand into the one Teddy held out for him.
“You look wonderful, my love,” Teddy planted a soft kiss on Pennant’s knuckles and the tears began anew. In truth, Pennant didn’t hear a word the officiant said. There was only Teddy, Teddy, Teddy and the roaring of his own emotions.
And then Teddy opened his mouth to speak.
Thaddeus opened his mouth, but for once struggled to find his words. He was struck dumb at the sight of Pennant. He wore a crown of blue and white flowers and a soft blue suit with dainty silver buttons. He looked ethereal, beautiful, he was perfectly Pennant. Thaddeus huffed a laugh at his own speechlessness and he felt suddenly afraid, suddenly fragile.
Until Pennant squeezed his hand and in an instant all that dissipated.
“I was nothing before I met you, Pennant. I was a husk, a shell. A shadow of a person. It was a ghost that walked into Galloway’s. Until you squeezed my hand, as you did just now, and gave me courage, as you have always done. That was the moment I fell for you, Pen,” Thaddeus paused, swallowed, tried to blink back the tears. “From that first instant you breathed life into me. That is what you are, Pen. Wild and joyful and splendid life. You pulled me along with you and into your world and there is nowhere that I will not follow you, Pennant. You are my life, my soul, the very breath in my lungs, the steady beating of my heart. I wish to wake every morning to the sunrise of your smile, and fall asleep in the heaven of your embrace and I will savour, I will worship every single second in between. I cannot wait Pen, I have been waiting so long. Ever since I was that ghost of a boy, every step has led me to this moment. To you. To the moment I can call you my husband.”
Pennant paused, simply gazing up at Thaddeus for a moment before he pressed a series of rapid kisses to Thaddeus’ palms, wiped the tears from his eyes, drew a shaky breath and finally spoke.
“Teddy, you once wrote me in a letter that you were always breaking. But that’s not true. That’s your magic, Teddy. You’re unshakable. Unbreakable. The world has tried so hard to hurt you. It has caused you so much pain,” Pennant felt his voice break, stumbling over the guilt at the harm he had caused this boy. “And I know I - I have too. And yet you love me anyway. You love the world anyway. You are a miracle, Thaddeus Castor. I don’t know what lies ahead, but I promise that whatever it is, I will face it with you. Your hand in mine. Forever in awe of you. I love you Teddy. From my first breath until… until forever. I am yours eternal.” The officiant had scarcely declared them married before Pennant threw himself into Teddy’s arms and fell into what was undoubtedly the most magical kiss of his life.
Something about the ceremony made Thaddeus generous, because just as Bram was clearing his throat to give a speech, Thaddeus put a hand on his shoulder and told him he didn’t have to. The look of absolute relief was almost as amusing as Bram’s panic. Almost.
As the evening wore on, the lights in the trees were lit and and Thaddeus called for everyone’s attention. He fidgeted with his fingers, uncharacteristically nervous. Pennant saw this and furrowed his brow, unsure what could trouble his lover so.
“You wouldn’t know it, but there is someone missing here today. My mother. My mother didn’t get a chance to know you, Pennant, but I know she would have loved you, just as I do. Just as anyone would who meets you. You remind me of her sometimes. You have that same joyous spirit. She was a singer, and she taught me how to sing. Music has been a source of pain for me, because everytime I sing I feel her. I feel her loss. But today is not a day for loss, it is a day for joy, and while she cannot be here in body, she will be here in spirit. In this song that I wrote for you, my love. My gift to you on what is the single most wonderful day of my life. Words are not enough to express my love, maybe music isn’t either, but I have to try. This, this is for you, sweet Pen.” Thaddeus sat down at the musician’s pianoforte. His fingers trembled as they hovered above the keys. He had never sung in public before, only in secret shared moments with Pennant. But he owed this to Pennant, to his mother’s memory. And so he began to play and he began to sing. His voice was deep and rich, roiling with emotion. The music moved in waves, tender and then intense, building up and up as Thaddeus led the song to its crescendo. But then his voice began to break with sobs and his trembling hands faltered and his song lay there in the air, unfinished.
In an instant Pennant was there, taking Thaddeus’ hands and pulling him to his feet.
“Dance with me,” he whispered, and it was as if he cast a spell with those words.The world fell away, his sorrow vanished. Everything was Pennant and Pennant was everything. Thaddeus let Pennant lead him into the clearing to their makeshift dance floor and some unseen musician started up the music for their first dance. Pennant pulled Thaddeus close and the two of them began to sway.
“Apologies, my love. I ruined your wedding gift.”
“Oh shush, Teddy. I thought I was meant to be the silly one. It was beautiful, you didn’t ruin it. Nothing can be ruined today.”
“I just got caught up in wishing my family were here, but you are right. That was silly. My family is here. My family is you.” Pennant kissed him then, soft and sweet and tasting of the tears running down both of their faces. They gazed at each other as they started to move in slow, spinning circles. They pressed their foreheads together, laughing and crying and overflowing with love. Pennant ran his fingers through Thaddeus’ soft brown hair.
“I am sorry it is taking so long to grow back out, I know you prefer it long.”
“It’s still beautiful, Teddy,” Pennant smiled softly, twirling a lock in his fingers. “You are always beautiful.” Thaddeus nuzzled his nose into Pennant’s neck and his husband giggled. Skies above, his husband. There had never been a more wondrous, enchanting word than ‘husband’, he was sure of it. He whispered it to Pennant over and over and Pennant whispered back, giddy and breathless.
They were so lost in one another that they didn’t notice Zay, over by the drinks table pretending that she wasn’t crying. They didn’t see that Urban was smiling softly because by now he knew that it had always been them, and that maybe, for someone, it has always been him. He leaned against a tree and enjoyed their moment because one day he would have his, and he knew they would be just has happy for him as he was for them.
Pennant and Thaddeus certainly didn’t see Bram cross the clearing to Fax and hold out a trembling hand, didn’t hear him ask in a broken voice if Fax would honour him with this dance. Didn’t see Fax slip his own shaking hand into Bram’s and fall into his arms like he belonged there, because he did belong there. If they had seen, only Thaddeus would know that the confidence with which Bram danced came from the weeks the two of them had spent practicing in secret, Thaddeus acting the part of the bemused teacher. There was little he would deny his unlikely best friend, even if his toes still smarted.
Thaddeus and Pennant could only look at each other, as if afraid to look away, even for a moment. They were afraid to even blink because this felt like a dream. This felt like magic. Because they made it. They’re here, they’re whole. They made it. Thaddeus and Pennant smiled at each other and felt at once like two lost young boys reaching for the other’s outstretched hand. Thaddeus cupped Pennant’s cheek in his hand and smiled, tears rolling gently down his golden cheeks and whispered to his oldest friend, his only lover, his new husband.