A primary relationship is like having a whole tv show set in the local neighbourhood. It’s the local school and the local shops and the doctors and your family and your workplace and your grocer. It’s like having all these things in a major city. Convenient, consistent and familiar.
A secondary relationship is like for that one episode in season 5 they go to England to shoot a scene. Could be light touch, a comet, a friend with benefits. But none of those have anything to do with the hometown major city. It could be serious, but still separated. It could be a regular occurring scene, like the two people cross paths often in each others cities, but never their families or work or anything else.
Then there’s those who are so enmeshed in their polycule they stay in each others homes, they’re known by the families, they know the grocer and the workplace but maybe not the doctor.
It didn’t matter which kind of relationship it is, every part is hard.
It’s hard to be a comet who is so distanced from the primary couple that even seeing the comet partner is a rare occurrence. They are of little impact to the bigger picture decision making of the primary couple.
It’s hard to be a secondary that is removed, that will not be considered when decisions are made. To be so important yet so insignificant in someone’s life that you factor, but not enough. Like a 10% share in the partners decision making which makes you about 2.5% in the decision making of the couple. You are important enough to make plans with but not around.
Does this feeling change when you are enmeshed? Or is it still the same feeling of being othered in comparison to the primary relationship/ family, major city, big investment permanent set.
Polyamory is not for the feint hearted.
