it's me, hi

[litanyagainstfears]

‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧

⋆⭒˚.⋆ Cece, mid-20s, she/her ⋆⭒˚.⋆

⋆⭒˚.⋆ this is my personal blog! if we aren't mutuals or friends already/on another blog, please do not follow me here ⋆⭒˚.⋆

⋆⭒˚.⋆ in case i forget to make something nonrebloggable, please do not reblog original posts from this blog ⋆⭒˚.⋆

‧⋆ ✧˚₊‧⋆. ✧˚₊‧⋆‧

[litanyagainstfears]

i went and picked up my laptop so i could try to work for an hour or two at least and not get TOO far behind but this morning i vomited so much that my eyeballs hurt and tbh trying to read the computer screen is not helping

[litanyagainstfears]

and im hungry and all i've had since this morning is juice and dry cereal (which i have kept down) and i want to eat something else but I feel like my stomach is still iffy. but i can't focus because i'm hungry

[litanyagainstfears]

i went and picked up my laptop so i could try to work for an hour or two at least and not get TOO far behind but this morning i vomited so much that my eyeballs hurt and tbh trying to read the computer screen is not helping

[litanyagainstfears]

y’all… TW GROSS DETAILS under the cut

yesterday my period was just barely starting and my cramps were light. This morning I woke up in so much pain I could barely move. Ben brought me a breakfast because I need to eat before I can take pain meds.

So I ate and took ibuprofen and then got up to put in a tampon and change my panty liner (which was all I had on overnight because I was barely bleeding at all) and it was one of those cases where the pad has absorbed very little because there’s a massive fucking clot trapping things and once you wipe the clot away then you’ll start bleeding for real.

I got back in bed for a couple minutes to wait for meds to kick in and then just few minutes later had to deal with period shits and my tampon wasn’t even in correctly so I had to take it out and put in a smaller one because my cramps were so bad my whole body was clenching and I couldn’t relax enough to get the bigger one in AND THEN I started to feel really nauseous and I was like I need to get up and take some tums and lie down so I don’t throw up my meds. And then when I finished shitting I got up and washed my hands and before I could even get to the tums I had to turn around and puke so hard that it made me pee a little and I have red spots on my face.

Then I had to change my panty liner again and then I laid down and after about 20 minutes I took more ibuprofen and Ben gave me a plain tortilla and at that point I was like well i don’t think this is getting better so I’m not going to work so I took a CBD gummy and half a codeine pill left over from my surgery (which I’m trying to ration) and then I felt too sick to drive so I had Ben drive me to the office so I could get my laptop. And then the minute I got home before I could even take off my shoes I had to run to the bathroom to puke again.

and now I don’t know how much pain medication I’ve actually ingested. Fuck everything

[litanyagainstfears]

Adult Woman Dinner Diaries #3

Picture A: Ben brought me coffee in bed. Picture B: I made green tea at work.

Today Ben made me some more tacos like we had last night to take to work for lunch, and then for dinner kept it real simple with some rice and chicken and frozen mixed veggies that was ready when I got home. I forgot to take a picture but NGL it was not an exciting meal to look at, just butter and some seasonings, but it was delicious and I wolfed it down when I got home! He really takes good care of me.

Well this morning I called my PCP to make a doctor appointment. She’s on leave so can’t see me til next month but that’s sooner than my OBGYN can fit me in, so! Steps!

I also made an appointment for us to look at apartments on Friday. We are probably going to downsize when our lease is up in about two months. Sad because I like this apartment but we can probably save 3-400 in rent in a smaller place.

All this AND I started my period (barely). I mean I have cramps and I’m laying down with my heating pad but the bleeding has barely started yet. I have a pad on because it’s not even enough blood for a tampon. Like every other month I have super intense cramps and a heavier flow (like, medium heavy) and every other month I have medium level cramps and a lighter flow. This is another reason I don’t think my OBGYNs solution for period pain is it: taking Progestin only might thin my uterine lining, but I still have cramps and back pain even if my flow is light, and also the light flow is kind of annoying because I have to use pads instead of tampons #NOTmyPreference

although… maybe it’s time to invest in period panties. Especially if I DO get on birth control after all…

[elokitties]

let’s all be grown women together❤️

[elokitties]

let’s all get old and have wrinkles and sun damage and facial hair ❤️

[elokitties]

LET’S EAT FOOD AND GET GRAY HAIR😍

[segamascott]

[litanyagainstfears]

Adult Woman Dinner Diaries #2

once again forgot to take a picture, but Ben made us soft tacos with shredded chicken, black bean and avocado. SO GOOD! He also picked me up a banana pudding milkshake because I said I was craving one 🥹

Work is absolutely kicking my ass at the moment… and it’s a double whammy with PMS that seems kind of inescapable because the bleeding just. won’t. start. I went to my OBGYN a couple weeks ago and she prescribed me the mini pill for period pain but the pharmacy never called me to tell me to pick it up and I think my doctor may not have even put the prescription in (love her, but she was super distracted that day. My appointment was 2 hours late because she had to perform an emergency C section! Crazy stuff! Understandable why something might have been lost in translation…)

But I kind of think the mini pill isn’t going to help me for a couple reasons I actually think I might need to be on estrogen and NOT progesterone. I did a little googling and apparently as a cis woman you can’t take enough estrogen only (without progesterone) to prevent pregnancy but I’m not trying to prevent pregnancy, I’m trying to prevent luteal phase. I want to be in follicular phase forever… 🤩 I kind of think I should make an appointment with my PCP and ask what she thinks and/or for a referral to an endocrinologist.

Of course this also requires me to take additional steps like calling my PCP office and my executive function is already so low at the moment (due to work but exacerbated by PMS, I’m seriously crying at the drop of a hat. AND I have cramps even though the bleeding hasn’t started.) so it’s kind of a catch 22. I feel like I need to smack myself upside the head and say STAND UP GIRL! YOU HAVE AGENCY IN THIS SITUATION! except the agency I need to take is to wake up early enough to call my doctor before work. Wish me luck not hitting snooze tomorrow… 😴

[litanyagainstfears]

predict

your uterus spontaneously shriveled up and died

you will bleed through your pants before you make it home

Voting ended onJun 9

[lizardsfromspace]

Out of control Edwardian youths refuse to clap at production of Peter Pan, force distraught J.M Barrie to pull out rarely seen "Tinkerbell Fucking Dies" ending

[litanyagainstfears]

It’s so crazy to me that so many of you followed my secret blog that I advertised by following you from a new account and having a link to this blog in the pinned post on the new account. And then hardly anyone interacts with the posts. Every time I post on here (which is more for my own entertainment than anything else) I’m kind of imagining that I’m awkwardly bombing stand up comedy with all of you in the audience #MyVividImagination

[litanyagainstfears]

wow this targeted ad really gets me. I wonder if learning my fertile signs would help me conceive even though I don’t have fallopian tubes or penetrative sex #AnythingIsPossible

[litanyagainstfears]

when my period is late at a certain point I just assume it’s never going to come and I stop checking. of course, that’s when it gets you by surprise. now I’m trying to trick my period into coming by believing that it will never come. #ReversePsychology

[litanyagainstfears]

omg I just made the easiest yummiest Lunch for myself and I wish I had taken a picture of it so I could post it for #AdultWomanDinnerDiaries. It was instant cilantro lime rice that I made in 90 seconds in the microwave and I sliced up an avocado that was starting to go bad (#resourceful) (but it was still good) and added some extra seasonings. And I’m drinking apple juice with sparkling water.

[bestiolin]

jiyung lee

[husband]

[litanyagainstfears]

Hi Cece's new blog ✨️🫶

hello 🫶