I never expect a callout post about me to be posted on Tumblr in my 5ish years of roleplaying. While I will confess, that some things in said post are accurate, there are a few things that are simply false, or misworded to make things sound worse. (There are some triggering things: mentions of pedohpila, suicidal thoughts, and lesbophilia.)
*Yes, I used to draw that kind of nsfw of other peoples’ furry ocs. During this time I was also involved with a group of people that fed me the “fiction doesn’t affect reality, they’re lines on paper!!!111!” spheal and I believed it back then (not now), so I saw nothing wrong with it since I’m a very impressionable person (as are many people with my disabilities, not excusing just explanation). I realized later after a reality check that drawing said content, was a mistake and is not okay. So I had deleted everything to try and move on from a 4+ year old mistake I’ve since changed and moved on from. I have not participated in those activities since then (again 4 years ago!) and do not condone those actions. I AM SORRY.
*I did realize some time ago that treblogging trauma-related posts and tagging them as Musings was not okay. I had nobody to teach me these ‘hidden’ rules of RPC etiquette and was on my own. In addition, I had seen several of my mutuals reblog said posts themselves (thus how I found them) and assumed it was okay to reblog them. I should not have assumed reblogging said posts was okay. It was my mistake. And for the individual whose ask reply concerning it I posted publicly instead of continuing the conversation privately, I am sorry.
*Yes, I was upset when people I had considered friends, some for a year or long were unfollowing and/or unfriending me because I posted that I liked the Hazbin Hotel pilot. I did vent about it publicly instead of keeping those feelings to myself. Over the course of a few days I had lost at least 4 people I had considered friends, so I was very upset by this. And yes, because of this happening so quickly, I did in fact feel suicidal and want to take my life over it. It may sound ridiculous to many of you reading, but this did drive me to a dark place mentally. It was never my intention to come off as guilt-tripping in this vent post.
*I have had suicidal thoughts since I was in middle school due to a very traumatic life event that happened to me during that time. I have 0 reason to lie about my mental health on the internet. Since I posted said vent post because I needed to get my feelings out instead of penting them up inside.
*As for guilt tripping claims. I do not pick up on social cues very well, if at all. This is made a thousand times worse since online I cannot see your facial expression, nor hear the ‘tone’ used when one is typing their words. I genuinely had no idea that that was how I was coming off to some individuals. So to those people, I am very sorry.
*The ‘ic vagueblogging’ claim is false. That is a roleplay taking place between myself and my good friend, and we were plotting that Black Star would corrupt herself and it would delve into more angst, since Cat and I both enjoy angst with our ship. Black Star is an S//U oc, and it was revealed by S//U’s creator herself that gems can corrupt themselves if they’ve been through enough trauma. So I got the idea from that alone to try it with my muse, nothing else transpired me to want to rp that thread.
*I have never once stated anywhere that I ship Aquamarine with male characters. So the lesbophilia claim is also false. I only posted in my rules that I would be open to her interacting (as in, having normal rp threads) with male gem muses since some people are not fans of male gem ocs. So I think this might be where OP of my callout post is mistaken. I have only ever had her headcanon’d as homoromantic/lesbian and asexual.
*As for not responding to you, (callout post maker). I had no idea how to respond to your words since I was shocked by what you were saying, nothing more.
For months I have been trying to move on from when another tumblr user put me in their Blocklist. And I had mostly gotten better. But seeing your post today (3/27/20) made in a public tumblr post, is extremely hurtful. I just want to move past this blocklist/callout drama and write with my friends again before all this stuff started.. when.. 3ish months ago?
I just want to be left alone and for the pretty obvious stalking to stop (I mean really, going 4+ years into my internet happenings when I was a younger adult?!) It’s not only causing me physical pain, but mental and emotional pain as well. I am a complete wreck, trying to fight off anxiety as I type all of this. I am not saying this for any kind of sympathy or to change minds, I just want to be honest with everyone with the effects these posts have done.
Now this, I just want to say to everyone I have hurt in the past. I don’t want to name names or tag you guys out of respect (and I don’t know if you’d all even be okay with it or not). But if you are reading this then yes, I am addressing you with this apology (even if you might not be on tumblr anymore). The posting publicly instead of answering privately, the guilt tripping (that I highly stress I did not realize I was doing this), and the vagueblogging.. I am sorry. You do not have to acknowledge or even accept this apology, but it is what you guys deserve and I want to make it right.
To close, if anyone, friend, acquaintance, or person I never got to interact with but follow(ed) no longer feels comfortable interacting with me based on this knowledge of me and my past that is okay and I ask you put yourself first. Unfollow, soft block, hard block, please do whatever you need to do. Your comfort matters.
