I'm writing this because many people were worried by my sudden disappearance and stepping away from the online AB/DL community.
First of all, I just want to let everyone who might care know that I am doing well, better than ever c:
I found my place in a community who cares deeply for me, whom I love back. I have learned what it truly means to have transparent, communicative, respectful interactions and relationships based on mutual care. How naturally good and fulfilling it feels to have people you can depend on and trust with your life, to live together with love and good intentions, but also critique and personal responsibility, constantly changing and improving, together 😌
It isn't easy, it requires a lot of effort, physical and emotional, but there's is no greater feeling than living without fear, through love, both the way and the destination in itself.
Thanks to this, I was able to deconstruct my own toxic traits and attitudes, towards others and myself, and managed to develop the energy and motivation to get out of bed every day, to push through regular daily inconveniences, to face systemic oppression with a smile, counteracting the poison that seeks to destroy our emotions and blind us for life.
I wish to show these experiences to the whole world, in large-scale, but in a realistic, understandable and actually shareable way, though I'm not sure how to do it yet. Maybe one day you'll hear more about this, who knows 🤷♀️ but I'm still discovering who I am, myself.
Anyway, yeah, I'm doing good and quit making adult content for multiple reasons.
It was becoming something I HAD to do, not something I did because I enjoyed it. I felt like I had to post all the time and ended up overwhelming myself.
It was emotionally draining. I got hundreds of messages constantly, wasn't able to get to everyone and my heart just can't take that. I legit just want to meet and get to know everyone, but it's physically impossible for me to do it and I just ended up feeling bad for having so many unanswered messages.
I decided to stop using social media and focus in real life. I decided to just say f*** everything, I'm gonna live how it makes me happy. And I found out that what really makes me happy is being surrounded by people who truly care about me, about how I feel, about what we can create together... and I think we can only unlock all feelings of mutual care by being present in others' daily lives, with physical connection, when our bodies touch and our hormones dance judgement free. I am finding my way to live in this world, and I will keep struggling until every single one of us is happy.
This IS an utopian view, might even be interpreted as childish (suprise! xd), but I genuinely believe it is possible... theoretically, at the very least. Even if it is practically impossible, we WILL keep going forward. We are everywhere, we are together, we find ourselves in each other, and again, we have already reached the destination we are walking towards, so there's nothing stopping us.
Thank you for reading until the end. This is me pouring my heart, as always. I hope you also find the courage in your heart to be yourself and find those who will care about you for who you are, not for how you might benefit them, and to become this person yourself.
May you find inner peace. Much love and good luck 💖🌺
