My experience on little space and Age regression.
On this blog I'll talk from my big age mostly, so, if you are in little space or doing Agere right now, it could feel a bit boring to read, and I touch a bit sad topics.
I am on my late 20's while writing this.
Like some of us, (maybe a few more than just "some") my real childhood was not the best.
Abusive father, crying a bit too much, seeing my mom cry more than any kid should (the perfect amount is Zero).
And while being a kid my coping mechanism was playing, ignore everything and read books (I learnt to read at age 3), play with my pokemon figures, watch anime (Pokemon, Sailor Moon, and Dragonball were the ones I could watch at afternoon in the late 90's), watch movies, and play pretend, alone in my room.
Because the other option was to face the bad guy who make fun of me, and eat all my food while I was hungry.
Growing up, even after we left the bad guy, that bad guy still tried to find us, and scared us a lot, threatening to do hurtful things to me and my mom.
What I could do? Being six years old, I didn't want to worry my mom even more.
I kept playing, I kept reading, watching anime and spooky movies. Doing bracelets with shiny beads, colouring, playing with glitter, and cars, and boardgames. I was happy, constantly ignoring the pain that was real life.
I kept growing all these years.
But there's something that didn't change in spirit.
When I was three years old, playing alone in my room, knowing very well why I what I was doing, why I was playing loud music, or pretending to be a Pikachu myself... I became my own caregiver.
My mom loves me, she always did, and still does. But sadly I knew she couldn't take care of me every single moment. She had adult problems to solve.
I became a Schrödinger kid.
A part of me was a cry baby little kid playing in the mud and wearing lion king onesies to school.
The other was the part that needed to grow up to be sure the little silly kid was safe.
And it has been like that for the last twenty five years.
I don't fully age regress, as well as I'm not a full responsible adult. In my case is a perfect balance all the time.
"I'm a 7 years old with a debit card, deal with it, dumbass!~" I say to anyone while I buy another two plushies and a new box of crayons for myself.
I pay bills, I have a solid relationship, I work as a commission artist, I do responsible adult things... while carrying my Rainbowdash plushie bag.
My partner is happy with my way to be, sometimes we are watching a horror movie (we are big fans of horror movies, sorry), and suddenly I go "Honey, I want Carl's Jr chicken nuggets stars... Take your keys!! You driving, I pay! I need stars!!" and we go and have dinner of chicken stars, on pajamas, while I probably wear cat ears.
It works too when I'm alone "I finished working for today, I helped grandma with the grocery shopping... time to go play at the playground, eat cookies, and then take a shower before watching Bluey"
For me little space is not a marked moment, I don't feel I'm 5 to 7 years old on an afternoon, I don't act like a toddler who can't use a debit card... because at the same time I'm my caregiver, who knows "we" can spend other twenty bucks on a new set of stickers, or a whole damn cake.
Is a bit sad, a bit weird, a bit funny and a bit odd... to live my whole life as a 7 years old with a debit card, a car, and the freedom to do anything I wanted when I was a little scared sad kid.
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