Little Fox Ghost

I'm a female photographer from South Fl. All photos are mine <3 Instagram: littlefoxghost

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I wish I was a dumb pop star so the words wouldn’t matter to yoU

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“The Masterful Conscience” Close up 4

Full Image: http://www.i.imgur.com/gZ4qAxs.jpg

#ink #drawing #art #conscience #death #oblivion #revelation #ouroboros #illustration #concept #skull #memories #monster #machine

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He never posts on here but like... How the actual fuck is the love of my life so talented? Those are the tiniest lines I have ever seen IRL...

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Oh how I miss these days 

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Rebuilding a life after trauma

I know this is mostly a photography blog but I wanted to write something.. Else. I do not open up about my life to many anymore.. In fact, over time I have learned that it is actually pretty harmful to open up to others about my experiences in life and the things I hold inside because I’d rather just enjoy nowness. But tonight I helped a client who reminded me that I have the ability to help others and my sole purpose in life isn’t to just breathe... I have come such a far way and to hold it to myself just feels really empty.

I can never find a way to write anything short can I? I always feel that life is too detailed for words. Sorry. Here we gooo. .. . ...

For a long time I have been picking up the pieces of trying to figure out who I was and what has always made me happy. That has been a real challenge and anyone recovering from traumatic experiences can probably agree that it feels like you’re in the dark looking for scattered pieces of one’s own essence. Even though I am happy now, my issues didn’t just *poof* and disappear.

I chose the photo above to represent the chaos of trauma. The way experiences we try to avoid strap us in and take us on a ride that we cannot escape from until we are healed. And people who have not been on that ride don’t know the exerience enough and yell “why don’t you just get off?” Decoded as: “Why don’t you just be normal. Get over it.” But we do not own the stop button. Our brains and our bodies do with extreme effort from our souls. 

But also, what happens when you get off the ride is just as profound. The effects on the body, your appearance, the remnants of anxiety... Etc. They all hang over the soul that feels exhausted still. It is such a long journey that nobody talks about. I have started a personal project where I work on wellness and I find myself coping better with life every day. In my searches I have found that wellness has so many parts to it. So many parts I have ignored over the years. It made me realize that even though I have found myself again, I still have a long way to go and with time it’s all going to be okay. I am so happy and grateful to be at a much better point in my journey... So sometimes it’s okay to look back I guess hah.

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Prisms are wild to shoot through

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Try to focus on the better things, I guess.

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What is home?

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The first time I ever picked up a camera(s) to now & what I’m doing with my damn life

#longbutinterestingpostalert    #therewasnoshortwaytotellthisstory

      Thanks to my friend Maria making a post on when she first messed with a camera because I was instantly taken back to my very first times meddling with a camera... And then some. I realized today I have a pretty cool photography story. I remember there were times I would look at my highschool friend’s camera and say-- “Fuck that shit. That’s complicated looking as fuck.” I still loved messing with their Canon... But it never felt right in my hands and at the time I was into painting otherworldly images in blacklight colors (which I grasp a little bit better with a Nikon). I went on to college to begin my major in painting and also I did makeup artistry courses on the side in 2012. 

     Sometimes, the most pivotal moments that change your life begin unnoticed. One day I went out with a group of friends to an art event, and one of those friends brought their Nikon and asked if I could take photos for the night.. I agreed and suddenly I felt the Nikon in my hands, snapped a photo and it just felt right to me. All night I couldn’t stop taking pictures to the point where everyone may or may not have noticed... Heh. I didn’t realize it then but I consider this an important part of the way I fell in love with photography. (post continued after photos)

     looking at these images and my photography now.. I ask myself how I could have missed this passion for so long until I bought my first camera? There was a long time after that where I never thought of photography again because there just was no place for it in my life at the time. Fast forward maybe a year(?) into a time where I was really emotionally sufferring.. Looking back into my life I’ve noticed that the younger and more careless version of me liked to be a wildcard and take risks when I was emotionally dealing with myself.. Maybe that’s TMI but I was going through so many new transitional phases in my life and I wasn’t coping too well... Breakups, a car accident, family issues, adjusting to college.. Etc... I was looking to “wake up” and so I took to the internet and found Urban Exploring.. I went into my first abandoned location and said “I need a f*cking camera.” I then opened up a credit card, signed up for a photography class and the rest is history... Well more on that-- there’s still more text after quite a few photos, couldn’t help myself... It is a photography post afterall ;-D.

These are some of my revamped (in editing) photos from those times... I went on so many adventures though! For a time it was fun. But after a while I really looked into my heart and asked “what is it I want to DO with my life? What was it in my HEART that drew me to taking photos in the first place?”  I noticed I loved buildings but as far as abandoned things there was not only something missing but I also mellowed out from my traumas for a bit and put an end to urban exploring in search of what my soul was yearning for... It was so tough, I only had equipment for architecture specifically, so I felt optionless. I realized at one point or another that maybe I should give real estate photography a try and I did and I loved it! Exploring a home to see how I can make it beautiful gave me the same thrill adventure photography did, and even though I’m also working as a makeup artist now too, I still do real estate jobs all of the time! I’m editing new photos for a client and this is actually my break.. (still continued...)

After following the commercial route for some time, I decided that I still felt really empty.. There was a part of me that would watch movies and television shows with my heart screaming at me to find what I loved about the cinematography. Meanwhile I was diagnosed and struggling with chronic nightmares and night terrors (from trauma) that spiraled off into changing the way I perceived colors which was... A wild time. I would try to explain to people how I was feeling but there were no words.. I remember one day saying “There are no words..” And a light bulb went off and I took to reading an ebook about how to creatively edit photos and alter their colors in depth and that’s how I landed here.. No great change in one’s art comes without a little bit of reading and hard work I should add: (still more text sorrynotsorry)

     I spend SO much time editing these photos to pinpoint exactly how I feel but I don’t mind considering I used to paint. Luckily these days I don’t struggle with chronic nightmares anymore but that doesn’t mean I don’t still follow my heart. Right now I’m the happiest and healthiest I’ve ever been and my looking at these photos I see a great journey and more of a journey to come. Art can certainly document a life journey the way words cannot always. But it also taught me that a creative individual doesn’t just make art... They take whatever life throws at them and form it into something else. 

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Going to a school in Japan or? This #outfitoftheday was too real not to post. Shoutout to @internetqueen for the h💿l💿 backpack. • • • #outfits #outfitideas #outfitgoals #outfitpost #outfittalk #holographic #choker #japanesefashion #makeup #makeupartist #makeupjunkie #makeupart #makeuplife #makeuplover #makeupblog #makeupbyme #selfie #selfiegram #longhair #longhairdontcare #purpleaesthetic #purple #clothes #mood #instagood #instagramer #inspired #instamakeup

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#workingforyourselfproblems101 #honestypost 

     I had to take a photo walk tonight because I felt my soul shriveling into nothingness being alone in the house all day. I have a lot of hurt and pain that decides to say hello when I am supposed to be busy. South Florida has been purgatory for me. The past five years have felt like... Every time I tried to leave something major came up. I tell myself that it was meant to be this way, or I would have missed meeting my amazing boyfriend by chance, or missed too much with my older parents-- time I’ll never get back. One day I know I’ll appreciate it even more.

     When I started freelancing full time in 2015, running a business was great! I definitely have the entrepreneurial spirit, but the loneliness that came with it was not so great. After 21 you really don’t meet anyone at college, so your day job is your social network and I had a great job for that before freelancing... I didn’t realize how really intense hardships and a lack of a social network that is bigger than yourself will throw you into the kind of internal loneliness that’s hard to cope with, even if you have great friends and a great boyfriend like I do. 

     Being your own boss is a trial in itself. There is no get rich quick and easy scheme. It is a constant test of your skills and patience. Even being financially responsible is a skill-- you can’t spend your money too soon or you might not have money the next week. You don’t actually *know* if your phone will ring. In short, financial responsibility as a freelancer means the small chance you have a panic attack buying a shirt at Forever 21 with decent funds in your account. Tonight I’m lighting my own ass on fire to get photos edited from several shoots all done tonight. I think I’m gonna end up exporting over 150 polished photos. For all of my photographer buds out there, ya’ll know that’s hours upon hours of labor. I can average anywhere from 1 (to my all time high) of being booked every single day of the week sometime late 2016. So shit gets pretty crazy... I had three jobs last week (all in the sun too), and I’m burnt out. The number one hardship of working for yourself is reminding yourself that you’re only one person. My next post on work will come as a surprise though! I made a major positive change in my life and I’m trying not to jinx it. 

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     This photo walk around my parent’s neighborhood made me realize I probably had a photographer’s heart long before I ever even picked up a camera. I grew up here and I’d just go for walks at this dusk hour feeling at total peace, even during even the most chaotic of times. I used to think I was just spacey, but it turns out I was always just looking at things I would later turn into art because I did not grasp the concept that people don’t always look at life the same. I’m glad I’ve walked away from a version of myself with heavy self-doubt. 

     On a technical note, I’ve learned to utilize the grain option in Lightroom. These images came out of my camera pretty much noise free (because I hate how noise messes up colors) and I add the grain back in with Lightroom because it’s uniform and mimics film like grain-- that I learned to love in the darkroom when I had to take film photography in college. One day I hope to buy a scanner so I can work with film again.