Sam

28, Pansexual, He/Him Shane Hollander Apologist

[littlenickey]

This was possibly the wildest conversation I could have walked in on while they were on their date after being married for 3 days

[gaygoatshane]

happy pride

[lavenderprose]

Shane also needs to interact with other gay men just to understand how truly lucky he is. He needs to hear someone go off about going on Grindr to find a top for the night and then finding out that all of the guys who have the 'Hung' tag on their profile are packing like five and a half inches at MOST and then Shane has to be like "Oh that. Yeah that sounds rough." Meanwhile he lost his anal virginity to a knockout with model looks who works out for a living and started their relationship by jerking his enormous hog at him in a communal shower which has always been one of Shane's top five fantasies. And he's literally never had to be on The Apps because he's the bottom of all time actually and the DomTop with the enormous dick imprinted on him like a fucking duckling the first time Shane came untouched under him which was, I cannot stress this enough, when he LOST HIS VIRGINITY.

Like shut the fuck up Shane Hollander how does it feel to be the chosen one. He has to confront all of this because he needs to know that he has, once again, won at life in every meaningful way. And then he can sit there like :] while that sad bottom over there bemoans the Grindr biome.

[normal-about-hollanov]

ilya is a d1 ragebaiter. hes a fucking pro. but his absolute favorite move is playing the long game. jabbing at a player, small comments that go mostly unnoticed. just a chirp here and there. low enough in passing no one picks up on it but the target. and they just layer and layer until finally the player snaps at which point ilya lets them get one good hit and then breaks out his wide, innocent baby blues and turns to the ref like what the fuck is wrong with him. it must be used sparingly to stay maximally effective but goddd is it Ilya's most satisfying ragebait

[whitebuttondowns]

shane loves getting fucked in the ass AND he’s portrayed by an actor who is overjoyed to be playing a guy who loves getting fucked in the ass

[therealcharlesingalls]

Pa, I have question. Do you think me, as goblin, would be allowed to lives in walnut grove? Do you thinks I could stays with you maybe in your little house? Thanky

Hey so like what’s up with the beans? Don’t get me wrong, I’m also really confused about everything else, but im most confused about the beans.

[argillaforma]

ilya pre first hookup: i wouldn't be surprised if this is his first time i better be a little careful with that awkward canadian i don't wanna spook him

ilya coming out of room 1410 at 9:12PM with his third eye opened: oh okay so i might have underestimated him

[yolkylemon]

myilya for those who believe

shane version

[yolkylemon]

💪 💦

ilya version

[kcvindays]

hollanov would absolutely fuck about skipdivorce

[tothecottage]

skipdivorce is fun to me bc I have no stake in scott and kip as characters. if shane and ilya got divorced I would kill myself

[dailyhollanov]

[consumer-of-books]

Shane Hollander is a jock, Shane Hollander does not wear anything but athletic wear, Shane Hollander does not have a skincare routine.

Shane Hollander routinely uses sunscreen(for safety against skin cancer) and washes his face with a sensitive skin friendly soap in the shower. He uses the same bar for his entire body.

Beyond that his smooth skin is entirely coincidental. Ilya is very jealous of this. Ilya wears hair products, styles himself meticulously and has tried multiple skincare routines. None of which are giving him the supple skin he desires.

The first time Ilya goes to Shane's real apartment and not the sex condo he is outraged by the number of unused samples of skincare products, mostly because these brands are choosing to work with Shane when he knows for a fact that Shane does nothing to properly take care of his skin.

Shane's bathroom sink is barren.

Shane *enters Ilya's bathroom*: why do you have so much clutter in here

Ilya *outraged*: is not clutter Hollander we did not all climb out of womb and become world's prettiest man by accident

Shane *having no filter*: why do you bother with it if it doesn't work?

Ilya: 😭

[believeripley13]

I love the opening of Heated Rivalry so much because it sets up the show and Shane and Ilya's dynamic so perfectly. From "not the most sociable" Shane Hollander actively going out of his way to interact (because he's already fascinated by him) to "not liked outside of his own locker room" Ilya Rozanov being a bit of a cocky shit (which we pretty quickly realise is a front) to the instant spark of attraction.

Look at this man experiencing freckles and awkward Canadian politeness and developing a fat crush.

My favourite part however is as Shane is leaving clearly uncomfortable with how their conversation went (he does a head tilt like "well, that went horribly")

Ilya notices and that's when he chirps, immediately making Shane more comfortable as he chirps back. And thus, their lovingly teasing, when they say "asshole" and "boring" they really mean "I love you" dynamic is born.

Also, yes, Ilya's lighter doesn't spark until Shane appears which is just an additional beautiful touch.

[goblin-shane]

For anybody asking about the proof that Ilya throws his poop out the window. RR I can’t keep defending you…

[goblin-shane]

For anybody asking about the proof that Ilya throws his poop out the window. RR I can’t keep defending you…

[goblin-shane]

Hollanov headcanon:

Sometimes, when Shane is alone, he chugs an entire gallon of milk and then throws it up on the floor. He then waits for Ilya to find it. It’s like their own special game.