ruined.

do i look destroyed ? do you want forgiveness ?

[littlmouse]

thinks about them. thinks about them a lot

[littlmouse]

yes im documenting all the nikoa art i see because theres literally nothing and trying to find something without keywords on twitter is like pulling teeth so i put it here

[littlmouse]

there’s little no denying how deeply nik’s love for makoa runs. it’s a love that still persists today, and it will still persist even as nik finds and falls for other people because nik’s love for makoa is deeper than just one of a romantic relationship. makoa was his first relationship, his first kiss, his first i love you - he was the first person nik was with romantically and sexually, and there are still moments where, even over a decade later, nik’s mind returns to the memories of when they were together. 

he loves him. he still does. it’s past a romantic love - it’s an understanding that he’ll love makoa for the entirety of his life as someone who changed his life. nik never intended to cut makoa off, and that’s why vanessa’s approach and general attitude towards makoa is one of the reasons why nik applied for sole custody (among other things). nik wants him in his life again, and he believes that makoa is one of the best people he knows, and he wants to watch as gibraltar saves the world.

[littlmouse]

octaane​:

right, yeah. there’s a reason gibby wasn’t always around; he was actually… involved in stuff. like ajay, too, but octavio was used to that by now. unless she blocked him again, he could always go bother her while she was out and about anyway. same didn’t go for gibraltar… man, he needs to talk to the guy more. he’s fun AND cool. unless he’s being protective over his squad, octavio specifically, when he presented another one of his insane stunt ideas to pull off in the middle of a match. octavio is a GROWN MAN who can take care of himself. most of the time. he thinks.

“ you were at the thunderdome games? ”,

the daredevil repeated. there was a form of DISBELIEF in his voice, mixed with excitement. he could barely remember the original thunderdome days, probably because he was too little. he does remember hearing about the revival of the thunderdome games on king’s canyon thogh, but he was like, what, FOURTEEN back then? octavio was obviously stoked, but he didn’t know the APEX GAMES would be so vastly different from the thunderdome. the size of the arena alone played a huge part.

“ what were they like? like– y'know, you hear stuff on the holo or whatever, but i never got to meet someone who was actually THERE! ”

for a brief moment, octavio forgot he wasn’t standing on two legs anymore; he wanted to take a step forward, understandably ended up REELING and quickly had to push himself back against the wall to reattach his leg first. he knows this just happened right in front of nik… but he still hoped the other didn’t REALLY notice.

     “ worked at ‘em, “ nik says. the thunderdome wasn’t really a big imprint on his life, not when he looked at it in it’s entirety with its ups and downs - primarily downs, after the accident - he had more memories about a certain someone in thunderdome, not thunderdome itself. 

     and some parts of it blurred, when it’s been fifteen years passing. nik offers him a shrug, tucking his hands in his pockets. “ tended to the other guys who were watching. made sure no fights broke out, that people were happy with what they were getting. clean - up, things like that. “

     he wouldn’t be surprised to see octane bouncing from foot to foot with the excitement that threads through his voice, and nik raises an eyebrow to how octane nearly stumbles forward and slumps back against the wall, seemingly forgetting that one of his legs is currently in his hand rather than attached to his body. 

    “ people liked watching criminals fight. doesn’t matter if it was their own blood or imc. “ he shrugs again. “ they just liked seeing the bloodshed. it’s pretty much the same with the games now. televised and everything because people want their share of violence. it wasn’t like what you guys can do though. it was more like a gladiator fight. “ he gives him a look, head to toe. “ doubt you’d live in there. the running around wouldn’t help you much. “

[littlmouse]

honorrwolf​:

They regard the man standing in front of them, their gaze soft behind the veil of their mask. It isn’t difficult to see the stress and worry that Nik is under, even with his efforts to clean himself up, they can see it plain as day. They aren’t surprised, his child is sick in the hospital with a deadline placed too soon upon his life by the insidious medusa vines. He is far from being the only one at risk.

“Yes, we are to leave for Gaea shortly to acquire the specimens needed to make the cure.” They only hesitate for a moment before they reach out and place their hand upon his shoulder. “Worry not, your son will be safe. I will make sure of it.”

      shortly... already, he’s calculating the hours - michael’s hours - and how much time they would have. they’re lucky with the interplanetary travel... he drags a hand down his face, finger near catching over the raised scar tissue over one side of his face, and squeezes his eyes shut. tries not to let the worry break him.

     the hand on his shoulder is the thing that makes his eyes snap open. they look red - rimmed. his shoulders release with tension at their words, although they’re still squared and leaning on the rigid side with everything weighing over him. “ thanks. i... “ i just can’t lose him, too.  he crosses his arms over his chest, inhaling to steel himself. “ you know someone infected too? family member, or something? “

[littlmouse]

thinks about them. thinks about them a lot

[littlmouse]

something that fucks me up so badly is that you can tell nik is still in love with gibby .. or in the very least trusts him and talks about him so often around michael to the point where michael’s like ‘you’re taking his side AGAIN?’ i don’t think nik ever hated gibby. even when gibby didn’t step up. he was frustrated, sure, but he made his decision out of love. he was young, he was stupid, he was young and stupid in love but he doesn’t regret what he chose. but anyways i’m jumping around case in point is nik is still in love with gibby lol and cares for him immensely

[littlmouse]

octaane​:

octane wanted to cut him off, wanted to stop nik from talking and bringing up any more of those memories he tried so hard not to think about ever since it happened. he’d much rather FORGET about the whole night, not waste a single thought on it ever again– but it was hard when you were talking to a guy who only knows you through that event.

his goggled gaze cast aside, and octane sighed as he popped off his metal leg to bring it up to his chest, holding it under his arm so he could focus on its ankle joint, fix some screws there. they were pulled a litle too tight by che last time she fixed him up, but octane liked his joints a little LOOSER– so here he was.

“ right. yeah. explosion, sawtelle, got it. ”,

he replied dryly. that next question however made his heart sink. yeah, he knows who organized this hostage situation in the first place. he knows fully well, and yet only told his niño about it. and he’s just a DRONE, anyway, so it didn’t count.

“ no idea. ”

this response was just as dry as the last, and octane felt a little bad about it; he didn’t want nik to think he doesn’t want to talk to him, just… maybe not about that night. anything but that. even octane hasn’t digested it completely yet, and he could just hope nik would get the hint.

“ he-hey, uh, why are you out here anyway? yyy-you wanna see gibby? ’m sure he’d love to see you again! since, uh… YEAH. ”

FUCK. nice one, silva.

    his lip curls, first thing. it’s not exactly out of distaste, but rather of careful contemplation. he had only talked to octane briefly, as he had other things on his hands ( read: a meeting with an ex-boyfriend after two years of radio silence because your son absolutely detested him. ) but he remembers talking to him in two instances: where octane had jogged over to see them after the explosion, and when nik had handed him a grenade for some ‘ big ‘ entrance. 

    he doesn’t want the games too frequently, but he can definitely pin down his general personality amongst those three sources: and whatever it is, he seems different. nik surveys him, mouth pursed. it’s not his business to ask - he hardly belongs here, and he knows - participants in the apex games seemed like an entirely different species to him.  inhuman, with how they push themselves. 

     “ maybe it was just sawtelle then, “ he says then, studying his face. “ or they’ll string some answers out of him in custody. they seem to be good at that. “ at the mention of gibraltar’s name, he instinctively glances behind him, as if on lookout for someone who would viscerally react at the very mention - but his shoulders relax moments later. 

    “ called him already. he’s out and about. saras stuff. “ he’s always trying to save someone. “ figured that i’d poke around anyway. this games have changed a lot since i last really watched ‘em. “ he passes a hand over the scruff of his beard. “ used to watch them when they were held in thunderdome. worked there for a bit. it’s gotten a lot bigger since then. “ 

[littlmouse]

legends that nik would mesh well with: crypto, bh, gibraltar ofc, horizon, wraith, lifeline, loba

legends that nik could get along easily with but not necessarily always see on the same level: octane, valk, bangalore, rampart

legends that nik is impartial to: literally anyone else

[littlmouse]

when we get a makoa story from the outlands and nik is voiced in it. im so sorry i wont be the same person after that

[littlmouse]

     he did try to make something more... presenting out of himself, but with the medusa vines and michael... gods, michael. half of him doesn’t want to think about him right now, and the other half of him is drenched in worry. but nik tries to straighten, lifting his chin and focusing on the best hunter in all the outlands. 

    “ heard you were supposed to help find a cure soon. any news? “

     @honorrwolf  / starter call.

[littlmouse]

octaane​:

it wasn’t that octavio didn’t care for anyone he’d briefly meet, he just sucked at remembering faces. he DOES remember the man before him, however with the little mental note ’ gibby’s angry ex boyfriend ’ attached to the image the daredevil had of him.

he perks up when the other adressed him, and octavio was quick to pull the wrench out of his hand, before promptly leaning back against the nearest wall so he could start unscrewing the joints of his prosthetic.

“ ay, ¡gracias, amigo! wait… ”

well, he recalls the man only when he ended up staring at the other for a while, PROCESSING who he was looking at all while fiddling around with his leg; he didn’t NEED to look anymore anyways, toying around with his prosthetics became ROUTINE.

oh, now he remembers! oh. yeah. he remembers.

“ hey, we met before, ¿sí? at that party, in the museum, yeah? ”

when the memory came back to octavio, he felt his shoulders slump, and so did his chipper mood. he didn’t like thinking back to that night AT ALL– but that wasn’t… nik was it? that wasn’t nik’s fault. it was nobody’s fault ( at least nobody he cares about, hopefully ) the whole hostage situation happened in the first place.

     octane’s quick to pluck the wrench out of nik’s outstretched hand, and he’s about to turn and walk away. he had wanted to return it, that’s all, although michael probably would want him to get an autograph of some sorts... not often that someone gets to meet a legend like this outside of fansigns not once, but twice.

    so, nik slides a hand in his pocket, shifting his weight onto one foot as he turns back to octane, even as the other leans just a bit to tinker with one of his legs, goggles - and hence eyes - aimed up towards him. nik remembers the party, easy - his hand aches a little bit as a reminder, although the events of the party alone were easy enough to remember, even without the memory of an added injury.

     “ yeah. i was with ‘koa. “ then, as an added remark: “ gibraltar. was with him most of the night. “ mostly because it had been the first time they’ve spoken for months on end. “ you stopped by just as an explosion went off. “ and octane had said something about him going to the bathroom or something... great first impression. 

     his arms cross as he faces octane more fully now, examining him head to toe. “ did they ever find out who did it? i know there was one person - sawtelle - but a call for an entire planet to be ‘ freed ‘ has to be a part of a bigger picture. “ 

[littlmouse]

     he supposes he should... talk to him.​ he remembers him from the party in malta, but he had only spoken to him in passing, and well - nik had been focused on other things. he doesn’t watch the games too much either, but michael has definitely taken a liking to octane as his favorite legend. maybe that’s why he wanted to dye his hair, nik thinks vaguely. but he approaches with a wrench in hand just as he sees octane starting to pat down his pockets, spinning around and around in search of something. 

    “ this yours? “

          @octaane / starter call.

[littlmouse]

haha what if you ♡’d this ... and i wrote you a brief starter ... then what ...

[littlmouse]

[littlmouse]

nika’s boone :handshake: my nik exes by accident because of smth that went Uh Oh, trans, will punch a guy without hesitation

[littlmouse]

“ i think i’m blacking out right now ” (bh)

buzzfeed unsolved memes.

   immediately, nik’s hand comes to rest on the small of their back, an almost instinctively urge guiding the movement as he steadies them. they had slumped against the wall, one hand held against their face and the other digging into their thigh. nik glances up, scanning the room for any sign of danger ( instinct, after so long. ) before he shifts into a sitting position. 

    his thumb drifts in a circle around their back, even though the fabric, meant to be comforting. “ you okay? “ he murmurs in a low hum. “ need water, anything? space? “

[littlmouse]

“ i don’t think i’m going to remember this moment ”

buzzfeed unsolved memes.

    nik raises an eyebrow at him. he knows him. not personally, but rather superficially - octavio silva, son of eduardo silva, one of the slugs on psamathe that has more than a few coins in his pocket. he casts a gaze over octane’s clothes, examining the bright green and purple that most definitely didn’t match with the gala’s dress code. huh. lots of guts doing that. 

    he thumbs at the butt of his cigarette, watching the smoke curl up into malta’s sky. he’s pretty sure he wouldn’t have been allowed to smoke if he was inside of the gala rather than outside. he mouths around the butt of his cigarette then, regarding octane over the fading embers.

    “ you drink any? “ he finally asks. he can’t tell with octane’s shades over his eyes, the tell - tale haze of alcohol. he’s seen too much of that. maybe he hadn’t been drinking at all, with how his fingers flit and jitter. 

   nik cocks his head. then, asks for another direction. “ rough night? “

   ( he gets it. there’s nights that he’d forget too. )