Hellooo! Thanks for stopping by at this ungodly hour of the day. But I really needed to talk to someone about my sad relationship with my fridge, kitchen, and FOOD in general. So if you don’t already know, I stay at a hostel during the weekdays which means I have to find for my own food. Previously, even when I used to stay in the hostel, Mrs. Home Minister used to pack a basket full of home cooked food, juices, (inserts all the healthy things in the world here) for me. However, she has kinda abandoned me (on a part-time basis) to look into other matters like checking out Anitha Puspavanam’s Youtube Channel and seeing what pots and pans Saranya Ponvanan bought for her new kitchen. Okay just kidding, Mrs. Home Minister is a quite busy and I thought -> getting my own meals was a grown-up thing to do.
As much as I’d love to applaud myself for growing up, I did the worst thing ever by telling her not to worry if she doesn’t pack food for me. Here goes a bunch of food mishaps that happened throughout the week. Warning you might feel like crying at my misery (so please grab a tissue).
Mishaps are stated in no particular order.
Roti Canai with the Invisible Curry. The roti canai was good, but I kinda felt that I was dipping it in flavored water rather than a curry. I was so near to booking a flight ticket to India for the roti canai guy so that he could go there, learn how to make curry and then come back.
Mysterious Milk Powder. On one fateful day, I decide to make myself a bowl of milk to have it with Cornflakes and lo and behold, the milk powder didn’t mix with the water (like how normal milk is made). But rather, it started separating and idk how else to describe the phenomena which happened in that bowl! (Apparently, the milk powder had turned bad)
Foodtortoise. Actually, it’s FoodPanda, but my food that was supposed to take 40 minutes to arrive only arrived in an hour (i.e 20 minutes late). In that 1 hour, technically, Mrs. Home Minister could have come from Seremban to bring me food.
Rest assured, I will not be eating roti canai, drinking milk or ordering from Food Panda for the next 1-2 weeks.
Also to those of you who think I’m a lazy bum-bum who doesn’t know how to cook. We can’t use a stove in the apartment. Plus, you’re right: I don’t know how to cook. (good luck Prince Charming)
OH WAIT. Let me tell you the first and the last time I entered my house kitchen. Just to state the fact that I did try being friends with the stuff in my kitchen.
So one fateful day this year, I made a Thai dessert called “Red Rubies”. (kinda close to cooking okay)
Here what you’re supposed to do: You’re supposed to chop water chestnuts, coat the water chestnuts in tapioca flour and then boil them (I guess). Finally, serve them with chilled coconut milk.
I was really stupid that day in the kitchen… So here’s what I did: I took the custard flour (it smelt like tapioca, trust me – I promise) and put it on the chopped water chestnuts. Then the chestnut started turning yellow when the custard flour came in contact with water, and I felt like Ms. Einstein. After some time G & daddy came to laugh at my misery. They wanted to show me which was the tapioca flour and idk which mega chef left the icing sugar on the countertop. So I washed the chestnuts (which were turning yellow coz of the custard flour) and almost coated them with icing sugar (which was on the countertop). This time I became a bit smarter, before coating them, I tasted it.
It tasted sweet (sugar icing, obviously sweet) and so I called mummy to ask her the exact location and where the world was the tapioca flour situated. Guess what she told me: that the tapioca flour had finished. She was kind enough to get me a packet of flour but that came along with a long long long lecture on how I shouldn’t shoo away other chefs who came to help me. (Please note: initially, I shooed away Chef Daddy & Chef G coz of their lack of experience and I didn’t want their negativity)
Once that prized tapioca flour reached my hands, I saw the chef in me come out. Little did I know that instead of lightly coating the chestnuts, I kinda gave them a spa in the tapioca flour.
Long story short, I put the spa-ed chestnuts to boil & finally served them in chilled coconut milk. I still remember the brand of Coconut Milk I bought “Ayam Brand – Santan Kelapa”. You want to know why?
After so much of toiling and experimenting and everything. I made Mr. Prime Minister (Daddy), Mrs. Home Minister (Mummy) & G taste my hard work. You know what they said, “not bad ah, it tastes nice”.
And I asked them… “What? Yay, you mean my dessert is nice?”
They were like (with guilty faces)… “Ermm nope, the Santan (coconut milk) tastes really nice, although it’s ready-made”.
I hereby announce that I officially hate ready-made coconut milk, because it jeopardized the star of that night – my dessert.
Jokes aside, I almost cried eating that dessert coz, it felt as if I was walking in a tapioca farm. I HAD PUT SO MUCH OF TAPIOCA FLOUR. My family ended up eating the chestnut-tapioca gooey mess because they loved me.
Also, they loved themselves equally, so they made me promise I’ll visit the kitchen with a different food recipe.
This misery of mine made me think of a better idea, which can be used in the future. Don’t blame me, ACCA has always taught us to talk about the future.
COMMENCEMENT: IN 5-6 YEARS TIME
PERSON TO CONTACT: MUMMY & DADDY
All the best in figuring out what the vacancy actually means. GOOD LUCK!
Vacancy! Hellooo! Thanks for stopping by at this ungodly hour of the day. But I really needed to talk to someone about my sad relationship with my fridge, kitchen, and FOOD in general.