2x13:
Hunter starts the episode off by giving Barry a piece of advice for venturing out into the multiverse-- "do not let yourself get sucked in emotionally." Immediately after, he dives to save Caitlin from getting smashed by one of the breach stabilizers. Interesting...another thing to keep in mind is that Hunter is aware he has hours left to live, and that the very thing is tasked to fix is what will facilitate his death. Not only that, he is working on it with Caitlin, the person who convinced him to stay in the first place. And, sure, back then it might have been phony---but this episode is where I believe he begins to realize the actual depth of his feelings and the gravity they hold. He's already agreed to die but I think this is the episode where he feels real, genuine humanity for the first time in a long, long while. And I think it scares and confuses him, to the point that even he needs an outlet for all of this. Remember, he is a low functioning sociopath, so the fake-sane acting persona crumbles under pressure (will prob expand on this in a later post dedicated to all the moments I believe he slips up). . He even says it later on in the season. Playing Jay is exhausting.
Thus, my personal favorite scene from 2x13 when Caitlin follows Hunter after his argument with Joe. He virtually confesses to being Zoom, in his own way. He has an entirely different conversation with Caitlin than the one she believes they are having (he does this quite often in the show), possibly so his brain can physically handle the mental weight of years upon years of lies in the face of imminent death (even if he may not value his own life as much as he does winning).
"Caitlin, I like the way you look at me. With warmth and pride, and I'm not---I'm not worthy of those. No, I did a terrible thing, Caitlin." is an entirely true statement. I'll do a full translation later, but with a few tweaks, he tells what is almost the full truth to Caitlin in this conversation. Maybe this helps stabilize him, her continued vows of support even when---in his mind---she knows that he has committed monstrous crimes. "You have something now that you've never had before. Me. And I'm gonna figure this out." And then she takes his hands, and it is something like forgiveness.
(This is where I think the absences of Barry, Cisco, and Harry are impacting his mindset. The MAIN reminders of his overarching plan and what he wants + his main obstacles are gone, leaving him with his lover...and Joe, I guess. Like I mentioned before, Caitlin is the only person I believe he ever truly (figuratively) 'unmasks' to throughout his time as Jay, so I believe he feels more comfortable. I head canon Caitlin as autistic, so they sync up pretty well. Basically, he is able to express what he is thinking, project onto her, and plan without fear of adversity or her finding out, whereas when the whole team is around, the Jay Garrick persona is locked in TIGHTLY.)
Of course, much of earth-1's section of the episode revolves around Hunter returning to the role of the Flash (or the Crimson Comet lol). Obviously, knowing that he's a serial killer in sheep's clothing, his hero persona is childish, cliche, and one dimensional (much like his initial Jay Garrick persona). My lord, he looks so proud of his performance. It's also interesting to note that he puts himself in harms way to save others more often in this episode. He's a real, authentic hero who save the day and gets the girl. I think that is genuinely what's running through his mind when he returns home. He could have this life, couldn't he? Someone else to sanitize his road rashes and concoct his speed serums? Maybe, deep deep deep deeeeeeeep down, he is a little jealous like Barry implied in 2x6.
Then, Caitlin reminds him he must fix the breech. And he's reminded of his imminent death. And it IS imminent, isn't it? Well, maybe not. He didn't have to stabilize the breech. Not really.
And THAT is what I believe the basis of his internal conflict in 3x14 is...that desire to go against his plans and throw it all to the wind.
