Afterthoughts @livingafterit - Tumblr Blog

This is really it and it's gone forever.

Fuck

Sometimes I don't know why I try bc he's always asleep and won't wake up but I really want to work on it. I go thru pain time and time again but I still love him.

I don't know what to do

If this bitch don't stop being a terf he's fucking out and I'll punch him in the balls

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It’s happening I’m suffering again of my own will but also because I’m scared I’m desperate

He’s my drug and I can’t live without He keeps texting me then stops almost immediately It’s been like that and that’s become The New Thing. And I’m depressed and scared that if I respond he’ll just leave again like he has been and I haven’t been able to talk to him Or anyone And if he does do The Thing, than I’ll become more depressed and I can’t handle So I’m tortured knowing he could be right there But I could be worse off if it happens I know he says he’s trying I believe him But there’s a gap somewhere to me I’m autistic and have bpd So I don’t see other’s side of it I don’t know how to tell him about I dont want him to get hurt I don’t want him to leave me I’m scared I don’t know what to do but I’m the only one who can choose for me to do and I can’t talk about it except where there’s no one to see because I’ve been fucked up by people who I thought cared about me I need to get away I need to be by myself but also with people because they can make me Nothing can come sooner.

Life is the craziest it’s ever been

#Livingafterit

A romantic relationship is not worth the pain suffered after the end and it would be easier to protect myself from the pain of it by not getting myself into that anymore and just having a physical relationship along with a friendship

#Livingafterit

So this is where I'll go to put my thoughts and stuff now over the stuff that's been happening because I'm a bother to everyone and maybe it's also better that I sort this out myself

#Livingafterit

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