Living With BDD

"And in the instant our lips touched, I could feel the hope and love she had regained after many years, nothing was more beautiful." ~ Kyle U.

[jakeperalta]

ella’s masterpost for when you feel sad or angry or lonely or anxious and you just need to feel happy and calm

crisis/urgent support lines and sites

hotlines/crisis lines for depression, domestic abuse, alcohol and drug abuse, teens, pregnancy, lgbt and more

mental support community - a forum where you can post that you are in a crisis right now and need peer support as soon as possible

imalive crisis chat - online one-on-one chat for if you’re in at risk of hurting yourself etc

self harm alternatives

si urges alternatives

relaxation/anxiety relief

do nothing for two minutes

interactive silk art

guided relaxation

watch a dream

100,000 stars

thisissand - create sandscapes on your screen with your mouse

calming gif

the quiet place project

the quiet place - find some quiet

the thoughts room - a super calm page to unburden yourself from bad thoughts

the comfort spot - a place for anonymous venting with out anybody judging you for who you are

the dawn room - my personal favourite, especially good for when you feel alone

know that it will be okay - when a moment is too hard for you - come here.

music and sounds

my anxiety relief playlist - on 8tracks

my positivity/recovery playlist - on 8tracks

‘stay strong’ playlists - on 8tracks

coffee shop sounds

rain sounds

calmsound - nature sounds

rainycafe

comfort food

one minute cookie in a mug

brownie in a mug

several cookie recipes

25 hot chocolate recipes

loads and loads of snacks - 533 quick and easy recipes for a range of snacks on studentrecipe

lots of different in-a-mug recipes

chocolate pudding in a mug - my personal fave (lil tip: add mini marshmallows for extra gooey yumminess)

advice and tips

how to be okay with yourself

25 resolutions

life hacks

more life hacks

a hella ton more life hacks - so many life hacks dude soon ur gonna never have a day-to-day stress again

school masterpost - school sucks so bad but hopefully this can help ease the stress

how to love yourself

how to bypass restricted wifi omg

alleviate menstrual cramps

boost your confidence

love yourself!

self help after anxiety

stop biting your nails

stop procrastinating

stop skipping breakfast

videos and movies

cure to sadness (video)

the movie blog - a blog dedicated to movie masterposts you will never be without a movie to watch again

cute roulette - THE BEST PLACE ON THE INTERNET ITS LITERALLY JUST A HUGE ROULETTE OF VIDEOS OF CUTE ANIMALS WHAT MORE COULD YOU WANT FROM LIFE

random acts of kindness caught on film

disney movies

movies for angsty teens

distractions etc

rice questions - answer simple questions and donate free rice to people in poverty!!

click to give - just click a button to donate (it costs nothing) food to animals shelters, people in poverty and homeless veterans; mammograms to fight breast cancer; therapy for people on the autism spectrum; alzheimer’s and diabetes research; a book to a child; protect wildlife habitat

break something - good for anger

loads of cute games

how to make a blanket nest

learn something new - a masterpost of hobbies

exercise like a superhero

nice words

things to do when your sad

slap a bald guy with an eel - this is ridiculously entertaining

watch a dog lick your screen - it loops, so you could literally watch for hours if you want

calmingmanatee

daily puppy

how to make a comfort box

download free books

extras

emergency compliment!

lots of compliments - they even include ur name aw

huge list of bloggers who have put themselves forward as willing to listen/chat without judgement

getting anon hate?

:) tag - all the posts that i’ve tagged for making me happy

7cupsoftea - free, anonymous, confidential talks with trained listeners

get a hug

if you have any queries or just want to talk then feel free to message me, i hope these resources are as useful to you as they have been to me :)

[livingwithbodydysmorphia]

At the beginning of quarantine, I hadn't given much thought to the possibility of gaining weight. I didn't think anything of it because I had been exercising rregularly.During quarantine I gained a bit of weight and I noticed it. It made me feel self conscious, sick, and lazy. I hated it so I did what I could to change it.

For my mental health, I talked about the weight gain with my therapist. That helped me feel somewhat better because I needed to vent to someone why I didn't feel right (the weight gain had a bad impact on me mentally).

For my dietary health, I stopped the amount of fast food I was eating because obviously that was one of the causes. I kept ordering in or going to get something. I decided to start making my own food and eating healthier options. I even make my own bread and grow my own vegetables.

For my physical health, I amped up my yoga routine (it was so non existent during the start of quarantine), I take the dog for 2 walks a day (if it's not pouring rain outside), and I do some at home workouts.

I'm back down to a weight that I can maintain and I feel healthy at. My self esteem has gone up and I feel better. I'm starting a new skincare routine to help me with my recent acne issue. (:

[livingwithbodydysmorphia]

I've had a lot to think about lately with all that's been going on in the Country right now. The current issues that the U.S is facing with the protests, looting, riots, etc, does affect me as a black person. I'm extremely conflicted on how I should feel though. I feel disgusted by what has happened and what has been happening. I hate to see my community hurting, being killed, and being treated as nothing. I believe in protesting. I don't believe in hurting others and I don't believe in hurting small businesses. I saw a man who was protecting a store be beat down by a group of people and I wanted to vomit. It makes me sick. I've taken a break from Facebook because i can't continue to watch this happen. I've been called the n word more times than I wish. I've been profiled by police and others. I've been stereotyped. It hurts. Why am I conflicted then? I've not been very accepted by the black community because I'm mixed race. I do have a very small group of black friends who have always been kind to me, but I've been told before by other black members of the community to take out my braids because I'm culturally appropriating when I'm not or that I'm too light skinned to be black or that I'm not really black. Regardless of that, I know right from wrong. I know what happens to us is disgusting and racist. I'll never not support the black community, regardless if they accept me or not. I don't want to see anymore lives lost. Especially over the color of their skin. Please stand with me in standing against racism.

[livingwithbodydysmorphia]

I moved 5 months ago...

So I moved back in May and I needed time to myself for working, being with my bf, and living. Here’s what’s happened since I’ve moved:

I feel much happier being on my own. I don’t feel annoyed or anxious to come home anymore. I live by myself for right now since my bf moved up here before I did. I have a much better relationship with my mom and sister since moving. I have 2 jobs but I feel like I’m living comfortably, so much so that I’m actually able to go out and do things with my bf. I’ve been more active, we started playing golf, I’ve been doing yoga, it’s been fantastic. There are still days where the sadness hits me, I think that it’s just inevitable that it will happen from time to time, but I feel like it hasn’t been as bad as it has before. I’ve made friends here, something that I had trouble doing back where I’m from. My relationship with my bf has gotten so much better. The communication is increasing and other people (mainly family) intruding on our relationship is decreasing. Sure we have minor arguments, but that’s only to be expected. Relationships are never perfect. Do you know what is happening to me this Saturday? I’m having FRIENDS over for a movie night. This is something that I haven’t had the opportunity to do in a long time! I keep up with therapy, I’m working hard on continuing it through everything. I think that moving has been the best decision of my life. Like I’ve posted before, “you can’t heal in the same place where you were made sick”.

[livingwithbodydysmorphia]

I'm Moving

The day is finally here. I'm moving to Oregon. I decided that I needed to leave the place that made me sick so that I could get better.

[livingwithbodydysmorphia]

I said that I wanted to do something for all of you and I’ve had a lot of interest in the CBD bath bombs. I have my own business where I make them myself so I was thinking since all of you follow me here and are interested I created a coupon code especially for you. 

Go to www.bompeii.com and you can use the code LWBDD at check out and get 15% off your order. I had to put a minimum of $15, but the savings are still pretty good. I hope that this helps you guys!

[livingwithbodydysmorphia]

Rape Isn’t Funny

I was going back and forth about whether I was going to say anything about this, but I’ve already acted on the incident at work so I might as well share this with you all and hopefully it helps someone out there.

As many of you may already know, I was raped Almost 6 years ago now. It was a horrible experience and I’ve had to work really hard to recover through therapy. I’m still recovering, but I’ve come a very long way from where I was and this is how I know:

This article came out about a woman who was raped while in a coma and has been pretty big news. I find it absolutely horrible that this poor woman in a vegetative state was taken advantage of and now has a child that she never asked for nor could consent to. My coworkers were talking about this at work, many of them stating that the whole event was horrifying and that they hope that the person responsible is caught. I was walking through out warehouse where others were talking about it as well and I heard them making jokes about it. The first joke was “Well, she couldn’t fight back, so why not?” and the second joke was “Well I don’t hear her complaining.” In addition to the two men making these jokes, a woman was standing there laughing with them.

I have to admit that I was FURIOUS at these jokes. I felt disgusted and hurt that these people think that rape is a joke. I wanted to yell at them and lecture them about what horrible people they were, but I didn’t want to say something that I would regret and get myself fired. I walked into the bathroom and gave myself time to calm down. I went home and thought about it that night, writing down what was said and how I felt about it in my journal. This made me feel like I needed to say something because if I didn’t, they would continue to think that making these kinds of jokes was okay. I reported them to HR last Thursday and I’m still waiting to see if anything will be done. If not, I plan on taking it higher up because these people need to be reprimanded for the things that they have said.

If this had happened 5 or 4 years ago, I would’ve been devastated. I would’ve thought that what had happened to me was a joke to everyone and that I was a joke to everyone. I would’ve ran off crying and I would’ve hurt myself. Basically I wouldn’t have handled the situation well at all, not to mention I would’ve never said anything to HR. Now that I’ve been going to therapy for around 3 years or so, going more often now that I’ve found a better therapist, I feel as though I can speak about what happened without getting as much as anxiety.

If you see or hear something, say something. 

[livingwithbodydysmorphia]

I saw this today and I have to say that my therapist and I have talked about this many times before. We’ve been discussing this for about a year, maybe even longer than that. My mom and my sister are huge triggers for me. When I moved in with my mom, I had hoped that it would give me the opportunity to build a better relationship with her, but that hasn’t been the case this past year. If anything, things have gotten worse than when we weren’t living together. I feel as though the best thing for me right now would be to move away from her. The other issue of living with her is that my sister comes home from art school to stay with us on breaks or some weekends. We really don’t get along and I don’t trust her.

On this note, my boyfriend has gotten into Portland University, but is still waiting to hear back from other schools in our state. If he doesn’t hear about it by the end of the month, he is committing to Portland and we will move there. However, if he decides to stay here, I may consider moving to Portland anyway. I want at least a year to get away from my family and be on my own so that I can heal mentally from everything that has happened to me. I love my boyfriend dearly and this wouldn’t be the end of us. We both know that. He wants me to be happy and heal, which is everything I could’ve asked for in a boyfriend. I want to be a happier person and I want to be a more stable person.

On another note, one of my projects that I would really like to work on for this blog specifically is offering more to my followers. Thinking about the way that I have felt and realizing that others may feel the same way makes my heart break. I hate how I feel most days and I would hate for others to feel the same way. I’ve been able to begin healing and feeling mostly better through other non-harmful ways. I want to be able to offer you guys the same thing. I will make another post about it soon, but I will need to figure out the logistics of it all.

[livingwithbodydysmorphia]

Right now is a really hard time for me.

There is a lot going on in my life and it all feels so overwhelming. I don’t know what to do, what to say, how to feel, and how respond. I feel all sorts of emotions in a whirlwind, but at the same time I feel nothing. It is the most exhausting experience to live like this. I don’t know what to do.

[livingwithbodydysmorphia]

Last night I lost Jill, my female pet hedgehog after 3 wonderful years with her. She was cranky, but loved to cuddle with me and spend time with me. She was a good girl when she was with me. She was always so cute and a good eater. Her mood was always the same, cranky until she got into her cuddles. I loved her so much.

Jack was my first hedgehog, my service animal, my bestfriend. He was so smart and so loving. His cuddles were my favorite part of the day and his squeak got me out of bed every morning. I loved him so much.

Words cannot describe the amount of pain that I'm going through right now. I feel sick, I feel hurt, and I feel horrible. I would give my life for them to still be here. My heart feels so broken. Kyle and I buried them today, but seeing as I don't have a yard, we buried them in a pot with a plant on top. It was one of the hardest things I've had to do next to watching Jack die in my arms.

I need some time to myself. I need some time to write or something.

[livingwithbodydysmorphia]

So for the next couple of months, my sister will be staying with my mom and I. My mom isn't here often, but even so my sister and I don't get along anymore. When my mom and sister are together, they gang up on me. This all started in high school when my sister tried to commit suicide because some people bullied her. I got her to throw up, gave her bread in an attempt to soak it up, I made her drink water so she would dilute anything, and I told my parents. Long story short, she ended up on a psychiatric hold for 72 hrs (standard) and she told the psychiatrists/psychologists that she tried to kill herself because of me. Why? Because I told her there was other bread in the pantry. She lied to my parents and the doctors about why she tried to kill herself. My mom was immediately upset with me and told me that I "better say" I was sorry and that I wanted her home. My mom has never treated me the same since and didn't care when I had my own low point of trying to kill myself. Needless to say being around them at the same time really sucks. They've already began trying to push my buttons, but I've tried to take my dad's advice and ignore them because I know they're looking for a reaction.

Kyle has been taking me out, coming over, or better yet asking me to come over to get me away from them. It makes me happy to know he helps protect me from immense emotional pain. He even made me feel okay when I saw that I had gained weight and I used to be frightened when I did, but I feel okay about it now.

[livingwithbodydysmorphia]

I've been having a hard day (sick and torn groin muscle), but my Christmas cards came in and honestly I have never smiled so much at this little cutie. ❤🦔 the fever was making me have extreme anxiety and Jack has been my gorgeous little helper.

[livingwithbodydysmorphia]

I’ve been busy, stressed, self-conscious. I’ve found a few things that have helped me.

BATHS Not just any kind of bath, I use CBD bath salts or bath bombs to help me get that anxiety and stress to melt away. I’ve found that CBD has helped me tremendously. I’ve been happier more often than not, my stress acne is not nearly as bad as it usually is, and my boyfriend has even noticed that there has been a huge difference with me.

CBD CBD oil has been one of my greatest successes. I’ve been on it for maybe 2-3 months now and I have felt so much better. I take what are known as tinctures, an oil that you can put under your tongue (best way), or in your drink. My head doesn’t feel as cloudy, I feel more positive, I just feel happier. People have noticed. I’ve noticed that I’ve not been as self-conscious as I usually am. I realize that it is normal to be self-conscious now and then, but I was at a very unhealthy level and taking CBD has really helped me.

CHANGING MY DIET I was eating a very unhealthy amount of fast food and it was just wearing me down. I could actually feel it making me miserable and it was doing the same to my boyfriend. We decided together that we want to eat better to help improve our mental health. I’m mainly pescatarian, but I do eat white meat every now and then (I don’t really like chicken or turkey, never have). So I’ve been eating fish or some type of seafood everyday and It seems to have improved my attitude. I feel more energized, feel less bloated, and I feel less tired throughout the day. I actually have been sleeping much better since I stopped eating fast food for over a month now.

HOBBIES I’ve been throwing myself into my hobbies when I get home after completing anything I need to get done (like homework, chores). I’ve been painting, knitting, crocheting, making things. It helps me feel less stressed and I feel much better about myself. I feel like I’ve accomplished something pretty awesome and I feel like I’m getting better with my talents/hobbies. I even started playing soccer again and that has made me so much happier. I missed playing my favorite sport and playing it again not only keeps me in shape, but keeps me happy.

Not all of these things work for everyone, but they’ve worked for me. I’ve been working pretty hard on myself for the past year, going to therapy 2 times a week, reading up on my disorders, learning, and just meditating. I’ve been going to temple regularly every Sunday, meditating and listening. Find something that makes you happy and is good for you. That’s the most important part. Something that you enjoy and makes you happy without hurting you.

[livingwithbodydysmorphia]

Now my ex's sister is making new accounts because I blocked her old one. I'm sick of these people. I don't believe they're sorry when they continue to do the same things they've been doing. It's all empty apologies to make themselves feel better when all I want is to be left the hell alone.

[livingwithbodydysmorphia]

PTSD Attack

When your ex-boyfriend's now ex-girlfriend comes to apologize to you for the things she did and sends you back to the night she almost ruined your life and that triggers a deeper attack so bad that you try to call your dead best friend.

[livingwithbodydysmorphia]

Thanks for taking the time to answer you have been really helpful!

Of course! Anytime! (:

[livingwithbodydysmorphia]

I don't know how to respond effectively when they start their negative self talk. Should I this is their bdd talking or ask if they are feeling anxious? I just don't want to behave in a way that makes them feel worse. Thanks for any help you can give. Part 2 of 2

Everyone is different and there's no telling how someone will react to help. Personally speaking, the best response i have ever gotten was my boyfriend asking me how he could help. He will usually ask "how can I help?", "is there anything I can do?" Or "did something happen?" Asking how you can help is a good way to start because you aren't really engaging them in talking about their body or insecurities so much as trying to help them overcome what's basically an obsessive anxiety attack. Getting someone's mind off of the triggering event or thought really helps. Asking how you can help gives the person two options: 1) letting someone help distract them by having the option of doing something else or 2) being able to vent their insecurities without fear of being judged. The hardest part of having bdd is that people assume you're vain or fishing for compliments when really it's the opposite. Generally speaking our minds cannot truly see what we look like because of a variety of reasons but mainly because we have this disorder. More times than not just trying to understand how and why the person feels the way they do will make them feel better. Avoid saying "I think you look fine" or "you shouldn't feel that way" or similar things because to them it feels like you're judging something that they can't help. Try to be patient and understanding because it's hard to explain something we barely understand ourselves. Being there for someone to vent to and confide in truly helps the most. Try not to judge or stare at the body part they talk of. Just be kind, understanding, and caring. Something else my boyfriend does is compliment something I'm good at rather than my appearance. That can also be a confidence booster without drawing attention to my insecurities about my body. I hope that I've answered your question and have helped you. (: