robin didn't even KNOW tammy properly and got over her so fast. WILL HAS BEEN BEST FRIENDS WITH MIKE SINCE KINDERGARTEN AND HAS LOVED HIM HIS WHOLE LIFE.
sure duffers, let's compare a fleeting crush to a soul-crushing, deep, lifelong connection
i cannottttt deal with this straight bullshit no more
Summary: Alexia's friends found out she hadn't had sex for five months; they also don't think she can handle casual sex very well. Alexia wants to prove them wrong. She accomplishes it, partially.
Word count: 14.1k
Warnings: (+18) smut, strap sex (r receiving), mentions of oral sex and fingering and slightly mentions of dom/sub dynamics.
A/n: This is a The Arrangement fic let with mostly Alexia's pov . Make sure to read both fics! - anything written like this is a copy-paste from The Arrangement
Alexia should have known better than to accept the girl's invitation for a drink after training.
She should have ignored the way Vicky begged her to come along; she should have rolled her eyes when Cata said she needed to loosen up, unwind after a day full of drills.
She especially should have stood her ground when Pina, Jana and Patri dragged her to the car park, shoved her into one of their cars, and drove them away from the training centre towards Bar La Camila.
The neighbourhood of Gràcia never stood out much to her. It was too bohemian, too crowded and chaotic.
The buildings were too close to each other, crammed together, which made her feel claustrophobic. There were barely any trees or shade of greens; yellow and the orangy of bricks were the dominant colours of Gràcia, and Alexia always found that a little disturbing.
It felt too modern for her liking, but she could hardly blame herself. She was born and raised in Mollet del Vallès. It was a little town just outside of Barcelona, not too different from here, but at least in Mollet, there were a few bushes and patches of green.
Alexia lived on the busiest side of Barcelona for one reason only: her work. It was quicker to get to training from here than to drive an hour every single day.
Alexia would rather live in her childhood neighbourhood than in hectic Barcelona; the city was too volatile. She loved that things in Mollet didn't change, that they always stayed perfectly the same.
Alexia preferred to believe her fondness for Mollet was justified by her being drawn to tradition; she was someone who valued constancy, and Mollet remained still while in a world that rarely did.
Alexia took pride in that - pride in staying true to herself, to her feelings and her preferences, despite people telling her she should embrace every little change that happened around her.
But right now, sitting at La Camila with her teammates, close to the bar counter, she felt anything but pride.
Alexia felt, actually, plain stupid.
At least that's what her friends were calling her the moment she disclosed an information that, to her, didn't feel like that big of a deal.
"Five months."
The words lingered in the air of the dimly lit Bar La Camila.
The world around them continued; the speakers played songs by Catalan indie musicians, and the people around them were chatting enthusiastically about their personal lives, too caught up with their own group to notice the Barcelona girls.
As soon as those words left Alexia's mouth, the table went completely silent. The only quiet table was their own, and that made Alexia feel exposed within the sudden lack of words from her teammates.
Alexia felt her shoulders tensing up as her left hand lazily wrapped around her glass, which, after five months, found itself filled with a beverage. Scotch.
The fingers from her other hand were twisting her hair anxiously as she watched the five pairs of eyes of her friends locked onto her like she had just confessed to murder.
"You are lying," Cata said after an eternity of silence.
Alexia counted the time they stood with their mouth open skeptically; it was two minutes and forty-six seconds.
"Of course she's lying!" Pina said suspiciously, not sounding so convinced at all as she lowered her own glass.
"La reina–" Vicky started in that infuriatingly know-it-all tone only nineteen-year-olds had. "Mi reina, please tell us this is a joke."
"I'm–she's joking, guys!" Patri said, her laugh coming out too loud, too forced. Alexia thought that maybe she had not found her words funny in the slightest. "There's no way in hell Alexia Putellas hasn't had sex since she broke up–"
"Five months ago," Jana finished quietly with a grimace, as if celibacy of any form was very offensive.
Patri jabbed her finger across the table, looking straight into Alexia's eyes, making the blonde want to disappear.
"Five months. Five. Whole. Months. Of Not. Getting any." Patri continued, dragging her hand across her face. "That's just sad, Alexia. Tragic, really."
"It's inhuman!" Cata said, shaking her head. "That much time without sex is inconceivable."
"Mm, it's not," Jana said, giving her a side eye. "It's perfectly normal to–"
"There should be a law against it", Cata continued, ignoring Jana as the other girls nodded solemnly. "We should take it to Cortes Generales."
"It can't be healthy," Pina added, leaning back into her chair and crossing her arms.
"It is not healthy!" Patri agreed as she gestured dramatically at Alexia's face, "Mira! That's why Ale had been grumpy with us lately, threatening to bite our heads off."
Alexia clenched her glass, hating how wet her palm was from the condensation and how the warmth of her hand was enough to melt the ice in her scotch.
"I'm grumpy because you keep talking about my sex life as if it's any of your business," Alexia said angrily, her eyebrows furrowing, making sure to use her low tone so no one around them would actually listen to their conversation.
"What sex life? You aren't even getting any sex at the moment, how can we even talk about it?" Alexia heard Vicky murmuring by her side, which earned the youngest girl a soft smack to the back of the head.
"Ouch!"
"Maybe we're talking about it because it is our business!" Patri insisted, pulling Alexia's attention back to her. "You've been impossible to live with lately! You've been short-tempered–"
"Cranky," Pina added, taking a sip of her drink.
"And annoying!" Vicky added, ignoring Jana's glare in her direction.
Jana.
Her sweet and loyal Jana, who never bad-mouthed anyone, especially Alexia. The girl always tried to be on Alexia's good side, and for that, Ale was thankful.
The twenty-three-year-old seemed the most mature one at the table.
"I'm not any of those things," Alexia defended herself, putting her glass down slowly. "I'm just stressed from the games."
"Oh! Aren't we all?!" Patri laughed ironically. "We're all stressed, Alexia. The only difference is that we have sex and relax a little."
Alexia stopped and slowly studied every single one of her friends' faces. She squinted her eyes at them.
"You're all single," Alexia said slowly. "How the hell are you all having sex so regularly?"
Cata instantly put her hand on her face, as if disappointed Alexia was really asking that question.
Pina and Patri exchanged looks that screamed, 'How can she be so fucking clueless?'
Jana found herself very entertained with folding the napkins on the table, and Vicky, for the first time all night, was looking at everything but Alexia. Her gaze was fixated on the ceiling, on her drink, on the people around her, at anything but her captain.
"Victoria," Alexia said, drawing each syllable carefully. "Is there something you want to tell me? Because, as much as I know, you have never had sex, at least not from our last conversation."
Vicky didn't answer, but the flush of her cheeks and the way she fidgeted with her shirt told Alexia everything she needed to know.
"We'll discuss that later," Alexia said, then turned to Jana. "What about you? Are you dating someone? Secret girlfriend that I don't know about?"
"No," Jana mumbled, mirroring Vicky and avoiding eye contact.
"Then how are you having sex?!" Alexia repeated the question, impatience boiling in her chest.
Was it so hard to answer a simple question?
"Well, um, you see…" Jana began stammering. "You can just, um, like, meet someone and–"
"It's casual sex. Díos mio," Pina said, throwing her hands in the air before letting one fall comfortably on Jana's back, as if soothing her. "That's what Miss Golden Girl here is trying to say."
Pina dodged Jana's elbow against her ribs with a smirk and continued.
"We all have casual sex. It's a good, easy, non-complicated way to have sex."
"You should try it," Patri said, her voice genuine, as if Alexia's lack of sex was a problem that troubled her profoundly. "Actually, I'm begging you to try it. You really need to blow off some steam."
"I do not," Alexia rolled her eyes.
"You kind of do," Vicky chimed in, her index finger landing on Alexia's neck. "I can see your vein, mi reina! You'll have a stroke if you keep up all the stress on yourself."
"No, I won't!" Alexia smacked Vicky's hand away. "Sex has nothing to do with strokes!"
"Well, they kind of do," Jana cleared her throat, looking at her lap. "When you, um… climax, err, the parasympathetic nervous system is activated, and it is responsible for dilating your blood vessels and decreasing blood pressure and-"
"I'm starting to think you're the lame one, Jana," Vicky muttered, disappointment on her face. "You make Alexia look cool."
"Hey!" Jana and Alexia said in unison.
"I'm not lame!" Jana said, her cheeks slightly flushed.
"Neither am I!" Alexia shot back.
"Then prove it!" Cata challenged, leaning forward and placing her elbows on the table. Her eyes were filled with mischief as she stared at Alexia,
"Prove what, exactly?" Alexia asked, her jaw locking tight.
"Prove you aren't so old school," Cata explained with a grin. "Have casual sex with someone, have some fun. I dare you.
Alexia pressed her lips together as her leg began bouncing under the table.
"You dated for four years, it's time to let loose a little, sí?" Patri said as if it were that easy to go out and just… do it.
Maybe… maybe it was?
Casual sex.
Alexia could totally do casual sex.
She loved sex, after all.. She just didn't like the casual part, but that could be arranged… somehow?
Apparently, casual sex was common.
All her teammates did it, and well, half of the world too, given the way her amigas were feeling second-hand embarrassment that Alexia had never had sex without any kind of compromise.
Well, maybe Alexia was boring.
Maybe she was old school. Because the idea of sex without connection felt so… wrong? Hollow somehow. Technically, it was functional, but it was still missing the point entirely.
Having sex just for the sake of it didn't seem right for Alexia.
What she most enjoyed about sex wasn't the orgasms, though they were obviously important.
Alexia enjoyed the connection, the vulnerability that came with it.
She loved the feeling of chests being pressed together and shallow breaths being shared between kisses, while both parties seemed to be fighting to breathe in the last oxygen molecule in the room.
Alexia loved morning sex. The softness it held, the beams of sunlight escaping through the window as she unwrapped her girl from the blankets, as if she were a gift..
She enjoyed how pliant they were when she asked them to turn on their belly so she could have them from behind, slowly and lazily.
She loved their creased pillow face after she pulled an orgasm out of them and how they always seemed so pleased to start the day like that. Pleased enough that they asked to taste her, to return the favour even before the coffee was properly brewed.
Alexia was obsessed with the rush of having quick sex before she had to travel to an away game.
The desperately intertwining of limbs as they grinded against each other, how they whispered to her to stay, not to leave, when both of them knew very much what the outcome would be.
Alexia loved being welcomed after a trip with her girl ready for her. And by ready, she meant completely unaware because Alexia never actually told them when she would return.
The sex after days apart felt like they were making up for the lost time, every touch screaming 'I missed you' without having to use any words.
Alexia loved kitchen sex, taking them against the counter in a place that was so rooted in nurturing.
Sofa sex was an Alexia favourite. She loved how messy it was, the cramped space that culminated in her girl straddling her waist, pressing kisses on her carotid arteries that were already pulsating with need.
She loved bathroom sex, too, where everything just seemed more intimate than it really was, more wet, more desperate.
Fuck. Alexia missed sex.
She truly did. All of it.
All the sexy and awkward moments that came with it, the pleasure of eating a girl out just to get her face wet with her release, the feeling of having them on her strap after a long day, where Alexia could have her way with them unhurriedly.
She missed being woken up with a mouth between her thighs, missed being filled with long, skilful fingers.
She missed the taste of somebody's heat on her tongue, the weight of their body whenever they would ride her face, she missed hearing her name spilling out of their lips when they came.
Maybe Alexia should look into casual sex.
Or… perhaps Alexia could just wait to meet someone nice.
She could have sex with them and then, if it felt right, she could explore something more and see if they would be interested in-
"No dating."
Cata's voice pulled Alexia out of her thoughts completely. She was yanked back to the bar and to her friends.
The memories of her past had caught her, and she felt uncomfortably aware of the wetness between her thighs.
Great.
She would have to take care of herself tonight, use her own fingers… again. How pathetic.
"What?" Alexia blinked.
"No dating," Cata repeated impatiently. "That's rule number one of casual sex. It's casual. No feelings, no going out on dates, no letting them in your life beyond your bedroom."
Alexia tilted her head, studying Cata's face for any sign she was joking. "No feelings at all? Nothing?"
"Nothing," Pina confirmed.
The others nodded in agreement.
Alexia looked down at her drink, watching the last piece of ice finally melt.
Could she really do that? Separate her body from her feelings? From her heart? She knew she sounded boring, but she just couldn't help but feel how weird it was to have sex without any kind of feelings.
Alexia hadn't dated too many people in her life.
There was a girl in La Masia when she was a teen; she was her first, and both of them didn't know what they were doing, but it was nice, sweet. Alexia had had the biggest crush on her since day one.
Then there was a girl who played with her at Espanyol. It lasted as long as Alexia played there; after she was transferred back to Barcelona, they lost contact.
Then there was Jenni. She was quite intense, both physically and emotionally. Alexia experienced a lot of firsts with Jenni, the older woman always made her feel comfortable and confident within her arms.
When that was over, Olga came into her life. And when she realised, four years had passed.
Olga was good, and the sex was nice, way too nice. Alexia didn't see their breakup coming, even though she was the one who had ended things.
And now, months after she had last spoken to Olga, it did sound a little concerning that she had not even kissed anyone ever since.
She had to agree with Patri. It was tragic.
Casual sex… her friends made it sound so simple; they seemed to manage it well.
Alexia groaned.
Nothing about Alexia had ever been simple.
"Okay," she heard herself say, the word surprising even her. "I'll think about it."
Everybody at the table cheered.
Cata raised her glass as if in victory. Patri and Pina started naming girls that would seem like a good fit for Alexia's new type of relationship dynamics, while Vicky pulled out her phone, and Alexia swore the youngest was filling her data in a dating app.
Although from the other side of the table, between the chaos, Alexia caught Jana's eye. They had something that looked a lot like concern.
The next two weeks of Alexia's life were spent turning down every single girl her friends tried to throw her way.
Literally throw.
Just the other day, Alexia had the misfortune of running into Cata and one of her cousins while she was out for coffee. Cata immediately grabbed her cousin's arm and shoved her against Alexia.
Maybe Cata was raised by Neanderthals and thought that getting an elbow to the rib was a type of foreplay. Alexia, on the other hand, was raised in civility and thought the whole thing was very irritating - and painful.
Cata's cousin, Lina, was so embarrassed about the whole encounter that she left the café without her coffee, without Cata and of course, without a casual sex partner.
But the worst of them was Vicky.
The relentless teen that had once been the apple of Alexia's eyes was now driving her mad as she cornered Alexia just as she was walking out of the physio room.
Alexia had barely time to register before Vicky had thrust her phone so aggressively in Alexia's face that she nearly walked into it. All Alexia could see were the pictures and names of random girls on what looked like a chat of some sort.
"I pretended to be you on Tinder to see if I could get you some good suitors," Vicky announced happily, holding her phone close to her chest when Alexia grumpily pushed it away.
Alexia rolled her eyes and made her way to the locker room, Vicky following close behind, her steps creating a pattern that, on any other day, wouldn't annoy Alexia, but that right now felt like knives to her ears.
"Please tell me you weren't imprudent enough to use my actual name and photos on a public dating app, Vicky," Alexia asked tiredly, holding the bridge of her nose as she held the locker room door knob, the scent of arnica spray clinging to her nostrils.
"No, of course not, Capi," Vicky huffed, rolling her eyes. "I didn't put any pictures. And also, I created a fake name: Andrea! Very creative, sí?"
"How did you expect anyone to be interested in a faceless profile?" Alexia asked, yanking her locker door open and pulling out a change of clothes.
"Because I wrote you an amazing bio, Pff! " Vicky explained patiently as if Alexia were slow. "See! You didn't even look at it when I showed you!"
Vicky took her phone and quickly tapped on it, unlocking it and showing Alexia the dating app once again, the intensity of the screen illumination almost blinding Alexia. She hated high-saturated screens.
"I put that you liked football as a hobby, so people wouldn't suspect. Then I added that you are a workaholic, don't really like tea–" Vicky said each of Alexia's characteristics happily, as if she took pride in knowing so much about her captain. "That you love dogs but don't necessarily hate cats, that you are a beach person and that you are closed off at first, but warm up eventually,"
Alexia hated how the bio described her perfectly. She wished to bang her head against the locker. Maybe she'll do it later, once she's alone.
"I was also going to add that you are very family-oriented," Vicky continued excitedly as she turned off the phone and put it in her pocket. "But then I remembered we were doing this for the whole casual thing, sí? So maybe mentioning family would be kind of a turn off?"
Alexia's jaw clenched when Vicky said 'we were doing this', as if her sex life was a team project, something the whole Barcelona girls had to be a part of. As if Alexia's life was just a form of entertainment for them.
"Victoria," Alexia said impatiently, turning to the girl and watching the smile drop from her face. "Delete this, all of this. I don't need you to play matchmaker for me. I can very much find someone for myself."
"If you can, then why haven't you yet?" Patri's voice cut through the locker room walls at the same time players filled the room, all of them sweaty after a hard training session.
Some girls went straight to the showers while others lingered around Alexia, as if talking about her sex life was their favourite leisure activity.
Alexia slammed her locker with more force than necessary.
"Because I haven't had time, Patri," Alexia shot back.
"You are just using useless excuses at this point," Pina chimed in, crossing her arms. "I told you yesterday I had a friend super interested in having something casual. She would be perfect for you! And yet, you said no!"
"Your friend was ten years younger than me. That's why," Alexia said, suddenly feeling trapped given the way her teammates were all surrounding her in a semicircle.
"Chica, the whole point about casual is that you don't talk much," Cata said, taking off her gloves and letting them fall to the bench. "It doesn't matter if she's younger or older."
"It matters to me!" Alexia said, throwing her hands in the air. "We need to have something in common to talk about, at least! What the hell would I have in common with a twenty-one-year-old!?"
"You don't need to have much in common with girls to just have sex with them! Madre mía!" Cata exclaimed. "Why do you make things so complicated!"
"Me? I don't make things complicated!"
"You do!" They all said in unison.
"So you are all telling me," Alexia began slowly. "That you don't even have light, meaningless conversations with the girls you are sleeping with?"
"Yes!" They all said in unison again, like a perfect choir, and even Jana joined them.
"See! I told you you were too much of a conservative to have casual sex," Cata said with a smirk. "It's okay, Alexia. To each their own. Some people are old-fashioned, others - like us - are more modern and-"
"I am not old-fashioned or conservative," Alexia said between her teeth. "I can be cool and modern when I want to be."
Patri patted her shoulder condescendingly. "Yeah. Sure you do, Capi."
That made the locker room erupt in laughter.
Alexia shoved past Patri and ignored the calls for her to come back.
She made her way to the shower and let the warm water wash away her foul mood, her frustration.
Alexia was stressed from her overloaded schedule at La Liga. Angry about being benched for a week because of that stupid injury she had picked up the last time she played.
Worst of all, she was irritated that, for once in her life, she was horny, and she didn't have any girlfriends to help her with that. On top of that, her teammates were calling her boring, old-school and fuck, conservative.
She wasn't any of those things! Yeah, she tended to see life differently from her teammates, but it wasn't like she was a puritan with a Victorian-era view of sex and relationships! She didn't clutch her pearls at the mention of premarital sex.
They had hit her on her Achilles' heels: her pride.
Fine.
She would show them she could absolutely have a friends-with-benefits relationship.
That she could separate romantic feelings from physical ones. That she wasn't as lame as they were making her out to be. She accepted the dare they had subtly made.
She was going to rub it in their faces how casual she could be.
"I'm leaving," Alexia announced, standing up abruptly from the café table.
Paula looked up from her phone for the first time since Alexia had walked in. "What? But we just ordered-"
"I have to go. Training. Sorry." Alexia was lying.
Alexia had finished training hours ago, but she was already grabbing her denim jacket and heading for the door, all because Paula had just asked if she could post a picture of them together on Instagram.
Alexia rarely posted pictures of herself on her own Instagram, let alone with someone she hardly knew.
That made it official: Alexia was failing spectacularly at this whole casual thing.
She had given Vicky a chance and even checked out the girls she had snatched right off Tinder for her, but none of them caught her attention.
Vicky then threw a proper tantrum when Alexia snatched her phone and deleted the profile and the app.
She needed to meet someone organically, Alexia told herself.
That's when she decided to give Pina's friend a chance - Paula, who apparently valued social media clout over the very clear 'low profile' rule Alexia had repeated twice before agreeing to meet.
And last but not least came Patri's friend Miriam, who seemed perfect until she mentioned she was 'always travelling between Barcelona and Mallorca' for work.
Alexia had smiled politely through the rest of that coffee date while internally crossing another name off her increasingly depressing list.
Casual sex was supposed to be casual and consistent, right? Not a logistical nightmare.
Alexia herself was always travelling; there was no way she and Miriam would be able to sync up each other's calendars to meet and actually have sex.
"This was supposed to be easy", Alexia sighed, staring at the ceiling in her bedroom.
After a million failed attempts, Alexia did what she always did when her team was losing a game, or when she wasn't at her best on the pitch: she analysed the problem and created a new strategy.
Ale grabbed her notebook and methodically wrote down exactly what she needed in a person.
CRITERIA - NON-NEGOTIABLE
Must be non-intrusive. Low profile. Preferably, someone disconnected from football and big social circles altogether. Anonymity was essential; she couldn't have her face plastered across Catalan tabloids with headlines about Spain's captain's sex life. Plus, her mom couldn't know about it, either. That would be embarrassing.
Must be geographically convenient. Someone close. Thirty-minute drive maximum. Alexia's schedule was tight enough without adding travel plans to have sex. Sorry, Miriam!
Must be interesting. Despite what her friends said, the girl had to be at least fun to talk to. Alexia wanted someone with her own personality, her own likes and dislikes, her own life.
Three criteria, that's all! Three simple, reasonable requirements for a good, functional and non-complicated casual sex arrangement.
It should have been easy.
But it wasn't. Not in the slightest.
It actually just turned everything more difficult! Or, maybe Alexia was the one making everything more challenging than it should be.
The truth was, Barcelona's casual sex pool was absolutely horrendous - at least for a private footballer who started her adventures within the casual-sex life apparently way too late in life.
How Vicky, Jana, and Patri had managed to find their arrangements, Alexia had no idea.
Well….Pina and Cata were easy to figure out. They were each other's 'casual' partners, and they were doing a horrible job of keeping it secret.
There was nothing casual about the way Cata's hand lingered on Pina's lower back as they left the pitch, or the way Pina's eyes followed Cata across every single room they were in.
Their Instagram feed pretty much confirmed it.
Alexia had changed her mental definition of casual precisely to exclude whatever those two were doing.
It was deeply ironic how Alexia was trying to apply the full, logical precision of football strategy to this messy, human problem, as if cautious judgment would grant her some form of control over this issue she had spent weeks failing to solve.
The greatest irony, however, was how Alexia finally met you: completely unexpectedly on a chilly afternoon, right when her guard was down, tossing her careful plan right into the bin.
She had been half-listening to Patri's stories, while sipping her scotch at their usual table at Bar La Camila, when she noticed an agitation behind the bar counter.
Susana, the bartender, was training someone new, a girl who looked completely out of her depth, biting the inner side of her cheek as she watched Susana's hands move between bottles, syrups and fruits with hands that held years of practice.
You were writing everything down on a napkin quickly, taking notes on what Susana was saying. Your eyebrows were drawn together in concentration as Susana talked you through what looked like a Bloody Mary beer.
Alexia noticed the way your hands were shaking as you tried to pour the exact dose of vodka and tomato juice. You were clearly stressed, so much so that Susana chuckled and placed a comforting hand on your back, murmuring what Alexia assumed were gentle reassurances.
Even stressed, even clearly struggling, you were beautiful.
The orangy lighting shone on your face perfectly. Your lips were a beautiful shape. Alexia didn't even know the outline of somebody's mouth could catch her attention so much.
The bridge of your nose and the apple of your cheeks formed a harmonious symmetry to your face that made Alexia want to carve it in limestone so she could keep it forever.
Alexia found herself wondering what you were doing there; you seemed way out of your comfort zone. She hasn't seen you around before.
Was this your first day? Or had Alexia not paid enough attention to her surroundings?
The latter was probably right. Alexia had been absent-minded lately, and she wanted to smack the distraction right out of herself for it.
"Right, Ale?"
"Qué?" Alexia tore her gaze away from the bar, looking at whoever was talking to her – Patri, she realised.
She raised an eyebrow. "Come on! Were you listening to anything I just said?"
"Of course I was!" Alexia defended herself, the lie spilling easily through her teeth,
"Then tell me what I just said?" Patri said in a challenging tone.
"Something about your tía…?"
"That was ten minutes ago." Patri turned to see what had captured Alexia's attention, but you and Susana had already moved further down the bar, out of view. "What were you looking at ?"
Alexia took a sip of her scotch and shook her head. "Nothing.
Days later, when Vicky suggested changing up a bit and going to other bars in Barcelona, Alexia - ever the one who liked to stick to the same things - insisted that they should go to La Camila.
The group rolled their eyes, murmuring something about Alexia never exploring anything new.
The next day, Jana suggested the group go to a new place with the best fries she had ever tasted. Alexia said no, and the group went to La Camila again.
It became a routine; every time someone proposed a new place to hang out, Alexia would tell them how much better La Camila was.
Then, something even stranger started to happen: Alexia began making plans in the locker room, arranging outings with everybody at Bar La Camila after every training session.
It happened enough times that her friends were getting suspicious, because since when did Alexia Putellas, who usually had to be dragged out to any bar by Patri and Cata, become the one initiating bar nights?
Alexia lied to herself, saying she was just trying to enjoy the whole new single life ahead of her, that she deserved a relaxing evening after spending the entire day working her ass off.
Everybody knew Alexia was lying; they just didn't know the reason behind the subtle change.
But Alexia kept it casual, kept it light, even as she found herself watching your every move around the bar.
She noticed how you had gotten better with the drinks, how you sometimes talked to yourself while preparing them.
Alexia mainly noticed how you treated them, the Barcelona girls, like normal human beings instead of fangirling the way so many others did.
You were good at your job now, confident even, though you still occasionally checked the recipe card Susana had given you.
Not that Alexia cared about any of those things. It wasn't like she was obsessed with you… no! She just liked to look at you.
Alexia enjoyed keeping her eyes on your figure; it made her feel warm inside.
Alexia tried to rationalise her feelings, writing them down in the same notebook where she had written her criteria, because how could she feel so drawn to you, even though you two had never shared a word?
Embarrassingly, Alexia had never dared to go up to you and ask for a drink. It felt weird somehow; she didn't want to put you in a position where you would have to serve her.
She knew she was being stupid. This was your job, and she was a fairly constant customer. Maybe Alexia was scared of exactly that: of you seeing her as a client and nothing more.
Two weeks had passed since you started working at Bar La Camila, and after late nights of dissecting her own brain and feelings, Alexia established that she had just found you attractive.
That was all.
Until Kika arrived one evening and sat beside Salma, and said a little too loudly, "Oh! Who's that girl? Is she new? She's pretty."
Alexia's hand tightened around her glass.
"Guapísima," Salma agreed, both of them turning in their seats to stare at you.
You were tending tables tonight instead of working the bar, which meant Alexia had to actually look around the room to find you instead of just glancing casually to her right every few minutes.
She preferred when you were making drinks.
"Who?" Jana asked, turning around with zero subtlety. Alexia had to roll her eyes.
"The new girl," Kika said, gesturing with her chin in your direction.
"Oh, Y/n," Jana said, like it was obvious. "She's been working here for a few weeks now."
Every head at the table turned toward Jana, and Vicky even spilled her water on Alexia's fries, given how fast she had turned around.
"How do you know her name?" Patri asked.
Jana shrugged. "A friend of mine is in the same master's program as her at the University of Barcelona. He mentioned she had started working here a few nights a week. I know of her, but I don't think she knows me."
"Damn, I didn't know you had any friends besides us," Vicky murmured, earning her a pinch on the arm. "Ouch!"
"Master's program?" Alexia asked, trying to sound casual and definitely failing. "What's she studying?"
"No idea."
"What did she major in?"
"I don't know, Ale."
"How old is she? What-"
Kika slid closer, throwing an arm around Alexia's shoulders and pulling her in with an absolutely insufferable grin. "Why don't you go ask her yourself, hm? You seem very interested in her."
Alexia shrugged off Kika's arm. "I'm not interested."
"No?" Kika's grin widened.
"No."
"Okay." Kika stood, her chair scraping against the floor. "Good. Well, I am. So I'll make sure to ask for her number and…"
Before Kika could take a single step away from the table, Alexia's hand shot out and grabbed her arm, pulling her back down into her seat with enough force that only made Kika's smirk grow bigger.
"No. You stay here," Alexia said firmly, already standing and abandoning her wet fries and half-drunk scotch. "I'll go."
"Wow!" Vicky called after her. "Look at our captain having some attitude!"
The rest of the table's laughter followed Alexia as she walked toward you. She couldn't help but feel like this was all a plan her friends had plotted.
But she didn't care about it now. Not when she was so close to you.
You had your back to her, which was good, that way Alexia could actually breathe, think of what to say and find a way to make her heart stop beating so loudly against her ribs.
When you turned around, Alexia didn't waste a second.
"Hola," she said simply, standing with her hands in her pockets.
"Oh, hi," you said. "W-what can I get you?"
Alexia smiled. She liked your voice. A lot. She wanted to hear it more, and for that to happen, she needed to keep up a conversation.
Alexia glanced at the drinks menu in her hands contemplatively before pushing it aside.
"I don't think I want to drink anything," Alexia said, taking the seat at the middle stool and resting her face in her hands.
She was trying so hard to be nonchalant. She was sure she was failing at that, too.
But she didn't mind, because it worked.
Days had passed since that first interaction, and Alexia realised you were a very nice person to talk to. She liked being around you; you made Alexia feel comfortable, more like herself.
You didn't make her feel like the Alexia Putellas.
Alexia could just be 'Ale' when she was around you, and you seemed to be just as comfortable.
As Alexia started going to the bar more frequently, always finding herself on one of the barstools just to talk to you, she noticed how perfectly you fit into her life.
You checked every box she had written down in her notebook.
You were someone she was attracted to, someone who didn't expect anything from her; you were someone who could keep things simple.
You were a perfect candidate for casual sex and a great candidate to show Cata and Patri that Alexia, as expected, could handle casual sex with mastery.
They knew you, so they wouldn't think she was lying about some made-up person or anything like that.
Plus, you were pretty.
Alexia enjoyed watching you - the way you moved behind the bar, the way you scrunched your nose when a customer told you something you didn't quite agree with, but were too polite to argue. The way you always had a book under the bar counter, sneaking a few glances at it whenever the bar wasn’t too crowded.
Alexia especially liked how your eyes lingered on her just a second too long sometimes; it gave her a confidence she didn't know was missing.
Alexia thought she was going to have to orchestrate some elaborate plan to initiate anything remotely physical with you.
She had been running through scenarios in her head: staying late at the bar, finding excuses to touch your hand, maybe asking you out for coffee.
But she didn't need any of that.
While Ale was out at La Camila with a few of the girls one night, you had accidentally thrown scotch onto her shirt.
Your face had gone pale immediately, and apologies tumbled from your lips even though Alexia kept telling you it was alright, that it was just a shirt, that these things happened all the time.
You had insisted on helping her clean it up, leading her down a narrow corridor toward the back of the bar, right into a beer storage room.
The space was tight, barely wide enough for two people, and Alexia could feel the heat radiating from your body as you kept talking nervously and trying to clean her shirt with a wet cloth.
That's when Alexia kissed you.
Alexia's kiss was hungry but deliberate, as if never once in her life had she been out of control. Her touch was firm. She was spilling herself up against you completely. She was the one who had initiated the kiss, but it was very clear that the more desperate one was you.
Alexia enjoyed remembering the kiss afterwards, remembering how your tensed body relaxed as soon as she touched you, how uneven your breathing became, how nervous you were about being in a closed space with her, yet how eagerly you responded to her mouth and gentle touches.
She remembered the soft touch of your hand against her hip, the way you pulled her closer to you.
The memory of that night was imprinted in Alexia's DNA: your shallow moans; how beautiful you looked under the dim light, your lips parted and eyes wide.
These were all things Alexia would make sure to keep in her mind. Maybe forever.
"Gracias por el beso," Alexia murmured in your ear, just as she placed her hand on your hip and moved you slightly to the side so she could walk out of the tight corridor back to the main area of the bar. [Thanks for the kiss]
You needed more of her. That was it.
More kisses. More attention. More everything.
Thank God Alexia needed that, too.
And that's how your arrangement began.
Cafeteria Ani was one of Alexia's favorite cafes, mainly because it was a cosy, quiet place just outside of Barcelona; somewhere Alexia could go to recharge, have her usual black coffee along with xuixos, and just… be herself.
She had never shared this place with anyone else before.
The sounds of the espresso machine among the low murmurs of conversation were for Alexia's ears alone.
The table tucked right in the corner, next to a holm oak, had become her home of some sort. The way its branches hit against the window on breezy days was one of the most cherished sounds in Alexia's life.
Ani was Alexia's little corner of the world. It belonged to her and only her. She had promised herself not to bring anyone else here.
Until, well, you came along.
That was Alexia's first rule-breaking.
Patri had very clearly told her that she didn't think Alexia was capable of keeping something casual, that Alexia always had to get her feelings in the mix whenever she was talking to a pretty girl. And maybe Patri was right.
Damn. Patri was right.
Patri had told her to just have a normal and casual conversation with you about the new dynamics Alexia was trying to settle, but of course, Alexia had insisted on inviting you here to taste the best café in Barcelona while buying you a cappuccino and croissant.
You were sitting across from her, your fingers wrapped around your cappuccino cup. Your fingertips were red - Alexia wondered if the mug wasn't too hot for your delicate skin.
"So," Alexia started, studying you with a warm smile on her face. "I asked you to meet me here so we can talk about us."
"Us?" you echoed softly, though Alexia sensed the slightest bit of mischief in your voice as you took a sip of your coffee.
"Us, guapa," Alexia said with a smile. "I think we should be on the same page, sí? Make sure we want the same things?"
That's when you looked at Alexia, really looked.
Your eyes were wide, your lips with a brownish tint from your drink, and the steam of the cup right on your face made your eyes seem hazy.
Alexia gulped. It wasn't fair that you were that beautiful. Not fair that you made her blood warm throughout her body.
"I-I'm, well, not really interested in anything serious," you said quietly, letting your gaze rest on Alexia's hands and how small they made her cup look.
"I know that might sound... I don't know. But I'm just really busy with my master's program and I don't have time for complicated things right now, you know?"
Alexia nodded, trying to ignore the small, stupid part of her that felt disappointed.
Why was she disappointed? You were looking for the same thing as her! It just showed how perfect you were for Alexia.
"That's perfect, actually," Alexia said, clearing her throat. "I mean – not perfect, but good. Because I feel the same way."
You squinted your eyes at Alexia. "You do?"
"Sí," Alexia said honestly, although she wasn't sure why the word felt heavy, as if it was untrue. "Just… Well, I'm sure you're aware by now how crazy my schedule is. Training is very intense right now, and I have matches every week. I just don't have any energy for anything serious."
You nodded along with Alexia, giving her the confidence she needed to continue. It didn't seem like you were judging her. It seemed like you… understood her!
"What I'm trying to say is–" the Catalan continued, feeling her cheeks flush lightly. "I just want something easy and fun. The girls from the team said I need to relax a little, so I thought I might do that."
It was your turn to blush, but you were able to hide it better than Alexia.
You smiled a little awkwardly.
"Fun?" you repeated, like you were testing the word out, testing the whole proposition out, as if you had never had this kind of dynamic before.
Alexia wasn't surprised you hadn't. You were fairly young. Younger than her by a good ten years.
The age criteria was the only thing she had agreed not to stick with. Plus, she liked the thrill of having someone a few years younger, though she wasn't going to say that to anyone. It felt a bit too dirty.
Funny how things had changed since Alexia met you.
"Fun," Alexia confirmed, leaning back in her chair, trying to look composed even though her palms were sweaty. "Well… sex. That's what I mean. No expectations, no walking around in circles, just sex when we want to."
Alexia studied your face as you sat in silence, as if not sure what to say.
You had chocolate smudged around your mouth, and she wasn't going to be the one to tell you to clean it. You looked cute.
She wanted to kiss you - again.
Since Alexia had kissed you inside one of the storage rooms at La Camila days ago, all she could think about was the taste of your lips.
She felt jealous of the pastry that touched your mouth, jealous of the coffee that burned your tongue. Alexia was so far gone for you, it wasn't even funny.
One kiss. That was all it had taken to send her headlong into falling for you completely.
But still, she needed to keep it casual, for her own sake and, well, her pride.
Patri and Cata hadn't believed she could handle casual sex, and she was dead set on proving to them how unattached she could be.
Maybe she felt a little guilty using you to prove a point.
But it wasn't like you were going to know about it. And it also wasn't like you were part of an inside joke between the Barça girls.
She did find you hot, attractive and funny. She wanted to spend time with you, no matter what the girls said or didn't say.
Alexia was really attracted to you, but she also couldn't allow her feelings to get in between her work and the dare.
You finally looked up at her, a shy smile on your face. "Okay. I think I can do fun."
And it was only fun for a while. Until it wasn't.
Three months into whatever this was with you, Alexia was certain of two things:
One: The sex was incredible.
Two: She was completely and utterly fucked.
The arrangement had actually started exactly as planned. You two had casual meetups, good conversation, and even better sex. No strings attached, no feelings. Nothing!
Or at least that was what Alexia told herself every time she had to physically peel herself from your sleeping figure to go to training.
For some reason, it always hurts to leave you alone, looking so soft.
She stifled those feelings deep in her chest, though. These feelings weren't in the script; they weren't written down on the symbolic contract you both had signed.
You had both agreed on the terms of casual sex. You both had laid out very clear expectations of what the relationship would look like.
Alexia couldn't just... throw it all in the trash just because she blushed when you looked at her or because her hands trembled a little whenever you stripped in front of her, even though she always tried to look tough for you.
It started with small things that Alexia considered to be casual, but Patri and Cata didn't.
Whenever Alexia was waiting for her smoothie to be blended before training, she found herself texting you a 'bon dia! :)' text. [good morning]
Sometimes she would send you a simple message throughout the day, wishing you good luck on your tests, experiments and presentations that you sometimes let slip while getting yourself dressed after spending the night in Alexia's apartment.
You were the sweetest girl in the world, so you always replied to Alexia's messages in the same gentle and soft tone.
Then, Alexia started to do things that were obviously not casual at all, even for her, like inviting you on date nights.
At first, they all ended up in sex.
Then, after a few weeks, they just turned into normal hangouts with a few stolen kisses and nothing more, and Alexia found herself enjoying those kinds of activities as much as sex.
The most dangerous of all Alexia's rule-breaking was when she started to memorise small things about you, like your coffee order, favourite movie, book and TV show, and even your class schedule.
She knew Tuesdays were the most stressful because you worked as a TA during the morning and then had biochemistry classes with the other graduate students.
This information was important for obvious reasons. She needed to know when you would want her most, so she could plan her schedule around meeting you during late nights.
Tuesdays were usually the days you were more clingy, and by that, Alexia meant you turned into a pliant version of yourself, one that begged Alexia to make you come so you could blow off some steam.
Alexia was empathetic, so, of course, she was going to help you with that!
Alexia had come to learn you were quite independent, perhaps too independent.
If you were dealing with an issue with your family or having some difficulty writing your thesis, you kept it to yourself.
If you weren't feeling good, you kept quiet and pulled away for a few days, but you always came back to her.
It was selfish, but Alexia enjoyed knowing you needed her in some way, that you would call her when you wanted to feel pleasure. It was good to feel needed, even if it was only about sex.
During training, Alexia found herself looking at her phone during any water break just to check if you had sent her a message. Whenever you did, she would smile at her phone like a kid on Christmas morning.
The breaking point of it all came on a random Friday morning.
Alexia was at training, doing passing drills with the girls, when a water break was called.
Everybody sighed happily and moved to the benches. Alexia was no different, but while she was doing it, she felt a presence behind her. Cata's shoulder bumped into hers a little too hard.
"Ay! What was that for?" Alexia rubbed her arm, a pout on her face.
"You were smiling at your phone before training started… again," Cata said, her arms crossed and her eyebrow raised. "Let me guess, your casual friend?"
"I was not–"
"You were. I could see it before I even stepped on the pitch." Patri chimed in while jogging over, a water bottle in her hand. "You looked very happy, extremely happy, mi reina."
"I didn't look like anything," Alexia grumbled. "I was just texting her! It's normal."
Somehow, saying your name out loud felt prohibited.
"Sí, it's normal to text her, Ale," Cata said, shrugging. "What is not normal is to bring her to games and insist you two are nothing more than casual."
Alexia took a sip of her water, feeling her cheeks flushing. "We are casual. I just wanted her to see me play, that doesn't mean we're not casual."
"Right," Patri said slowly. "So casual that you brought her to the after-game celebration with us, too? Remember? Two weeks ago at that restaurant?"
"She watched me play for ninety minutes!" Alexia defended herself. "I wasn't going to let her go home hungry. Plus, the team didn't seem to mind her presence. You two were actually very happy to see her."
Patri held both her hands up, as if defending herself.
"Whoa, I never said anything against her. Y/n's a sweet girl. I'm just saying you lost the dare." She said with a grin. "You aren't casual. Damn, you seem more in a relationship with her than when you were with Olga!"
Alexia rolled her eyes so hard she could feel a headache starting to form in her frontal lobe. "Don't be dramatic, Patri! I did not lose the dare."
"You did," Cata said as if it were final. "Fuck, I should have bet money on that. I knew you were too much of a softie to have a friend with benefits."
"I didn't lose the dare because I don't like Y/n like that!" Alexia could feel the lie burning her tongue as if she were a sinner who had stepped into Sunday mass. "She's nothing but sex to me."
Cata studied Alexia, and then she smirked dangerously.
"If she's only sex to you, why did Jana tell me you keep cornering her whenever you two have gym together, so you can keep asking for details about her master's program, so you could understand what she talks about?"
Alexia let her face distort into a scowl. "I-I just don't like to feel dumb when she talks about her studies."
"If she were only sex to you, you wouldn't care if she thinks you're dumb or not," Patri said gently, as if she was letting Alexia know something very delicate. "I'm sorry to say, Ale, but you're doing it."
"Doing what?"
"Falling," Cata said. "You said you wanted to be casual. You made that whole list with criteria, remember? You made fun of Pina and me for holding hands and going out together... and now look at you."
"I-I... We aren't–" But Alexia couldn't finish the sentence.
"I saw the way you looked for her in the stands when we were playing against Atlético de Madrid," Patri said gently.
"And how you ordered her food during that outing without even having to ask her," Cata added. "As if you just knew what she wanted. That's not casual, amiga."
Alexia opened her mouth and closed it. They were right. She knew they were right; there was no reason to fight it, no reason to lie to them anymore. Or lie to herself.
"This was supposed to be casual," Alexia said quietly.
"Yeah," Patri agreed. "It was. So what are you going to do about it?"
It had been two weeks since Alexia started pulling away, and you were trying very hard not to let it hurt you.
She was busy, you told yourself.
It was a demanding season. She had responsibilities as captain. It was fine that she had cancelled the last three times you had made plans.
It was fine that her texts had become sparse and impersonal as the days passed.
It was fine that when you did see each other, she left right after sex instead of staying up talking until 3 am like she used to.
"I have to go, bonita," she said, her body moving from your bedsheets as if they were burning her, although they hadn't seemed to hurt a minute ago.
Your eyes were closed, your mind still caught up in aftershocks of the orgasm Alexia had given you. Your legs were still aching, your chest felt heavy, and your head was dizzy. You were trying to ease your breathing when her words truly caught your attention.
"What?" you mumbled, your words slurring with exhaustion.
You were so tired, you just wanted to sleep, and you foolishly thought that Alexia would stay this time around.
You had been good to her. You have done everything she asked. You talked only when you were supposed to. You were obedient. And still it wasn't enough for her to stay.
"Tengo que ir," she repeated, softer this time. [I have to go]
"I'm sorry I'm leaving," she said.
"It's okay," you said, giving her a sad smile. "I have some papers I need to read for my thesis, anyway."
"Yeah?"
"Sí."
Alexia kissed you before she left.
The taste of yourself on her tongue brought you an urge to hold her, to make her stay, to make a hostage out of her. But the whole world would probably miss Alexia more than you.
Needless to say, the sex was still very consistent between you, too, but it wasn't as soft as before, or as romantic.
Not that casual sex had to be romantic, but it always was with you and Alexia, at least in the beginning. Now, it was just about pleasure, and that was it.
It was fine.
No.
It wasn't fine.
Every time Alexia showed up with your specific coffee order, every time she asked about your thesis, every time she looked at you like you were fascinating and smart and beautiful, you fell a little harder for her.
"She's pulling away," you told Susana one Tuesday night, while you both were working behind the bar. The place was quiet, with only a few customers scattered around. "And I don't even know why! It's not like I've been doing anything different lately!"
The Barça girls weren't there, and you were glad for that.
You didn't want to look at Alexia. Or maybe you did. It was confusing.
"You should just ask her, chica," Susana said while pouring vodka for a blonde girl who was waiting at the counter. "Ask if something's bothering her, or if she's dealing with something personal."
"I can't, Ana!" you said, rolling your eyes. You turned to grab sparkling wine as another customer arrived, asking for a mimosa. "We're supposed to be casual. Casual means not making things weird or asking... uncomfortable questions."
Susana hummed. "I think you and I have very different perceptions of what casual means."
"Huh?" you asked, tilting your head.
"Casual doesn't mean being treated like shit, at least for me," Ana said, her tone so sharp it hurt. "You two clearly aren't in sync with what this relationship is. Alexia's not treating you right, and it's hurting you."
You winced, starting to dry the glasses to avoid her eyes.
"Ale... she's not like that, Ana. She doesn't treat me badly. I think I'm the one who's expecting more than she can give, or well... or maybe more than we agreed on."
"Asking for basic decency isn't expecting too much, amiga," Susana said in a softer tone this time. "When's the last time you two actually talked? Had a real conversation? You like to talk, I know that's important to you."
Fuck. You couldn't remember.
You bit your lip, still avoiding Susana's eyes.
"When's the last time she stayed after sex?" she pressed.
"Ana, she's busy! She can't just throw everything in the air for me," you said defensively.
Why were you trying to protect Alexia's reputation when she was the reason you cried two nights in a row, you weren't sure.
"Chica," Susana sighed, her expression softening. "You're allowed to want more than this. Even if it's something casual, you deserve respect, sí?"
That was the problem. You did want more. You wanted so much more than Alexia was willing to give.
And now she was pulling away, and you were terrified it was because she had grown bored of you.
Maybe she had.
You missed the casual date nights.
You missed going to watch her play.
You could have very well bought a ticket yourself and gone to a Barça game, but it didn't feel right anymore, not when Alexia clearly didn't want to see you there.
Maybe she wanted to keep things separated? Keep her professional and personal life apart from whatever you two had?
The thought stung so much that you had to ask for a break earlier than usual, just to go outside and breathe in some fresh air.
You had come to think of Alexia as a friend of some sort, someone you could rely on.
You always struggled to open up and be vulnerable, but that changed as soon as you met Alexia. She somehow made it easier, made you want to put your guard down.
You were trying to do it every day, going against your instincts just so you could maybe get closer to her.
But as soon as you did it, as soon as you started to open your heart a little more, Alexia started to pull away, and you couldn't help but think you were being punished for it.
Maybe it was a stupid idea to have a casual sex arrangement when you had never even dated anyone before. If you had, maybe you wouldn't be so desperate for romance, for emotional proximity.
It was probably an even more foolish idea to have Alexia Putellas as your first sexual partner - not that she knew about it.
Stupid because she was irritatingly good in bed, so good that she had now set your expectations through the roof.
Perhaps it was the age gap between you two.
You would be twenty-three soon, around the same time Alexia would be thirty-two.
The age gap never bothered you, but maybe Alexia felt like you were too young, too immature to be with her? Too immature to handle commitment, that's why she kept it strictly physical.
You groaned, looking up at the sky. At the same time, a black cat ran past your legs, leaving a trail of fur on your pants.
You rolled your eyes and bent over to pat the hair away.
You wished you were that cat, wished you didn't have the capability to have romantic feelings for anyone, wished you could feel happy just existing in the world as it was, sneaking into alleys through the night.
Alexia was in Mallorca for an away game. The match had probably just ended. You wanted to check the result, but you didn't reach for your phone.
You started to fidget with your shirt, instead, wondering if Alexia would show up when she came back.
She always reached for you after she was away at training camp for Spain or away for Barcelona.
You hated how much you missed her, hated how you couldn't even send a text telling her that because she had stopped being soft with you, seemingly overnight.
Alexia, meanwhile, was dying.
The week Alexia spent away in Mallorca for two different games for La Liga just made it even more obvious what she already suspected: Alexia missed you constantly.
She was falling for you, more and more every day.
She had thought that putting some distance between you and her would help. Instead, it made everything worse.
She missed your smiles, your rants about uni, and the way you fit perfectly against her side whenever you two were cuddling.
She missed the way you always had books on your bedside table, the way you insisted on drinking coffee even if it was way past 6 pm.
As soon as she had arrived from Mallorca, she texted you, asking if you wanted to meet her.
You didn't reply for the whole day, then she checked your shared calendar and saw that you had meetings with your advisors all day. That only meant more time away.
"You look miserable, Ale," Jana said at training, with sympathy in her voice.
"I'm fine."
"You're missing every pass," Patri said. "I threw three perfect balls at you and you missed them all!"
Alexia had absolutely no defence for that.
She was distracted and unfocused; she had been like that for a few weeks. Yesterday, she missed three out of five penalty shots during training.
Pere even asked her if she was okay.
She wasn't. Of course, she wasn't.
She hadn't seen you properly for some time, really seen you, talked to you. The meetups were too quick, just for sex and nothing more.
Alexia wanted more; she wanted to stay, but she was too scared that these feelings might grow into something she couldn't control. So she kept them locked.
Alexia was scared about what having a new relationship at this point in her life would mean.
She had broken up with Olga because the routine was exhausting; she couldn't keep up with Olga's routine, and Olga couldn't keep up with hers.
Alexia didn't want to lose you like that, too.
At least with this arrangement, she could be by your side without being scared you were going to leave her, because you weren't even hers in the first place.
There was something both disturbing and peaceful about that.
With the arrangement, she could be close to you, even if it was just sexually.
Alexia could kiss your lips, smell your shampoo, and hear your sweet noises as her fingers worked on you.
The Catalan loved the sex, loved being close to you, but she had to bolt whenever the sex was over.
She couldn't allow her feelings for you to mature into something too dangerous. Alexia told herself she had responsibilities to fulfill; she had a team that needed her, a family.
If she were being honest, she couldn't exactly see how being with you could get in the way of her responsibilities.
Maybe she was just using it as an excuse.
The truth was, she was scared to let go again, scared to trust someone deeply, scared that it might end up like Olga all over again.
She hated Patri and Cata now.
Hated how they had dared her to start something casual.
She wished she hadn't started anything at all.
Wished she had never met you. That way, at least, she wouldn't have to care about the storm of feelings in her chest.
Alexia's mind was a mess, and the schedule for the Champions League and La Liga was getting busier every day.
Even if she wanted to spend more time with you, it was like she could barely fit you into her tight schedule.
"Just talk to her," Jana said gently. "Whatever you two have going on... maybe communication would help."
"There's nothing to talk about," Alexia said, closing her locker door, her towel wrapped around her shoulder. "I-I don't even know what to talk about with her."
"Ale," Jana said, placing a comforting hand on her shoulder as Patri sat on one of the benches, watching the captain with careful eyes.
"You're clearly sad. Last time Vicky and I went to Bar La Camila, she was there, and she looked sad too. You two should talk it out."
Alexia didn't answer, but she also didn't move. She let the younger girl continue.
"I obviously don't really know what's happening between you two," Jana said, "but I think deep down you know what should be done. You're usually very at peace with your decisions, but as of late, you seem to be walking in your own personal hell."
Alexia let Jana's suggestion marinate in her mind for a while. She needed to see you, even for a few minutes.
She grabbed her phone and checked your shared calendar, which was, once again, a very brilliant idea; she saw that tonight it was one of the evenings you would be working at Bar La Camila.
So Alexia drove there, without warning. She just couldn't help herself. She wasn't planning to talk things out; she just wanted to see you, to check on you.
The bar had just opened, and a few customers were already lingering near the counter. Alexia sat in a corner of the room, away from her usual spot on the stool.
You hadn't seen her yet, and she didn't want to interrupt you now.
You were very concentrated as you mixed drinks, and you had told Alexia multiple times how stressful it was to make these elaborate drinks.
Alexia waited until you were done, in hopes of talking to you before the bar could get more crowded.
She waited, and waited.
But the line of customers didn't seem to end. She watched as Susana approached you and said something that made a smile light up on your face.
Alexia wondered when the last time she had made you smile like that was.
Alexia was too soaked in her own self-pity and didn't notice how the customers had dissipated from the bar. All except for one girl, who was sitting at the counter, right on Alexia's stool.
The brunette girl was talking to you while nursing her drink, one you had made.
She was incredibly pretty. Alexia hated admitting that.
The girl leaned closer and brushed her fingers on your arm. Alexia squinted her eyes.
You weren't pulling away. You weren't giving her one of your awkward smiles to let the girl know you weren't interested.
No, you were talking to her, and even from across the room, Alexia could see a faint blush on your face, not one of nervousness, but flattery.
Alexia wasn't one for jealousy.
All of her relationships till now were free of jealousy. The women who had been with her never gave her a reason to doubt them, and Alexia was, usually, a very confident and chill person to even fathom the feeling of jealousy.
But then again, they were relationships. You, on the other hand, were nothing but sex. Casual. Casual didn't involve complicated feelings of jealousy.
Alexia couldn't even allow herself to be jealous; she had been treating you like shit because of her own insecurities and fear, and Alexia was self-aware enough to know that.
But that didn't mean she liked watching you talk with other girls who were clearly flirting.
Alexia's hand tightened around the table she was in, and that's when she got up, moving in your direction.
The girl was asking for your number right at the same time as Alexia appeared at the bar, right by the girl's side.
"Hola, guapa," Alexia said with a smirk, hiding the vulnerability burning in her chest.
You looked at Alexia with wide eyes, clearly in shock to see her.
"Oh, Ale! Hi! I'm sorry I didn't reply earlier-"
Before you could finish, Alexia leaned over the bar and gave you a peck on the lips.
It was an innocent kiss, your lips barely touching.
It wasn't like Alexia never kissed you in front of people, at least here at La Camila, where it was more secluded, but still, you weren't expecting it, nor was the girl in front of you.
The girl you had been flirting with because you needed to find a distraction from Alexia, find something that made you think of something else, rather than Alexia's lips, voice, or touch.
You weren't planning to sleep with the girl, but maybe a date? Well, the date was clearly ruined given the girl's expression.
Her face fell, and her hand loosened its grip around her glass.
"I'm sorry?" the girl said slowly, looking at your astonished face, then at Alexia's delighted one. "I didn't know you had someone-"
"I don't."
"She does."
You and Alexia said at the same time, looking at one another, completely baffled.
What did Alexia mean by 'she does'?
The girl opened her mouth and then closed it.
"Well, you two clearly need to talk about some stuff. Bye, Y/n. It was nice to meet you."
You looked at Alexia, a pout on your face. "What was that, Alexia?"
"What, guapa?" Alexia asked in faux innocence, taking a seat on her stool, the stool she used to sit on every day when you two first started... whatever it was you two had.
"You said I had someone," you explained to her, impatience clear in your voice.
"You do," Alexia shrugged.
"Who?"
Alexia looked around, as if looking for someone. "Me, bonita. Don't you see? No one else is around."
"Maybe no one else is around because you keep sending them running from me," you grumbled under your breath, taking a glass and filling it with orange juice. You knew it was Alexia's go-to drink when she was in the middle of the season.
Alexia accepted the glass, but didn't drink right away. Instead, she looked at you carefully, her head tilting, and her usual cocky expression disappeared, placing a softer one in its place.
"Do you want somebody else?"
That caught you off guard.
You looked up at her, startled. "What?"
"I know our casual sex thing didn't mean exclusivity," Alexia began slowly. "But if you want to-"
"I don't want to," you said, eyes furrowing. "Do you want to be with somebody else?"
Maybe it was your period approaching. Or the exhaustion from your master's program and the endless nights working.
Maybe it was Alexia showing up out of nowhere, not giving you time to brace yourself. It was everything at once.
Tears were unexpectedly prickling in your eyes at the thought of Alexia wanting somebody else.
You didn't have the right to feel this way; you had been the one flirting with another girl earlier.
Thank god the bar was dim enough that Alexia couldn't see your face properly. You didn't want her to see you cry over the thought of her being with someone other than you.
You hadn't been interested in Maria anyway.
She was just your body's desperate attempt to find a distraction and get rid of the constant thoughts that ran through your mind, all of them circling back to Alexia.
You were well aware Alexia wasn't obsessed with you the same way you were with her; she didn't reciprocate your feelings.
What you two had was purely physical, and you painfully knew Alexia wanted to keep it that way.
Perhaps that's why it hurt so much.
Alexia pulled you out of your thoughts when her cold hands covered yours. "I don't want anyone else," she said quietly.
"No?" you said in surprise. "Really?"
Alexia chuckled, looking at you softly. "No, bonita."
"Oh, okay," you said, feeling your breath loosening as relief washed over you. "Good."
"Good?" She teased gently.
"I like being exclusive with you," you said in a low voice, looking down.
Alexia carefully tilted your chin up with her fingers until you met her hazel eyes. "I like it too, bebé."
You smiled at her, letting your heart feel all the things you had been trying to suppress.
You missed Alexia, missed existing with her outside of quickie sex sessions and awkward conversations while she was getting dressed, ready to leave your house.
You wanted things to be just like the beginning of the arrangement, soft and easy.
"I missed you," you whispered, genuinely. "A lot."
"Me, too, guapa," she said, in the same honest tone. "How could I not when you have such a pretty face, huh?"
You blushed at the compliment, and Alexia smirked in return.
"When are you leaving?" she asked.
"In an hour."
"I'll wait," she said simply. "We're going to my place. I have to make up for the days I was away."
You liked how she didn't ask; she just declared it.
Alexia was a dangerous woman.
She was soft and flirty, and she gave you mixed signals all the time, but you could never say no to an invitation to warm the left side of her bed.
You thought that spending a whole week away from Alexia - not having replied to her text messages properly - would have ended any lingering connection between you.
But that was far from the truth. The drive to her place was easy.
Talking with Alexia was effortless, and you wondered how you had drifted apart from each other so abruptly when it was clear how much chemistry there was between you and Alexia.
You wanted to be closer to Alexia again, emotionally.
You wished she would want the same, but while she didn't, you were happy to fulfil this need with sex.
You were straddling her, both of your legs were hooked around Alexia's waist, pulling her closer with each thrust.
You were on top of Alexia, her warm, humid breath condensing against the shell of your neck as she bucked her hips, meeting your body halfway each time.
This was far from being one of the first times you had sex with Alexia, but it felt like, no matter how many times had passed, you were still trying to decipher each other's bodies and read each other's tells,
The latter was easy to know, at least when it came to Alexia.
The Catalan was soft, so soft you wondered she might not be earthly made.
When you were tangled in her sheets, both naked and needy, you could see all the different versions of Alexia, all the patchwork pieces that made her who she was.
Alexia was a book of tiny chronicles that you could read with your fingertips, each page revealing a new version of her.
Alexia was as oblique as her position on the pitch.
When she kissed you, it was unhurried; she trailed her tongue over your palate slowly before sucking on your tongue, swallowing your breathy moans.
When she touched you, her palms were dominant, as if she held any type of power over you - she didn't, and you both knew it. The thrill came from the fact that you let her do whatever she wanted with you.
Alexia was assertive, commanding and leading.
What she needed during sex was control. And you gave it to her willingly and patiently, because surrendering yourself to someone else's hand was exactly what you needed to climax.
It was almost comical how compatible you and Alexia were in bed.
So much so that you couldn't even complain about how sore her strap was stretching your walls, you couldn't even pout about how your breasts were aching from how much attention Alexia had given to them minutes ago.
You had never been so sexually satisfied.
Maybe it was because she had spent too many days in Mallorca, or maybe because the position you were in reminded you of the first time you and Alexia had had sex inside her car months ago, or well, the first time you had had sex ever.
In moments like this, when Alexia was hot against your chest, her voice sweet as honey, you wondered if you should tell her, let her know she was your first.
Not that it mattered now, it had already happened, but still, it felt like you were hiding something from her.
When Alexia proposed the agreement all those weeks ago in May, you were apprehensive to let her know you didn't have any sexual experience, scared that she might turn you down.
Being somebody's first sexual partner wasn't something sensual, and casual sex was all about being sensual and easy. You didn't want to put Alexia in a position where she would feel like she had to do anything special because it was the first time you were seeing someone naked.
You were tired of waiting for the right girl to come, which led you to spend your undergraduate years without sex of any kind and at twenty-two, you had had enough.
When Alexia proposed the agreement to you, you thought she was mocking you. But no, she really wanted it.
Wanted you, so of course you agreed.
The small detail of your inexperience was put aside in order to achieve the perfect agreement.
And what a perfect dynamic you two had created from that.
Yes, perfect, because right now, with Alexia's lips wrapped around your nipple, you couldn't think about one single thing that could bother you.
The lack of messages didn't matter, the bolting after sex was long gone, the hurt you felt for being in second place in Alexia's life was merely an afterthought, given how she was sucking your tits so perfectly, her tongue rubbing against your sensitive nub as her strap was buried deep inside you.
You were wrong about that before, claiming Alexia wasn't obsessed with you the same way you were with her, because she was, you were sure.
All those days without sex made you forget why you were even with Alexia if she didn't give you the attention you wanted, but with her face buried on your chest and the base of her strap rubbing your clit exquisitely, you realised there was no one you would rather be with.
Alexia was a sex goddess.
Her mouth sucked and bit and licked you in all the right places, her commanding hand gripped and slapped your body in a way to leave marks the day after.
Her strap - oh her strap, how much have you missed it - fucked your pussy deliciously, so much so that you wondered if your life goals were just to be a hole for her to fill, someone to be there when she needed some release.
Alexia was also obsessed with your tits; she always had to have her mouth on them.
The first time you had had sex, she couldn't stop spilling compliments about your chest. That gave you the confidence you needed to let how and give yourself to her completely.
"Dios, estás tan buena," Alexia murmured, letting go of your tit with a pop. "Me vuelven loca tus pechos." [You are so good. Your tits drive me crazy.]
Her hand tightened on your hips, guiding you up and down her strap, getting herself deeper and deeper until you were certain she was hitting your cervix.
Your head fell back while your hand gripped her shoulder, probably leaving a mark for her teammates to tease her tomorrow.
You didn't know how Alexia could always take you so perfectly, how she could make you come even when your body was barely working due to tiredness. But she did.
She was patient, devoted and focused, even though she didn't owe you that. Still, she gave you her time, and you were grateful.
She never complained when you warned her it might take you longer to come, she never rolled her eyes when you asked her to change her rhythm, or to do other things, touch you somewhere else.
Maybe your friend's horror stories about selfish partners had ruined your sexual experience before it even began, and that was why Alexia's patience and understanding felt so precious.
Your clit was rubbing against her strap, and her mouth was still sucking your breast, making your brain feel dizzy.
Her fingers were digging at your hips, pulling and pushing you into her, the friction making her own hips twitch, bringing her closer to the edge.
You were close to your high, too.
Your head was lighter, your limbs heavier, your breathing uneven, and the rapid beating of your heart made you wonder if you were going through arrhythmia.
You bite your lips hard, trying to hold off your orgasm, a feeling that had become rather familiar ever since Alexia walked into your life.
"No," Alexia whispered, brushing her thumb against your mouth until you released your bite. "You're gonna hurt yourself."
"But you like to bite my lips," you murmured, holding yourself from rolling your eyes as Alexia's hips meet you deeper. "Fuck ale-"
"But I know not to draw blood." Alexia pressed her thumb into your lips, coaxing them open, "You don't."
Her thumb stayed heavy on your mouth as you sucked it eagerly. Alexia's eyes never left your face, as if mesmerised, bewitched, or both - you might never know.
"Guapa," she murmured, a smirk tugging at her lips. "So pretty for me. I want you like this all the time, pussy and mouth full of me."
"Ale-" you mumbled, your words slurred from her thumb. "Please, I-"
"Shh," Alexia leaned her face over, kissing your temple, her hips still moving, thrusting deeply. "I'm gonna make you feel really good, just enjoy me."
Alexia pressed her body against you, the pressure of her hips making you feel every inch of her.
"Joder," Alexia moaned, glancing down at where you two were joined, the stick mess that had formed from your wetness. "I'm in so deep, bebé."
"You are," you breathed, nodding solemnly as your eyes fixed on her face,
Alexia was beautiful. Her pink lips were parted, her hair was soft and smelling faintly of honey from her new shampoo.
You wanted to curl into her side and stay there until you both dissolved.
Her teeth were small and white, perfect for leaving those marks on your skin, claiming every bit of skin she could touch.
The first time she bit you, you had almost gone to a tattoo artist to have the imprint traced permanently, but that wouldn't be very casual, would it?
A/n: this took me so so so long to finish! I'm so sorry!! But I hope it was worth the wait hehehe. Please come talk to me about it <3
yousharknotpass
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jacobvanloon
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