Listening to- as of writing this, The Carpal Tunnel of Love by Fall Out Boy is playing.
I’ve been listening to Mcr and Fob on a looped mix for a few months now. I also enjoy casually listening to Dazey and the Scouts, Destroy Boys, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Car Seat Headrest, Palaye Royale, Måneskin, Mommy Long Legs, and Hozier. Obviously other artists but this has just been the loop for a while.
I try not to be an issue wherever I go, just taking some of my running thoughts and throwing em out onto the internet.
For me when I write, and I think this is the common feeling for many, I’m playing with my dolls. I might say “Dallas” did this and in reality for me it’s a reskinned Ken doll or a Barbie I’m pretending is a Ken because I never had boy dolls growing up.
I don’t know the people who I’m writing about and never will. If by some odd chance I run into Ray Toro, I’m running away. My presence is a burden and that man is an actual stranger living his own life.
Of course in an environment where a celebrity is there to sign things or meet fans, that’s a little different but I still don’t know these people. I’m playing with my Barbie’s in a different font.
My other account in just me spamming stuff and talking about my personal life. I intend to keep this place a little tidier and neat. Post only my little stories and maybe my art too?
Thank you for showing any interest and hello again :))
🗣️ character that is sick and very much with limited time telling Ray to forget them and to get over them. Drop them in a hole and continue life like they never existed
Ray denying them
The two talking for hours
Character finally falling asleep
Ray being restless leaving a kiss on their forehead and scooting out of bed
Ray making breakfast, a big stack of quick mix pancakes
Everybody slowly waking up to the smell, excited for food
"Just Ash!" Mary called out as she led the smaller girl through the house to her bedroom.
Just Ash..
"Look!" She squealed showing a photo collage she made.
It was pretty. All the girls posing and dancing during their trip. Food and drinks they indulge in. Stickers and pins representative of the groups and events they attended. It was a lot.
An unused ticket clung to her board.
Something Ashlee's eyes landed on though was a picture with Mary. Kissing a musician. Not even during a performance or anything. His arm wrapped around the small of her back pulling her into him. Her smile was big. Olive was to the side pointing at them big happy grin.
"You like?" Mary asks big smile on her face it reached her eyes. She really was proud. Was looking for something positive probably.
"Mmm hmm." Ashlee couldn't trust herself to speak, she focused on that ticket instead. She felt her face getting hot and it wasn't just from her stupid sunburn.
"So how was grandma D? You and your grandpa make any new songs?" She asks plopping down into her bed. Her pink and black sheets engulfed her before she'd sit up.
Ashlee would sit on the rug crossing her legs. "No."
"No song? Thought you two always had some jam sesh? Hey.. what's with the new look?"
"I didn't go on the trip. I wanted to follow you and the girls.."
"Follow.. so where were you then?" Mary has an expression of seriousness.
"Who was that ticket for? If you guys didn't want me to come along?"
"Ashlee where did you end up? Are you just now getting home? That's why you have makeup on.. Carmen would never let you.."
"Was it for me? Did you secretly wish I did make it?"
"Ashlee.."
"Oh you have your family trip anyway! You're the one that convinced everyone I wouldn't be able to go! Why'd you get me a ticket? Why waste your money if you didn't want me there?"
She'd climb off her bed, "Ashlee are you okay? Were you somewhere safe at least? Give me that at least?"
"Answer me first!" Ashlee crawled back avoiding the concerned older girl. She'd stand once she was at a safe distance. "Answer me! Because I want to know! You told them! I'm an issue! I've always been an issue for you and your fun!"
"You're just so.. Ashlee.. I really did want you to join us. I did. You're so young though. You're just a kid Ashlee."
A/N- Part of the random mess of unfinished and unthought out Patrick fic kinda Frank fic too but only kinda
No warnings no nada, it’s chill, kinda angst?
Fully unedited, unfinished, it just is a thing!
It was enough to make anyone cry and she did exactly that! Her face was red as she crossed her arms looking over what was, to her, her life destroyed. Frank had an arm around her waist as they just took in the sight.
Some parents may be happy to have their kid back! Valerie’s parents were happy to pinpoint when she’d return solely to ruin her day.
Every time they’d strike, Frank was there with her, would see her heart break over and over again. After so many years it still felt like a new wound to see her like that. After some time he tugged at her waist a little, leading her away from the wreckage as she leaned against him.
Frank and Valerie
The two were inseparable! The best of friends! She lived with him and his mom. Since they were kids, their friendship was always clear. He was the sick kid and she was always bringing him snacks. Carrots, banana chips.
She bribed him into liking her, pretty much. His mom would see her come and go with snacks and laughed to herself.
She was a home schooler so she was around a lot! So on days where she didn’t appear, he was confused.
Before she would move in with the Iero family, there were these days, weeks even, where she’d just get really sick and tired. It was only odd as she was an otherwise healthy kid. It would get pretty bad, fevers that held her down in her bed with no hope of getting out.
The first few times, Frank would go to her house and knock. Her parents would answer and assure him that she was fine, just sick. She had a baby brother and sick was just coming n and out of the family home. Valerie was simply a kid that took getting sick hard.
After he had gotten a better idea of what was happening, he’d gear up, wearing a mask, and would go visit her when she was sick.
In sickness and in health the two were good friends and that would continue through their teen years then their adult lives.
Though the adults in their lives kind of expected them to eventually get together and maybe even marry, that never seemed to be an option. They both had their partners early on but when Frank met Jamia, they knew he loved her. It didn’t seem to be an issue, Valerie loved Jamia and had a good sisterly relationship with her. She wasn’t often perceived as a third wheel, their dynamic would change a little but it wasn’t anything too different.
There was an odd air when Valerie returned home from their summer trip talking about a boy she met in Chicago. Frank definitely didn’t seem comfortable with her being interested in the other male. Made him nervous that the guy was some stranger she’d met while drunk. Made him nervous that he was so far away.
—
The fight
Oh and what’s this? From your little boyfriend!
He waved the envelope around in front of her teasingly.
Give me that back!
She reached for the envelope, Frank snatching it back
It wasn’t that he was jealous, it was that he was insecure, scared even. Of losing her. His friend.
“You don’t even know that guy! And you left me for him!”
“I like him Frank!”
“You met him, what, twice?”
“He lives in a different state! You expect me to talk to him face to face every day?!”
“No! But I expect you not to run away to a complete stranger!”
-
Should we break them up? Getting kinda loud..”
We might get kicked out if they keep it up
Mm no, if they get physical maybe.. they need to get this out l think….
-
No! You left me for him! And you don’t even know him!
His fist tightened around the envelope, crushing it
Well you didn’t know Jamia before you liked her!
Well Jamia-
He dropped the crumpled paper
She was a complete stranger when you first met her!
She’d swoop down and grab it
So what?!
So what? That’s all you’ve got?
Stop bringing her up! She has nothing to do with-
I like him! Frank!
She stretched out the envelope, trying to flatten it out.
I like him a lot! For real!
She was more firm this time. Her eyes glared into his. She wasn’t playing, not anymore.
Frank felt sick, felt weak. That tension between them snapped back at him and it hurt.
I-
I like him! And you know it! So why shouldn’t I talk to him?
Frank freezes for a moment, taking in her words. His fears coming true. His face would become red, eyes glossing over as all these negative thoughts filled his head.
Huh? Why is it such a big deal to you! So what he was a stranger? That’s why he writes these! That’s why we write each other! To know each other!
And then what? You gonna go back to him? Gonna move to fucking Chicago for him?
He had tears in his eyes, his breathing shaky.
What?
You’ll leave. You’ll leave me and Jamia? Leave us? For some- some guy? You’ll leave me alone for some guy? You did it before! You’ll do it a-fucking-gain!
Frankie..
He continues to cry and sputter out noises didn’t quite form coherent words. V would break the gap between them and wrap her arms around his shoulders.
As Frank’s knees gave out beneath him, they’d both take their embrace to the thin hotel carpet as his arms hung at his sides and he buried his face into her neck.
Her eyes dull, emptying out of the anger she previously held. She just stares past him, thinking.
The guys are engrossed in the moment, outsiders to the whole conversation. Mikey knew them decently but like Ray and Gerard, he didn’t know them like this.
Childhood friends, scared to lose each other, scared to grow apart and seeing that it may be unavoidable.
A knocking on the door tears them from their friends on the floor.
Unknown word count, incomplete, just thoughts truly
Maybe when I fix my keyboard I’ll make all this into a properly organized story
The two would stay there on the steps all night. Occasionally, either Patrick’s friends or her own, would come over to check on them.
The second that Pete saw Patrick with a girl he was all smiles, taunting and embarrassing the blonde. Valerie paid his jokes little mind but would still politely greet the sloshed male.
They genuinely seemed to click and when the sun had finally started rising and everyone was leaving or asleep on the floor. Frank had stumbled over to the staircase, clearly intoxicated.
“Vee? Vee! We gotta.. we gotta get back to Chancee!” He was saying clinging to the railing.
Valerie at this point was leaned over into Patrick as the two had gotten tired over the night but neither of them wanted to leave.
She let out a near inaudible chuckle. “Frankie, we can’t go to Chancee right now! He’ll cook my ass!” She told him, clearly a lot more sober now than her friend. She turned up to Patrick, her face close to his, “you know where you’re going?” She asks him.
He flushes red at his proximity to the girl the scent of alcohol on her breath. “Yeah! Umm actually.. I don’t see any of.. them…..” He scanned the room looking for his friends. The fuckers! They left. He didn’t even want to be there!
“They leave you? Wanna come with us? Or need a ride?” She asks finally sitting up on her own. Her warmth went with her, leaving a cool air against Patrick’s side.
“A ride? No no! I’m fine I can get home just fine!”
“You sure?! We’re.. not driving! That’s dumb! I’m not that drunk but I wouldn’t risk it. His mom would kill me! We can get you home!” She assured him standing on unsteady feet. She reaches for the railing like her friend, the two of them clinging to it like their lives depended on it.
Patrick does one more scan before he stands too. He offers her his arms and she takes it as he helps her down to land. “I guess, yeah?”
“Kay let me call Jay, I’ll let him… I’ll let him know..” Frank mumbles leading the way as they head out.
Valerie looks over to Patrick with a light smile, “thank you for talking with me, I enjoyed your company.” She says quietly for him to hear alone.
He smiles back, “I’ve enjoyed your company too! You uh wanna hang out again? No.. no friends dragging us around..” He asks.
They come to a stop on the porch as Frank walks circles in the yard, phone held to his head as he yammered on about the shitty beer he drank, forgetting that he was calling for a ride.
The two older teens sat on a little swing on the porch soaking in the sun and fresh air.
“Mmm probably not..” she says pulling her knees up to her chest and resting her head on her knees.
“Oh..” Patrick thought they really made some kind of connection tonight. He didn’t believe in love at first sight but with her, he definitely thought he felt it. He hoped she’d have felt it too.
Her eyes widened, “No! Not like that! I uhh I don’t live here. Me and Frankie are just visiting! I’m here to see some family and Frank’s mom made him come too. He’s my muscle, y’know?!” She explained. “I uhh I don’t hate you, wouldn’t offer you a ride if I did!” She shrugs.
“Oh.. uhh where.. where do you live then?”
“Jersey?” Shit
“That far.. Guess you did come pretty far, huh?”
“Yeah.! That’s why it’s just me and Frankie. The other guys had their responsibilities, y’know? We’re a little band, still have our own lives. Me and Frankie, we’ve been doing this for a long time. No jobs, no employers dragging us down. Livin’ off the music and offers from good people. And his mom has a room for me at her place!!”
“That makes sense I guess. Is there.. a way we can talk again after we go our separate ways after this?”
She closes her eyes for a moment, thinking. She then raises her head and looks over to her drunken friend now arguing with her cousin over the phone. “Yeah.. lend me a marker or something when we get to your place. I’ll give you my email. Sound good?” She turns to gage his response.
Patrick nods his head. “Yeah! Uh yeah that’ll- that’ll work!”
She nods, “good.. I’d hate to lose you..”
—
I’d hate to lose you… those words would burn deep after the break up. Words that he hung onto throughout their relationship. Words that, when their relationship was noticed by their fans, would be shared with them.
It was sweet and it was innocent. That’s what made it so special. Their night of, rather than debauchery, they spoke about music and their own experiences in their scenes. And it was funny too as Patrick would learn. The girl who he had met at the party, the girl that was sweet and tipsy, she was not the person that would eventually join mcr.
A few months later, after meeting Patrick and their friendship blooming as they communicated via the internet, she and Frank’s band would come to an end with the other members choosing to go their ways. This left them alone together. But as My Chem’s drummer was wishing to leave and the band were considering another guitarist, they were soon after recruited.
Patrick only really knew her for two days before she and Frank left. As she had told him, she was visiting some family and had never intended on staying long. Had a few cousins and an aunt in Chicago but a lot more of her family were back in New Jersey.
She would hang out with him at his house two days before she left. Frank was there too but he was asleep the whole time, tired from another night of drinking with her older cousin.
While it could’ve been a fluke, their connection being less than they had though, it wasn’t. Even without her being drunk, both sober and in a quieter environment, they really did get along.
He let her choose from his collection of music as they listened to records and talked, sitting on his floor. A couple hours in, one of Patrick’s friends had arrived, Joe.
Frank was down like a rock as the three talked till the late night.
When she left, it was this stressful waiting game. Patrick really liked her. Maybe he had a sort of crush but that wasn’t really all of it. The way she looked at him, listened, he felt seen.
He felt seen by her and he really wanted to talk to her again, about anything! Wanted to hear her play! Wanted her to hear him play!
He wanted to be her friend!
He was nervous everytime he got home, going straight to the computer to see if he’d received any emails from her. nothing.
The first few times, he understood. He reasoned, maybe she was still on the road? Or.. maybe she’s tired! Busy?
He kept checking and nothing!
“Honey? Why don’t you give the computer a break? Huh? Your friends are here?” His mom stood at the door giving him a hopeful grin.
“Yeah. Okay.” Patrick agrees. His eyes scan the screen one more time before he closes out of everything.
Daniel and Ben were going to this house party, wanted Patrick to tagalong.
Everyone at school knew him as the musical kid, was in a few different bands around the streets of Chicago, was in the school’s honor band. But getting him to actually do anything was a chore.
Daniel and Ben had been in the honors band with him last year so he knew them somewhat.
“I dunno dude, I kinda just wanna go to sleep. I’m tired..” that wasn’t a compete lie..
“Nuh uh!” Daniel grins wrapping his arm around Patrick’s shoulder. “You’re not escaping me this time! We’re gonna have fun tonight!”
“Gonna at least get you into the house!” Ben laughs to himself.
—
They’d make it to the house without much stress. They’d been at Ben’s so it wasn’t like the adults were going to hound them for answers on their whereabouts. Patrick just heard a “be safe” from his mom.
“C’mon it’s like one of those group bonding things Mr. Shrute always made us do!”
The music was loud already, could feel the vibrations in your bones just from being in the front yard.
“Yeah but Mr.Shrute just let us run free at the arcade..” Patrick mumbled as they walked into the house engulfed in the music and lights flashing throughout the building.
Escape would actually seem much easier than he imagined. Ben and Daniel would immediately mix in with the rest of the bodies and disappear.
Patrick did a little look around and considered his options. He could join in with the slush of bodies? Enjoy the music? But he wasn’t in the mood right now. His only otheroption was to drink but he wasn’t interested in that either, wasn’t scared like his friends would probably tease. He wasn’t old enough but neither were half the people around him.
He’d eventually turning around. He made eye contact with the door! Then he was on the floor, confused and taken aback by how suddenly he’d been knocked over.
“Shit!” A hand pressed down on his stomach as a girl, the girl, used him to push herself back up and onto her feet. It caused him to weaze as air was forced from him.
He heard her before he registered her presence. As she stood tall above him her lips moved as she looked down at him with concern. He’d just look up at her with wide eyes unsure of anything else.
Wait- she’s talking! Patrick looks around finally remembering what was happening, where he was, his previous goal of escaping.
But as he looked back to her, she was the new goal. As stupid as it would sound, he would swear the world slowed around them. It slowed and blurred as he took in the sight of her. Wearing tight low-rise jeans and an equally tight cropped grey shirt with a bleached pattern of butterflies over it. A thick flannel covered her arms and shoulders but just barely as it was sliding off haphazardly.
He’d snap out of his daze as an arm swung around her shoulder and a guy lay his head against her shoulder.
“Helllllooo you okay? You need to go to the hospital or something?” She asks.
“Valll! What the hell! I barely… barely touched you!” The guy says face getting really close to hers, resting against her shoulder as she stood taller than him.
“You’re drunk! Too strong for your own good!” She scolds him. Her eyes go back down towards Patrick, offering her hand to the downed boy.
Patrick meekly accepts her assistance.
“Nuh! You.. you’re drunk too! Can’t barely walk!” He accuses. “You gonna die on usss?” He asks Patrick.
The girl “Val” laughed at her friends question for the stunned boy.
“Again.. I’m sorry! Guess I am reaching my limit for the night! Am I drunk?!” She sounded unsure but her smile would remain as she looked down to her friend for answers.
“Ehh I was teasin! You’re still there.. just- just be careful! You’re like a fuckin deer! You’re like Bambi!” He reassured her.
He’d look up at her for a moment longer as the two just kind of stared at each other then he grinned as his eyes flickered over to Patrick then back to her. “I’m gonna.. that way! Careful! Don’t fall miss.. miss bambi!” He slurs turning and disappearing. The last they hear of him is a high laugh like a hyena.
Now alone, alone as they could be in a house full of intoxicated strangers, they’d look to each other again then to their still held hands. She’d smile letting his hand slip away before taking it back into the other hand. The action left Patrick confused and excited as she started to tug him behind herself.
“You always so quiet?” She asks out loud for him to hear.
“I’m- no! I’m not!” He stammers.
“Ah! He speaks!” She stops by a coffee table covered in unopened beverages. “Does he drink?” She looks back to him expectantly.
“No!” He answers looking up at her, unsure of himself.
“So he doesn’t! That’s okay!” She’d lead him past the table across the room. She’d drag him over to the stairs leading up.
Whatever was happening upstairs didn’t matter to them as they took purchase on the steps.
As they sit, they’re quiet for a moment. Then the girl pipes up. “My name’s Valerie. By the way..”
“Oh.. I’m Patrick. You uhh.. you do this often? Puhhh-party? Drrrrink?” He scrunched his nose as he asked, punching himself internally.
“Mmm kinda? Not here though, can’t even tell you who lives here. I’m just a visitor passing through right now. Back home I do drink a decent amount.” She shakes her head turning to him and tilting her head. “Why are you here Patrick?”
“Me?! Here?”
“You’re pretty quiet, you don’t drink.. if I’m not mistaken, I think you were leaving before Frank launched me into you.”
“Oh.. uhh my friends? My friends kinda of made me. I didn’t join them last time. It was just fair that I came this time. It was fair to them..”
“That’s shitty. You still wanna leave? I can let you go, don’t want you being here all uncomfortable.”
You
“No! Uhh. If it’s alright, I wanna talk with you?”
“You wanna talk to me? Okay! Uhh what do you like? Do you do anything for fun?”
“I like music? Ska, rock, metal, little bit all over the place! Uhh I been in some bands too?”
She nods, “you’re a musician then? What do you play?”
She slouched a little more her knee touching against him. The feeling alarmed Patrick only a little.
“Oh! I actually- in one of the bands right now I uhh I’m playing the drums!” He smiled telling her.
She smiled. It was a simple little lift at the end of her lips but it was beautiful to him. Then she said something that would later ruin them but in the moment, it was innocent. “I’m in a band too!” She told him happily.
“Oh that’s cool! What do you play? Or do?”
“I’m the drummer too’ My buddy back there is the guitarist and singer. I’ve been in bands with him since we were little! Just babes basically!! We’re pretty tight!” She explains.
“So you’ve been playing for a while then! Cool me too! I uhh I play the guitar too!”
“No!” She laughs.
“Yes!! I actually- I was in the battle of the bands last year! Honor band too!” Patrick can’t help the excitement.
“What other instruments can you play? You a little prodigy?”
Was it a bad idea, yes. Would this end in heartbreak? Very likely. But as he looked at her, he remembered all their calls and texts.
He remembered the late nights when neither of them could sleep. He remembered syncing their tvs to watch a movie together. He remembered the panic calls before exams. Then of course the relief they shared when both succeeded in their worst classes.
He loved her. Truly and fully. Maybe she didn’t love him but maybe that didn’t fully matter. Maybe it was okay to at least try this out. Heartbreak be damned.
Besides… love blossoms and grows, he knew this. Knew that his love for her didn’t start immediately.
Body aches and Crash are being privated for now, I’m not happy with the state of em. For now stray is on its own.
I think my issue with them is that Stray was basically just an idea I already had finished, I just posted it here. While the other two I wrote more recently in relation to stray. I also randomly applied pressure onto myself to write them so I’m not as comfortable with them.
I also privated a few other things for the same reason, no longer comfortable with the state I left em in. They may return, they may not. My winter break is coming up so if I’m motivated we’ll see..
So much nurse Gee and Vampire Gee running through my thoughts during work tonight.
Thinking of lonely vampire Gerard putting out ads for a roommate but people thinking it’s a scam. Everytime it’s taken down they put another one up. None of them are printed, each made by hand.
Taking on a nurse persona when human roommate gets ill.
Vamp gee being able to change their voice a bit kinda like how cats chitter to attract prey
It was a normal day for me, waking up then getting ready for work. My cute undead roommate making some kind of ruckus in his own room.
As I laced up my boots, I heard the oddest thing.
“-chooo!”
A sneeze, from the said undead roommate. In our time together, never have I heard him sneeze. No, he’s never been sick! Can vampires get sick? I’m no scientist but I kinda have my doubts..
I sigh exiting my room and knocking on his door.
“Come in..” came his quiet voice.
I entered, unsure of what I’d find.
I’m met with his little bunches of wheat and figure trains scattered around before I look over to see him.
There on his bed, usually left for decorum, he lay. He lay pathetically in the bed with a rosy flush to his normally paper shaded skin.
Oh this is kinda weird.. this is kinda very weird actually.
“Hey bud?”
His arms shoot up quickly as I fall back a little in the shock of it.
“I’M SICK!!!!” He cried out dramatically.
“You’re sick?” I moved closer again and.. I caught him.. I see a little compact hiding under his pillow…
But I love him so I play along sitting on the edge of his bed moving my hands up to feel his cold face. “Oh hun!! You’re just burnin up! You have a fever?” I ask giving him my sweetest customer service voice.
He agrees, “yeah…” he even fakes a cough.
“Alright hun.. let me call my boss. I’m gonna stay in to take good care of you, okay?”
He has a joyful expression as he agrees to wait.
—-
Hold on.. is he mimicking me?! From when I was sick?!
