lizzie écrit

Liz Johnston | New Orleanian writer with a messy mind...

[lizziewritezandsobs]

A little hunger?

Sometimes it’s a craving.

A desire for a simple taste

Carving at my brain

Dragging itself through my dreams,

And I ponder:

“Should I enjoy myself?

Should I wonder and wander

Through the flora and fauna

Of what I seek to press against my lips—

Even if this once— twice— three times

In an single moment?”

Or should I except the true nature

Of my uncontrollable appetite

Restrict myself

From caloric calamaity

Before it sucks me in

Whole?

[lizziewritezandsobs]

Q,

I should’ve called more

Loved more

Asked you about your favorite dinosaur

I should’ve asked your favorite color

Asked more about your mother

Told you there was a bigger world out there to discover...

Before you were gone

For good.

[lizziewritezandsobs]

Lifeshop

Editing your photos will no longer cut it when you realize It's your life that needs to be fixed.

[lizziewritezandsobs]

Question

And I mean honestly What was I supposed to say? Something that creates a barrier Throw myself on the grown like a road blocker Be a chain? Your heart can't talk. The brain is your only source My only source It's no wonder why I'm so desperate

[lizziewritezandsobs]

I am whole Whether or not I am in touch With all of my parts

[lizziewritezandsobs]

In doubt

I don't, I don't think I can do this. I don't think I can be this patient, this understanding, this kind of kind. I don't think that I can love you through other channels other wavelengths over time zones, over states and regions and still be satisfied still feel whole still feel like I can do this like I can be patient understanding kind.

[lizziewritezandsobs]

PTSD Part II. of IV. by @lizziewritezandsobs

[lizziewritezandsobs]

PTSD part I.

There is something muffled inside my body trying to shout. 

“No,” means no! 

(but “no,” means nothing) 

I repressed the memory and the sound grew dry in my memory’s drought 

“No,” means no! 

(but “no,” means nothing) 

Something hit me when I grew older, the sound escaped from my mouth.

“No,” means no! 

(but “no,” means nothing) 

And that sound was so loud, so clear, and there could be no more doubt. 

“No,” means no! 

(but “no,” means nothing) 

Because when you tried to enter me, you pushed a piece of me out. 

“No,” means no! 

(but “no,” means nothing) 

But now that I remember the truth, it’s all I can think about. 

[lizziewritezandsobs]

The most shameful thing that I have ever done was be human...

[lizziewritezandsobs]

This pussy? Is mine. This body? Is mine. This life? Is mine.

[lizziewritezandsobs]

A short poem in the tags...

[lizziewritezandsobs]

Reflection part I (draft)

I miss the days where you'd sit across from me, nothing touching but our souls and knees, while we drank coffee and exhaled despair. I miss the days when I was overwhelmed with the sweetness and sincerity of emotion and connection, the forming of a bond, like watching a beautiful scene that only God could create. I miss purity and tenderness.

[lizziewritezandsobs]

Goodbye

I'd leave you Never to return Only a memory Burned into your brain And you'd call And the phone is disconnected You'd search for a photo and the image of me will be gone You'd reach out to me and there'd be nothing there to grab My name will be on the tip of your tongue And in pure torture You won't be able to speak it My taste, my touch The sight of me will be gone You'll have no access to my laugh To my smile Only the scent And the feeling Of an abstract concept Who once gave a fuck Will remain And it'll be the most painful thing You will ever experience

[lizziewritezandsobs]

Tribal

Tonight, I danced the dance of my people. Screamed their words, sang their songs. With every last breath, I kept dancing. I felt my ancestors with me. Their blood was my blood. Their pain was my pain. I felt my ancestors were within me. And I danced until I began to sweat. I danced until I could not feel my legs. I danced until I could not breathe. I danced until my body was one with past, present, and future. And then I danced some more. I felt my ancestors become one with me. I danced for those who made those who made me. I danced for those both living and dead. I danced for all the children yet to be conceived. I danced for everything that is and will be inside me. I felt my roots plant and my branches reach out. I danced for earth, for peace, for serenity. Tonight, I danced for all that made me "me."

[lizziewritezandsobs]

Untitled

I've been feeling lost. Out of touch. Disconnect. With who I am Because of who I've become. Because of the influences around me. Because of the distractions of a world That was not made for me. And though I have tried I can not seem To set myself free

[lizziewritezandsobs]

Rejuvenation

I'm going to spend the next four years loving as hard as I can, fighting for justice with all of my might, and seeking beauty in even the smallest cracks in my field of view. I'm going to spend the next four years not seeking, but giving kindness; not searching for acceptance, but offering it with open arms. I will read until my eyes can no longer see words. I won't be beaten. I won't be defeated. I refuse to deteriorate. I will not wither. I will not stand still. I will create and I will worship my creator. Though I may weep, I will sow, reap, and grow.

[lizziewritezandsobs]

Gifts

I can give you love, happiness, compassion, understanding, acceptance, but I cannot give you time. I can't give you what is limited, what is so easily lost or taken away.