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my diary 𖤣.𖥧.𖡼.⚘ girlhood, romcoms, music

[lizzybennetakamrsdarcy]

welcome!°❀.ೃ࿔

hi!! i am lizzybennetakamrsdarcy aka syl ✽

get to know me through my letterboxd top 4:

pride and prejudice (2005): you can probably already tell, but this is my all time favorite movie!!! THE HAND FLEX AAAAHHHHH

whisper of the heart: i think i watched this for the first time in middle school and shizuku felt so familiar and relatable. the art is just breathtaking and i love the story so much. the way she finds herself and who she wants to be, while also falling in love just melts my heart. i am a sucker for all things shoujo and romcoms - i lovelovelove fruits basket (2019) and kamisama kiss!!

the holdovers: the way dominic sessa and paul giamatti portrayed their characters broke me. i sobbed the entire second half of the movie. this had the same vibe (to me at least) as dead poets society, another movie that had me bawling. i love the found family trope and coming of age movies. i found the main character relatable in a way.

baby driver: THE SOUNDTRACK. i absolutely love how everything has a beat and lines up perfectly with the music. why does ansel elgort have to be an awful person:(((( but, i am a HUGE musical girl (tho not a theater kid bc i can't sing or dance lol) i have seen hadestown a couple times, met renee rapp during her mean girls run, and hamilton on broadway (but countless times via the proshot)!!!

a little random, BUT i felt i needed to add:

my favorite show in the whole wide world is definitely derry girls! i feel like james all the time lol and the rest of the girls remind me so much of my own friends and myself.

[lizzybennetakamrsdarcy]

smiling and looking crazy bc im imagining lucy dacus and julien baker performing at my phoebe show

[lizzybennetakamrsdarcy]

Hamnet may be THE best film of this decade.

I recently watched Hamnet, maybe a week or two ago, and I can not stop thinking about it. Everything, from the beautiful shots to the phenomenal writing, had me wholly captivated; so much so, that I have started reading Hamlet.......

The child actors were AMAZING and probably the best I have ever seen. Jacobi Jupe is a star and he has an incredibly bright future ahead of him. I didn't know a child could ever act that well. Jessie Buckley deserves the world for her performance. Her portrayal of motherhood and grief struck me deep in my bones. The pure agony and strife in her screams rang and lingered in my ears for days and made me fear for the lives of my own future children.

This film left me sobbing for hours. 10000000/10

see you soon,

syl

[lizzybennetakamrsdarcy]

i never had a deep connection with waiting room by phoebe bridgers but as soon as she strummed the first chord at msg, i immediately started bawling and held on to my mom. i couldnt name the song at first but i knew it in my heart.

i love you phoebe bridgers.

[lizzybennetakamrsdarcy]

life update: sun burnt asf and i want him back

[lizzybennetakamrsdarcy]

the odyssey and 4DX

hi guys!! bc i know everyone is asking, here is my experience with Christopher Nolan's the odyssey (which adds nothing new at all to the conversation lololol):

preface: i have not read the odyssey and i don't know all the details of the epic. also, i am not typically inclined to watch action or epic movies as such, but the reason i decided to watch this film in theaters is because of having the experience of 4DX.

the use of imax to film the entire epic creates a gap in quality and general movie watching experience. 2/3 of the screen is cut off in normal cinemas and the audience is not able to properly immerse themselves in the ancient greece Nolan has created. so, either i hopefully and somehow get tickets to wait weeks to watch the odyssey in imax, or i get last minute tickets for 4dx for today! and of course, i chose 4dx.

i believe this was the superior option in every way. in fact, 4dx is the best option for every movie ever. i was fully absorbed in the film, with the waves crashing on me, splashing salty water on my face, to feeling the gust of arrows fly over my head and jab me in the back, to feeling the thrum of odysseus' pluck of his bow, sending full body chills through me. it felt as though i were hiding, trying to stay quiet and dodge the hand of polyphemus, scrambling back to the boat after battles with the laestrygonians, and escaping the vengeful and angry souls of hades. perhaps i was one of the beggars of which antinuous yelled at or odysseus himself.

a fun time was had,

syl.

[lizzybennetakamrsdarcy]

olivia rodrigo, the only taydaughter ever :((((

[lizzybennetakamrsdarcy]

need to do a one day + fleabag + normal people marathon to get all my crying out for the rest of the week

[lizzybennetakamrsdarcy]

cried when i saw him bc i knew how it was gonna end

[lizzybennetakamrsdarcy]

what is the time between ones period and ovulation called bc why did i start season 2 of fleabag and immediately start sobbing…..

this show is amazing in its representation of grief, love, and friendship. the relationship between the priest and fleabag let alone with her and claire.

like wow im lowkey fleabag and connel in normal people and james in derry girls

god bless the english and irish ig

[lizzybennetakamrsdarcy]

I HATE SEVERANCE

ok so i just finished the show and overall i think it was completely boring and maybe i just didn't understand it, but i thought it was terrible and not interesting.

but my main issue is the season 2 ending. mark was totally selfish and just UGH for going with helly. i get that iMark was in love with helly, but idk i just hated that.

[lizzybennetakamrsdarcy]

ted lasso is incredible and is top 10 shows of the century.

def reminds me of my all time favorite derry girls!! ted is erin, coach beard is orla, season 1 nate is james but season 2/3 jamie is james, roy is michelle, and keeley is orla!!

i find all of the characters sososo endearing and i have laughed out loud so much! i love seeing the growth of literally every character and i cant wait to see more… im only on season 3 and i know the original cast wont be in season 4 (which i am a little bummed about bc i love them sm!! but i think itll be amazing)

[lizzybennetakamrsdarcy]

every time i see him, something in me hurts a little, but i know, in time, it won’t. BUT i hate to admit that i was in love bc i don’t think i was but all of my friends say i was… i think if i was really in love i would have told him how i felt way earlier

anyway dominic fike is fine asf…..

[lizzybennetakamrsdarcy]

school is finally over, its summer break and olivia rodrigo dropped you seem pretty sad for a girl so in love!!! i lovelovelove it so much... i listened to the entire album in one go and my favorites are most definitely begged, whats wrong with me, the cure, less, and cigarette smoke.

i NEED her to release the acoustic version of drop dead on spotify PLEASE OLIVIA!!!!!!!

anyway i don't think i will ever get over my ex situationship but its ok..... i guess. tbh i hate when people say that i loved him or was in love or still love him... im genuinely repulsed by that word lol bc thats just not how i feel, but maybe it is? i feel it is so unnecessary to put labels on everything... like there just isn't a need for it!!! but idk maybe it is love... yuck. i think this is the first time ive told anyone... if u care lol but ive only ever thought about this, like i haven't written it or told my closest friends.

i HATE talking about my feelings and how i feel to almost everyone and i think that was our downfall... all of my friends are so open with how they feel in their relationships and even just talking, but idk how to. maybe its because we weren't friends before we were talking kinda... like i just messaged him but i wanted to be friends and then yk but idk its whatever......

i saw him today at a friend's grad party and it was so freaking awkward.... i dropped a plate full of food/garbage on the table and my phone fell on the floor.... so embarrassing!!!!!!!!! and i was trying everything to avoid eye contact or even talk to him (success!!) except when i dropped my shit he was like, "embarrassing...!" as a joke BUT STILL!!!

we reconciled a bit in may and i told him i liked him and he told me he like me and that we could be friends and not be awkward, but i have never been friends with him and idk how to not be awkward!!! #childhoodtrauma is preventing me from being able to talk to guys or date them... idk how to at all

anyway if you are reading this, thank you! lmk if u have advice for anything in general :))

[lizzybennetakamrsdarcy]

another rant/vent lololol

right now, it is 11:32 pm and i am currently tucked away in bed typing this. of course i love having time to myself bc im an introvert and i already used up my social battery with my friends earlier, but another part of me is so jealous(?) or just upset that almost all of my other friends are at a party, while i'm by myself doing nothing... i know i would have fun for a little bit, but it's a whole bunch of people i don't know and i'm not that social........ i hate feeling like this and i can't stop thinking about it.. like why do all my friends get to do fun things and party ughgughugh obviously it's because i can't bring myself to ughughugh i dont even know i hate my chud life.... whatever tho. i keep reminding myself that if something is meant to be, then it will be (wise words from ethel cain). i can't force anything to happen and i just have to get through life one day at a time........

on another note, my situationship is over!!! not really "!!!!!" excitement tho........ is it wrong for me to still like him after i stopped talking to him for a few months and he told me he wanted to be friends after i texted him first, but i told him why i stopped texting him and he said that he likED me (emphasis on past tense).....? ALSO why does every single one of my friends tell me that I was the bitch for not texting him all those months ago...... its almost as if there are two people in a relationship and I can not be the only one to reach out. IF HE WANTED TO HE WOULD HAVE!!!!!! but clearly he didn't want to that bad, so that's why he never made any effort to show me that he liked me. and everyone that knows him thinks hes gay for his best friend so just kill me now!!!!

[lizzybennetakamrsdarcy]

if call me by your name was in the perspective of armie hammer’s character, it would be treated like lolita. so why is cmbyn so critically acclaimed? i really dont understand how people are able to romanticize their relationship and “love”… but also keep in mind ive only watched the movie

[lizzybennetakamrsdarcy]

"a worthwhile relationship isn't made up of two halves, but two wholes."

ive had the astrology app, co star, for a while and it has always been so accurate like how does it know exactly what im going through at every moment..... but these words have never been truer. it made me realize that a partner shouldn't complete you, but compliment you. two separate people should not have to be hollow and empty and be looking for something to fill that void. instead, a partner should not be someone you are solely dependent on or need to be a part of you.

lately (as in the past 2 days) ive been living by the wise words of ethel cain's sun bleached flies. the line "if its meant to be, then it will be" has spoken to me recently and i keep reminding myself of it. i think its because im really just avoiding trying to make a move because i was basically friendzoned after a year and a half of talking and like 6 months of not speaking... anyways what should i do? ill probably just leave it alone and not do anything haha