A bit of a personal rambling...
It’s just been really getting me down that the two people I was closest to, outside of my relationship, have left me hanging recently.
The situation with my mom on one hand was absolutely terrible. Long story short, we went into a national park in California for my cousin’s wedding over Labor Day weekend, and she got upset and left my brother and I in the forest without a ride to the airport. Mind you, we had no cell reception, barely any electricity, definitely no internet, and one payphone. We also had no car of our own, and our airport was 6 hours away. Long (nightmarish) story short, my mom’s family were the ones to take care of us and whisk us away and back into the city so we could catch our flight home. My mom still has not apologized to either of us. I have become so close to my mom in the past year or two, and then she *actually* abandons her children in a forest. I’ve been having nightmares about this for weeks.
On the other hand, my friend who I’ve known for a couple years and who I’ve become super close with since transferring, is suddenly acting strange since Labor Day as well. She’s extremely off-standish, and has continuously left me out of plans with mutual friends on more than one occasion. She doesn’t ask me to hang out on weekends anymore, or check in as much. We were sitting in dance and we were talking while stretching before rehearsal, and she would not even turn to face me. Nothing has changed, no negative words were exchanged, but suddenly she’s not acting like my friend anymore. Last night I found out she went to see the Little Mermaid, a production that is in town that we had been talking about going to see together, with another friend but didn’t think to invite me. I texted her, “You went to see the Little Mermaid?!” with a sad face, and she just said, “Yes ma’am :)”. Not anything following that. Last weekend we had plans to go to dinner after the game seeing as she had hung out before the game with her other friends and didn’t invite me. I had showered and was hungry and waiting to hear from her about what our plans were going to be, then she says she’s instead going with that same friend to dinner. Again. I straight-up asked if her friend did not want me tagging along, and she said she didn’t know and didn’t think she had a problem with me. At this point, especially after being left out again last night as I sat at home all Friday afternoon and evening just watching Friends reruns by myself, I don’t know if I should put anymore effort into being there for her like I have been. I was her main source of comfort through her breakup in the spring, and she was mine last winter. But now I’m being treated as if I’m some annoying girl back in high school.
It’s sad, too, because I’m already an incredibly socially anxious person. I’m extremely self-aware all the time and am always self-conscious of if I’m talking too much or too little. Tyler and I are not a cliche, super lovey dovey couple in public, either. We never let people feel like a third wheel. Ever. I’m not one to cancel on friends so that I can hang out with my boyfriend who I see everyday, but that was the case with this friend while she was in a relationship. It’s sad, because I’m always there for my friends, but they never treat me the same way. I’m always the girl without someone to call my best friend.
I just don’t feel like I have anybody I can be close to at the moment other than Tyler, and it’s just overwhelmingly depressing.
baratheonpilled
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dededos
