soft hockey sons

When you realise you've adopted an entire college hockey team. Icon by chowder-chow, follows/likes from novicebaboon.

[17piesinseptember]

“Is This A Dare?” | A Zimbits College AU | Part I

“Make your phone call,” the officer instructs him.

“But I don’t have my contacts,” Bitty repeats for the umpteenth time. “They’re all on my phone!”

The woman shrugs but offers a sympathetic glance. Bitty sighs. It’s a crap situation and he’s definitely panicking but she’s not at fault.

“I’ll be back in five minutes,” she tells him and walks off, leaving him alone in the corridor by the wall-mounted phone.

He does know a few numbers off by heart but he doesn’t think his parents will appreciate a call at this time of night from their only child who is in another state and in jail.

Bitty longs to bang his head against the wall but doesn’t want to catch some disease. He checks his pockets once more for his phone, driven by an instinct he can’t fight off.

Nothing, nothing, nothing. Again.

He wraps his arms around his torso, trying to remain calm and not switch over from panicking to crying. That’s when he hears it. The crinkle of paper. He pulls out the folded bit of paper from his inside coat pocket and tries not to let his hopes build too quickly, but he has a feeling that-

“Yes!” Bitty exclaims.

It’s the course outline for the class he’d been studying for. Scribbled at the top is the phone number of the TA.

Bitty calls the number, not sure if the five minutes the cop gave him is the only chance he’ll get to contact someone, desperately hoping for an answer even though it’s near midnight.

The phone is picked up after two rings.

“Hi. This is Jack.”

Keep reading

[ellienchanted]

Do you ever wanna cry about the Bittle parents

[shitty-check-please-aus]

when bitty is upset, like really steaming with self-righteous anger, he turns up Shania Twain until the house is shaking and shouts along to angry housewife country music (just like his mama does). it's gay georgian therapy, speaking from experience. jack hears the first few bars of "that don't impress me much" and is immediately Afraid

how do we know it’s an au

[violacakes]

Frogs and Vlogs

What if the frogs never realised that the team have an unspoken rule about not watching Bitty’s vids? Like, it never occurred to them.

So they watch them religiously.

Chowder of course found the links before he even left Samwell on the tour, and watched them over and over.

Dex came across them when making his decision about college and only watched one, but after the first time he saw Bitty freak out on the ice after a check, he watched a bunch more to try and understand how this kid could still be on the team. (He didn’t admit this to himself at first but Bitty was the first out gay person he knew, and Dex was paranoid about coming off as homophobic, so he thought watching the vids would help)

Eventually Dex figured out that Bitty was just Bitty, and he relaxed around him, but by then he was hooked on the vids; he finds them soothing.

Nursey didn’t find out about them until late in their first semester, when he went to make a grudging apology to Dex about one of their fights, and found him in the library watching with headphones. Dex gave him an earbud and they watched it together in silence.

It was the first time they ever spent half an hour in each other’s presence without sniping.

A week later, after Nursey had caught up on the entire vlog, he runs into Dex in the quad and blurts out, “Never fall for a straight boy?”

And Dex explodes: “I know, right?”

“He’s gotta be talking about…”

“Don’t say it out loud! Shitty catches us spreading rumours, they’ll never find our bodies.”

“Huh.”

“Yep.”

“S'cool.”

So in second semester, when Jack asks Dex advice on replacing Betsy as a birthday surprise for Bitty, Dex hears nothing inside his head but a high pitched squealing sound, for like five minutes.

Then he texts Nursey to tell him, and for the first time in their entire texting history, Nursey uses an exclamation point.

[peachville1982]

THIS IS AWESOME!

[airplanesandcookies]

Imagine Tango the next year asking Bitty outright, “I tried to follow you peach pie recipe from your vlog, but like, it burned, and can I substitute corn syrup for honey?” And Bitty is just horrified for so many reasons…

[sweaters-or-pie]

My brain as “you know I had to do it to em” becomes popular again

[foryouandbits]

You know what I realized today? Jack, being from Montreal, was probably raised in a culture where people kiss each other as a greeting. Bitty probably was also raised to greet others warmly, but not necessarily with kisses.

Imagine Year 1 Bitty, who still thinks Jack is a mean hockey robot, unexpectedly seeing Jack greet family or friends like this:

[wheeloffortune-design]

you know, before this message i never noticed we did that? because, coming from a south-american family, we are WAY more expressive with the kisses, so I always felt like Montrealers don’t kiss each other on the cheek enough, lol

(but just so you know it’s only with women. women greet each other like that and men greet women like that, but never between two men, except maybe in the lgbt+ crowd.)

[udnoestaaqui]

do montrealers do circle around kiss greeting? y’know, when you arrive to a meet up thing and there’s already a group so you gotta go around one by one like hello *muak* hi *muak* hello *muak* hi *muak*

[shitttyknights]

Ransom according to Holster’s Snapchat

Bonus (taken by Dex):

[foryouandbits]

WHO IS IT? I WILL FIGHT FOR YOU.

[jackzimmermannn]

Gritty.

[omgericzimmermann]

I Knew You Were Trouble

It should be another ordinary night for Deputy Jack Zimmermann while he guards the drunk tank in Samwell, MA.

It is not.

Read it on AO3

Jack Zimmermann is fairly sure he’s a good person. He has his moments, at the very least. He’s a perfectly decent sheriff’s deputy and is good at his job and he’s always the one to volunteer to babysit the drunk tank overnight in their tiny town. He has never had an incident on record.

He’s going to hold onto the “no priors” thing when he has to explain tonight.

The first person deposited in his drunk tank is a tall – but not as tall as Jack – wiry fellow with unnecessarily long – but stunningly well groomed – hair, a spectacular moustache, and a warm grin. He’s wearing only a pair of cargo shorts even though it is not warm outside. Jack rolls his eyes when the guy says his name is Shitty.

“I need your actual name for the booking sheet,” Jack says.

“B,” the guy says. “Seriously. It’s just B. B. Simeon Knight III if you really want to know.”

Jack is pretty sure he’s high, which goes a long way to explaining his presence in the drunk tank. Jack records B. Simeon Knight’s name on the sheet and gets the charge from the arresting officer – drunk and disorderly with a healthy dose of malicious mischief.

The next people are brought in together, a pair of shockingly large men who bow their heads and sit down across from Shitty in the drunk tank. They’re clearly going for remorseful and apologetic, but after Jack collects their names (Justin Oluransi and Adam Birkholtz) one of them starts giggling lowly and Jack shakes his head. Oluransi punches Birkholtz in the shoulder and the giggling stops. Jack is reminded for some reason of the quote, “A good friend will bail you out of jail, but a best friend will be sitting there next to you laughing.”

The fourth person brought to him is absolutely tiny. He’s blond, he’s got huge brown eyes, his whole face is glowing red from alcohol consumption, and once he’s deposited in the drunk tank, he proceeds to lean up against the bars and stare at Jack with big eyes.

“You’re the prettiest police officer I’ve ever seen,” he says in a heavy southern drawl.

“Deputy,” Jack corrects, trying not to look at his latest acquisition, who is apparently named Eric Bittle.

“You’re the prettiest police deputy I’ve ever seen,” Eric Bittle says, still staring at him. Jack doesn’t look. Because Eric Bittle is definitely the cutest detainee he’s ever had.

Keep reading

[shitty-check-please-aus]

AU suggestion

Jack and Bitty didn’t meet on the hockey team, they met in the foods class where Jack played so dumb about all aspects of baking that Bitty just straight up murdered him

[whoacanada]

‘Hot Jock Contest’

2k of date night auctions, shenanigans, and awkward first meetings. A Zimbits AU where Jack never overdosed and Bitty’s gay self is comfortable with being auctioned off for charity.

Rating: Teen, no explicit anything (not this time, lol)

(100% based off an ad I saw in passing for the Chicago Gay Hockey Association’s ‘Hot Jock Contest’.)

Jack rereads the email and fights a tightness in his throat at the image attached.

“Gay men’s hockey club is holding some kind of striptease disguised as a fundraiser. It’s the perfect place for you to spread your bisexual wings. You’ll get to see cocks in jocks, Jack. The kind you can actually look at, and, hopefully, touch.”

“Parse, I don’t know if that’s the kind of image I’m supposed to be cultivating, you know?”

Jack is eight months out of the closet and still horribly, desperately single; a fact made even less palatable by his ex trying to get him laid from a thousand miles away.

“Okay, that excuse worked until you got so backed up it started affecting your game. Look, at some point you have to make yourself happy, right? Coming out is supposed to be liberating and you’ve been wallowing in your freedom because people knowing you like dick doesn’t change the fact you’re still real fucking awkward, bud.”

“Thank you for the pep talk, Kent.”

“No, I mean,” Kent huffs like he’s the one suffering through this conversation. “Go out, have fun, get laid. And take Tater, he’s a good wingman.”

Ultimately, Jack folds like a cheap suit and finds himself in clothing that is far too tight, sipping on a craft beer that is too sweet, in a loud club full of beautiful people doing questionable things.

Jack doesn’t belong here.

Keep reading

[man-now-boy-deactivated20200515]

Check Please AU where Bitty won a scholarship to a prestigious culinary school on one of those baking competitions where they give scholarship money to all the teenage chefs but he gets there and has to work with aspiring pastry chef Jack Zimmermann, who can’t go near refrigerators because the cold reminds him of his traumatic hockey past.

[omgcheckplease]

Elements & Hogwarts Houses for Samwell men’s hockey (and its honorary and future members) 🏒✔️🥧💖

[check-comma-please]

SO I DID A THING…

This is basically a timeline of major events in OMGCP That I created, at first to help myself, but then I decided “why not post it? Other people may find it helpful”. Not going to lie, the Check Please timeline can be a little confusing, considering the comic is still taking place in 2016. Obvs that’s not Ngozi’s fault bc the updates take time, so it’s understandable that the comic isnt present day… anyways I’ve done extensive research on the following information. And I’m like 95% sure that it’s all correct but some things are speculation and assumptions. I’ve used blog posts, tweets, and the actual comic to figure out the below information. It’s not a big deal and maybe it doesn’t matter to you, but idk it really interests me and maybe it will interest others????? Like I said before, a lot of this is speculation so FEEL FREE to correct me on any false info. ALSO!!! If any of you have links to the canon confirmation of some of the things that I’m not 100% sure about, PLEASE link them to me. FINALLY, if anyone wants me to link them to some of my references for this, then just ask and I’ll be more than happy to send you them. So with that: these are (what I consider) to be the major events in the time line of Check Please! Hope I got it all right!

**Edit!!!!: I messed this up originally. I screwed up some birth years and now I’m back to fix them. So don’t be alarmed if you reblogged this and now its different. Im like 99% sure that I’m changing it to all true info.

Birthdays

Jack- 1990 (birthday august 3)

Kent Parson-1990 (birthday july 4)

Holster-1991 (birthday unknown)

Shitty-1992 (birthday dec 19)

Ransom-1993 (birthday march 28. I am very confused because according to the wiki, ransom was born in 1994. However, a tweet from Bitty on March 28th, 2015 says “happy 22 birthday rans!” which would place his birth year in 93. Also a very early piece of artwork says that ransom is 20 in the beginning of his sophomore year, which further indicates being born in 93. Long story short? Don’t believe everything you read on the wiki)

Lardo- 1994??? (birthday unknown but according to the wiki, Lardo is currently 23 years old as of April 1st, 2018 (when I’m writing this). However the wiki can not always be trusted.  We know her birthday is around Ransoms but we don’t know when exactly. Her and Rans has a combined birthday party (Keagster) on Easter Sunday 2015 (which technically was April 5, 2015….Idk if I should be that technical but whatever) so I’m kind of assuming that her birthday is around Late March/Early April….as for her birth year? All we are told is that she is a sophomore with rans and holster. so I’m assuming that she was born in 94 because its the easiest assumption to make, but i could always be wrong)

Bitty: 1995 (birthday may 5)

Nursey: 1996 (birthday feb 14. There is not a ton of supporting info that suggests Nursey was born in 1996. The wiki’s reference is a tweet from Ngozi, replying to a private account so I cannot view the tweet. Basically I don’t have a great argument for Nursey being born in 1996 so once again, I’m ASSUMING. Please send me any info that you have on Nurseys birth)

Dex: 1995??? (Birthday October 26/27, I’ve seen both dates. However I’ve yet to find ANY canon confirmation that either of these dates are his birthday. Everyone just kind of says that its his birthday?? Idk if anyone has canon info or something please link me to it because I can literally not find anything about Dex’s birth. Also its been pointed out to me that he could be born late in 1995, however I originally assumed he was born late in 1996. It depends on wether he was held back a year or pushed forward.I have no clue it honestly could be either.)

Chowder: 1995?? 1996?? (October 11. I’ve seen people on tumblr saying it’s on the 10?? Idk according to Bitty’s tweets its on the 11th. Also the birth years?? Its the same situation as Dex… He could either be born in 95 and held back a year, or 96 and pushed foward )

2008: Jack and Kent are both 18, playing in the Q

Spring 2009: Jack and Kent win memorial cup. Jack overdoses. Kent is drafted to the Aces.

Fall 2009-Spring 2011: Jack is in rehab/ coaching peewee/taking SATs

Spring 2011: Aces win cup( Ngozi tweeted saying that Jack enters Samwell after the Aces win the cup, If Jack graduates in 2015, then he entered SMH in Fall 2011, therefore the Aces winning in Spring 2011)

Fall 2011:Jack enters samwell (21) Along with shitty (18, turning 19 in dec) (grad class 2015)

Spring 2012: SMH is in the ECAC and are knocked out at some point after the first round. Jack is named captain for the 2012-13 season

Fall 2012: Ransom (19) , Holster (21), and Lardo (18) all enter samwell (grad class 2016)

Fall 2012-Spring 2013: Now this is all kind of fuzzy. Sometime between the Aces winning the cup(Spring 2011) and before Bitty enters Samwell (Fall 2013), Kent Parson comes to the haus to visit Jack. However we can assume it happened at some point during Jacks sophomore year (Fall 2012- Spring 2013) because in a blog post (or was it one of Bitty’s tweets? I can’t remember. Anyways) Holster says that “He [Kent] remembered my major” so clearly it was sometime after Holster, Rans, and Lardo all enter samwell, and were there to meet KP. Unless KP visited during Jack’s freshman year and Holster was just there for some reason??? Seems unlikely and unnecessarily complicated. So let’s just say that KP came during Jacks soph year)

Fall 2013: Bitty (our beautiful ray of sunshine) enters Samwell (18) along with minor characters, Ollie and Wicks (grad class 2017)

Spring 2014: Samwell knocked out of ECAC championship. Johnson graduates and Bitty gets his dibs

Fall 2014: Nursey (18), Dex (17??18???once again, unconfirmed), and Chowder (17??18??) (aka the frogs) all enter Samwell (grad class 2018). Jack (now 24) is looking to be drafted. Kent (also 24) shows up at Epikegster (December 2014). Bitty (now 19) has crush on Jack. (I really don’t know why I included their ages in this part I just sometimes forget how old Jack actually is)

Spring 2015: Shitty is accepted to Harvard Fucking Law. SMH makes it to final four championship, but loses. Jack signs with the Falconers. Ransom and Holster are made Co-Captains for the 2015-16 season. Jack (24) and Shitty( 22) graduate. Lardo and Chowder get their dibs. Jack and Bitty kiss after graduation.

Summer 2015: Jack spends 4th of July with Bitty in Georgia. Later that summer they start dating.

Fall 2015: Whiskey and Tango (tadpoles) enter Samwell along With Ford (grad class 2019) Jack and Bitty tell the team about their relationship (December)

Spring 2016 (as of April 1st, 2018, the comic is currently taking place in Spring 2016): Jack is given an A on the Falcs (assistant/alternate captain). Ford is appointed as manager for the 2016-17 season. SMH is knocked out of ECAC tournament in the first round. Bitty is made captain for the 2016-17 season. Lardo(22), Ransom(23),and Holster (24??25?? depends on his birthday.) all graduate. Nursey, Dex, Ollie, and Wicks all get dibs. Bitty turns 21. The Falcs win the cup. Jack and Bitty kiss and come out to the world.

Currently Jack and Kent are both 26, Holster is 24??25?? (Like I said I don’t know when his exact birthday is. If his birthday is after the events of the year 3 finale, then he would still technically be 24) Shitty is 24, Ransom is 23 and Lardo is  22, Bitty is 21, Nursey is 20, and Chowder and Dex could both either be 19 or 20 (like I said i still don’t know whether they are 95′ babies or 96′ babies, since I only have birthdates and not canon birth years. ALSO!! It should be noted that since there are no canon birth years for Chow or Dex (at least that I know of), there is no way to be certain of their ages. I mean, theoretically, Chowder could be older than Bitty, and just entered college late. Same with Dex. But just to make thing easier on myself, I’m going to assume that all of the frogs are around the same age.)

The comic is currently taking place in 2016, two years behind real time. IF it was present day (April 1st, 2018) in the comic then

Jack: 27

Kent: 27

Bitty: 22

Ransom: 23

Holster:24/25 (depending on his bday)

Shitty: 23

Lardo: 23/24 (depending on her bday)

Nursey: 22

Dex: 21/22

Chowder: 21/22

Now Bitty’s tweets….

At first I was really really really really confused about how Bitty’s tweets work in the timeline. But Its actually really simple??. Bitty’s tweets start in June 2014, basically right after the end of Bitty’s freshman year. They pretty much all follow the correct timeline (the most recent tweets are from May 2016, about Rans, Holster, and Lardos graduation). Basically if you see a tweet, the date stamp on it correlates directly to the comic. I’m not sure if Ngozi just had the entire comic figured out two years ago, and tweeted everything back in 2016 (which seems far fetched) OR if Ngozi just changed the date on her computer back to 2016 and then sent out the tweets (which seems much more likely. Still, this is all speculation ). It doesn’t really matter though because regardless, the tweets line up with the timeline. I HIGHLY recommend reading all of Bitty’s tweets before Ngozi locks the account again for year 4. They add so much more to the story and are basically just extra details that make the comic even more immersive.

And I’m pretty sure that’s it?? Until of course year 4…. but yeah once again don’t take my word as law. Also, like I said already, if I got something wrong, please just let me know. Also if I said something confusing, just ask. :)

[baselessomgcpheadcanons]

when jack and kent were like 15 they came into jack’s house and were like “come see what we did to the pond out back” and bob follows them out all confused until he sees that they’ve meticulously carved the word “fuck” across the whole pond 

[samwellwaffles]

consider jack in these

[audiaphilios]

“They match my shoes, Bits. That’s fashionable.”

“Jack, no.”

Jack turns. Bitty sighs.

“Okay: Jack yes. We’re keeping them, but you’re not leaving the house in those.”

[mattcullen]

check please characters as john mulaney quotes

bitty: it’s 100% easier not to do things than to do them

jack: in terms of, like, instant relief, canceling plans is like heroin

shitty: eat ass, suck a dick, and sell drugs

lardo: i have had a very long day. i am very small and i have no money. so you can imagine the kind of stress i am under

ransom: holster and i have a new house. it was built in the ‘20s, but it was flipped in 2014. which means it’s haunted, but it has a lovely kitchen backsplash

holster: nothing that i know can help you with your car ever. unless you’re like, “hey, i’ve got a flat tire, does anyone here know a lot about 30 rock”?

chowder: it’s fun to be married. i’ve never been supervised before. i’m supervised. farmer studies what i do, like an anthropologist. she’ll be like, “sometimes, he will watch a movie on tv even though he already owns that movie on dvd. pointing this out confuses and upsets him"

nursey: the bad guy would hold the joint in a villainous way. they’d always offer the joint in a way that no one ever holds a joint. like it’s a skull in a shakespeare play

dex: i’ll keep all my emotions right here, and then one day, i’ll die

tango: ah… numbers, the letters of math

whiskey: sometimes babies will point at me, and i don’t care for that shit at all