La Vida Loca

[bellejarpoetry]

I was angry at myself for being so infatuated with someone. For loving someone so much, who cared for me so little. Someone who could be so clumsy with my fragile heart, yet jump out a building to cradle another’s fall.

Belle Jar (via bellejarpoetry)

[thegoodvibeco]

[kushandwizdom]

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[locabaybeexx]

I keep waiting for a day that I wake up and don't think about you at all.

[hplyrikz]

Clear your mind here

[locabaybeexx]

I just want to stop loving you. I want to stop thinking about you, missing you, craving you. What have you done to me heart that has made me so addicted to you? I love you so much, but it doesn't even matter anymore.

[kushandwizdom]

I started eliminating people once I realized that some people only want you to add to their happiness but could give a fuck about yours.

Reyna Biddy (via kushandwizdom)

  (via kushandwizdom)

[locabaybeexx]

I often ask myself what I did that made you wake up one day and decide I was no longer worth the effort

[locabaybeexx]

I know you don't miss me, I know you don't care anymore. I'm sorry that I love you to the point that I can't let go.

[locabaybeexx]

I miss you so much. I can't help but wonder how things could have ended differently. But I can't fix this by myself, and you don't want to try.

[locabaybeexx]

Because even when you told me the type of man you are, I wanted to believe you when you said it was different with me.

[locabaybeexx]

its hard.

It’s hard to move on from someone you don't really want to move on from. 

It’s hard to wake up every day, get out of bed, go to work, take care of my daughter, interact with people, when in actuality all i want to do is crawl up in a ball at the edge of my bed, eat ice cream, listen to K Michelle, and cry. 

I hate when people ask if I'm okay. The answer is no, but i always say yes. 

I have been trying to talk to other people, distractions, but i don't have it in me to entertain these people that aren't you. I am constantly comparing. 

It’s hard to check my phone a hundred million times a day, and never see a single notification from you. I know you are probably not even thinking about me, or if I am okay. Yet, I struggle not to text you or call you. 

it’s hard to think that we were once so important to each other, and now we are complete strangers. I am constantly thinking about what I could have done to change this outcome. 

The truth is, I know this one is not on me. I was completely in love with you. I did everything within my power to make you happy. You never had to question me or my loyalty. I treated you like a king. I let you do your own thing, I never stressed you hanging out with your friends. I guess it just makes me wonder, do you even realize how lucky you were to have me? Did you appreciate a single fckin thing that I did? No. You didn't. If you would have, we wouldn't be here. 

it’s hard to see a man’s ego, a man’s pride, be the reason for his downfall. I tried to show you a love you just weren’t ready for. My only mistake was holding on to tight to someone who wasn't ready to stay. Now i sit here, lonely, confused, and heartbroken. My only comfort is knowing that you no other woman after me will compare. In the end you will be the one who lost. 

[locabaybeexx]

I continue to tell myself that maybe it will take just one more phone call, one more text of pouring my feelings out to you. Maybe if you saw me one more time, and looked into my eyes, maybe then you will see it. Maybe you will see how much i love you, maybe you will feel something that you can't let go of. I have thought about you endlessly, I have prayed for answers and guidance. I don't remember what life was like before you, I can't imagine how i could have been so happy without you by my side. A part of me wishes i had never even met you, I wish you would have stayed just another stranger i saw every now and then. I know I can't change the past or the things that i’ve said/ done.  Things are worse now than they have ever been, I don't even get a response anymore. Your silence is louder than any words you have ever said, it pains me more than anything you could have ever done. All i want is closure. All I want is one last good bye. I need to know there is no going back. I am tired of crying over you, I am tired of wanting you, I am tired of reminiscing on our good times. I can truly say I have never loved a man the way that i love you. 

I am tired of the false promises, and the glimmers of hope. I am tired of taking 2 steps forward just to take 3 steps back.  I am tired of not knowing if I'm going to hear from you every day. I am tired. Just so fuckin tired. When is it over? When will my heart say enough is enough? 

I know i have to move on, i know i need to let go. . . I just am not ready yet. 

[locabaybeexx]

You keep hurting me. Over and over again. I keep letting you. I just want the old us back.

[locabaybeexx]

Control your crazy ..

Control your crazy. Control the mighty loca beast inside of you. You will lose him if you don't. Stop with rage and jealousy. Stop with the yelling and the emotional outbursts every time he doesn't call or text exactly when you want him to. Stop reading quotes on social media and comparing them to what you have at home. Just stop! Control your crazy, or else it will consume you. Control your crazy, or you will ruin every relationship before it can become something crazy.

[locabaybeexx]

You gave it to me.

You gave me hope. You gave me a reason to believe that we can work things out. I am so happy that you said we could work it out. I woke up this morning expecting to see the same good morning text that used to come every morning (before all the fights) but it didn't come. I was disappointed.... I guess the truth is I half way wish you would wake up one day and say, "dammit I gotta do better." I know it won't happen because that's just not the type of man that you are. You have too much pride. Maybe it will happen, maybe it did happen. Maybe you know that I deserve the world, and maybe you just aren't ready to be that man.. And that's ok. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't willing to wait for you, because I love you. I will not wait forever. I cannot wait forever. That being said, last night all I needed was some hope, and you gave it to me.

[locabaybeexx]

Hope

That little glimpse of hope will kill you. That one text message or phone call, even if it only lasts a second it will kill you. Because that's all it takes for your heart to believe things can go back to normal.

[locabaybeexx]

Answer Me.

Answer my phone call, and tell me its over. Respond to my text, and tell me good bye. Do something. Because nothing is more confusing and heart breaking than you doing nothing. Put me out of my misery. Tell me what it is and tell me what it isn't. Just Answer Me.