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John’s Thoughts #4 - Let’s talk about Tops

Hey everyone! I hope you had a good start into 2018. For those of you who are new to my blog - welcome! John’s Thoughts is my category where I talk about my viewpoint on different things or talk about my experiences. I don’t claim any of it to be the “only right way”. So please just read this with an open mind and tell me about your opinion and experiences in the comments. I’d love to read from you 😃

So… Tops… I consider myself a Top but I’ve come across some stuff over the past months that I really dislike and would never identify with. Don’t get me wrong. I’m very open minded and if it’s your kink then that’s cool but stop assuming shit. You aren’t an Alpha to anyone if you didn’t earn it! Being a “Huge Ass Fucking Testo Alpha Male Top” doesn’t mean that you just go around and claim to be exactly that. Or “asking” people for their “fag money”… go and fucking earn your own money you giant baby.

It might sound like I’m a really narrow minded person to some. Please don’t get me wrong here and keep reading. I respect any kind of kink and role play. But I can’t stress enough how important consent is.

So here is my (totally comprehensive) guide on how to be a good top It doesn’t make you less masculine when you actually care! Whats so hard in putting a collar on your pup and asking him if it’s comfortable that way or too tight? Communication is the key! Expressing feelings and boundaries to each other is part of a healthy relationship and you should always encourage your partner in doing so. It should be a normal part of your daily chats while you cuddle and not this one thing your partner feels scared talking about. It’s your responsibility to create an environment where both of you can speak free.

You wanna play really kinky and rough? OK, one thing I wanna say to every Bottom/Sub out there is - don’t assume the way your Top/Master does it is the right way and that you just have to go with it. And don’t let someone tell you that you have no right in using your voice because you are the Bottom/Sub. There are tons of Tops out there who actually have no clue of what they are doing, including myself. Don’t just endure some self-centered guy pounding you in a boring way while not satisfying you (unless that’s exactly what you are in the mood for).

Talk about soft limits and hard limits. What will your safe word be?

I get that some people like to get really kinky. The Top owning the Bottom and making him beg to stop, placing the hand over his mouth to make him shut up. The Top completely dominating in a way that the Bottom can really get into his headspace and be excited about what could happen next because everything is possible. Feeling completely vulnerable to the Top. All of this is completely fine by me if there is a safe word and if you know your partner as well as what he’s made of.

And don’t just assume that just because your Bottom was into something on one day, he’ll also like it on the next. Humans have something called mood and emotions, you know kiddo?

Oh and don’t assume names. Don’t just call someone a Faggot. That’s really arrogant and not sexy in any way. Even a self-proclaimed Alpha Male can still talk like every other normal human being. Have a chat and if you feel some connection go ahead and simply ask: “How would you like to be called? Is there something that gets you going?”. Calling someone Twink, Chub or something right away can actually hurt someone. What if the “Twink” has been trying to gain weight all the time or the “Chub” just doesn’t like to be called that way because he got bullied all his life.

Aftercare Just because you are done that doesn’t mean that you are not responsible for your actions anymore. Make sure if your partner needs aftercare. It doesn’t matter if it’s your hubby, boyfriend, date or play partner related to some sort of kink play. Hand them a towel and something to drink after you had fun (always have water by the bed). A little snack will help with low blood sugar after all those Endorphins. Find out if he’s hot or cold and act accordingly. Know if he needs you close to him to calm down after an intense session or if he want’s to be alone for a moment. Take a shower together and speak about what you enjoyed most, encouraging your partner. Thank him for his trust. Make sure to immediately take care of cuts and bruises, depending on how rough you played. Make sure that your Bottom can calm down after a rough session. Don’t expect them to get in and out of subspace like using a light switch. It can also be very important to clear your expectations. Make sure both of you are feeling the same way about your relationship. Call or check in the day after or so to see if he’s ok. It’s freakin’ 2018! We have free messengers and even video calls. It’ll just take 2min. Just imagine how used you’d feel in the position of the Bottom. (Pun not intended)

I consider myself a caring Top. I love a good connection and some deep bonding time. The Bottoms joy is my satisfaction. Making my partner feel completely safe and comfortable is one of my many goals. Communicating weather it’s with the eyes, by touch, body movement or actually saying something. I’m open to a ton of things so let’s just be men doing manly things 😉

What’s your opinion and experience? Please tell me in the comments.