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[lofitojii]

Endearment

Summary: “The way she finds even the most simplest parts of life beautiful, is what I admired most about her. She loved to talk about the night sky in detail, and I loved to listen to her voice. She was captivating, truly the most beautiful creation to have walked this Earth, and I find myself extremely lucky to have crossed paths with her.”

Word Count: 2.7k

Content: fluff/sad TW: minor comments about abuse.

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The radiating beam cast down on the still body of water in front of me. It was a quiet, peaceful evening. I could hear the frogs chirping in the distance, crickets almost harmonizing in sync with them. My fingers gently traced circles in the grass next to me as I admired the night sky. What was it like in the mass void above me? Did the stars dance among each other when no one was watching? Did the sun say goodnight to the moon as it set here on Earth? Not knowing these answers was something I will always find beautiful because they will stay a mystery to me. 

The night was young yet the darkness cast over me, so easily. I felt engulfed in the evening, not even noticing the person who had taken a seat next to me. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you.” I glanced over at him, his features soft but eyes bluer than the sea. The way they glistened in the moonlight captivated my attention more than anything. “What are you doing out here alone?” 

“I’m not alone,” I responded. “Do you not hear the frogs?” He let out a soft chuckle, agreeing that I was indeed, not alone. “Why are you out here?” 

“I got bored,” he shrugged. “Work party was going on a little too long so I decided to take a walk and found myself here.”

“You’re about a mile away from the nearest train, are you sure you didn’t get lost?” His eyes never left the moon.

“Something told me to keep going after I reached the train station.” He finally looked down at me who had yet to stop admiring. “Oh, I’m sorry.” 

“Why?” I asked, finally sitting up to meet him at face level. I could see, so vaguely, his cheeks flush a baby pink. “What’s your name?” 

“Satoru. And you?” 

“Y/N.” He was so captivating, the way his eyes connected with him. His smile was gentle, his hair as white as the moon we had met under. I don’t know what had come over me, but it was a peaceful feeling he had brought with him. 

“Do you come here often?” he asked, breaking the silence I didn’t realize we had been sitting in. 

“It’s beautiful, isn’t it? The way the moon reflects on the water? During spring, the flowers around the edges of the lake will bloom and when the moon is full, it’s almost as if they have merged with the water. It’s grown to be a popular spot during the day, even during the middle of winter. But back when I was younger, the nearest shop was 5 miles north. You had to really search for this place to know about it, being engulfed in trees. They chopped the majority of them down though, knowing it would make a good tourist spot.” 

“Did that bother you?” 

“Why would it? Yeah it gets a little loud during the day but why hide something that you know would be admired by many?” I could feel his gaze on me yet for some reason, I was too nervous to look back. Was I talking too much? Am I boring him? I let out a small sigh, laying back down on the blanket I had brought along with me, keeping my sight on the moon above. As the night drew on, Satoru stayed next to me, silent. It wasn’t uncomfortable, but my anxiety grew as the silence continued. I couldn’t take it anymore though, it felt as if it was eating at me. I abruptly stood up, trying not to alarm him with how anxious I was. “I’m sorry for talking your ear off-” 

“Why?” He asked, reaching out, gently grabbing onto my hand. “I think the way you talk is admirable. The way you talk about all of this is.. It’s beautiful.” This time, I could feel my own cheeks flush as he looked up at me. His touch was soft, kind. “Are you going to be here tomorrow?” 

“I wasn’t planning on it-” 

“Come back tomorrow. I’ll make sure to wash your blanket and return it.” 

“Why?” 

“I’m going to stay a little longer, is that alright?” Hours ago, he was a total stranger. But now, he’s asking to borrow the blanket I had brought to sit on and for some reason, I agreed and let him keep it. 

The following night, the moon was slightly covered by dark clouds, stirring a storm as they rolled slowly over the night sky. Considering the weather, I wouldn’t be surprised if he decided not to show up. The air was a bit more crisp tonight as I slowly walked along the gravel sidewalk. I hugged my thin cardigan against my chest, regretting my decision with the outfit I chose. I just wanted to dress a little nicer since I knew who I would be meeting. 

As I approached the familiar spot, he was already sitting there, dressed in a dark gray hoodie, covered by a little bit of a heavier coat. His hair was a little messier than it was the night before. As I admired from a distance, his head slowly turned around, eyes meeting mine. His smile sent shivers down my body, so warm, so welcoming. He got up from his spot, slowly walking over to meet me halfway. His brows furrowed, reaching out and placing both hands on my chilled arms. “You’re freezing.” I didn’t even have time to react before he had placed his heavy coat over my shoulders. His scent was that of a mixture of old spice and some sort of deep cologne fragrance. 

“Sorry, I didn’t realize it was going to be this cold tonight.” 

“You don’t have to apologize. I’m glad I had something to offer.” His smile was so genuine, his words so gentle in the way he spoke. I could feel my heart rate increase, butterflies desperately trying to flee upwards through my body. “I’m glad you decided to come back tonight.” 

“I wanted to see you again.” 

“I wanted to see you, too.” 

We continued to meet every night after that for a week straight, at the same spot under the moon. Every night, he would bring my blanket with him, along with some sort of beverage or snack. We would lay under the stars, talking about whatever would come to mind, so effortlessly. On the days it would rain, we would hide out under the gazebo that stood close  to the water, getting a better view of the waves created by such delicate drops from the sky. 

“Sometimes, when it rains like this, I think of the earth crying for something she has lost. Someone she held dear to her,” I said, looking out towards the body of water in front of us. “The harder it rains, the more pain she feels. I see hurricanes as her rage, so violent and chaotic.” Satoru slowly made his way over, standing directly behind me. I could feel the warmth of his body press up against mine. He laced his arms around my waist, resting his head on my shoulder. I let my body relax in this state, finding comfort in the position he had forced on us. 

“You are so beautiful, Y/N.” I wanted so badly to turn around and see what expression he was making, but he had me locked in place. I didn’t want to fight it, I wanted this moment to last for eternity. The way the world expanded for me in that moment, my heart bursting as if it wanted to leap out of my chest. “I like to think that the earth is crying for us who are living here, day to day. Her tears bring so much life to flowers in the spring, watering crops of all kinds. Without her, how would we as humans flourish?”

It was the way he took interest in what I said, how he processed everything so he could relate. I truly enjoyed these conversations we had, listening and imagining what the world looked like through his eyes. For as long as I could remember, no one has ever taken the time to listen to what I had to say. I was found ‘boring’ and ‘air headed’ with the way I had an opinion on everything I spoke about. He didn’t make me feel those things, he made me feel heard. 

Satoru lifted his head, turning me slowly so I was facing him. He looked nervous, his bottom lip pulled in between his teeth. Not once did he break eye contact with me. It felt as if he wanted to say everything all at once but then nothing at all. Afraid of what would happen if he spoke existence into the universe. So instead, I leaned in for him, pressing my lips gently against his. I could feel his body relax into mine, his lower hand gripping onto my lower back just a little bit tighter. It felt like if he let go in this moment, I would’ve disappeared forever. Our bodies were in sync, igniting such passion as he deepened our kiss. His hands gently explored my body, my own wrapped firmly around his neck. I finally had to pull away to catch my breath, lingering any longer I would’ve gotten light headed.

He pressed his forehead against mine, his eyes tracing my lips as I sat there heavy breathing in hopes to catch my breath. “Can I ask you a question?” 

“Please.” 

“What does love mean to you?” His eyes were fixed on mine, hands gripped firmly around my waist. I didn’t mean to hesitate on the question, but I had never known what love really felt like when it came to another individual. I wasn’t sure how to answer this question truthfully, but one thing I was absolutely sure of, I was absolutely besotted with Saturo.

I let my head dip a little lower, feeling uneasy with such a strong gaze patiently waiting for an answer. “I want to answer you, I really do.” I let out a deep sigh, picking at the dead skin around my fingers as I caved. It was now, or close myself off to someone I had become so enthralled with.  “When I was younger, my mother grew very sick. She was bedridden for most of my childhood which caused a lot of strain on her and my fathers relationship. I wasn’t allowed to visit with her, talk to her through the door, or write her letters. My father grew resentment for her and for our family, inevitably leaving both of us behind. I’m not sure if my mother ever really passed because she was sick. Things got really bad after my father left, she wouldn’t eat, could barely form sentences. Eventually, she was taken from me as well. I feel as if I never really got to know my mom because of the way my father kept us apart so when she passed, of course I was sad, but I had felt that loss long before she died. After that, I jumped around an assortment of foster families, different family members, but none of them ever felt like home. At one point, when I was living with a distant aunt, her husband wasn’t very happy to be taking on another child. I don’t blame him but that never gave him the right to lay his hands on me. It was constant too.” 

I could feel my breath begin to break, shaking as I tried to get past the hardest part. “She never stood up for me, my aunt. She was just as scared of him as I was. It lasted for two years, the constant hiding, staying late at school, finding safe havens away from their home. One day, things became a little too violent and I felt as if my own life would be at risk if I didn’t leave. So, I took all the money I had saved up and moved out, leaving behind the broken childhood my father had graciously gifted me, leaving the abusive home my aunt had opened up and uncle had closed. I made a few friends here and there but my comfort was here. Here, no one could yell or scream at me. I was able to feel human laying in the grass, sun kissing my skin as it slowly moved over me.”

I could taste a hint of salt as I finally realized I had let tears shed as I shared my story. I hadn’t had to talk about what had happened in so long that I had nearly forgotten why I had closed myself off so much from the outside world. Satoru gently placed his hand on my cheek, rubbing his thumb to wipe away the fallen tears. I was embarrassed, uneasy of the information I had shared with the man who has been nothing but kind since the day I met him. I felt extremely drawn to him and the anxiety bubbling up inside me kept telling me that this would be what would push him away. But instead, he pulled me closer, placing his head in the crook of my neck, leaving soft kisses across my shoulder. 

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. His voice felt faint, uneasy as he tried to form a response. “To think such a loving girl had to endure such pain in order to survive.” 

“I’ve never been able to talk about this with anyone, not that I didn’t have people who would listen, but because I never trusted anyone enough to understand why I am the way that I am. I never gave up hope after what happened, in fact, I was grasping onto it in order to make it out. And for that, I’m grateful.” He lifted his head, his gaze meeting mine, both teary eyed. “I didn’t mean for this to turn out like this. I feel like I kind of ruined the night we had.” 

“No no, please don’t think like that.” He rested his lips against my forehead. His hand traced down my arm, intertwining his fingers with mine. Every touch was so gentle, so comforting. I have never felt so heard, so seen by someone ever in this life I was given. He saw me, he was acknowledging who I was as I stood in front of him, vulnerable. The way my heart raced, the way I looked forward to hearing him speak, the way he relaxed under my touch, I was more than aware of my own feelings for him. 

“You asked me what love meant to me,” I started, taking his face into the palm of my hands. “Love to me is how the moon says goodnight to the sun when dusk hits, how the wet dew covers the early morning grass, bringing it to life. Love is when your heart races with excitement in the eyes of the person who has listened to you, held you, kissed you sweetly on your darkest days. The way that line of fate naturally brings two people together, entwining in a beautiful chaotic knot. It’s like lacing fingers together, your hands getting tangled in my hair. The way the moon reflects into your eyes when you gaze at the stars, love is the aura I feel when I’m with you. I may not have a good understanding of what love may mean between two people but I love the moon, I love the night sky, I love the way the flowers bloom in the spring or when it snows, I love how silent the world becomes when it’s being coated. I find love in almost everything I have examined from afar, including you.”

“Love,” he whispered, taking his hand and tucking my hair behind my ear. “Is shown in a girl who endured the worst in order to find that meaning.The way she finds even the most simplest parts of life beautiful, is what I admired most about her. She loved to talk about the night sky in detail, and I loved to listen to her voice. She was captivating, truly the most beautiful creation to have walked this Earth, and I find myself extremely lucky to have crossed paths with her.”

He leaned down, once more placing his lips on mine, deeply pressing himself against me. It felt as if he pulled me any closer, our bodies would’ve merged into one. This sense of security has become one of my new favorite feelings. He pulled away, the distance never waning. “And I have fallen in love with that girl.”

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[lofitojii]

To Be Loved: Part 1

Summary: Your heart never knew it was capable of intense feelings for someone else. You thought that maybe life would've been easier if you never met him that night, if you had just ignored him in that alley. That thought crossed your mind constantly, consuming every good thing that had happened up to this point. This was never meant to be easy, and deep within, you knew involving yourself in his life was going to be complicated.

word count: 4.1k

WARNING: THIS SERIES INCLUDES 18+ CONTENT!

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When I was younger, I had the constant reminder that love was hard to find with those who were in and out of it around me. Love was harsh, unforgiving, mentally exhausting to endure. I remember seeing my poor mother sobbing on the back porch, deep inhales from her Newport cigarette being heard through the cracked windows of our kitchen, the smell lightly seeping through the screen. I didn’t hate that smell.

She never really talked about who broke her heart but more ask “Why me?” or “What did I do now?” I remember some nights she would come home late, sending home the sweet teenage neighbour or on some nights, our aunt who I remember was a very strong figure in my childhood. The deep sigh Auntie would make when she would embrace my mother in her arms, small hushes trying to mask the sound of the silent sobs. “You can’t let these men keep treating you like this.” Those words lingered heavily throughout those nights. 

Looking back on these specific moments, my heart aches for the single mother, sitting outside alone in the dark. She preferred it that way though, and I don’t really blame her. But one thing about my mother was that she never gave up on what she thought love meant to her. The next morning, Stevie Nicks would be blasting in the kitchen, doors wide open as she smoked inside our house, waving it around as if the smoke were to cleanse the unwanted thoughts we knew she had about what happened. It was just me and my older brother through most of our childhood. Mom never really committed after our father left, not until we were both teenagers, old enough to finally grasp onto something of what she was going through. 

His name was Aiko, tall, handsome, and an artist in our community. She met him one night at the bar she used to work at on weekends when she was trying to save up for my brother to get into college. I remember him being kind, soft spoken. He treated my mother to many things, including fine dining, extravagant adventures around Asia, lavish hotels and exhibits. He was good to my mother and we also loved him, so dearly. They were perfect right up until the very end when he shielded both us and our mother from that night. If only the events had turned out differently. If only she had survived, if only they both had been able to survive.

“Stay here and do not leave by any means. Do you promise me Y/N?” His eyes filled with tears, sweat mixing with crimson liquid as he wiped it away with the back of his hand. His palm caressed my cheek, so gently, so lovingly. “I will help you but you have to promise me you’ll stay here until I do. Please…” He pleaded, his voice heavily concerned. I nodded, tears flowing, blurring my vision. He pushed me further into the dark crevice of the basement, whispering ‘I love you’ as he closed off my vision with one of his paintings. 

The night dragged on, loud bangs and thuds coming from right above me. I knew what was happening but I didn’t want to believe it. I sat and prayed to the God I had never spoken to before in hopes he would hear my calling for him in this desperate time of need. Eventually, it fell silent. I could hear the rain tapping gently against the roof, my mind wavering between sitting here and waiting or seeking help myself. 

But I promised. I told him I wouldn’t move. So I didn’t. 

That was 10 years ago, I’m 25 now, living on my own, a couple blocks away from my older brother. He visits me often, brings me dinner, studies in my kitchen until early hours of the morning, sometimes being found on my living room couch. I don’t mind, I find comfort in having my brother around. But for us to have our own independence after relying so much on each other for so many years, we had agreed to keep it this way. 

“Y/N?” a small knock came from the other side, his gentle voice seeping through the crack in my bedroom door. I closed my journal, placing it down on my side table. “Are you hungry? I was hungry and made and omlette and also kinda sorta made you one too.” I smiled as he walked in, placing the plate down in front of me before hopping into the empty spot next to my side. 

“Even if I wasn’t hungry you wouldn’t care.” He just smiled and laid his head down on the pillow behind him. 

“Do you work tonight?” I nodded, taking a bite of the food in front of me. My brother really was an incredible cook, something he picked up from our mother. “Then tomorrow, do you want to go to that new bar with me? Couple of friends are meeting up, I think it would be good to get out.”

“From one bar to another?” I joked. He rolled his eyes, his gaze pressuring me for an answer. “I’ll go, but I’m only staying for an hour or two. I won't be home until 4 AM tomorrow and I don’t know how much bar environment I can handle.” 

“Why a bar?” 

“Choso,” I sighed, finishing the last bite of the breakfast he had made me. “I make really good money, meet lots of people, have the ins and outs of the night life in this city. It’s a good job for me and I really enjoy it.” The look on his face was something I was all too familiar with. “Choso.” 

“What!” He huffed, throwing his head face down into the pillow. Shaking my head I reached for my own pillow, throwing it over his head receiving a small grunt being muffled through the fabric. He finally sat up, bringing the pillows back to their proper places. “I just think you have other options you should consider for a better future.” 

“What, like the art school?” 

“Y/N they sought YOU out! That doesn’t just happen to anyone! Not to mention it’s the same place-” I lifted my finger over my lips, halting him from finishing his sentence. “I’m just saying.” 

“And I’m just saying I’m 25 and have time to figure out what I want to do. As for right now though, Maki is waiting for me to come join her for half price shots. Not to mention the big fight happened tonight so the bar is probably packed, I should leave within the hour.” Choso gave me an all too familiar look, brows furrowed, pouty lips. I know he means well with what he says to me but, to be honest, it’s something I’m not ready to address yet. “You’re more than welcome to come help out tonight. I know Nanami wouldn’t mind the extra hands.” 

“What and get worked to the bone again just to be paid with under the table tips?” I took the pillow in my hands once more, this time hurling it right in his face. 

“Out.” I motioned towards the door. “Are you coming or not?” 

“I’ll go.” 

The bar I worked at was an underground dive bar located in downtown Shibuya. It was a quick 5 minute walk down the street from my place, right next to the local fighting event center. That was the big thing here in the city, the fights weren’t regulated, completely free style fighting. It was the place to make a name for yourself in this city when it came to fighting, big names started off as small street fighters here. Being that we were the closest bar to the center, made us a very hot spot for the fighters, girlfriends, groupies, stage crew, and college students all alike. 

“What’s it looking like tonight?” I yelled over the loud music blaring in the background of the empty bar. Stamping my card, Choso shimmied his way behind me, locking hands with one of our servers. From behind them, I could see Maki making her way towards me, annoyance written across her face. 

“Big fight happened tonight so Nanami is calling all hands on deck.” She took a smoke out of the pack she kept in her back pocket, offering me one. Placing the stick between my lips, she leaned hers against mine, igniting the borrowed cigarette. The harsh vapor hit the back of my throat, burning ever so slightly. 

“Who won?” I asked, stacking cups behind the bar as Maki stocked popular liquor choices. I could feel a lump in my throat as she placed Bacardi in its preferred spot. 

“Who do you think?” She smirked, putting her smoke out in the drain in front of us. “Alright boys!” She climbed up on the counter, gathering the attention of all the employees in the bar. “There are gonna be a lot of fighters here tonight along with a lot of cops patrolling the area. This is not our first rodeo and I expect tonight to go like any other! You know the rules, you know what to do if a bitch gets out of line so I plan on everyone doing their part tonight.” Maki was the unofficial manager of this place. Nanami doesn’t believe in giving titles out because we’re all here to help each other, the family method. But she’s the only one he trusts enough to leave alone in the bar without him. She was good at it, I admired her a lot for how she can step up to authority so effortlessly.  

10 PM hit and the place was crowded, music blasting from every corner. They weren’t kidding when they said tonight was a sold out show. As the night went on, drinks came and went from my station. The laughs got louder, the drinks got sloppier. 

“What can I get you?” I asked, staring at the couple in front of me. The woman had on a cherry red lip, matching what I would assume was a wig. Her eye makeup shimmering under the strobe lights of the bar. Her partner had a single white stripe, swooping in front of eyes. He had a singular tooth gem on one of his canines, which he didn’t mind showing off. 

“Two stouts and a shot for the winner over there,” he said pointing at the man in the corner who had drinks thrown his way all night. Dark features, broad shoulders. I couldn’t get a good look at his face but I knew exactly who he was. 

“Mai! Another shot for the big one in the corner,” I yelled, sliding the small glass in her direction. “Hey Maki, I’m going out for a smoke.” She nodded, taking the two customers from in front of me. 

Tonight was overwhelming to say the least. Fight nights were always busy but tonight felt a little different. I knew the Fushiguro guy was the talk of the town but I didn’t think he would conjure up this big of a crowd. I slid my phone out of my pocket, planning on doing a quick google search of tonight's fight. “Toji Fushiguro,” I whispered under my breath the exhale of the cigarette smoke. Black hair, scar on his lip, fantastic figure. He looked the part of street fighter, little to no history on his backstory either. “Small town outside Tokyo, has a son huh.” Suddenly, the light that illuminated over me became dark, the heat from someone’s body could be felt very close, almost as if they had pressed themselves up against my back. “Hey man.” 

“Sorry,” he muttered, stepping to the side. “Do you have a smoke?” I turned around coming face to face with his broad chest. My eyes traced up his shirt, the smell of sweat with the masking of burnt sandalwood burning my nostrils. 

“Oh uh yeah sorry.” I opened my half empty box of camel crushes. He smirked, letting out a little huff. 

“Candy cigarettes,” he joked, taking the lighter from my hands. The wic flickered, but nothing lit. Over and over his thumb ran across the spike wheel, but nothing was happening. His eyes darted from the lighter to the cigarette lit in my hand. I placed it between my lips, inhaling as he leaned in to light his own, mimicking the actions of what I did with Maki earlier. Not once did his gaze leave mine as the smoke began to kindle. I could feel my heartbeat surge through my entire body, sensitive to the bitter night breeze trapped in the small alley. He leaned back, his smile barely visible through his pursed lips. He could tell what he was doing. 

“They’re the only ones that don’t taste like ass after having several throughout the day.” I quickly turned my head away from his, trying not to let his aura have such an effect on me, but I was completely in a daze ‘cause of him. 

“Guess I can’t argue with that.” He finally leaned back fully, letting the spotlight illuminate his face instead of hiding it. His skin glistened, the smell of liquor lingering with smoke he had placed between his lips. He was… gorgeous? “What?” He smirked again, looking down at my dumbfounded face. I could feel my cheeks get hot, flushing from his intense gaze that would fluster anyone he looked at. “Let me guess,” he slurred, placing his arm above my head. “Nervous?” 

“No,” I huffed back, avoiding eye contact with the beautiful man in front of me. “Just thinking about how all these strong smells don't mask your cheap bath and body works cologne.” He let out a low chuckle, reaching down and smelling his own shirt. His eyes shifted, lit by the lowlights of the outside smoking area. His consuming gaze felt like he was putting pressure on my whole body. 

“The girl at the mall said it was charming.” He lifted the smoke up to his lips, taking a deep inhale. “What’s your name?” Why was I hesitating so much to speak to him? Was it his aura? Was it because of his cheap cologne? Was it because he was almost double my size and leaning over me a considerable amount? “I’m Toji.” He took one last deep inhale of the smoke he had snagged from me, crushing the bud under his foot. “I’ll see you around, Y/N.” He pointed to my name tag that was half hidden by the jacket I had on. I quickly pulled it closed, turning around to avoid any more conversation with the intimidating man in front of me. 

“Maybe with that big paycheck you got from tonight's fight, you could invest in something that doesn’t stain the nose so badly.” I could feel him let out a deep chuckle behind me before hearing the door slam shut. Letting out the biggest sigh of relief, I finally relaxed my shoulders from the oh so stiff posture I had been holding. I didn’t realize how nervous I actually was until I was left with the heavy atmosphere he had left behind.

“Y/N? Are you okay? You look a little pale.” I looked up meeting the familiar face of my older brother, his expression written with concern. I nodded, tossing the bud of my own smoke into the garbage. I followed Choso back into the bar, immediately losing him in the crowd of people as I struggled to get back to my post. Maki met me with a grasp on the shoulder, switching spots so she could go take a break herself.

As the night went on, we cut people off signaling we closed within the hour which caused small groups to leave in rotations. “Thank god,” Maki sighed, leaning her back against the counter. “Nights like these go back so fast but not fast enough.” 

“Maki, Y/N,” Nanami called over in our direction. “Are you guys staying tonight for drinks?” We both nodded, looking forward to our tradition of staff hang out after a big night. During this time we usually have a round of beers, the regular Nanami speech about how he appreciates our hard work, followed by loud chatting amongst the crew, ending with a singular shot before we start to part ways. 

As I was cleaning the bar in front of me, gathering glasses and loose bills lying around left by friendly drunk customers, Maki tapped my shoulder, gesturing her head to the man standing in front of me. Meeting his dark eyes once more, I could feel the lump in my throat form. 

“Don’t worry, I’m not here to harass you.” He took a napkin from the pile I had just stacked, placing his hand out in front of me, eyeing the pen in my apron pocket. My hands moved on their own, gently placing the pen in his hand, feeling his rough skin against mine. He quickly scribbled something across it, sliding the napkin in my direction. 

‘Can I have your number?’ I looked up, confused.

“I would give you mine but then there’s the chance you won’t actually text me.” I could feel the curiosity mixed with excitement of multiple coworkers behind me, feeling extremely heavy under the pressure of answering. To avoid this situation anymore, I instinctively wrote down my number, handing it over without making eye contact. And with that, Toji threw a wink in my direction, leaving with a small group out the front door of the bar. I let out a deep sigh, slowly turning around to meet the intense gaze of my coworkers. 

“Girl,” Maki smiled. “We all saw that, right? That just happened?” I felt my face get hot, really hot. What just happened? Why did I give him my actual number and not some random one? He’s right too, if he would’ve given me his number, I wouldn’t know what to do with it? But most of all, WHY IS THIS HAPPENING?

I could feel myself getting dizzy with the thoughts running through my head at what felt like a million miles an hour. Everything happened so fast, I felt like I didn’t have enough time to react. He was so beautiful, and truly I wish I had more words to describe what he was like in my eyes. The way his messy hair fell so easily in front of his eclipse eyes. The scar located on the corner of his rough lips. His smile, that stupid cheesy grin, even made the hairs on the back of my neck wane at the thought of it. Why, of all the beautiful people who attended the bar tonight, why did I stand out?  

“Alright alright,” Nanami gestured at the roaring crowd of tired yet sleepless employees. “One again we had another successful fight night. Only one punch thrown and it wasn’t from one of our staff.” 

“Hey, Y/N.” Maki was smiling ear to ear, breath lingering with the scent of Blue Moon. “So Toji huh? After we heard about the interaction in the alley, man wouldn’t take his eyes off of you.” 

“Shut up Maki!” I lightly brushed her away. “There were a ton of girls sitting at the bar, it could've been anyone.” She rolled her eyes all the way into the back of her head, brows furrowed with a face that read ‘Be fucking for real’. 

“Lucky girl you.” I was desperately trying to grasp on to anything other than the idea he was interested in me. Not that I wasn’t attracted to him but because I was attracted to him. Men like that are elusive, not interested in the quiet life. And that’s all I’ve wanted, ever since I was very small. 

“See you Sunday Y/N. And good work Choso. Threw in a bit extra for you tonight for the last minute help.” Nanami waved us off before locking the doors behind him, walking in the opposite direction with Maki.  

“Y/N?” Choso whispered under his breath, walking slowly behind me on our way home.  The air between us was tense. I knew that if others had seen it, Choso had heard about what had happened. “What happened when you went outside?” 

“Um,” I hesitated, running my fingers through my hair. “I met Toji.” 

“What happened though?” He sounded nervous, voice shaking. 

“Nothing, he just made small talk.” 

“That’s it? Then why did you give him your number?” 

“Choso-” 

“No Y/N.” He stopped in his tracks, causing my own body to freeze. “He may be the top fighter right now but he’s bad news. That man hasn’t committed to anything in his life. All I’ve ever heard about him is bad things, and you want to get involved in that?” 

“Stop!” I turned around, looking at my older brother standing tall in front of me. I know he means well, and I can’t bring myself to be mad at him. But the constant hovering, there’s a certain line that can cause it to feel suffocating.  “Yes I gave him my number, yes I talked to him but why are we just assuming things when nothing has even happened? I get that you’re worried about me and I know you made a promise to look after me but I’m not a little girl anymore. You don’t have a say in who I talk to, let alone who I date. And that thought didn’t even cross my mind with Togi! I exchanged a few words with him about cheap cologne and he asked for my number. Tons of guys have done that working at this damn bar! So please, Choso. Please loosen your grip just a little and trust me for once!” 

I was out of breath, the cold autumn night biting at my bare legs as I painfully waited for Choso to respond. But nothing came. Instead he turned around, and walked the other way. Was I too harsh? Did I hurt his feelings just by trying to stand up for myself? Whatever. I let out a deep sigh and continued to head towards my apartment. Things will blow over eventually with Choso like they always do. I get that he is just being overprotective but this is the main reason why I haven’t gone out of my way to date anyone seriously. I’ve had a few flings here and there, but Choso has always been lingering in the background. Ever since the accident with our mother, Choso hasn’t really left my side. I don’t blame him, I’ve kept my grasp just as tight on him in return. We’ve been inseparable for a long time. But as we grow older, I want him to have a family of his own. I want him to follow his own dreams, be his own person. Not just my protector. 

“Yuna,” I called out as I slipped my shoes off at the foot of the front door. “How was it tonight? Quiet?” 

“Mow,” she called out, letting out a relaxed stretch before prancing over to greet me. I picked her up in one quick swoop, holding her close to my chest. 

“What a night Yuna. Pretty sure Choso won’t be around for a couple of days so try not to be too sad about it.” Her loud purs could be heard echoing throughout the silent apartment. She curled up in a small ball in my lap, bringing me what comfort she could without knowing the distress I was feeling. I let out what felt like the 60th deep sigh of my evening, crashing my back into the base of my bed. 

4:15 AM. Will Choso still want me to show up tonight? I should just shoot him a text apologizing for my outburst. As I reached for my phone, it lit up with an unknown number. Why is my heart racing?

“Hope you’re safe. -Toji.” 

I could feel my face flush to what I could assume was that of deep crimson. The heat  was radiating, cheeks warm to the touch. I sat there with my screen illuminating my face in the darkness of the early morning. 

“Shouldn’t you be sleeping? It’s pretty late.” 

“Did you just get home?” 

“About 20 minutes ago.” -Read 4:30 AM. It had been about 10 minutes since he opened that last text message. With that, I put my phone face down, attaching it to my charger. 

Tonight has been so overwhelming, my head felt like it was spinning as I closed my eyes. To be honest I didn’t want to think about it anymore, I knew I wouldn’t sleep if I fixed on any topic that had happened. Just as I could feel the sleep about to take over, I could feel the vibration of my phone go off. 

“I hope I see you around.”

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾

Master List

A/N: Helloooo!!! I hope you enjoyed part 1 of this series. I've been in heavy thought of what it means to be in love, indulging in various romance shows, books, movies, music. I know this isn't going to be about the Toji we know but the Toji we wish we could know. Let me know what you think 𓆩♡𓆪

[lofitojii]

Request Info

REQUEST ARE: [CLOSED]

Anime Request List (Please read here before submitting request)

Anime Masterlist 

INFO ABOUT REQUESTS:

when requests are open, keep these rules in mind:

send detailed description of who and what you want.

even though these characters are fictional, i refuse to write about minors, ex: killua and gon, the promised neverland cast. i have no issue writing sweet scenarios about them but if they are sexualized, i will be blocking you.

i am 26, i have no issue writing adult content, but you must be 18+ to request adult content. if you refuse to comply, your request will be ignored.

[lofitojii]

Rules ༺♥༻❀༺♥༻

1. there will be no sexualizing of minors on this account of any kind, that includes anime characters. 2. you must be 18+ to request nsfw content  3. I have the right to refuse any request that makes me uncomfortable or uneasy. I will let you know by either replying to your anonymous message or privately message you directly. 4. you can request up to 4 character per request (all in one post)  5. i write scenarios, series, one shots, and imagines. 6. you can not request a series directly. there are polls for who they are about and i ask that you please participate there :) 7. dm me if you have any questions about requests or anime characters you don’t see on the list you can choose from.

[lofitojii]

Anime Request List

You may pick up to four characters if you choose when requests are open.  please refer to RULES before requesting :) NOTE: the more characters you choose, the shorter the request will be UNLESS the scenario is based around all four of them at the same time (i hope this makes sense)

ANIME:

my hero academia

Jujutsu kaisen

hunter x hunter

tokyo ghoul

demon slayer

haikyuu

ouran high school host club

death note

sailor moon

attack on titan

A sign of affection

if you don’t see an anime listed here that you want to request from, please dm me and i will always consider watching said anime to meet your request.

VIDEO GAMES (CHARACTERS):

Love and Deepspace

Leon Kennedy

Overwatch

Final Fantasy

REMINDER: i REFUSE to sexualize minor characters. Must be 18+ to request nsfw.

[lofitojii]

Anime Master List

ONE SHOTS:

ONE SHOT: Tokyo Ghoul Quirk (MHA) ONE SHOT: Revival (MHA) ONE SHOT: A Simple Crush (MHA) ONE SHOT: Loveable (MHA) ONE SHOT: Endearment (JJK)

REACTIONS:

When You're Sick (MHA) I THink I Love You (MHA)

IMAGINE:

This Is Goodbye (MHA)

SERIES:

To Be Loved (JJK)

This list will constantly update as I continue to write more and take on more requests! I also wrote all of these YEARS ago. My upcoming content will vary and most likely center around some of my personal favorites. Be nice to younger lofi!

LOFI MASTER LIST

[lofitojii]

HELLOOOOO

Hello again! This time this post is a good update rather than an emotional rant so sit tight!

I'm making a full return!!! Now this doesn't mean I'm going to finish my previous story (I'm so sorry. I have no passion for it anymore) BUT!!!! I've been working on something else that im excited to share! I've been in need of a creative outlet again and this has been a lot of fun for me create so look forward to the new story!!!

If you have any questions, please feel free to ask away! Again i'm sorry about the last story. Even if i were to pick it up again, I don't know where I'd even go with it! There will be a few changes to this account though so once I get everything settled, I'll be back up and running!

-Lofi <3

[lofitojii]

hi i made a mistake and my master links are not working because i’m silly and didn’t think about updating the links before changing the account name. WAS LOFIBAKUGOU. but here we are 😔 i know i’ve been gone for 3 years but a lot has happened since then. i apologize deeply and can’t make promises of truly returning. i thought of this account today and decided to log back in. i do miss writing, i do miss connecting with others through this account. hopefully i find the motivation to do so.

sending all my love to those who have supported me through all the change this account has gone under and for supporting my silly little stories. <3

-lofi

[lofitojii]

hello to all my old and new followers, long time no see.

there’s one thing about me, i’ll always come back to this account. i do want to continue writing and sharing what i do and i promise i’ll get back to it all. i didn’t have a laptop for the longest time due to financial issues and i don’t like to write on my phone or my ipad. but i’m in a place where i can now write again.

i hope to create new things with new anime/manga fanfics, also maybe create some OC’s as well. thank you for all the kind words while i was away <3 they have all meant so much to me.

sending u all my love and appreciation! see you soon xx

- - ┈┈∘┈˃̶༒˂̶┈∘┈┈ - -

also i go by just lofi now :]

[lofitojii]

literally i’ve either been the person telling someone those things or have had those words said to me in that last imagine: this is goodbye all the way down to bakugou hahahahahaha but i’m glad that you all liked it so much !!

wanna start off my daily message by saying:

welcome new followers :) hi how are u? thanks for hanging out and reading my work. drink water okay? love you 💜

idk if guardian angel will be up today. idk what’s going on but i’ve been stupid tired these last three days so i don’t have the whole piece written yet unfortunately :/ i will try and get it done today and posted tomorrow but i can’t promise anything cause i feel very unmotivated lol

in the mean time, keep an eye out for a post here in the next hour. it’s really important and i need ur guys help!!

much love !! -ana

[credit to owner for art work. give them a follow cause this be cute]

*pssttt* have u read the new imagine yet? no??? well if u wanna cry and have a bit of a laugh too, check it out :) HERE

yes the last one is meant to make u feel differently. don’t know what i’m talking about?? better go read it. here it is again ;) (ur gonna wanna read me)

[lofitojii]

IMAGINE: This is Goodbye

…*☆*……………………………………………

Summary: The feelings just aren’t there anymore, and though it’s the thing that breaks you, you have to let go. 

A/N: so here’s a sad post. I’m feeling pretty down lately due to things that are going on so I decided to pour it out here. Sorry for the angst but also not sorry hahaha.

…*☆*……………………………………………

Dabi: 

Things had been off for a while, you could feel the tension rise as the bickering turned into full on arguments. It was over the little things too, everything had seemed to set him off. No matter how you felt, he acted as if he didn’t care. You couldn’t take it anymore, the feeling inside of you visibly tearing you apart. The love you had once felt for him turned into fear, fear of setting him off or making him upset. You were tired of walking on eggshells, you needed to confront him, understand why he was so short with you. 

“You don’t love me anymore, do you?” You asked, approaching the dark room you had shared with the man for so long. It was cold, empty, nothing but tension filling the room.  

“I do love you,” he sighed, running his hands through his hair. “I don’t know… I just..” 

“I can’t do it,” you interrupted. “If you keep treating me like this, I can’t do it.” 

Dabi got up from his spot on the bed, slowly approaching you. “I’m sorry Y/n,” he whispered, pressing his lips to your forehead. “I loved you but now? I… It’s not the same.” You knew it was coming, you knew where this conversation was going to go, yet it ripped your heart in half. You felt the tears swell, the lump in your throat being held back by your urge to fight the tears. 

“Then leave.” Dabi didn’t respond after that, he did exactly what you told him to do. He grabbed his coat, put on his shoes and made his way for the door. You sat there on the bedroom floor, bringing your knees up to your chest as you waited to hear the door click but it felt as if it was never coming. Dabi let out a sigh, his head hung low.

“Thank you, Y/n. For letting me love you.” 

Hawks: 

He had grown so distant, being spacey with you, leaving you on read, ignoring your phone calls. You knew he was busy but this was so unlike him. You wanted to confront him, call him out on being a bad boyfriend but you held it back. And for what? This wasn’t the Keigo you knew, not the one you had fallen in love with so long ago. This was a side you had never witnessed, something you had feared of since day one. You could tell he was trying to grow the gap between you, and eventually you just gave up trying to mend it. This time, you couldn’t keep quiet anymore. You had to confront him, ask him why, know why he was treating you like this. 

“You’re different,” you cooed, sadness lingering in your tone. Kiego sighed, running his hands stressfully through his hair. 

“I know,” he replied quietly. 

“What’s going on? You’ve been so distant, you’re short with me,” You tried your best to remain calm, knowing that this conversation was going to go a different way. 

“I.. I don’t know,” he lied. “I don’t want to hurt you.” 

“You already have, Kiego,” you whispered. “Whatever is going on has already hurt me. Just be honest, there’s nothing left you can say that won’t hurt at this point.” 

“I can’t do this anymore,” he finally admitted. “It’s not you. I loved every second I had with you. I just… I don’t want this anymore.” 

“Is it because of me or because of something I did?” You could feel yourself choking on the tears but nothing was coming out. You were numb, unable to express yourself. 

“Not at all.” He lifted his hand to your cheek, wiping away a tear that had escaped. “You were wonderful. I just.. I need to be alone right now.” 

“Then go,” you finally spat. Kiego sat there for a second before letting out a sigh and removing himself from his spot. He put his coat on, unable to look at him while he did so. You didn’t even want to say goodbye, you couldn’t. So instead, you just let him leave, letting you finally feel that pain you were pushing away for so long. It was over, it was really over. 

Shinsou: 

He was usually so good about checking in, or even responding to your silly little questions. But something was off. He was ignoring your calls, leaving in the morning before you got up, coming home late after you had gone to bed. Things were off and you were too nervous to confront him about it because he was very defensive about situations like that. You were tired of the confrontation, you just wanted to stop hurting. So you finally did it, you told him you wanted to talk and he agreed almost immediately. 

“So are you going to tell me why you’ve been so distant?” you confronted right off, getting straight to the point. 

“I’ve just been trying to work out these feelings, I never meant to upset you.” 

“Okay, but you did,” you confirmed. “I’d rather you just be open with me instead of having me try and guess how you’re feeling.” He looked stressed, like he just wanted to escape. You could tell something was on his mind, something holding him back. “Shinsou, you’ve always been straight forward with me. You have always told me how you felt when you were feeling it so I know something is wrong.” 

“Y/n,” he finally whispered, avoiding eye contact. “I love you but… I’m not in love with you. I never wanted to hurt you. I’ve just been trying to solve this problem on my own and I know I’ve been dragging you down with me.” 

“If breaking up is what needs to happen, then I’m okay with it.” It pained you, his words felt like daggers. But you knew you couldn’t hold onto something that wasn’t real anymore. “I have only ever had love for you. I hope you find and understand what it is you’re looking for.” And with that, you left. You couldn’t sit there and lie to him about how you’ll be okay and that you were okay with letting go if it meant he’ll be okay. You loved him, more than you loved most things in this world. 

But sometimes, when you really love something and they are trying to fly away, let them. If they hurt, they won’t be able to love you the way you need. And that’s what you told yourself as you left. You need to be loved the way you need and unfortunately, Shinsou couldn’t give that to you anymore. 

Tamaki:

Sometimes you try and work things out with someone you love and sometimes you don’t, regardless of how you feel. You loved him with your entire being but you could tell something was off. Tamaki was very reserved when it came to his feelings so when he started to close himself off again, you knew he was struggling internally with something. You didn’t want to pry or bother him with loads of questions, but it had gotten to the point where you had no other option. He had been ignoring your calls, texts, declining your offers to spend time together. You decided to walk over to his place that night, unable to just let the situation simmer any longer. 

“Can we talk?” You asked Tamaki as he stood there in the doorway, looking as if he was ready for bed. 

“I um, I’m just about to go to bed.” 

“It won’t take long,” you reassured. “Please?” He scratched the back of his neck as he moved to the side so you could walk in. He led you into his living room, taking a seat on the couch. “I..I’ve had a lot of time to think,” you stuttered, taking deep breaths in order to control your breathing. “And well, I think I’m just going to do it because I’ve tried and tried and I’ve gotten nothing in return. This really fucking hurts but… I don’t know.” Tamaki was silent, his focus on you. “I love you but I think it’s time we go our separate ways.” 

“I’m so sorry, Y/n,” Tamaki pleaded. He rested his head in the palm of his hands, hearing inaudible sobs come from him. “I love you, I know I do but, I don’t feel anything for this anymore. I tried to tell myself over and over that I could make it work and that the feelings would come back…” 

“It’s okay.” You found yourself crying now too, feeding off of Tamaki’s emotions. You lifted your hand, placing it on Tamaki’s shoulder. “I loved every second I had with you and as I leave today, I want you to know that no matter where life takes us, I will be there in the background supporting you through it all.” Tamaki let it all go, letting his emotions take over as he sat there and cried in front of you. 

You knew he was sad but you could tell he was being genuine and that’s really what made it all the more hard for you to say goodbye. You will always cherish the time you had with him and can only hope that one day, he finds that sense of comfort and safety within himself and the one he chooses to be with in the future. 

Bakugou: 

He would simply ghost you.

[lofitojii]

i think what i’m going to do is next weekend i’m going to take a pause on guardian angel and bust out a shit ton of one shots/imagines/reactions so that way i have stuff to post while you wait for the series updates !!

so here’s ur chance to request but it’s a little different !!

SEND IN (1) CHARACTER AND WHAT CONTENT UR WANTING!!! ex: angst, fluff, smut. please no detailed imagines, those won’t be open until after the series is finished.

okay ana OUT !!!!

[lofitojii]

hello my angels !!! long time no see 

currently writing part 3 of guardian angel and tbh i’m mad tired and super unmotivated but i’m trying !!

i do have a little one shot that can be put up but i haven’t edited anything for it so here we are, half assing my way through today lol 

hope everyone is doing well! most likely no post today but for sure tomorrow !!!! 

stay safe!! 

-ana

[lofitojii]

exposing my real tumblr in case u wanna see pretty pictures or something :)

@neptunezbaby

i’ll probably follow back 💜

[lofitojii]

can I be added to the Guardian Angel tag list please? 🥺🥺💞

absolutely :) !!!

so my work didn’t give me this weekend off so guess who’s gonna be writing all weekend !!?? part 3 should be up next monday

let me know if u wanna be apart of the tag list 💜

[lofitojii]

Part [II] Guardian Angel

¸.•*¨*•.¸♥¸.•*¨*•.¸♥¸.•*¨*•.¸.•*¨*•.¸♥¸.•*¨*•.¸♥¸.•*

Summary: You are a new sidekick to the number two hero of Tokyo, Hawks. You team up with another sidekick, Bakugou, in an ongoing investigation on a serial killer. Unexpected interactions happen that flip the whole case around causing new, confusing feelings which alter your relationships in ways you never saw coming.

Word Count: 4.6k

Warning: Minor Swearing 

Guardian Angel Master List

¸.•*¨*•.¸♥¸.•*¨*•.¸♥¸.•*¨*•.¸.•*¨*•.¸♥¸.•*¨*•.¸♥¸.•*

[ tag list: @criminal-strawberry @underratedmage ]

“Kid? Where are you? Are you okay?” You heard Hawks come in through the ear piece. You were desperately trying to keep up with Bakugou who was blasting from roof to roof, keeping a drastic distance between the two of you. You wanted to fly after him but you thought that if you let the distance grow and just let him get there the way he wanted, it would lead to receiving information from him. It was a long shot but at this point, you didn’t really know what to try. It was clear he wasn’t going to talk to you until you got back to the agency. 

“I’m fine. We’re almost back to the agency,” you replied, trying not to scream into the ear piece as your pace increased. Bakugou made it there before you, standing outside the front doors waiting for your arrival. You were surprised to say the least, thinking that he would’ve rushed off inside to tell Hawks what happened, but he just stood there. 

“Finally. Thought those wings made you faster,” Bakugou joked, leading the two of you through the doors. 

“Ha-ha, very funny,” you returned, scowling at Bakugou who seemed pretty pleased with his little joke. 

You and Bakugou stood in the elevator, letting the silence linger to the point where it became awkward and frustrating for you. You couldn’t hold it in anymore. “Who’s Dabi? Why are you choosing to leave me in the dark about this?” Bakugou didn’t look over, didn’t move, flinch, react in any way. He was just silent. You were trying your best to not get worked up over the situation but it was rather infuriating that your own team mate was withholding information from you. 

Bakugou let out a say, mumbling slurs of frustration under his breath. “Dammit. Hawks has history with Dabi, that’s why this is so big. Now if you’ll stop talking to me and just let Hawks fucking tell you? Okay?” Your cheeks flushed red, your whole attitude becoming rather embarrassed over anything.

“Should’ve just told me that in the beginning,” you muttered in a low tone, crossing your arms over your chest, trying your best to choke but the unwanted and unneeded tears of embarrassment. You were just very emotional, your feelings being the weakest part of you. Anything and everything made you cry, and normally you were okay with that. You never had an issue with expressing yourself, you just never understood timing which always tends to heighten your emotions. 

You walked into Hawks’ empty office, assuming he was just running behind. This was the second time you’ve shown up before him. “Better than me by a slight hair, it seems.” You looked over your shoulder, seeing Hawks approach his desk from the front doors. “Okay first, Y/N, I hear you encountered the suspect? Is that right?” 

“Yes sir,” you replied. 

“Well? Spit it out kid!” 

“Bakugou had mentioned that he saw him near me when I was patrolling street view. It was hard to see through the crowds of people without bringing all the attention towards me and I ended up bumping into him. He knows my hero name and I played dumb when he said I reminded him of you.” You were nervous that this was going to lead into you getting into trouble on your first day. You really didn’t want to upset your new boss, nor did you want to disappoint your teammates. “His name is Dabi.” 

“Fucking… Bastard,” Hawks growled, slamming his fist onto his desk. “You’re okay though, right? He didn’t hurt you, did he?” He nervously lifted his palm to his cheek, rubbing his scruff as he tried to scramble is unwarenting thoughts.

“I was watching from above the entire time and he helped her up. I couldn’t hear anything but I would’ve jumped in if she was in danger.” Bakugou added in what he saw, your heart fluttering at the thought of Bakugou jumping in to help you. And no, it’s not because of any sort of weird unsaid feelings you have for him, but because this whole time it seemed as if he hated you. 

“Hawks?” You asked, trying to keep calm while controlling your emotions all at once. “Who’s Dabi?” 

“An old friend.” 

“What is up with you boys and being so damn dramatic? What good is keeping secrets?” You finally lost it, upset about the fact you had to pry more from both of the men in front of you. “We’re fucking partners here. I am in this case too. Why are we side stepping around the main suspect like it’s some drastic back story? He’s alive, right? He matches the description, right?” You were annoyed at the fact you had to get literal with the people you worked with but you understood why they wouldn’t say anything. Emotions and feelings are what hold us down as humans, our personal anchor keeping us grounded under water. “I’m sorry if this is harder than it seems but people are dying here guys and if it happens to not be this guy, he knows SOMETHING about what’s going on. So now, who is Dabi and why is everyone being so quiet about him?” 

Hawks let out a deep sigh, exchanging looks with Bakugou before finally making eye contact with you. “You’re right, you’re right.” It was obvious that this was a heavy subject for Hawks, seeing it cause resurfacing pain. You didn’t need him to tell you how he felt about it because you could feel it, your own emotions mimicking the lingering feeling that was swarming around the open office. “About 7 years ago, a little bit before I ended up starting this agency, Dabi and I were.. Uh well we were close. Like best friends close. I was raised by these guys who were only told to train me like a hero from when I was a young age so when I met Dabi, it was exciting and new. He was there to receive ‘treatment’ whatever that meant and over time…. Well he’s not the same Dabi I knew before. He escaped the facility after lighting half of it on fire and ever since then, I haven’t crossed paths with him again.”

“So then what does he have to do with this case? What, he disappears for 7 years and comes back with a set plan or murders to get your attention?” The story was confusing to you and you knew there was more than what Hawks was telling you. The question was whether to pry or to wait for him to feel comfortable enough to tell you himself. 

“You came in contact with him,” he pointed out. “You tell me.” You knew what he meant, putting together the conversation you had with Dabi prior to knowing the history. You knew this was rooted deeper than what was being placed in front of you. When Dabi had mentioned Hawks, you assumed it was because of the wings, when in reality it was something completely different. What is Dabi trying to play here? Your thoughts were swarming with multiple possibilities as to what he was trying to do and you knew you couldn’t rely on two closed off men with little examples on how to share and express how they’re feeling tell you what’s going on, you knew you had to do it yourself. 

The room went silent, lingering with the tension that was building up within Hawks and Bakugou. They all had history, Bakugou keeping his side a secret, knowing you would half to pry it out of him sooner than later. For the time being, you had come up with an idea that you knew would be risky, but it was worth the effort to let them know. “I have an idea and before I tell you, I need you to know that whatever happens, I’ll be okay.” 

“You’re fucking crazy,” Bakugou cursed, Hawks still confused at what you were talking about. 

“I can go undercover. We don’t have anything stated that I’m linked to you yet. If I go undercover, I can find out more about this situation. Plus, if Bakugou and another one of the sidekicks team up with me, I’ll have back up if it gets too dangerous.”

“No way,” Hawks rejected. “There is no way in hell I’m going to let you interact with the demon again.” 

“Hawks please,” you pleaded, trying your best to explain the situation in a way he would understand. “I know he’s dangerous but…. I don’t know. I have a feeling that there’s more to this than what we’re thinking and if I can get an inside look-”

“No Y/n, he’s way too dangerous. I can’t let you put your life on the line like that. Not before you get a chance to show people what you’re made of.” 

“This is what heroes do,” you responded immediately, clenching your fists as you started your statement. “If going undercover means putting my life on the line, then okay, that’s why I became a hero. Everyday, we’re put in situations that could potentially get us killed but we were trained for this. That’s why we put ourselves out there. I will not claim the title of hero if I don’t put my own life on the line for those who might lose theirs. Please Hawks…” The worry in his eyes made you uneasy but you weren’t ready to back down. You knew what you had to do in order to help stop innocent people from dying. 

Hawks let out a deep sigh, strain completely audible in his tone. He looked up at you, then away, and then back at you again. “Why did you have to pull the hero card? I’m agreeing to this but I have a few conditions: 

1. Bakugou is to keep an eye on you the entire time. He is to be within a reasonable distance so he has enough time to help out if needed. 

2. Tokoyami will be the skyline view, coming in at second backup. And lastly,

3. If he touches you, hurts you, seems to be thinking of doing either of those things, you are to retreat immediately. If you fail to do so, I will have to step in and it will ruin our investigation. 

With all this being said, we will call this ‘Mission Hidden Angel’ and for safety reasons Y/N, you’re going to need to come up with a new hero name.” You saluted your boss, following your action by a bow. 

“Understood.” 

“You’re an idiot,” Bakugou spoke up, getting up from his seated position. 

“Maybe so, but this is the only thing I can think of. We can’t just take him in on assumption. All we know is that he’s the one person who’s consistently been spotted near the crime scenes which makes him a viable suspect. We just need a solid confession and we have our guy.” You placed your hand on Bakugou’s shoulder, giving him a reassuring gentle squeeze. “I’m counting on you.” 

Bakugou’s reaction was something you weren’t expecting. You thought for sure you saw his cheeks flush red but he pulled away, turning his back towards you before making his way out. 

“Whatever.” And with that, he left you alone with Hawks in his open office. You let out a deep breath, rebalancing yourself as you shook off Bakugou’s cold attitude. Hawks motioned for you to sit down, which you agreed to. 

“Are you sure about this Y/N?” Hawks seemed very hesitant about the idea, which you knew before you had even mentioned it. The history he has with this Dabi guy is more than what he had mentioned, you knew that deep within you. You could not be fooled by the light hearted joking or the awkward tension that filled the room when Dabi’s name was mentioned. “He’s dangerous. I mean yes, he’s linked to this case but he has multiple charges he’s facing. Anywhere from arson to a single murder. If we catch him on this, we can put him away for life, but with that, there’s a risk. He’s literally killed before based on emotional reaction.” 

“I know,” you sighed, waving your hand in reply to the comment. “But aren’t all villains dangerous?” 

“Yes but…” Hawks paused, his attention be drawn to the stack of papers on his desk. He shuffled through the stack, slipping out a packet and placing it in front of you. “This is all that I have on him.” 

“Hawks… Come on,” you frowned, flipping through the flimsy stack. “You’re kidding right?” He rolled his eyes, getting up from his spot behind the desk and making his way towards a bookshelf. 

“Nothing gets past you, huh?” He commented, pulling a file out from in between two rather large books. He threw the file in front of you, letting it hit the desk with a rather large thud. “This is my personal research. After he disappeared… I had to know what was going on and why he ran.”

“What was your relationship with him?” It just kind of slipped out like word vomit. You knew it was a long shot asking, but you couldn’t help yourself, you had to know.

Hawks was silent for what felt like forever, the only noise you could hear was the slight buzzing due to the caused silence. “We were friends, best friends actually. We hung out everyday at the facility we were being trained at.” 

“And he ran away before he could explain himself?” You asked, trying to piece the story Hawks was refusing to tell you. 

“He didn’t even say goodbye…” Hawks was in pain, from the loss of a friend and the discovery of a villain. His heart ached for the one person he felt close to way back then. Hawks was quick to recompose himself, sitting back down in his seat. “This is why I agreed for you to go undercover. If it is Dabi, then it’s gotta be more than just him acting out. I’m going to assume there’s an even bigger issue behind this all, Dabi being a puppet.” 

“And what if he’s not?” 

“Well then it’s no longer the Dabi I know.” 

‘Well then it’s no longer the Dabi I know,’ played repeatedly in your head on your way home that night. It had been a rather long day, a lot taking place within the few hours you worked on your first day. You had made quite the impact on the new people you worked with, meaning you had even bigger shoes to fill. You didn’t mind, nor did plan on back down. What you had ahead of you was much greater than what the surface was displaying. 

The way Hawks had talked about Dabi led you to believe that he was being affected by this more than anyone else. You didn’t want to believe that this Dabi guy was evil but as for now, you had to have your guard up. Something about him seemed… How do you put this… He gives off this pleading aura, and that’s what you wanted to find out. What exactly was he looking for? What was his aura trying to tell you? 

You had a hard time sleeping after reading up on Dabi’s file. You had stayed up until the early hours of the morning trying to obtain all the information that you could about this mysterious man you were about to investigate in secret.

“Birth name: Touya Todoroki. CLASSIFIED INFORMATION. Age: 24. Experimental duration before incident: 2 years.” They were trying to enhance his quirk? What the hell kind of experiment is that? “Birth Father: Pro Hero, Endeavor. CLASSIFIED.” The information you were reading made you believe that his own family didn’t know who he was, possibly assuming the death of the child when he was taken in for experiments. The more you read, the more it broke your heart. You could see why Hawks was so upset. You didn’t even know the guy and you felt the pain as if you did. 

You placed the rather large file on your side table, flipping the lights off so you could try to get a little rest before your long day of work the following day. As you drifted off into your REM state, all you could think about was the intense research Hawks did on one guy, knowing he had to go against a few rules to obtain some of the information. You wondered who all knew about this guy? Was it just you and Hawks? Or did your whole team know? 

The following morning, you were told to meet in the 18th floor conference room as soon as you entered the building. You were the first to arrive, being greeted by the rising sun that shined through the glass windows and the smell of brewing coffee that had to be coming from the break room next door. You decided to pop in for a cup yourself, being greeted by a literal man bird who was pouring himself a cup. “Good morning,” you greeted, slightly frightening the man in front of you. 

“Sorry, you scared me there. I didn’t think anyone else was here yet,” he replied, awkwardly laughing off his sudden reaction. “You must be Y/n. It’s nice to meet you, I’m Tokoyami, the other sidekick.” 

“Nice to meet you! Tell me, does Hawks just take likings to us bird people?” Tokoyami laughed, somewhat agreeing with your statement, joking alongside you. Finally, someone who wasn’t arrogant or rude. You let out a sigh of relief as you casually came up with small talk with your new coworker, taking a seat next to him in the conference room. 

Your small chit chat was cut short when Hawks bursted through the door, wearing a completely different hero outfit than yesterday. It was still the black and gold trim top and jogger style pants but this time he had a black coat matching the whole color scheme. Something about this new look made him appear more attractive? 

What the fuck? Y/N that’s your BOSS!

“Thank god you’re here,” Hawks huffed, out of breath like he had just run a marathon. 

“Are you okay? You’re like… extremely out of breath.” 

“I got an email this morning saying the new costumes were ready and I’m really excited to give you yours. Oh you’re going to look so cute!” He seemed to be a little overly excited about this, but you decided to humor him by acting just as excited. 

You pulled the outfit out of the bag he had placed on the table, revealing a whole new design. Black leotard with black leggings, black and gold knee high boots, the coat being solid black with a plaid white design. “They came up with all of this in a day?” You asked in disbelief, admiring the material in front of you. 

“Sure did! Now go change! Here Tokoyami, you got a new one too. We’re all gonna look so bad ass.” 

“Wait…” You confronted Hawks. “If we all match, isn’t that going to throw our investigation?” 

“Go change and come back and we’ll talk about the investigation. It’ll be fine!” He ushered you out of the room, closing the conference room door behind you. You let out a sigh, hoping Hawks had an idea that wouldn’t ruin the whole thing before it even started. Reluctantly, you made your way towards the locker room, changing into the new outfit Hawks had been so very excited about. It was very flattering, hugging your curves in all the right places. The holes in the back were designed to expand with the growth of your wings which you had tested out a few times in the locker room. You expanded them to their full 19 ft length, giving a few light flaps to test the stretch in the coat and shirt which complied greatly to your actions. 

You exited the locker room, being met with Bakugou who was stanced up on the opposite side of the wall. He was also dressed in a new outfit, similar to Hawks’ design, only being trimmed with orange rather than gold. “You look nice,” you commented, Bakugou replying with a grunt. 

“Uh your outfit suits you,” he stuttered, refusing to make eye contact. You felt your cheeks flare at the compliment, being flattered at the fact he complimented you. Bakugou could tell he caused your fluster, immediately reacting by walking back towards the conference room. 

“Hey wait up,” you asked, slightly jogging to keep up with him. “Thanks for waiting for me.” 

“As if,” he huffed. “I was sent to come get you. You’re the only one who wasn’t there.” You walked into the room together, taking your seat next to Tokoyami once again. Hawks covered his mouth, swelling with glee as he took a look at everyone in the room. 

“Wow you guys look so good!” 

“We got it, we got new costumes. Can we get on with the damn meeting already?” Bakugou spat, obviously annoyed by Hawks’ meaningless commentary. 

“Right, sorry mister bossy,” Hawks cleared his throat, taking a seat at the head of the table. There were a few others you had yet to meet that had joined the meeting, assuming they were either sidekicks or pro heroes. “Mission ‘Hidden Angel’ starts today. We are sending Y/n undercover, leaving her to investigate Dabi on her own. He has no idea she is linked to our agency so it’s the best option for us. The key to this mission Y/n is for you to get some sort of confession out of him. The necklaces or keychains I gave you are actually recording devices that will record up to 500 hours worth of time. Y/n is the only one who has come into physical contact with Dabi and it seems like he has taken quite the liking to her. Our job in all of this is to protect her. Your ear pieces are reprogrammed so that way we will be able to hear everything Y/n says and does without having an interference with our communication. Tsukuyomi and Bakugou, you are first responders to Y/n. Mirko and I will be on stand by if we need to make a quick escape.” 

“Okay but the costumes?” Mirko, the rabbit hero, spoke up, asking the question you had been uneasy about the entire meeting. “It’s obvious she works for you if she’s dressed like that.” 

“Heh-heh,” Hawks chuckled, pulling out yet another brown paper bag. “This is your disguise. The plan here is to get you to meet him again outside of your hero outfit.” The meeting was straightforward and to the point. You knew Hawks was going to go in depth with this case, knowing the history he shared with Dabi. You knew this was going to be one of the most important cases in your time, you didn’t want to let him down, knowing it was linked to a very big part of his past. “Alright. We leave after lunch. Please eat something this time guys. I don’t want anyone passing out this time cause they forgot to eat today.” 

You were about to follow the others out of the room when Hawks grabbed your arm, silently pleading for you to stay behind. He waited until the door closed before offering for you to take a seat. “I’m sorry but after I gave you that file…” 

“I haven’t told anyone,” you reassured before he could even ask. “I assumed it was personal information. I’m surprised you let me read it.” 

“You’re about to be involved with an old friend of mine. He’s dangerous, yes, but he has a kind heart. I wanted you to know the Dabi I knew rather than the one I talked about yesterday.” Hawks didn’t have to tell you how he felt, you knew he was blindly trusting you with one of the biggest secrets he has kept hidden for so long. 

You placed your hand on top of Hawks, trying your best of your ability to comfort him. His attention went from your hand to your eyes, a moment of silence filling the surrounding air. “Who are you?” he asked, completely unaware of what he had just said. “I mean.. Like.. Who is Y/n, ya know?” 

“To be honest, I don’t remember a lot before I was placed into foster care. I grew up in the local group home in my hometown, growing out of the system. When I was finally out, it was my chance to really figure out who I was so I took college courses and found out my quirk is a lot stronger than I anticipated it to be so I became a hero.” 

“How are you so caring, though?” You were taken back by the sudden question, unsure of how to approach such a broad question. 

“Um… How do I put this… Growing up, I didn’t have anyone. I wasn’t close to anyone in the home and so when I would go through something hard, I had to take care of myself. Now that I’m older and was forced to figure out who I was at such a young age, I told myself that instead of being angry at the world, I would put that energy into making sure people were okay. I want people to know that at least one person genuinely cares, because I do, I really can’t help it. That’s why I feel the need to know everyone on a personal level. It’s a blessing and curse to be honest.” Hawks hadn’t said anything once you had finished, he just… stared. It wasn’t blank, you could visibly make out how he was feeling. 

“It’s an honor to have someone like you on the team.” His smile was so genuine, so welcoming and warm. This was a new side of Hawks, it was like he was introducing himself to you all over again. “Well,” he said, standing up from his seat. He took a small bow, signaling for the door. “Shall we go, m’lady?” 

“Bout damn time.” Bakugou stood there as the door opened, looking annoyed just like always. “Can we go?” 

“Yes. I have to go change into this disguise really quick.” You waved at Hawks who was yelling in your direction to be safe and good luck with the mission. Bakugou stayed quiet as he escorted you to the locker rooms, waiting in the same spot as you exited. The outfit Hawks had picked out was something that you would’ve picked out yourself. “I think I like this better than my hero costume.” 

“Whatever. Can we go now?” 

“Bakugou?” You asked, noticing the change in his tone. Something was off and you knew he wasn’t going to tell you what it was. You could feel the energy shift around you, intimidated by the side of Bakugou you had yet to encounter. “Are you okay?” 

“I’m fine,” he lightly responded. 

“No you’re not.” 

“Listen,” he turned around, the loss in his temper vigilant. Before you knew it, your back hit the wall, Bakugou towering over you. You could feel his hot breath tickle your cheeks, your anxiety level rising by the little distance he had created between you. “I’m good. I’m fine. I’m doing fan-fucking-tastic. We have a mission that I would like to get over with.” 

“Whatever Bakugou,” you sighed, trying to push him away. He didn’t budge, keeping his dominant stance over you. 

“I have one mission today and that is to keep you safe. If you fuck this up, I’m going to be pissed.” Something about that statement seemed so off to you. Like the way he worded it was different than how he normally communicates with you. 

He released himself from you, making his way back down the hall without saying another word to you. You were frozen in place, trying to piece together what was going through Bakugou’s head. 

“What are you about, Bakugou?”

......

A/N: what do you all think of adding clothing references? this is a test run for it so let me know!!! also, i started a tag list :) dm or comment if you want to be added!

Y/N’s hero outfit // Y/N’s disguise