and he doesn’t know why logan’s saying sorry, the fact that he was the one crying and not theo leading him to believe that this was his own fault — even though he wasn’t aware of what he did ( or didn’t do ) . “it’s all right. do what you have to do. i can take it.” i probably had it coming anyway. his plump lower lip gets caught between his teeth, heart clenching at the sound of logan’s sobs, the pain alleviating a tiny bit as their fingers intertwine. he tries to ignore how the contact makes him feel, and how he wasn’t even sure how it made him feel. his thumb rubs tiny patterns on logan’s hand, the movement halting at the blonde’s next words. he manages not stutter out a strangled ‘what’ despite the fact that he feels as if he’d just had the rug pulled from underneath him — he’s never felt more lost in his nineteen years of existence. so he lies there, dumbfounded, each statement shoving him deeper and deeper into confusion. “i — i don’t know.” he mutters. “i don’t know what we are, but it feels right.” he doesn’t even remember deciding to say it, but as soon as the words leave his lips he knows that they’re true.
“you’re an idiot and i want to kick your ass.” he blubbers amidst a few sniffles, not really caring about how childish he might come off as. he wipes at his swollen eyes, sinking his nails into the flesh of theo’s hand as a sense of possessiveness hits him, mineminemine reverberating through his brain like a whirlpool. he pushes back against theo’s chest, holding back the urge to turn and kiss the stupidity out of him. “ well, you better figure out. “ his tone is righteous and uptight, but he just can’t ignore the way the moon shines over the boy’s skin, leaving sparkles here and there. “ i always kinda liked you. i think. “ he starts, anxiety chewing away at his composure — but he figures it’s too late to back off now, a rosy shade creeping into his cheeks and the tips of his ears. “ but i was — i was a gross kid, okay? i had noodle arms and a disgusting fringe and sometimes i tripped over my own feet. and then, there was you — obviously. you were always so cool, always getting the girls and guys you wanted, always in the spotlight. and i was always pushed into my corner. i admired you, i swear i did,” he stops to swallow the lump lodged in his throat, eyebrows arching. “and i got frustrated. you got in the ‘cool’ frat, you had cool friends and you attended cool parties, and i was still the noodle kid. i guess i let the admiration melt into some sort of hate. i hated you to cover my feelings, perhaps. this sounds cliché, i know.” this time — he does turn. he’s facing theo, and he cranes his neck to push a little smooch against his lips. “we can pretend this never happened. just — don’t leave. please.”
