loïefullerupwithlove @loiefullerupwithlove - Tumblr Blog

A widow's past brought to light

What is this light? a lightness, so sharp, it feels like fractals of darkness. I was born from a womb so undealt with its past that it has revealed itself to me just so I can shake her awake. The past of my mother’s history catches up with me. There is a healing of sorts, as things that have been kept closeted lose some of their charge when they are brought into the light, the painful fractal-filled light. Unveiling - - - Unravelling - - - was it revealed is not pleasant - - - but I hypothesize that these things are not better left unsaid. Shame shame shame, pain pain pain, weighs weighs weighs. 13, a magical number, a magical age, at 13, I began waking up to a past that revealed itself to me. Do I have a callous inclination to repudiate responsibility for what I have done? My breaches of etiquette are so severe that remembrance of my past transgressions paralyzes me in fear. Clenching my rectum for rectification, I’m constipated. How many tears do I have in me? Enough to cry for my own failures and loss? Enough for the pain of my mother and her mother’s sum? Wading through the dark, there is refuge, a light of all-encompassing empathy and profound understanding of character, of certainty.

godkissedme

Maybe the self is not discovered but slowly made habitable

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iiumz

It's an eerie feeling when you hear the birds sing in the wee hours of the morning, having not completed as much of an essay as you would have hoped to by grinding it out all night. When I went outside this morning to look at the moon around 4 am, a police truck (yeah, truck, we are in a rural area) slowly drove up to me and turned on its blindingly bright LED lights, so naturally I started to wave and smile, "look submissive, look friendly, look like you have nothing to hide well because you literally have done nothing". I hear a soft-spoken man who also sounds grizzly ask if I've seen someone wearing a black hoodie around. I say no and peer around to signal my concern. The truck officer said someone tried to break into a house. I said, "Well, if I see anything, I'll just scream!" He chuckled, and I got a kick out of his chuckle. As he continued to laugh, he said, "Well, that'll work," and then drove away. Dang beautiful birds need I not be reminded of how fast time goes?