Pairing: Loki x Avenger!Reader
Summary: You have an power that is set off far more rapidly due to mood, you often reduce your feelings. Loki understands and helps you embrace your negative emotions.
Warning(s): Mental Health issues, Cursing, Angst
A/N: This isn’t the best organized story but sometimes we need to cry and this is a story about that. Ive also got a quote from somewhere that inspired me to write this. I’m not positive where from, though.
The ceiling. The ceiling is the first thing y/n spent staring at every morning for an hour. The composure was something she needed, to endure the rest of the day. Recently being able to do so had become more and more of challenge.
Just like any other day, she refreshened herself in the tower’s bathroom. However, she was in luck since she had the level all to herself. Typically Wanda would be in her chambers but she was on leave alongside Vision. They had taken up a small mission in Japan.
Today would be normal, quiet. Everyone would be to themselves and the day would be over just as quickly as it had started. Perhaps she would just take a walk around the park, see a movie alone. Avoid the others as much as she could without giving off the wrong impression.
Running a hand through her hair, she walked into the dining room. Suddenly all the voices that were speaking in hushed tones, silenced.
“Happy Birthday, y/n!” the team mates spoke in unison.
Y/N’s breath hitched in her throat as she glanced at the tower of iced and sprinkled waffles placed upon a silicone plate. Her eyes darted from the waffles to the nearby window and panic slightly spread through her body. Seeing the clouds pick up pace she took a deep breath and masked a smile. She couldn’t let her emotions get the best of her, her powers came with a horrid side effect. Weather change.
“Thank you guys,” she rubbed the back of her neck, “how’d you know?”
Folding the newspaper he was reading, Tony peeked behind his reading glasses, “Your file. Pepper did the honors of filing your birthday into the system last year when you joined the team.” He stood up and glanced at the waffles. “The tower of diabetes was the kid’s idea.”
Peter came into the dining room sliding with his socks upon his feet. “Aw! Did you guys surprise her without me?”
“If you had gotten up on time then you would’ve been here, kid.” Tony spoke after sipping on whatever was in his mug.
“Thank you Peter.” Y/N said after containing herself. She allowed a small smile as he embraced her gently. Along came birthday wishes from the rest of the team before they exited for their daily duties.
The one person y/n’s eyes searched for, was Loki. She met them when he was gently leaning against the marble counter. His eyes fixated on her as if he had been studying her since entered the dining room. Noticing her notice him, Loki lifted up the glass mug in her direction slightly without any words spoken. She delicately nodded as if to say, “Thank you for not making a huge deal of this nightmare of a day.”
Snapping her out of her thoughts, Thor placed a hand on her shoulder, “Congratulations on your day of birth lady y/n. Jane sends her best wishes.” A Congratulations wasn’t the term that should be used for such a day in her mind. It was...a mistake. Instead of indulging her new friend in her sorrows, she smirked and nodded.
“Thanks Thor, tell Jane thanks too.” He smirked and sat back down at the table.
Loki unfolded his arms from his chest and began walking forward. He met eyes with y/n and stared at her till he walked past her with the mug.
Loki and y/n shared an unspoken bond. They were both...different. They weren’t naturally gifted with being as honorable as their team mates. Both were once considered a villain of the public.
Y/N had been misguided while aging, raised by those with malicious intentions. This was only the path down the wrong road, that was until the avengers met her. Last minute, using her abilities for the greater good.
Now that she had a new found family, disappointing them was a crippling thought. Lately, the pressure was on. Any normal person suffering from these anxiety attacks could embrace them...feel them. Y/N on the other hand, anxiety was the first step in obliterating the streets with hectic winds and disaster.
In her eyes, being alone was a simpler task than interacting. Y/N glanced at the stack of waffles and sighed. There was a delicately iced spider right on top along with a little sun resembling her own power. She cradled the overly heavy plate and walked back towards her room and allowed the door to shut lightly behind her.
Loki glanced out the window of his bed room clenching the coffee mug in his pale hands. The skies were gray, typical for New York on a normal. However, the newscast had predicted otherwise as they were expecting sunny skies. Being the mischievous person he was, he snooped through y/n’s file upon her arrival. She was like him, a villain, in his right mind, he wouldn’t trust someone like this. Upon reading through her records, he discovered a few things about her. Ever since, analyzed and watched her in silence.
“Birthday blues?...” he mumbled while taking another sip.
Y/N glanced in the mirror as she popped two anti-depressant pills into her mouth. She barely recognized herself, if she thought she was furious with herself before...she was beyond a breaking point now.
“Y/F/N (friend’s name) you would’ve really enjoyed it here,” she sat upon her bed clutching the torn up teddy bear, “the coffee doesn’t taste like the shit we found outside Mc Donald’s.” Y/N’s transforming mission was also the one that cost her, her best friend. Survivors guilt was all that could describe her feelings. That, blaming herself for being brought into this world, not saving her...became a reaction to the mental battle she faced daily.
Memories roamed her mind and she gently closed her eyes in hopes of stopping them from racing. Sleep arrived, saving her from herself once more.
Hours later, Y/N stood in front of that haunting mirror image. Only this time it was decorated with an expensive dress and a mask of makeup. Instead of her bed room, it was the bathroom of the expensive venue Tony rented out for the evening. He had planned a birthday celebration with Pepper for y/n a month ago. Among the guests were her team mates, members of other teams, fellow company employees, along with their plus ones. Y/N had made her way to the bathroom for a simple breather. Mingling with people she hadn’t met before and being handed drinks she didn’t want to drink with food she didn’t want to eat, drained her.
As she exited the bathroom, she stood in the hallway staring at her phone. Her heels pressed into the fancy carpet as she bit her knuckle. An immense feeling of escape was bubbling and it was dancing with the fear of disappointing her friends.
“Alone when there’s such a...lovely? Party going on in your honor?” A voice spoke snapping her out of her trance.
Her face rose to meet the eyes of none other than Loki. She had to admit he did look amazing in a suit. “I um,” she smiled widely, “just about to head back.” Her face was pure lies and Loki knew it. It almost pained him to see it unfold before his own eyes when he knew the truth.
“Of course, after 30 minutes of standing in the lady’s room admiring yourself I’m guessing,” he sarcastically commented, “unlike the baboons I share a roof with, I notice my surroundings...all of the time.” He stepped closer to her. His eyes scanned her whole domineer, it baffled him how no other member took notice in her obvious suffering.
“What now? You going to go run and tell Tony how I hate this expensive and beautiful party he’s given me? Because if you are, it’s only going to cause more problems that I don’t need.” She slid her phone back into her purse.
Loki let out a soft chuckle, “The opposite actually. Come hither, we’re leaving.” He turned his back and began walking towards the exit in the hallway.
Y/N furrowed her eyebrows in confusion as to just what he meant. He glided with confidence that she’d follow, and she did. The shuffling of her dress made it known that she had. Soon they were outside and Loki had shifted from himself to Tony.
“W-what do you think you’re doing? What’s going on?” She said in a worried voice as she glanced around.
“Be quiet love, I’m taking you somewhere and I can’t let you ride on my back. Well...I can but that’s hardly appropriate.” He smirked and turned towards her.
Y/N groaned and rolled her eyes but remained silent. They approached the valet parking attendants and Loki cleared his voice, managing his best Tony impression. “Yes, can you fetch my car.”
The young man looked up quickly and said, “Oh Mr. Stark—why are you leaving so early?”
He looked towards y/n, “My dear friend here is a bit under the weather. I’m going to take her home. So please, my car.”
“Why yes of course sir, right away. Bring up Mr. Stark’s car.” He commanded another attendee.
Loki turned towards y/n and smirked. She crossed her arms and huffed beneath her breath, “You’re unbelievable. He’s going to find out and when he does, you’re not taking me down with you.”
Soon a shiny black Lamborghini was pulled in front of the two and y/n’s jaw nearly dropped. She was still not used to Tony’s luxurious living and this was astonishing.
Loki went to the car and opened her door for her as she entered. He got in through the other side.
“Thanks!” He shouted before driving off quickly.
Y/N gasped, “I don’t even have a seatbelt on, wait.”
Loki’s green magic shimmered over him as he transformed back into himself, “For someone who can take the power of a lightning bolt through her body, you’re quite jittery.”
Going full speed, he made his way through back streets all the way to a back highway.
“Shut up. Where are we going? This is technically grand theft auto.” She gripped her knee as she seen the moon slightly disappear behind dark clouds. Noticing this, Loki smirked to himself.
“Well would you rather me leave you at the party with people that don’t even know your name?” He shot back.
“Yeah because you know me so well.” She sarcastically spoke.
Loki gripped the wheel as he made his way around the road. Y/N couldn’t admit it, but it was a thrill. Being used to not feeling anything, this was a nice change. Though, her eyes were still fixated on the sky.
“I know you far better than you think.”
Her eyes glanced at the man driving and he peeked back at her through the corner of his eye. He pushed forward.
Twenty minutes passed when he pulled over to the side of the road. A landscape, a clear landscape of nothing but dirt and rocks. “Out.” He commanded.
She blinked a few times as she glanced around, “Where the hell are we? Loki, why did you bring me here?” She was becoming agitated as she seen him smirk.
The clouds began letting down small sprinkles of water. He walked towards the middle of the landscape and shouted over to her, “You’re living a lie.”
She remained quiet as she walked towards him, a small panic scorching her body as she felt the small droplets of water.
“I...I have to.” She was tired of lying. Loki standing here in front of her, confronting her...she didn’t feel the need to lie. She felt as if she were five inches tall.
“For what? For them? The public?” He spat out. In a way he was almost scolding himself.
“Why does it matter to you anyways?” She angrily spoke back as the rain moved faster.
“Y/N I watch you, every single day. You pretend to be someone you are not. Righteous. Pretending like you’re not angry at the universe for taking what’s yours.”
Her heart thumped as she grit her teeth together, “I asked why do you fucking care!”
He gripped her shoulders, “Because! You’re like me! You’re dying inside and it’s painful to watch! I’m here to teach you how to rid yourself of the burden you’ve carried so long, y/n.”
She looked up at him as her chest heaved and the rain began soaking their hair. “You won’t feel the same about me if I do..” she mumbled looking down. The attraction towards Loki wasn’t something she denied but how could she allow herself into someone’s life if she could barely endure her own?
Loki circled her and stood behind her, “Light is easy to love...show me your darkness.”
The rain dripped down her cheeks as if she were showering. Her fists clenched until her knuckles turned white. “I can’t...” She croaked out as tears fell.
“Yes you can y/n. Never deny your feelings...”
“I’ll hurt people, I-I don’t wanna do that anymore.” She turned to face him.
“There’s no one for miles, love. Let me show you.” He took her hand and faced the other side of the road. He took a deep breath before screaming as loud as he could into the raining night sky. Y/N watched him and her hand shook along with the rest of her body. He took a deep breathe, “You try.”
Y/N looked at him for reassurance and he nodded, “Ahhh!” She screamed out and thunder rumbled.
“Yes, keep going y/n. Do it again. Shout it, what troubles you.” He released her hand and stepped back.
She nodded and looked down, “I hate you! I hate being you! You let her die!” She sobbed as the rain hit down harder than before. Lightning sparked in the clouds. “You’ll never be what they want you to be! I’ll never be that! I’m here! I exist!” She screamed out while her arms extended. Loki watched cautiously as her body shook and he held an arm over his head to stop the rain from hitting his eyes.
“I-I’m here! I made it!” Right as she shouted a bolt of lightning struck down in front of her causing her to fall to the ground and dig her hands into the muddy floor. Her shoulders shook and immediately Loki went over to her and collected her into his embrace.
“I exist..” she mumbled into his shoulder as she cried.
“I know y/n...and you’ll keep living...” he rubbed the back of her soaked head.
She gripped onto his suit tightly embracing him. The negative feelings being released and a weight off her shoulders, “Thank you...thank you so much.” She said into his neck. “You have no idea...h-how long I’ve been waiting..”
“...Happy Birthday y/n...”
Loki taglist: @drakesfiance @sunflqweroses @bambamwolf87 @pandaqua @bonelessbarnes @dorkybryan @hunter-demigod-timelord @thatmemequeen @powerstrangerdacre @barnes-infinity-bucky @kcd15 @evanicoya @yuukiiiiasuna @lou-makes-me-strong @gabealien12 @vethrvolnir @noahlizzz @archy3001
Permanent Taglist: @libbymouse @keithseabrook27 @maladaptive-ninja-returns @nephalem67 @tina8009 @marvelismylifffe @gwendolyn-loves-gay
