New reality is cruelest torture ever.
Not only did my kid block me everywhere, but emailed me a letter full of bs lies, untrue accusations, and basically wrote that they were walking away from me.
You guys n gals know nerdofnerds. That is my kiddo.
Can’t call, as they never gave me their new phone number. On purpose, I am sure now.
I am blocked by them on fb & Tumblr. I could email but I responded to their email yesterday, bc I was so shocked; it took a while before I could respond to it.
I’ve been accused of abuse by my kid. There was no abuse. I cherished my only child who is now 21, still living with their Dad.
I don’t know what abuse or where this is coming from.
All I know is that yes, I fked up when they were small. Kiddo was 4 yrs old when i realized we were in a baddddddddd situation…so yeah, for their safety, I allowed my lil one to stay w their dad…till I got back on my feet, we agreed.
I got them safely out…n for my troubles, got freaking raped when I told the jerkoff dude I was done n leaving. Ended up homeless for a while. Used to sleep beside or behind Quick Trip..yes, in the winter.
Did not report the rape bc I had broken up with the a$$hole not two minutes before. In that town, no cop woulda believed me, I know…just knew somehow.
A while later, someone helped me out by letting me stay in their unoccupied trailer free, so I could save up $$$ for an apartment or house to rent.
Well, no matter what I did, their lying father made sure my only kid NEVER came home.
I never expected this from my kiddo.
I can’t even begin to describe the pain of losing my kid, every day is torture. Wake up n remember I’ve lost them, don’t even want to get up outta bed, but my parents are living w me n I can’t wallow in the mire created by losing my kiddo.
I know they are 21 now, supposedly doing great. I just can’t pinpoint where the abuse accusations are coming from.
So, my heart, my soul, is shattered & broken and torn apart. That email from my kid is brutal. But I do have friends who know the Truth. The real truth.
However, if one more person says Get over it or it’s just a phase, I’m gonna snap & just give up on everything.
This New Reality is so brutal and horrible as it feels rn, I really just can’t cope w it. Don’t have the tools to guide me or help me understand.
Or cope. Anyway, I gotta stop rn, hands are numb and sparking inside from my accused neuropathy. Just want my kid to know I’ll always be here. Waiting uselessly for them to come home. I just dunno what else to do. Update: death would hurt less than this brutal existence. Someone lied to my kiddo..very badly…and they better hope I never find out who they are. Still love u, kid. Have a great life. A better life than mine. Fly strong n true. I’ll always be here waiting for u…no matter what.
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