Peter Solarz
Cosmic Funnies
Keni
NASA
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year
todays bird
dirt enthusiast
ojovivo

JBB: An Artblog!
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda

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JVL
Jules of Nature
Monterey Bay Aquarium
KIROKAZE

if i look back, i am lost

tannertan36
we're not kids anymore.
Sade Olutola
d e v o n

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@lollipopsandmuffintops
I don’t have a hard time believing this.
Crows are smart as fuck I don’t even begin to doubt the veracity of these stories
A crow perched on a shrine boarder bowed back to me once while I was living in Japan. I was in laughing hysterics and a bit freaked out all the rest of the way home. Crows are fantastic and terrifying.
saying "fentanyl" to a cop and it blasts him back like a fus roh dah
My dearest love and the best husband in the universe, Goku,
I know it’s been a long while since we’ve last seen each other, but it’s snowing on the mountain, the kids are asleep and the house is warm and quiet. I keep looking out the window and thinking about the first year we were married, drinking hot cocoa and curled up against each other for warmth. I wish you were here with me now so we could do it again. I know, though, that you can’t be. I know you are busy and training to make sure that the universe is safe. So, instead of staring out the window and pining after what I know I can’t change, I thought I would write this letter to you, and hope one day, it may find its way to you, wherever you are right now.
I don’t know if I ever told you this, but when I first realized I was in love with you, I had no idea what real love was. Sure, I had read about love in the fairy tale books my father had given me, but it always so fast. Like the prince would appear and the princess would immediately be in love. For the longest time, I thought that was how love really was. I was always waiting for the love at first sight that was always written about. When I first saw you, I have to admit, I didn’t know it was love at first sight right away. I don’t think anyone does, anymore. I just knew that you were some silly boy with a very weird tail and a naivety that made you almost seem dense. I mean, come on, you were my age and you didn’t know how to tell a girl from a guy. It was ridiculous! I mean, I know you were raised in the forest with your grandpa in solitude, but really, Goku. He should have told you how to tell at least without slapping someone between the legs!
...I’m getting off point. I’m sorry. Anyways, I first thought that innocence was annoying. I’m not going to lie. It seemed like everything flew over your head as quickly as you flew around on your nimbus. Then, I began to realize I liked seeing the way you saw the world. Everything was so much easier to understand from your eyes, and you were happy with it. There wasn’t anything that you couldn’t find a way to deal with. It was incredible. It made my heart feel like it was going to jump out of my chest. I remember trying to explain my feelings to my dad, and how he scratched his head and said he thought I had chosen the perfect person to love. He really does admire you, you know.
When you left again, I remember watching you fly away out of my window and I started to cry. I know, I know, I cry a lot. The thing is, that moment was one of the most important moments of my life. My father came to me and pat my shoulder and told me to stay patient. He told me you were going to come back. At first it seemed silly. How could he know that you were ever going to come into my life again? There was no way to tell, but his voice was so firm and his eyes were so sincere, I felt like I just had to believe him.
I’m glad I did. He was right, you came back again, and again and again. That day was the first day I truly believed in something. I truly believed you would always come back to me. No matter how hard things were, or how impossible it seemed that we were ever going to be together again, you came back. You always have. I never once doubted, from that day on, that you would always find your way back to me.
Villains are going to come and try to end the earth. They are going to fight and destroy and make us all feel hopeless over and over again. No matter what happens to you when they do, though, I never have the slightest doubt in my mind that you are coming home to me one day. I see other wives out there who are suspicious of their husbands and they see their husbands every day. They gossip about their husbands being unfaithful, drunks, gamblers, and crooks. I hear them and I always feel such pity. I am so proud to have you as my husband. You hear that, Goku? I am proud. I am proud of you. I am proud of us. I am proud of our sons. I am proud of our family.
I’ve been asked before if I ever felt doubt. If I ever questioned you and your commitment to our family and our lives together. I know a lot of people say that I’m a fool to be so happy in the life that I am in. They say I don’t have enough support and that I am barely getting by on what I have. It’s true, I wish we had more money and a more secure future for our children, but I love how we live anyways. I hear their words, and then I look at our sons. Our amazing, strong, wonderful sons who, even though they hardly get to see you, they look up to you like you’re the sun. I get to tell them about all the wonderful things that you have done, and are still doing, and I get to see their eyes sparkle and they look more inspired than anything else I could tell them would make them. They are so happy to have you as a father. They are so happy to be a part of this family that a lot of times I will just start crying thinking about it.
The answer, in case you haven’t figured it out, is no. I have never doubted you. I have felt hurt, sure. I’ve felt scared, alone, worried, sad, angry, and desperate for you, but not once since that day have I ever doubted you. I honestly think that’s what sets our family apart from everyone else’s. They have such issues being happy when they are together. They squabble and fight and are suspicious of each other. They waste all their time thinking about the what-ifs of life that they don’t live in the moment and see the amazing things in front of them. Not only are we happy when we are together, but we are happy when we are apart. You fight for us, and you protect us, and you want nothing but the best for us. You love us, and we love you. So what else can I feel but proud and happy that you are you, and to add to that, I have no doubt in my mind, ever, that you will find your way back to me.
Goku, you are a shining light in my life, and you make the hardships of raising two sons like a happy game. I feel so proud and privileged that I get to raise our sons. They remind me of you every day, and, just like you, they always find their way home, no matter what adventures they go out on. I couldn’t ask for a better way to live, my love.
The snow has stopped falling now. The moon is bright and full. I remember how that used to fill me with panic before, but now it seems so peaceful. The moonlight shining on the snow is like magic. It’s so quiet here. Everything is at peace, even me. I look at the sky and wonder which star you are looking at us from. There are so many out there, and I feel like I could get lost looking for you in the stars. No, it’s better to wait till you come back to me. It’s better to raise our beautiful family and feel the warmth and pride fill me every time I think about you. My heart is always with you, as you are always with me in my head. We make an unbeatable pair, no matter how many miles or space is between us.
I’m having a hard time keeping my eyes open, now. The desk light isn’t bright enough to make my eyes hurt, and my head is so heavy. No matter how wonderful our children are, they can be so exhausting. They run around in happy circles making me dizzy with delight. Just like you do, whether you are here with me or not.
I can’t wait till you come back and we can all spend time together as a family. We can drink hot cocoa or cold lemonade together, depending on what season it is. I’ll make us all a big meal and watch you all eat more that I ever have been able to eat in my life. Sometimes, I admit I worry that you won’t recognize me when you come back. You never seem to age, but my face has grown tired over time and smile lines around my eyes have grown a little deeper every year. I know sometimes age seems an anomaly to you...wait...I mean a mystery. I’m not sure you know what anomaly means. It means a mystery of sorts, by the way. Really, I’m glad I shoved Gohan off to school at least. I worry about your education almost as much as I worry about theirs. I mean, really Goku, if it weren’t for the fact that you have saved the world so many times, what kind of reputation would this family have?!
I love you, Goku. You drive me crazy sometimes, and sometimes I wish you would focus on your family as much as you focused on training, but then I see how dedicated you work, and I know why you do it. I know you do it because you love us and there’s nothing more you want to protect than your family.
I’m so proud to be your wife. I’m so proud of our family, and I have such faith in all of us. I especially have faith in you. I can’t wait till I can hold you in my arms and feel your strong arms around me.
Think of me every now and then as you grow stronger and get better, alright my love?
Your dedicated wife,
Chichi
“Well, except, using a bow really isn't that hard, and if you spent some time at it, you would just have to learn how to aim and you'd probably be as good as I am.” Yukari shrugged as she sat down on the couch.
“Okay, now you're just mocking those of us who have to work hard to acquire skills to fight.” Akihiko growled, clenching his fists.
“Calm down, Akihiko. She's trying to be encouraging about learning new skills. Isn't that right, Takeba?” Mitsuru gave Yukari both an encouraging and a threatening look.
“R-Right! Of course!” She smiled as widely at Akihiko, trying to keep as much peace as she could.
“Hmph. As long as she understands where true talent comes from. Hard work and perseverance.” Akihiko grumbled.
“Yukari practices her bow every other day at school and a lot of times she practices after school too.” Minato said.
Everyone looked over at him, surprised. The whole conversation had been initiated between Junpei and Yukari about how hard it was to learn how to use a weapon against Shadows. No one had really though Minato was paying attention, since, if he wasn't speaking directly with anyone, he looked very zoned out.
“I...I didn't know you paid attention to my practice habits.” Yukari started to blush.
“Of course. You're a part of my team. I need to know what you're doing so if we need to work on anything I know what your habits are so we can go from there.” He answered simply.
“That's atually a very good thing to pay attention to as a leader.” Mitsuru nodded proudly. “I see you have been taking your duties very seriously. That's wonderful.” She smiled. “Now, I would also suggest everyone gets some sleep. A team is no good if it is not well rested.”
“Yes, Mitsuru-senpai.” Yukari got up and started walking to her room.
“You know, Yukari...” Minato walked up behind her.
“Y-Yes, Leader?” Yukari turned to look at him, and then she almost fell backwards. She didn't realize how close he was to her, and suddenly they were inches apart instead of feet. She shuffled back a few steps, trying not to blush.
Minato gave her an odd look then shrugged and said, “If you wouldn't mind, I'd like to learn how to shoot a bow. Do you have any time where I could accompany you in one of your practices?”
“You want to learn how to shoot a bow?” Yukari looked at him, confusedly. “Are you more of the kind of person to fight from the front?”
“I am, but it's good to have all kinds of skills. The shadows vary more and more as we go higher into Tartarus. I want to be prepared....and....and...” He hesitated.
“And...?” She looked at him curiously.
“And...I think it would be nice to see how my master bowman practices.” He smiled at her shyly.
Yukari stood there, stunned for a moment, then nodded. “Of course. I'd be happy to show you how to use a bow. Would Friday be alright?”
“Yeah. That's fine. Thank you.” He smiled slightly.
Yukari felt her cheeks start to grow pink and she turned away. “Don't be late. I only get a certain amout of time to myself on the field.”
“Of course.” His voice was quiet and she frowned slightly. Why couldn't she just smile back? Why couldn't she face him like this?
“I...I look forward to it.” She looked over her shoulder at him.
He smiled slightly again, and for a second she thought she saw some color come to his cheeks too.
“It's always great for teammates to work together.” He said and walked to the stairs towards his dorm.
* * *
Yukari nervously set up the targets outside, looking at the door periodically. She had just finished practicing with her team and she had asked her captain permission to work on her own as she always did.
This time, though, she wasn't going to be alone. Minato was coming to practice with her.
For some reason this thought made Yukari's heart stutter.
She turned back and looked around. After getting used to the targets, she was going to set up balloons for Minato to try to pop, since most of the time the target wasn't going to be a big white circle to focus on, but smaller focal points on a larger target. She figured she'd pull in the moving targets later, if Minato really wanted to continue practice.
As she searched, she heard someone step into to the room. She stopped and turned around.
There he was, in his regular school uniform, looking at her curiously. She realized she was bent over looking for balloons, and she quickly stood up, blushing, smoothing down her skirt.
“You're early.” She said, smiling shyly.
“Well, you told me not to be late.” He replied, and looked over at the bows hanging by the wall.
“Eager to get started?”
He walked over to the bows and slowly picked one up, looking it over. “Is this one I can use?”
“They're all ones you can use.” She smirked. “It just depends on which one you're more comfortable with.” She walked over to him as he held up the bow.
Yukari picked up her own bow and took an arrow, making her stance behind the line on the edge of the floor. She placed her arrow on the notch and pulled it back, looking over at Minato. He was studying her carefully. She felt her heart flutter again and she tried to swallow her nerves as she concentrated on the target. She took a deep breath, and then let go. The arrow flew and hit the middle of the target with ease. She smiled and looked at Minato, then she blanched. He actually looked...nervous.
“Are you sure you want to practice today?” She asked him, looking concerned.
“Of course! I just want to make sure I'm doing this correctly.” He looked down at his bow.
“It's honestly really easy.” She stood next to him and took her stance. “Stand like this.”
Minato looked at her, studying her stance quietly. She felt herself start to blush from him looking at her. Then he turned and copied her stance exactly.
“See? It isn't that hard at all.” She smiled at him.
“Great. I can stand.” His voice was slightly hollow, almost like he was trying to hide something.
“A-Anyways. Then you hold your bow like this. Never pull back on the string unless you have an arrow attached. Dry shooting could hurt you and break the bow.”
Minato nodded and held his bow like her. She then placed an arrow on the notch.
“Alright. Then you aim at the target, pull the string back till your fingers are at the corner of your mouth, and release.” She showed him again, her arrow hitting the target perfectly.
Minato nodded and swallowed, focusing on the target. He pulled his string back, took a deep breath, and released.
The arrow flew towards the target, and Yukari gasped as she watched it hit. It hit the very outer corner of the target, almost missing it completely.
Minato's shoulders slumped.
“There's no need to be upset. I've been doing this a long time and you just started. Honestly when I started I could hardly hit the target. You're doing well already.” She smiled encouragingly. “You have to just find your own special way to aim. Once you do, you just practice till you're confident, and then you practice some more.” Yukari laughed and went back to her place, pulling out more arrows.
“Is this all you do? Alone? Shooting at targets?” Minato looked at her.
“Well, yeah. I have to stay sharp. My life depends on it.” She said, looking at him curiously.
“You have your teammates to look out for you. You're not alone, you know. I...I wouldn't let anything hurt you.” Minato looked down at his arrows, pulling one out and placing it on the string.
Yukari's jaw dropped as she watched him aim carefully, then release the arrow, the arrow almost hitting the middle of the target.
“I...I don't want to be dead weight.” She said. “I have to stay strong...for the team.”
“You already are. It's good to take a break sometimes...just go out...enjoy life.” Minato said, still not looking at her as he kept practicing, getting closer and closer to shooting the middle of the target.
“L-Leader...”
“You can call me Minato, you know.” Minato turned to her.
Yukari felt herself blush bright red. “Y-You want me to call you...M-Minato-san?”
“I'd....rather you call me Minato-kun...” His voice was softer, and he looked down.
“I...I...” Yukari felt herself blush even more.
“You don't have to, though. It's a stupid idea, anyways.” He quickly turned back to practicing.
Yukari stood there, speechless, then she went back to practicing herself.
After an hour had passed, they both took a break.
“I'd like to come back and practice next week. May I?” Minato turned to Yukari as they both got some water to drink.
“O-Of course! I'd be happy to practice with you.” She smiled.
“Good.” He smiled weakly back at her and started to walk out.
“I'll meet you here next Friday, Minato-kun.” Yukari said, her voice raising pitch even though she was trying to be calm.
Minato smiled to himself and waved. “You can count on it, Yukari-chan.”
* * *
Minato and Yukari started practicing archery together once or twice every week for a month, and Minato was growing very skilled at aiming.
The last week of the month, Yukari told him she had a surprise in store for him the next time he came to practice with her.
“What is it?” He asked suspiciously.
She grinned. “You'll see.”
“Well, in that case, I also have a surprise for you.” Minato smirked.
Yukari tried not to look too thrown off by that. “I-Is that so?”
“Mhm. You'll see.” He smiled and walked off to class.
After classes Yukari set up the archery targets and pulled out a bag of balloons. She had finally found them and thought it was time to show Minato how to focus on focal points. She set up his target then set up hers.
When Minato walked in, he snorted slightly at the sight of the targets. “Are our targets having a party?” He asked, teasingly.
“No, these are to show when you're fighting, sometimes you can't hit straight in the middle of a target. Sometimes you have to aim at certain focal points.”
“I see. So the focal points are balloons?”
“I thought they might add some fun color.” She smiled.
“Well, why don't we get to it, then?” Minato smiled and pulled out his bow.
“Wait a minute, what was your surprise?” Yukari asked, picking up her bow.
“You'll have to wait and find out.” Minato smirked more and started to aim at one of the balloons. He shot his arrow and it almost hit one of them, but the balloon swung out of the way from the wind in the shot.
Yukari smirked to herself and she drew her arrow and aimed at her target. Minato grumbled to himself as he pulled out another arrow. Suddenly, Yukari turned and shot her arrow at his target, popping one of his balloons.
“Hey!” He yelled in protest.
“Too slow.” She grinned at him.
“Oh I'm going to get you for that.” He grumbled and started to shoot at another balloon on his target. After a few tries he finally got it.
“I knew you could do it.” Yukari giggled.
“Oh hush.” He grumbled and started to try to shoot another balloon.
“Oh really?” Yukari pulled out another arrow and quickly shot the balloon Minato was aiming at.
“H-Hey!” Minato yelled again. “Why don't you shoot your own balloons?”
“I could, but it's much more of a challenge to shoot from this angle.” She smirked.
“Why, you little...” He grumbled and aimed at her target, popping one of her balloons. “Ha! How does that make you feel?”
“Hmph.” Yukari shot and hit Minato's last balloon on his target. “That's better.” She grinned.
“That's it.” Minato walked over and hung his bow back up.
“W-Wait! Minato-kun! Don't go!” She ran after him.
“Why not? You keep shooting my target anyways.” His voice sounded almost like a growl.
Yukari flinched and looked down. “I promise not to do it again. I'm sorry.”
Suddenly she felt Minato's hand on her chin as he lifted it slowly, wrapping his other arm around her waist.
“M-Minato-kun? Wh-what are you...?”
“Oh just shut up already.” He leaned in and kissed her.
Yukari thought her heart might just stop. Her eyes fluttered closed and she dropped her bow, wrapping her arms around his neck, kissing him back.
It was a moment she begged fate not to end, but eventually, Minato pulled back and smiled down at her, whispering, “Surprise.”
Yukari blushed, looking back up at him, breathless. She wasn't sure what to say, or what this all meant. Was this his way of messing with her, or did he really mean something with that kiss? Her mind whirled as she tried to pull herself together.
Minato's face grew concerned and he held Yukari's shoulders. “I...I'm sorry. Do you not....I shouldn't have just....”
“N-No....I...I liked it.” Yukari's face turned bright red.
“Y-You did?” He looked down at her, and she was surprised to see he was just as red as she was.
“M-Mhm!” She started to grow flustered.
“Y-Yukari-chan....I have to admit something. I honestly didn't want to learn archery to become more skilled....I...I wanted to learn it so I could be closer to you....”
“Y-You did?” She asked, her eyes widened.
“Y-Yeah...” He looked away, blushing still.
“I...I r-really like being close to you, Minato-kun.” Her voice was soft, shy. She had never dared to speak these feelings out loud. She always thought Minato didn't like anyone. She thought all he cared about was fighting Shadows, but it turned out that he cared about her, too.
“Will....will you be my girlfriend, Yukari?” Minato asked, looking back at her, his expression full of both hope and fear.
“Y-You want me to be....be your girlfriend?” Yukari gasped.
“I-If it's okay with you.” He blushed.
“Y-Yes...I'd...I'd like that....a lot.” She smiled, shyly.
“Y-You would?” His eyes widened and he slowly started to grin.
“I really would.” She nodded.
Minato pulled her into a tight hug and she hugged him back tightly. They stood there like that for a few minutes before Yukari hesitated, then asked.
“Does...this mean you don't want to practice with me, anymore?” She asked.
“What? Of course not! This means I'm going to practice with you even more until I pop your balloons before you can even shoot them!” Minato said.
“Oh you can try!” Yukari laughed.
“You know I will.” Minato grinned.
Forever
“Shit!” She dropped the clippers to the floor and stared at the mess that was now the haircut she had to live with for the next few months. “I fucked up I fucked up I fucked up!!!”
“What are you yelling about?” Her tired roommate yawned, walking into the bathroom and seeing the mess. “Oh, honey...”
“My hair....” she whimpered, looking at the cascade of blue on one side of her face, and the lack of hair on the other...well, close to lack of hair. There was a little, but only like an eighth of an inch.
“Your hair looks fine. You whine too much.” Her roomate said, observing the damage.
“This...this is why no one wants me. I look idiotic....I look crazy...like someone who broke out of an insane asylum.”
“That wasn't what you were always going for?” Her roommate teased.
She whimpered, touching her shaved side. She meant for there to be at least an inch of hair there, but there was so much less than that.
“Too soon, I guess. Hey, look at me.” Her roomate turned her around, so she was facing her.
“What...?” She asked.
“You look amazing. You pull everything off.” Her roommate smiled at her.
She blushed, looking down. Why was it Em always knew what to say?
“Now, I want you to clean up after yourself, shower off the extra hair, and get ready. We're going out to coffee.”
“It's, like, midnight.”
“Yeah, the best time to get coffee because no one's going to bother us. Plus it'll be a stepping stone for class tomorrow.” Em walked out, being careful to step away from the small chunks of hair on the ground.
“I'm not going to thank you for this.” She called after Em.
“You never do, Ava. You never do.” Em called back.
* * *
After cleaning everything up, Ava got dressed in her normal hoodie and jeans, trying to let her hair curl naturally...well the remainder of it, anyways. Em came out in her hoodie, her short blond hair perfectly curling around her face as usual.
Ava sighed. “You always look great.”
Em laughed. “That's not even close to true. Actually, now that I think about it, it's always true. I'm always perfect. Glad you finally recognized it.” She smirked.
Ava groaned and rolled her eyes, crossing her arms. “Are we going to go now, or not?”
“We're going, we're going.” Em laughed, walking out the door. Ava followed and they walked down the dark and abandoned streets. Well, mostly abandoned. There were small clusters of students walking quickly down the streets here and there. Since this was a college town, no one really understood what a regular sleeping schedule was.
“I don't get it. Why is everyone so obsessed with going places late at night? Don't they know sleep is important?” Ava asked.
Em snorted. “You're one to talk.”
Ava laughed and shrugged as they reached the 24 Hour Breakfast Diner. Surprisingly, there were only two tables occupied as they found a spot by the window to sit.
“Small crowd today.” Ava said, looking around. There was a group of four sitting at a table near the back, all huddled around a giant stack of books, murmuring to each other and looking like sad study zombies. The other table only had a boy sitting at it. He must have also been the nerdy hoodie type, because he was sitting there, looking like his glasses were about to fall off his nose, his long brown hair hiding the majority of his facial features, either fast asleep reading his books or about to.
“Well, it's a Monday night. The pop quizzes are over and exams aren't till next month. There's a lull.” Em commented, ordering two coffees from an overly perky waitress.
“You think she got a job to flirt with 'hot' college students?” Ava asked as the waitress left.
“If she did she's probably sorely disappointed.” Em answered.
Ava laughed a little too loudly and the boy at the table jumped, apparently waking up. Ava blushed slightly, watching as he looked around. His face was soft and round. Not rough and square like most of the boys in her classes. He looked so gentle and innocent. His cheeks were covered in freckles and slightly pink from realizing he fell asleep in the middle of a diner. He looked down at his book lazily then looked around. Ava quickly looked away before he could catch her staring.
“I dunno about that...” Ava said quietly.
“Oh come on, don't tell me you're going to try to hit on someone in the middle of the night.” Em said, rolling her eyes.
“Of course not. Have you seen how I look today?” She touched the shaved side of her head subconsciously again.
“Stop that. You look great. Just don't hit on people. Let them admire you from afar and drink your coffee.” Em pointed at the steaming cup in front of Ava. The coffee must have come while Ava was staring at the student. Ava grinned and doctored her coffee, then lightly sipped it.
“Mmmm...I really needed this.” She said, looking back up at Em.
“Of coruse you did. That's why I brought you out here. I knew not only would you do anything for coffee, but you'd feel better as soon as you had it.”
“It's like you know me or something.”
“My God, you may be onto something.”
Ava laughed and sipped on her coffee more, looking back over to the boy's table. The boy was gathering his books and searching for something. He looked super embarrassed, growing pinker and pinker.
“I don't think he remembered his wallet...”Ava said.
“Oh my God, what was the one rule?” Em asked.
“I'm just going to do him a kindness. I get paid tomorrow anyways.” Ava got up, pulling out her wallet, getting out a ten dollar bill.
“You're a saint.” Em said sarcastically.
“Thank you. I know.” Ava smirked and walked over to the boy.
The boy looked up from his hurried searching, starting at her with even more embarrassment.
“Hey, do you need someone to spot you some money?” Ava asked.
“No....Well...yeah...but I couldn't ask...” his voice slurred slightly from just waking up, and he looked at her dazedly.
“Don't worry about it.” She said, handing him her ten dollar bill.
“I can't just...”
“I said don't worry about it. If you don't take it I'll pay your bill myself.” Ava quickly picked up his bill off the table.
“N-No! I'll pay....thank you...” He said, his tone sheepish.
“Glad to help out. I hope you get some good sleep. You're going to need it for class tomorrow.” She smiled at him encouragingly as he took her money.
“Yeah...thank you...” He said softly, looking away from her.
“I'm Ava by the way.” She said, holding out her hand.
“Miles...” he answered, still not making eye contact, shaking her hand.
“Nice to meet you, Miles.” She said softly, letting his hand go.
“Y-Yeah...” He looked up at her hesitantly and she she smiled at him again. She thought she saw him blush one more time before he left. She smiled to herself as she sat down.
“You broke the rule.” Em grumbled.
“Worth it.” Ava laughed as she drank her coffee.
* * *
The semester passed and while Ava caught glimpses of Miles, she never got another chance to talk to him. They were always rushing in the opposite directions. He went to the tech building and she left towards the book building. Either way it seemed like that night was the only encounter they would have, and Ava was a little disappointed, because he looked like a very interesting person, but she was just satisfied to have helped him some.
One Monday morning she was walking out of the cafeteria when she saw him, walking in circles around a tree in the courtyard. He looked like he was talking to himself, and Ava wondered if he was practicing for a play or something. She considered approaching him, but then he saw her, and he stopped in his tracks. They looked at each other for a moment, and his cheeks went slightly pink again. Ava smiled instantly and he looked away. She frowned confused and started to walk away. She didn't mean to embarrass him. Maybe he didn't like her at all and was hoping she would leave him alone. If that were the case he could most certainly do that for him.
“W-Wait! Ava!” Miles chased after her, catching up with her and walking beside her. “I'm sorry about that.”
“It's fine. Did you want something?” She stopped by the side of one of the buildings, leaning against it.
“Y-Yeah, actually.” Miles rubbed his neck looking down.
“What is it?” She asked, calmly, curiously.
“Well, I wanted to pay you back for that one night...” he said, hurriedly reaching for his wallet.
“Hey, I told you it's fine. Don't worry about it. I was paid the next day anyways.” She said, shaking her head quickly.
“I want to thank you somehow...” He said, looking up at her.
“You don't have to thank me at all.” She said, laughing softly.
“Wh-why are you laughing at me?” He asked, looking slightly startled.
“It's nothing. You're just really nice.” she smiled at him.
“I...I feel like I owe you...and I...uh..” He looked at her then looked away. “I wanted to ask if you....you wanted to...to go get coffee with me.”
“You did? So this wasn't just a visit to repay me.” She smirked playfully.
“W-Well I wasn't sure if you'd even consider going out....t-to coffee with me...” He said.
“I'd like that. Let's meet at the Diner at...say...eight?” She asked.
“We might as well eat then, too.” He said.
“We could even catch a movie afterward, if the coffee's hyped you up enough.” She laughed.
“So I'll see you at eight?” He asked, grinning.
“It's a date.” She smiled at him.
* * *
“Should I even try telling you not to fall in love with this guy?” Em asked as Ava pulled on a fluffy blue dress, pulling on her striped black and white leggings.
“You can try. But the heart will do what it wants. If it works, I'll probably end up marrying him.” Ava said teasingly.
“Ugh you're too ridiculous sometimes.” Em teased.
“I know. It's one of my most adorable qualities.” Ava laughed as she pulled on her coat and boots, grabbing her bag.
“You forgot something.” Em said as Ava walked to the door.
“What?” Ava asked, turning back, checking her bag and clothes quickly.
“Your common sense.” Em smirked.
“Oh hush.” Ava laughed and walked out, walking to the diner.
When she got there, Miles was sitting nervously at the table she met him, checking his watch. She walked up behind and tapped his shoulder. He jumped and turned, looking up at her.
“H-Hey!” He got up quickly, pulling out the chair across from him quickly.
“Well, aren't you a gentleman?” she smirked and sat down.
He blushed as the waitress set two cups of coffee down in front of them.
She grinned at him. “This is already going amazing.”
* * *
“No way! He totally would have been ten times cooler if he had a dinosaur!” Ava laughed as they walked out of the theater.
“I told you, he needed ninja powers.” Miles groaned.
“Ninja clan. An entire ninja clan.” Ava amended.
“Oh ha. Ha.” Miles smiled and took her hand in his as they walked down the street. This was their fourteen-hundreth date or so and even though he knew which dorm she lived in, he walked her to the courtyard of the college, sitting down on a bench. She sat beside him, resting her head on his shoulder. He looked down at her hand.
“Ava...are you staying at the college after graduation?” He asked her.
“Getting my Masters would be pretty convenient in my degree...”
“Yeah. I know.”
“We've had this conversation before.” She said, looking up at him curiously.
“I know. I wanted to know...How you felt about this...this college...if you were planning on staying or transferring or leaving somewhere...”
“I told you. I want to get a good career, just like you do. Remember?”
“Y-Yeah...” Miles felt for something in his pocket. “You know, Ava...it was here everything started. It took me weeks to build up the courage to talk to you again.”
Ava chuckled softly. “I can be pretty intimidating, can't I?”
“N-No...well, yeah...but no. I'm just shy.” Miles said.
Ava giggled. “And it's always been adorable.”
Miles pushed her off of him, getting up. “Ava...I wanted to know...about after graduation...”
“What is it, Miles?” She asked him, looking up at him from the bench worriedly.
“I wanted to know...if maybe you wanted to spend after graduation with me...in fact more than after graduation...I wanted to know if you might...want to spend forever with me.” He got on one knee in front of her, pulling out the ring from his pocket, his cheeks almost bright red from blushing.
Ava's cheeks matched Miles's. “A-Are you asking m-me...?
“To marry you? Yes...Ava...I want to spend forever...and then some with you. Will you marry me?”
“Y-Yes!” Ava said, grinning.
Miles slipped the ring onto her finger, standing back up and leaning in, kissing Ava deeply. She wrapped her arms around his neck and he pulled her up with him, their mouths working together in the way only they knew how to. Then, when they had to pull away to breathe, Ava laughed.
“Em's going to hate me.” She said.
“Why's that?” Miles asked.
“She told me not to fall in love and marry you before I left for our first date. I broke yet another rule.” Ava said.
“You're my little rebel.” Miles laughed.
“Well, of course. In fact, had I not broken her rules before, we wouldn't have ever met.”
“Then I'm glad you didn't listen. Just this once.”
“Yeah most of her other rules are good. Like don't eat the green wrap in the cafeteria.”
“And research before buying trimming adjustments.” Miles' ruffled her hair.
“Of course. We'll have to make our own rules now.” Ava blushed and laughed.
“I look forward to that.”
“I look forward to everything with you.”
“Me too.”
* * *
“Mom! Mom! Dad's home!” the little boy bounced happily around Ava's feet.
“Good. I just finished dinner.” Ava grinned, wiping her hands on her apron and picking the boy up.
Miles suddenly rushed in with a small girl in his arms, the girl squealing and laughing as he flew her around the dining room.
“Watch out for the table!” Ava called.
“Fly me, Daddy!” the boy reached from Ava's arms.
“Noooo! Daddy fly me!” the girl yelled.
“There'll be plenty of flying after your mother's wonderful dinner.” Miles laughed, setting the little girl on the ground. The two children whined.
“Maybe we'll just skip dinner and you two can take a bath while Daddy and I eat all the ice cream.” Ava smirked down at them.
“Noooooo!” they chorused together and sat down at the table quickly.
“That's what I thought.” Ava laughed.
“You and your silver tongue.” Miles rolled his eyes at her, smiling.
“Mmm but you love it.” She answered, wrapping her arms around his waist.
“I do. Maybe you should give me a taste of your medicine.” He whispered softly as the children fought over which placemat they wanted.
“Only if you're a good boy.” She whispered back and they kissed, long and deep.
“Ewwwww!!!!” the children chorused.
Ava and Miles pulled away, laughing.
“Let's eat.” Miles said.
“Couldn't have said it better myself.” Ava answered and they both sat down.
After dinner the family went to the living room and watched a movie together. The kids laughed and played on the floor while Ava and Miles cuddled on the couch. After the movie, Ava and Miles carried their sleeping children to their rooms and walked quietly back to their own room.
“It's almost been fifteen years since I asked you to marry me in that college courtyard.” Miles said, pulling off his shirt and pants.
“It has. And I have loved every minute of it.” Ava answered, sliding into her nightdress.
“I've loved every minute of you.” Miles answered.
Ava laughed. “You're still as awkward as the day I met you.”
“I don't plan on changing you know.”
“Don't you dare.”
They got into bed together, and Miles pulled Ava close, pressing her body against his as kissed once more goodnight.
“Miles...Everything I've done in my life...has led me to this happiness. I would never give up anything about it.” Ava said softly, rubbing her nose gently against his.
He rubbed his nose back. “You never will.”
“Do you have any regrets?” Ava asked Miles quietly.
“Not one. Ever since I met you my only regret wasn't making you mine sooner.” He said, caressing her cheek gently.
Ava giggled softly, blushing. They lay like that for a little while, just staring into each other's eyes, bodies relaxed, expressions full of love.
“Ava...” Miles said, suppressing a yawn as he did.
“What is it, my love?” Ava asked, voice slurring slightly from sleepiness.
“I love you.” He said, softly.
“I love you too.” She answered.
“Forever?”
“And Always.”
I like to think that all things affect us. When we sit in a car and rest our hands in awkward positions on curvy roads, taking as much space as possible so we don't go flying around and the things pressing against us leave little indents and imprints on our hands and arms, showing on our skin the thriving need to be alive. When we fall asleep on our arms and leave a little pink imprint on our cheek. When we wear rings a little too tight or bracelets and our skin glows where they were after we pull them off. It's like a reminder that we live and do. We work and play and it imprints on us just like it does on our skin. However, unless put under the skin so it is made to stay, they will fade like the imprints on our skin fade. That's why tattoos and piercings, shots and anything we consume, it stays in us, it becomes a part of us. That's why if someone spews lies at you, don't consume them, let them fade off your skin. Don't let them in you. You get to choose what gets under there. Fill it with the good, not the bad. Fill it with love, not hate. Keep living, keep breathing. Remember your body is your sanctuary and love it. Love yourself and remember the little imprints on your skin fade.
A Cause Worth Fighting For
If anyone needed a revolution, it wasn't the boy standing on the coffee shop chair, waving his arms gratuitously and telling everyone just how wrong their lives were. No, the person who definitely needed a revolution was the girl standing behind the counter and wishing he would, for one second, just shut up already and let her do her job. Seriously, if anyone could gain an award for stopping the regular, every-day flow of customers, it was Elliot. For that, Grace hated him.
Well, except she couldn't hate him, since at times, even she was avidly listening to what he had to say. That, or watching his features as he spoke. Just because he was the most annoying and convicting man on the planet didn't mean he wasn't also one of the most attractive men on the planet. That may or may not have made her hate him more. However, the point still was that Grace was trying to do her job, the one that paid for her dorm and her living, and Elliot, no matter how enticingly pretty he was, was keeping her from doing it.
When Elliot finally seemed satisfied with his ravings, he picked up his coffee...you know, the one Grace had so kindly sold to him even though she knew it was basically an invitation for him to stay long enough to give another long speech...and left the shop with a flourish only a shining Adonis of a man could give. She huffed impatiently and turned to her next customer and smiled past the irritation. She had to do well at her job, even if a dumb political science major tries to stop her.
“I'm sorry about that, sir. I know I'll have to speak to the manager sometime soon...” she smiled at him, then muttered under her breath, “...you know, if he ever shows up.”
“It's perfectly fine.” the man said forgivingly, taking his coffee he had ordered a full twenty minutes ago.
“I can make you a new one if...” Grace hesitantly started to offer, looking at the still-growing line behind him.
“It's perfectly fine.” He reassured her, again, placing a way-too-kind tip in the jar next to her. “I needed time for my coffee to cool anyways...and it seems you deal with that boy more often than I come here.” He said.
She smiled apologetically, knowing her look speaking more for her than her words. The man nodded to her and left, leaving her to get back to her daily, busy run. She realized that that little bit of kindness helped her prepare for Elliot coming the next day, and the next, as she knew he always would.
* * *
After work and long, very grating talk with her manager about Elliot's behavior, Grace headed for her dorm. Every evening she walked down the busiest streets, because, believe it or not, she really didn't have very many friends in this town, and the idea of going home the quickest way, not stopping for any lights because there were hardly any cars, terrified her. She would rather take the long way home than be jumped in an ally, and yet her only friend and mostly drinking buddy Janet was the one who made sure Grace didn't end up sleeping on a garbage bin every night....well, not every night, just most nights. It wasn't like Grace went out to get drunk and hit on guys, though that happened every now and then, Grace just really liked to suppress everything about this world. Like a way of hiding the inner demons.
So, that night, when Janet appeared in an all-too-slutty outfit and told Grace she should totally be her wing-woman, Grace pulled on her gothic-pesant blouse and her leather pants and hid her always-curly brown hair under her red hat she had knit years back and posed in front of Janet.
“I swear you look like a brunette Buffy.” Janet said, smirking at her.
Grace blushed a little. She honestly didn't try, but she did appreciate the reference. “Are you sure you're not a little drunk already?” She teased.
“Oh trust me, if you think I'm drunk now, just wait till it gets to midnight.” Janet sneered.
Grace...wasn't sure why the idea of seeing her only friend and probably best shot to getting home safe was acting like the world was going to end tonight sent a nervous thrill down her spine, but she grabbed her purse and waltzed out of her room with Janet like she honestly believed in Janet's attitude. Tonight did feel like it was going to change everything, though she had no real idea just how much it would.
When they got to the bar, there really wasn't anyone of notice to talk to. I mean, sure, there were plenty of men looking at her and trying to catch her eye, but Grace was a special type of picky. The type that got a little looser and looser once the booze started to get to her head. Luckily, Janet had a way of weeding out the creepy ones and sending Grace home with a guy she didn't regret in the morning. That's why their friendship worked so well, Janet thought. They talked and chatted with several people, getting both expensive and free drinks that Grace knew she was going to wince at later and had an all-together good night. Surprisingly Janet flirted the most and wanted to run off with some tall-dark-and entirely too handsome for his own good and leave Grace to fend for herself.
Grace, who honestly was a little too drunk to walk and had been gripping the bar to keep herself standing....or...sitting...she wasn't really sure anymore, looked at Janet pleadingly but Janet had already gotten halfway through the door and waved encouragingly.
Grace was done. She had enough of this bar and enough of her stupid, fluffy-head friend who insisted she go out tonight. She should have stayed home with her nice, and well-stashed bottle of rum. She stumbled out the door and started down the street, knowing all too well her dorm wasn't that far away, but her usual route would be entirely too dangerous in her condition. That meant there were two options. Either she go the back way, which was too much of a dark-ally-way type situation for her, or to go through the park, the one that was right next to the library that Elliot was notorious for being at.
Grace...rather than setting herself up for dying, decided to risk seeing mister ranty-pants. She walked through the appropriately-lighted streets, hoping her stumbling didn't send her into a ditch somewhere. As she approached the library, she looked around as cautiously as someone a little too drunk could look. He didn't seem to be there, so she started to stride confidently down the path...and fell, face-forwared, toward the concrete.
She threw her hands up to at least block her face from being damaged, closing her eyes and bracing for the fall...except...it didn't happen. She fell into someone's arms. Or at least she thought she fell into someone's arms. She may have actually gotten so drunk she was hallucinating because right there, in front of her, was Elliot.
“Whoa there! Are you alright?” he asked, catching her and pulling her back up, holding her against him to keep her up straight.
“I-I'm alright!” She said quickly, trying to pull herself together. Now was not the time to look like a drunk piece of shit in front of Elliot, not after promising her manager to make her offer to Elliot the next time she saw him. Dammit now she had to either break her promise or sound like a drunk idiot trying to get rid of him. Either way, she was doomed.
“You don't look quite right. Are you walking home alone?” His voice was concerned....and very condescending. Like always, it was grating against her nerves, and she was way too drunk to try to deal with him now.
“Yeah. My friend left without me and I just...wanted to go home.” she grumbled and shook her head, trying to keep it clear enough to talk to him. She had to get out of here so she had to sound like a reasonable human being.
“You know you could have called the school. They send escorts.” Elliot said, sounding even more like a condescending adult. As if she needed more of a reason to hate him. He wasn't her father, or even a good step-in-father, like so many people had tried to be.
“They do that for people who can dial correctly....and are not drunk. Anyways, I'd trust myself drunk more than any random stranger.” She sniffed and started to pull away from him, instantly regretting it and realizing the world was no backbone and she really was probably going to end up crashing in a ditch tonight. She couldn't let Elliot see that, though. Not on her life.
“Don't be ridiculous. I'm sure they'd send someone for you...” He gave her a funny look, then sighed. “I suppose I can walk you to your dorm.”
“I don't need your charity.” she grimaced.
“Yes you do, but it's not charity. It's just the right thing to do.” Elliot answered, placing a hand gingerly and respectively on her side. No, not her waist or her ass, her side. She was slightly surprised at his caution and respect, but that gave her no intensive to hate him less. In fact, it may have made her hate him more, for having good qualities that made her honestly consider her opinion of him.
She let him keep her from falling again as they headed to her dorm. When they reached her door he helped her unlock and open it, then let her walk through it. She turned around and looked up at Elliot, noticing past his usual broody and uncaring nature, well, uncaring about anything but his cause, there seemed to be...concern...maybe even for her. She was slightly surprised by this and she wasn't sure what she should do about it. After all she was honestly too drunk and trying to understand anything that was going on.
Elliot nodded to her. “Well, you are safely in your dorm. I suppose I'll take my leave, now.”
“A-Alright.” She struggled out. Honestly it shouldn't be so hard to talk to this boy. This boy who caused her so much trouble every day was standing there, about to leave, and she had something she needed to tell him.
“My boss....he told me that you could use the shop after hours to have your revolutionary rants so you don't interrupt the customers....I'm sure you have your own following. Have your little pow-wows without disturbing the customers....” She blurted then transitioned to mumbling out.
Elliot gave her a strange look, then nodded. “I honestly think that's a better idea. I'm sorry I've been such a disturbance to your workday.” He seemed almost disappointed. For the reason, Grace was sure, that he couldn't recruit one more follower into his revolutionary undergoing.
“Thank....you....” Grace wasn't sure what else she could say, so she just let the awkward moment happen. She was honestly feeling extremely exhausted and couldn't see this going much further without becoming more and more of a disaster.
“Of course.” Elliot said, giving her a wave, walking away with a strangely blank look on his face.
* * *
Elliot's group was bigger than Grace had anticipated. There was Elliot's closest friend, Collin, and there was Courtney and Marie, Courtney the lady-killer and Marie the awkward rich girl who had absolutely no idea how to live in the world with minimum wage but really didn't want to be better than anyone else. Then there was Felix and Jonny and Logan who cavorted around the town and tried to crash any party they possibly could. Janet and Bennet were the last of the group. Janet was a quiet poet who always seemed to look incredibly stylish no matter how much the patterns of her clothes didn't match, and Bennet....well...Grace didn't know too much about Bennet, but no one else really seemed to either. They all came to Elliot's meetings, and most talked to Grace, who had to stay there to make sure the shop was safely locked up after. They offered to pay her to make coffee, but instead just ended up learning to use the machines and paid her a bucketload of money to do it. Grace really felt she shouldn't keep the money, so she ended up putting it all to the shop anyways, even paying on her own for the coffee she made for herself.
Elliot kept his meetings up with an iron fist, but every time he finished a long lecture, he would look at his group, anticipating questions, and then would look at Grace. Grace had no idea why. She wasn't honestly part of this. She didn't want to make petitions to sign and do community work or a letter campaign. She was very verbal about that at the meetings. Every time she mentioned how fruitless Elliot's ideas were for world change, Elliot would glare at her and go on to tell them all how Grace was wrong and exactly how good his plans would be for changing the world.
Honestly Grace had no idea why she kept coming to the meetings, but something kept her going. Maybe it was she really liked arguing with Elliot, or maybe it was the fact that she didn't like the idea of leaving the shop to the rowdy crowd. Her late nights going drinking seemed to be over with the almost daily meetings at the cafe, though that didn't stop her from sneaking alcohol into her room and drinking it at nights, alone, obsessing over the complicated god that Elliot was.
It wasn't like she fully recognized that he was in no way affectionate for her. After the night he took her home, he seemed to act like he liked her less and less as a person. It was like he used her just to prove to his group just how right he was. The idea made her stomach churn and honestly made her feel like her world was going to explode. Then again, whenever she thought these thoughts she was really drunk and it could be an affect of the wine, but sometimes she would get it in class, too. Randomly, out of nowhere, she would think about Elliot, and then the class would end and she would wonder where the past hour and forty-five minutes went.
Elliot honestly drove her insane. She didn't know how she felt...until she did. She's not sure exactly when her brain caught up with her heart, but she figured out why she kept coming to the meetings, why she kept drinking and thinking of him. She realized it in the middle of making an order or a regular customer, and she froze, almost dropping the drink she was making. She stood there, frozen for a long time, trying to wrap her head around the shock of her realization, and the sickness she felt inside. She was in love....in love with the worst person possible to be in love with. She was in love with the one man who would never, ever love her back. He wouldn't care. In fact, if he knew how she felt about him he would probably laugh in her face and tell her to never talk to him again. Her stomach churned again and she made a pained noise. There was no way anyone could know. No way anyone could find out the truth, ever.
* * *
“So, Grace, when are you going to tell Elliot you're madly in love with him?” Courtney said as she watched Grace make her a cappuccino.
“Wh-what?!?” Grace almost dropped the drink, staring at Courtney in horror.
“So I was right! I'm always right, aren't I, Marie?” She grinned cockily at Marie.
“I wouldn't say always, but I suppose you're good at a lot when it comes to girls.” Marie said, her words stumbling out as they always did.
“Damn right!” Courtney grinned, “So, Grace, when are you going to tell him?”
“Never.” Grace said firmly. “You're wrong. I don't feel anything towards him but resent. If I didn't have to close after you guys I wouldn't even be here. I could be doing so much more with my life.”
“Awww you don't mean that.” Courtney laughed, taking her cappuccino after Grace finished it. “I bet you'd be surprised what would happen if you told Elliot how you felt.”
“He'd kicke me out...” Grace said quietly.
“I wouldn't be so sure...” Courtney smirked, giving Marie a very strange look. Marie giggled and shook her head, quietly sipping her tea.
“Whatever. Anyways, why don't you guys just leave it alone? I don't feel that way and I never will.” Lying had to be better than the truth in this situation, Grace was sure.
“Alright....” Courtney chuckled softly.
* * *
Another meeting was over, and Grace was cleaning after the revolutionary crew, again. She was sweeping the floor, for good measure, because she was almost sure someone tracked in mud this time, when she heard someone clearing their throat behind her.
“I...was wondering if you'd like some help cleaning...” Elliot stood at the door, looking like he was prepared for her to tell him to get out and never come back. It wasn't like that was probably what he wanted her to say, anyways.
“Actually...if you didn't mind....It'd be nice to have someone help clean out the coffee machines. It's going to be a bitch to clean out in the morning if I don't do it now...but it can be overwhelming on my own.”
“I understand.” Elliot gave her a polite nod, walking behind the counter, starting to clean the coffee machines. She watched his footsteps as he walked, determined not to look into those all-too beautiful eyes, and then....
“Mud!!” She exclaimed.
“Wh-what?” Elliot asked.
“You're the one who's been tracking the mud everywhere tonight!” Grace said, a little bit louder than she intended, and she looked at him, growing frustration flashing in her eyes. He made her life hard enough, hating her while she loved him, but he didn't have to track mud everywhere on top of it.
“I...I didn't....I'm sorry....” Elliot said, and he actually looked sort of....scared...and really apologetic. She immediately regretted yelling at him, and she wished she could take it back. Here he was, trying to help her and she was yelling at him.
“It's....fine....I'm used to it anyways. Honestly you didn't know....” She said, trying to wave it off, quickly, her cheeks growing redder and redder.
“No, I messed up....let me take off my boots and I'll mop the floor...” He started to offer.
“It's fine, Elliot. Really. Don't be so righteous about it. I can clean it....”
“I'm not being...” He was walking towards her, his voice breaking slightly. “Is...is that how you really see me?” he was standing in front of her, and she really didn't want to see his expression. The tone of his voice was enough.
“I....No...I mean.... I don't know...” She finally looked up at him, and started to regret it. His expression was so pained, and so confused...this wasn't Elliot....Elliot always knew...he always understood....that's why he wanted to change the world....but for some reason he didn't understand....
“I didn't think you....It always seemed like you...” Elliot was struggling for words. What alternate universe had she stepped into and how could she possibly get out before she hit a dangerous place?
“Elliot...why do you care? Don't you hate me?” As soon as she said the last sentence she wished there was a way she could take it back, take it all back. Take back her existence, her meeting Elliot, everything. The look on his face....was beyond anything she had ever seen. It was like she had stabbed him with a knife.....killing him in the slowest, longest way possible.
“I don't....hate....you...” he choked out the words, and she knew....she knew she was so wrong. She was wrong all along. No one reacted this way unless...
“E-Elliot....” She looked at him, and she swore she was going to start crying from all the emotions she was feeling at once...but no...she couldn't cry. She had something much, much more important to do.
Elliot was going to walk away...he was going to turn away and walk out of her life forever unless she did something....anything....
“E-Elliot!” She felt on the verge of hysterics as she stood in front of him. “Elliot I love you....” She felt like she was going to start laughing uncontrollably from the intense insanity of this situation, but he was staring at her with shock....and hope and maybe everything was going to be okay. Maybe he wasn't going to kick her out of his life. Maybe he did care. Maybe he cared all this time.
“G-Grace...you...do you really?” His voice broke as he struggled to understand, and it was beautiful, because it was full of hope, and love and everything might just turn out okay after all.
“Elliot....kiss me...” Her voice went quiet, but she knew he heard her, and she knew that he had to choose...and she knew this was make or break and she knew that if her lips were not touching his then she was going to break down and lose everything.
Then his hands were cupping her face, and she was dropping the broom and they were kissing and holding each other close, and their lips moved against each other, saying everything that they just couldn't say the past six months and they loved each other...they really loved each other.
When they had to finally pull away for breath, she realized that this god of a boy had just kissed her, and she felt blessed beyond words.
“I think I found a cause worth fighting for...” she whispered softly.
Elliot laughed....actually laughed....and they were kissing again.
She craved the feeling of teeth against skin...
Shuddering breaths against his chest, her fingers twitching with the need to touch, to hold, to caress.....
The way bodies move against each other, the way two people can move against and with each other in a rhythmic beat that hold both intense pleasure and intense longing for more....
She shifted in her seat, her face showing no indication of the driving need for closeness she was feeling, but her body started to feel warmer....
She closed her eyes and tilted her head back, closing her eyes, imagining lips against her jaw, brushing down her throat, pressing against her neck, teeth scraping against her throat as she gasps and groans with building pleasure.....
She rubbed her thighs together, changing the position of her legs as casually as she could......
The feeling of his breath mixed with her as their bodies pressed close, their lips moving against each other like a conversation their hands moving to feel each other, to learn each other, to memorize their curves and muscles moving under skin. Not knowing whether the sound of pounding heart is coming from him or her....
To feel close in every way. To share as much of the same space as they possibly could....
To have his body curled around hers after it was over, to have him kiss her shoulder and hold her close....
To have and to hold him, to love and to cherish him....
She came back into focus, the class standing up around her. She cleared her throat and picked up her stuff, and quickly walked out, blinking in the sun as she existed the building....
“I thought that class would never end...” that voice said behind her. The most beautiful sound in the world....
She felt herself blushing and laughed nervously, “M-Me either....it felt like forever...”
The Real You
The day he felt he truly met her was not the day he had first seen her face. It wasn't even the first day they had started talking. That happened a while back.
The day that he felt he truly met her was on a rainy day, walking home from the grocery store.
The bridge in the park wasn't specifically the shortest way to home, but he liked the trees in the rain. He pulled his hood over his head and walked to the bridge, looking up at leaves catching the drops of rain falling from the sky. He smiled to himself, letting himself enjoy nature at it's finest.
If it weren't for the fact he paused to look, he would have never heard the sound of her crying. She was quiet compared to the sound of the rain, like her tears were nothing compared to how the sky cried.
He slid down the hill that the bridge arched over and walked slowly towards her.
Her eyeliner slid ungracefully down her face, like tracing the patterns of the tears down her cheek. He had to remember the fact that women didn't cry like it happened in the movies. Tears were messy and hard to understand.
The tears churned something in his cold and apathetic being. He usually didn't understand why people cried. It was more work than it was worth. People didn't need to cry, so why was she crying?
She was always happy in school. She talked to people and smiled. She was always smiling. Every time someone came up to talk to her, her face lit up like it was Christmas Day. It sometimes scared him. So why would someone like that cry?
She sniffled and looked up at him. In her eyes, he knew. It didn't take too much to understand people in general, but one look into her eyes showed him exactly what she was going through.
It was hard to keep that smile on her face. Sometimes she even felt like it physically pained her to keep smiling. She kept smiling anyways, though. People needed her to be happy. People wanted her to be happy. Every time she spoke aloud she turned into someone with a quick with and a cheery personality. That wasn't who she really was, though. Inside she was a churning hurricane of depression, anxiety, and existential horror. She was the kind of person to feel like she was worthless compared to all the people she held dear.
Then he saw the suppression that she was made to bare. She was told time and time again that she had to be happy. That the real her was the happy one. The one that always was happy to see everyone else. She was always there for everyone and always a light in the dark.
And it was destroying her.
Of course he didn't know all this from one look in her eyes. He just understood. He sat next to her, waiting for her to calm down, and look back at him.
“Why are you here?” She asked. It wasn't malicious. It wasn't like she hated him for it. She really wanted to know. She wanted to understand why someone would waste all this time with a girl crying under a bridge.
“Do you know who I am?” He asked her, voice soft, soothing.
“Of course. You're Milo, from school.” She said, immediately, forcing a slight smirk.
He shook his head. “That's not what you really wanted to say.”
“How can anyone really know who anyone is?” She asked, and then she sighed. “No, that doesn't make sense. None of it makes sense. I want to know why I keep fighting, why I keep going on when everything I run into tells me to stop. Why I keep being told to give up and keep being told to carry on. Who's right? What's the right choice to make?”
“I don't know.” He answered. They sat there in silence for a while, just listening to the rain.
“They'll wonder where I am.” She finally said.
“Me too.” he answered.
“I want to see you again.” She said, standing up.
He stood up after her. “I'd like that.”
They exchanged numbers and then both went on their way, hoping to see each other again
Sno Food (Yes the title is a pun)
The stupid part was, he was literally out of food. He knew he should have kept more canned goods in the house, but no, he thought he would be fine in the middle of fucking Florida. However, because of the freak weather, there was no way for him to leave his house for two weeks. He had basically scarfed down what was left of the ramen, the pudding, the jello, the granola bars, and he could have sworn he had more canned goods downstairs but, for some reason, there was just a ridiculous amount of pumpkin and not much else. Miles decided it was time he went out and had a real meal in the local diner...if they were still open.
He made sure to not only put on his hoodie, but also a coat, a red scarf, and some snow boots, even though he hated walking in them with a passion. If he walked for a little less than an hour he could get to the diner. He pushed himself out the door and forced himself through the unforgiving cold.
After what seemed like hours, but what he really knew was about an hour, he arrived at the diner. His face hurt from the harsh wind and frost patterns had formed on his glasses, but he was there. The bright neon sign that read “Frida's Diner” flickered dimly in the sheets of snow. However, when he walked inside, it looked like it had been abandoned with the lights slightly flickering. Everything looked a lot darker and foreboding, but somehow the counter was completely lined with candles, making it seem even more suspicious. There seemed to be a brighter light coming from behind the kitchen window.
Miles slowly walked to one of the booths nearest to the row of candles, wanting to be able to see in case anything decided to jump out at him. He sat down and waited for the cold to slowly dissipate, then shed his coat and scarf, and then finally his boots, making a small disgusted noise.
He jumped, suddenly, when he heard the noise he just made copied back at him. A girl stood there, her bright blue hair falling slightly into her eyes, wearing the normal diner uniform, her skirt falling over what looked to be the thickest leggings he had ever seen. She looked slightly disoriented in the weird darkness, but her eyes still seemed to sparkle with humor.
“Well, hi there.” She said, looking at him with a smirk. He squinted to see her nametag, only just visible in the light. It read, “Jaida”.
“H-Hi there, Jaida.” He answered back, not realizing his teeth were chattering slightly. Her expression turned slightly concerned.
“Would you like some coffee, sir?” She asked.
“Y-Yes, please.” He answered, realizing he hadn't had any coffee for a week.
She smiled and nodded, walking into the back, her skirt swishing behind her. He watched after her, curiously. It seemed she was the only one here. If she was, was she the one who set out all those candles? She had to be the one. If she was, why was she here, when it seemed no one else was? Did she really think she was going to get paid for working in a restaurant that had no customers for days? A few minutes later she came out with a mug and a thermos of coffee.
“Here you go. Take this, on the house. What can I get you to eat?” She asked, pulling out her notebook. He looked from his coffee back up at her. Was she literally just giving him food? He thought for a second then said, “Do you have any biscuits and gravy?” he asked. It was one of his favorite meals, and while it was usually a breakfast meal, he hadn't had it in so long and the diner setting was really making him crave it. She nodded and giggled.
“We do, sir. Would you like eggs to go with that? Sausage in your gravy or no?” She smiled at him, and he swore, somehow, her smile had some light behind it, making her dark eyes glitter.
“Yes, please, to both.” He answered, suddenly becoming a lot shyer. She scribbled on her notebook, biting her lip slightly before walking back into the kitchen. Miles decided to get up and walk to the bar, looking down at all the candles. There were about two scented, apple pie and vanilla crème, and the rest were just random decoration candles. They all were much too random and assorted to come from anywhere in the diner. However, there were random pairs of taller candles that looked like they were misplaced from random romance scenes. Miles wondered where Jaida could have found all of these candles.
He sat back down in his seat and poured himself a cup coffee, looking out into the snow as he carefully sipped it. When you weren't risking your life to go eat by tramping through the snow, it really was beautiful. It seemed like a wonderland compared to the dry season that never ended that Florida usually had. Finally, after finishing his second cup of coffee, Miles decided to venture to the kitchen. After all, could he really get in trouble, being the only other person there? He walked through the swinging doors and heard humming, smelling the savory smell of cooked sausage and biscuits.
Jaida hummed softly as she stirred the gravy, the biscuits already finished and sitting on the counter. Eggs were frying in a second pan. She turned to pick up something and jumped, seeing Miles.
“O-Oh! Well, aren't you the rebel?” She asked teasingly, leaning around him to grab a spice.
“Well, I figured, since no one else was here, I could talk to you and not get into too much trouble.” He said, leaning against the counter slightly.
“I don't mind it. Though my boss might have objections.” She chuckled.
“Well, given I don't think you're really here to make money, I'll be okay.” He smirked, watching her as she slid two eggs onto a plate then started to cook two more. “That's an awful lot of food for just me.”
“I have a lunch break coming up. I could eat something, also, when I'm not serving you, Mister....?.” She laughed softly.
“Miles, just call me Miles. You can have a lunch break at any time.” He said “You're not actually officially at work anyways.”
“Whoops.” She giggled. “Details. Anyways, how do you like your eggs? I forgot to ask.”
He tsked then smirked. “Over easy. Are you slacking on the job, Miss....?”
“Call me Jaida. No, no, I'm just....not slacking on the job.” She laughs and slides the other two eggs onto another plate, putting the pan in the sink. He watched her as she placed two biscuits on each plate then poured the gravy with sausage over both of them. She turned, picking up his plate and made a shooing motion at him. “Go sit in your seat, sir, please.”
He looked at her for a moment then groaned teasingly. “Fine. If you insist.” He turned and walked back to his seat, sitting down and pouring himself a third cup of coffee. She set his plate in front of him and pat her hands on her apron, smiling at him politely.
“Anything else you would like?” She asked.
“Well, if it's not too much, I'd l-like you t-to join me.” The shyness returned, and he swore he was probably making himself look like a total idiot in front of her.
She grinned and nodded. “I think I can arrange that.” She walked back into the kitchen and he smiled, sipping his coffee. That did not go as badly as he thought it would.
Jaida returned soon after, carrying her plate and a second thermos and mug of coffee. She set them all down carefully and sat opposite of him.
He smiled at her and started to eat. His eyes widen as he took his first bite of his biscuits and gravy. “This is the best biscuits and gravy I have ever tasted.” he told her with fervor.
She blushed slightly and giggled as she started to eat her eggs. “Th-thank you. I learned that recipe from my father when I was young.
“He taught you well.” He answered shyly, continuing to eat.
They both ate in silence for a while, then Jaida looked up at him, dabbing her mouth daintily with her napkin. “What made you decide to come here?”
“I....may have run out of food at my house.” He answered, sheepishly, halfway finished with his meal.
“So, instead of trying to get to the grocery store not five minutes from here, you decide to walk here and hope to get an even more expensive meal that you probably won't take home?” She asked, voice sarcastically scornful.
“H-Hey! I hadn't had a really nice hommade meal in a while. There wasn't any way to cook something that wasn't already pre-packaged because I had to go grocery shopping before the snow started coming down.” He replied, playing along indignantly.
“Ah, well, I'm sorry to hear that.” she answered, taking a few more bites of her food and sipping her coffee. “
“It's alright. It's the best meal I have had in a long while, snowstorm aside. I'll have to come here more often.” He said, smiling shyly at her.
She giggled. “I'm glad to be of service.” She finished her meal and took her plate back. He watched after her, frowning. He really didn't want this meal to end so soon. Luckily she came back out, carrying two pieces of pecan pie with her.
“I thought some desert might be nice, after that meal.” She said, smirking slightly.
He nodded fervently and finished his plate quickly. She took it back, then came back over and started to eat her pie, slowly. He followed and they started to talk about their favorite hobbies. Jaida, like him, loved to play video games and watch weird tv shows. She was an aspiring writer who wanted to one day be famous, but she admitted she was really happy being a waitress. She really liked meeting new people. He told her about how he wanted to travel.
“Well, maybe one day we'll travel together.” She smiled at him, and he felt his stomach flutter, slightly. They had left their empty plates on the table, agreeing the pie was nice, but not as nice as Jaida's cooking. It was growing dark, though, and Miles knew if he didn't try to get home soon, he might end up stranded in the cold. He sighed and looked at her sadly.
“I have to go, now.” He said, his tone hopeless.
“That's alright. I should close soon, anyways. I highly doubt anyone will be coming after dinner.” She said, chuckling softly.
“Well, I came, so you'll never know.” He said, shrugging.
“True...true. Maybe I'll wait a little longer.” She said, musingly.
“I wouldn't. The snow definitely gets worse at night.” He said.
“That's very true. Well, it was nice meeting you, Miles.” She said, holding out her hand. He shook it then blushed slightly.
“Would....would it be alright if I could get your number?” He asked.
She grinned and pulled out her notebook, sketching out her number and handing it to him. “There you go. I'll be busy tonight, but after that I should be free.” She winked at him.
“Th-thank you.” He said, shyly. She nodded and watched as he pulled back on his jacket, scarf and boots, safely placing her number in his pocket.
“Till next time?” He asked softly, waving at her.
She giggled and waved back. “Till next time, Miles. Be safe out there.”
“If I must.” He said, and she giggled more.
As he walked home, he thought the lack of food in the house could have been the luckiest thing to have happened yet.
I like thinking about you. I like thinking about the fact that we're breathing the same air, and the fact that we stand on the same Earth. I like knowing that your heart beats the same amount of times mine does, and that our memories of each other will exist forever. I like thinking about the way you can twitch your nose and the way you blush. I'd like to think that sometimes you'll make a noise you remember me making or say sayings you remember me saying, and for a second I'll fly across your mind like a small shadow flies across a passing train. I like thinking about you thinking about me, even if chances are you are thinking about other things...or other people. I like you.
She sighed and leaned against the counter of the shop, keeping a wary eye out for any customers, but doubting any would come. It was just that late in the day, and her shift was about to end. She looked at her phone screen with no disgrace. No-one was going to come and catch her. No one ever had before at that hour. She checked for messages from her boyfriend but there were none. He was always gone, these days, and it seemed like she was the only one holding up the ends of this loosely tied relationship. She sighed again and looked back out at the empty hall. The man in the sub-shop booth was busily putting food away so he could end his shift early. She wasn't allowed to do that till at least another half-hour. She decided to make herself a cup of coffee and hummed to herself as she steamed the milk.
"Hello?" A voice asked. She whirled around and saw a tall man with brown hair and eyes looking at her curiously. He was speckled with tiny freckles that looked like small galaxies on his cheeks. His skin was pale and seemed like it rarely saw sun, but his glasses and large hoodie seemed to scream he was some kind of inside gamer.
"Hi there!" She tried to sound cheery as she could, "how may I help you?"
"I would like a strawberry creamcheese cupcake, please, if you still have one. Oh! And a pumpkin one!" His voice went from incredibly shy to incredibly enthusiastic in two octaves.
"Right away, sir!" She said, hastily, setting the cupcakes in a designated tray and snapping on the lid with one had, ringing it up with the other.
"I hope she likes strawberry...." the man mumbled as he rifled through his wallet, pulling out a five-dollar-bill, not really looking at her.
"I'm sure she will. Our cupcakes are amazing..." she smelled something burning, but she couldn't possibly understand what could be. She was only selling cupcakes and...."OH SH-....NO!" She quickly turned, turning off the steaming milk that was almost evaporated and caking the bottom of the tin.
"You forgot about your steamed milk?" The man asked, watching her curiously. "I'm sorry."
"Oh, no...It was my stupid fault anyways. I'm not used to customers so late and I didn't even give you your change. I'm so sorry." She rushed back to pull out his change, holding it out for him.
He looked at her for a moment before taking the change. "Had a bad day?"
"Well, if you would believe it, relationship troubles. I swear it's not worth it anymore. Partners drive you crazy." She sighed and then blushed looking at him. "I am so sorry, you don't need to hear that. You just wanted cupcakes for you and your..."
"Fiance" He finished for her. She blinked and nodded quickly.
"R-Right....Fiance. I'm sorry. Ignore me. Have a wonderful evening." She said, feeling entirely too ashamed and embarrassed to even consider not curling into a corner and stop existing.
He kept standing there, though, looking at her. "It's fine. Honestly. Do you....Do you want to talk about it?" He asked her, cautiously.
She stared at him, now, dumbfounded. "Well....if you wouldn't mind...my shift ends in ten minutes...."
"I have time. I have to be home for dinner by 9, so I can wait." He said, smiling at her slightly.
"Thank you...erm..." She looked at him expectantly.
"Call me Milo." He said, holding out his hand. She took it and shook it, smiling back gratefully.
"I'm Callie" She answered quickly.
"It's very nice to meet you, Callie." He smiled at her. She nodded and turned, cleaning up her coffee mess and then making two cups of regular coffee while putting away food and dishes. When she was finally done, she nodded to herself and fixed her coffee before bringing the cups out to Milo, who was patiently waiting in one of the outside chairs. She sat down across from him and held out the coffee.
"An offering" She said, quietly.
He nodded and took it, smiling at her and sipped it lightly. Then choked slightly.
"Are you okay?!?" She asked about to stand up.
"It's hot." He coughed then grinned at her.
She sighed in relief and sat back down, narrowing her eyes at him. "Well, then....scare me like that..."
"What can I say? You seemed tense." He said, awkwardly sipping his coffee.
She sipped hers, blushing slightly, not sure what to say.
"So....relationship troubles...?" Milo prompted.
"Oh! Yes! So...My boyfriend and I seem very hopeful for a future together, but every time I mention living together, he backs out quickly. He says the city he lives in is too dangerous and he'd rather me stay here...where it's safe." She said, looking down at her cup.
"That sounds harsh. You seem like you could take care of yourself in any situation."
"I'd like to think so." She nodded back.
"He doesn't live here?" Milo asked.
"He lives in another country. It's long distance, but I don't mind that...I'd just like to know I'd have a true future with him, you know? I've saved up enough money...I could go be with him...if he'd allow me."
"Ah, but if you left, I'd miss out on an amazing barista with burnt-milk-charm!" Milo said, smirking.
"I'm so sorry about that. It was an accident but I really should have been paying atten-"
"Don't worry about it. I was only teasing." He said, sipping his coffee more. She sipped hers, watching him. He seemed so nervous talking to her, but also so laid back. Almost like they had been old friends from the start, finally reunited.
"So, anyways. The real question is to stay with him and make it work, or to break up with him and find someone.....maybe...if anyone could want me other than him...who could give me a real future to rely on."
"I understand wanting a future to rely on. I guess it depends on how much you love him. If you two were meant to be, don't worry about the little things. Keep moving forward. Maybe he's trying to surprise you by moving here."
"That's the thing. I honestly want to get outta here. To travel, and meet new people and see the world! I want to adventure, not stay in this hel- this town..." She coughed and took a couple more sips.
Milo nodded knowingly and sipped his coffee more. The he set it down and leaned forward, looking at her. "What's important is he makes you happy. Does he make you happy?" he looked into her eyes for the first time.
And for the first time, she felt like she was missing out on so much more. Everything seemed to melt away, and she could see a true future. One with a happy family and great adventure. One with a beach house and endless fun. One with a supporting partner who loved her and wanted to be with her as much as she wanted to be with them. It was so amazing, but he looked away, and it was gone. She stuttered out an incomprehensible answer and stared down at her coffee, trying not to blush.
"I suppose that's what you have to decide, then." Milo said, looking at his watch and then standing up. "I have to get back to my fiance. I hope you find what you're looking for." Milo said. Callie looked up and watched him leave, carrying the cupcakes and coffee, bewildered at what had just happened.
Years passed and Callie decided to get a secretary job up-country, making a lot more money than before and working for people with recognizable names and lots of money. She worked on her books and keep sending in transcripts to be published.
One day she was walking to the elevator to her floor, looking down at her newest transcript and drinking coffee when she suddenly bumped into someone. She fell back, but a strong arm caught her, her coffee spilling onto the floor instead of on her shirt. She looked up and saw a familiar face. It was like an old memory that had once meant the world to her.
"I am so, so, so sorry!" She said quickly, blushing slightly, she straightened up and the strong hands helped her steady.
"It's fine. I have a tendency to help you, don't I?" the man said, teasingly. She blinked and looked up at him longer.
"Milo?!?" She asked, bewildered.
"I didn't think I'd ever....no, you know what? I knew I would see you again. How is life with....what's his name? Or did you decide to move to greener pastures?" Milo asked her.
"I decided to move here...and he didn't want to come along. I suppose that made our positions very clear." She shrugged slightly.
"And here you are, in a big city, and thriving. Are you working on the 10th floor?" He asked.
"Yeah, actually. Secretary job. Where do you work?"
"The sixth floor. I work in designing for a local game developer." He said, shrugging slightly.
"I was right to peg you as a gamer." She smirked.
"Ah you wouldn't be the first. Especially at that time in my life." Milo answered, chuckling.
"How are you and the missus?" Callie asked politely.
"Oh, we never got married. I found out she had cheated on me several times...and honestly, I wanted a girl I could truly have a future with." He smirked down at her.
"Hey, that sounds familiar." Callie answered, smirking back.
"Well, are you seeing anyone new?" Milo asked, curiously.
"No, I've been too focused on my work." She said, blushing slightly.
"Perhaps you would like to get lunch with me, today? I could repay you for that coffee." He smiled at her.
"Oh! I would love to, but there's no need. It was for the terrible mess up I made in front of a paying customer." She said, waving her hand blushing.
"Well, I'd like to get you a cup, anyways...and perhaps some ramen." He said, smiling.
"That sounds extremely delightful." She answered.
Years passed....
"Otonashi if you don't come here right now you're going to miss out on your cookie! Eren, don't eat Yukari's cookie! Otonashi!" Callie called.
Suddenly, the door bursts open and Milo runs in, swinging a small boy in his arms towards Callie.
The children at her feet squeal and jump to run at their father.
"M-Milo!" Callie yelled in protest but the laughing father flew the boy right into Callie's arms.
She laughed and kissed his forehead as she squirmed to get free and get his cookie. She hugged him and let him go, watching as he got his cookie and stuffed it into his mouth as quick as he could.
Milo chuckled, watching him also. "That's my boy."
"That's your son." Callie said, voice teasingly stern. Milo looked at her and suddenly pulled her close to him, dipping her before she could protest and giving her a quick peck on the lips.
"EWWWW" The children chorused before starting a pillow fight with the couch pillows.
"That's our children." Milo said softly, pulling Callie up and watching them.
"Ours...because we are the best family anyone could ever dream of." Callie smiled at him. He chuckled and nodded, holding her close, his arm around her waist.
"We finally found our future we wanted." Callie continued, looking up at Milo.Milo caressed her cheek softly with his other hand, pulling her closer to him. Her eyes fluttered closed as he leaned in slowly, pressing his lips to her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him back,feeling warm in their tight embrace.
"EWWWW" The children chorused.
am a fine young teenage girl in a world where I can do anything and be anybody. While I choose to be a writer now, I may choose to be a botanist later and that's OKAY. I cannot think of any other country so open to young people changing their minds and that's amazing. That utterly astounds me. When people ask me why I want to become a writer and study English I tell them this: "What astounds me is that we "smother" things in a lot of things. We can smother things in honey, jello, goop, and even with a pillow, BUT we do not smother things in water or water-based things such as coffee and kool-aid. WHY? We "DRENCH" in water bases.We can drench people in coffee, water, and kool-aid! THAT'S AMAZING. There's so many amazing things out there and so many words. There is a large vocabulary I could build up. I know Shemozzle, which means a state of chaos and confusion; a muddle. Eclectic means deriving ideas, style, or taste from a broad and diverse range of sources, so I could have an eclectic set of teacup or a shemozzle including teacups. How awesome is that!?! I love the English language. Which is why I want to be a writer because I can become a part of that and live life through my books and in the real world. That's just amazing. Why choose now when there are so many amazing choices I can decide from and bounce around?
Not everything matters. Sometimes you can go your whole life without mattering. Sometimes you can sacrifice everything you are just to be remembered, and still you die forgotten. But I mattered to you. I made a difference in your life. I held you when you were weak and I rejoiced with you when you won your fights. I made you feel unique and I fell deeply in love with you. I laughed with you, cried with you, fought with you, changed our worlds with you. I realized that lifetimes aren't set I'm years you live. They're set in years that change everything. People die inside all the time and are reborn new. My lifetime with you is coming at a close, and I can see that. It was beautiful while it lasted, and while there were dampening moments towards the end, we still had our last good night. That's why I'm writing this last goodbye love letter. I've never written a love letter before, but I thought now would be as good of a time as any. If you see this, and I wonder if you will, but if you do, know that I have never truly loved anyone as I have loved you. You changed me. You changed my outlook on life. I literally re-arranged my life for you. Even if we never speak again, and we may very well not, my year with you will remain my fondest of memories. We both will move on, and we both will forget each other for the most part, but every once in a while we will show up in each other's memory like a gleaming star, only soured by our falling. It's cheesy to say but I was lost till I met you, and you helped guide me to the better life I'm living now. I'm making better choices, choosing better paths in life, and only making those who are worth while stay in my life. People come an go, and while I was once hoping for a forever with you, I now see that that was a foolish dream. I apologize for that. However, using the math that you're so fond of, there's an infinite number of numbers between zero and one. There's 0.1, and 0.12, and 0.112, and so on. Given that, there's an even larger intimate between 0 and 2. This is proven because some infinities are larger than other infinities. While we didn't have a forever that I wished for, we had our own little infinity. And that's all that matters to me. I've actually started crying while writing this, but I felt you deserved to know. I loved you more than a heart could hold love, and you did not disappoint one bit. My only regret is you won't get this before I leave. However, we can never have truly what we want. So I thank you again for our little infinity. I wish the best life in the world. Goodbye, my love. May the stars shine the brightest for only you.
Rainbows
I remember watching her as her hips swayed in the darkness, her eyes towards the sky, or closed, depending on which direction her hips were in. It was like some invisible man was playing music for her, as she twisted and twirled around the park benches.
This was the third week she had appeared there to dance, the darkness concealing her, mostly. However, I couldn't help but watch her.
I remembered seeing her here or there in town. Always quiet, always too shy to talk to people. The one thing that stood out about her, though, was the rainbow scarf she wore. Everyone knew her as the girl with the rainbow skirt.
The first time she appeared at the park, I was about to go to sleep, walking to my window to pull the shade down, as I did every night, and hesitating for a moment to look out the window. That's when I realized that she was there, on top of one of the park bench tables, swaying her hips to music I couldn't hear. I stood in the window and watched her till she spun around, and turned her head to look over her shoulder, straight at my window. I quickly dashed out of view, and busied myself with pinning something to my cork board above my bed. When I turned back around to see if she was looking, she had disappeared.
The next week she was there, dancing around the park benches and skipping merrily. I found myself grinning, wishing I had the courage to skip with her. She started to spin in place, her short, curly hair flying around her face till it covered her eyes completely, and her scarf threatened to unwind from her neck. She staggered and I almost pushed myself through the window to catch her, and she stopped, shaking her head, grinning. She could have been laughing, but I could not hear her. Then I saw her push her hair away from her face, and glance towards my window. I ducked quickly, cursing myself for pressing myself so obviously against the window. When I finally willed myself to look back up, she was gone.
This week, she was on top of the table again, dancing with a gently serenity that made it seem like she was either in deep thought, or her soul was being raised above her and was flying into the heavens, leaving us mere mortals behind. I felt determined this time, not to get caught, so I turned off my light and stood in the dark shadow that fell right next to my window. Even if she looked over, she surly wouldn't be able to see me. Then, maybe, I could see where she disappeared to this time. She turned and fell back, somehow landing gently on the top of the table, and staring at the stars. I looked up at the stars, also, imagining I was laying there next to her, seeing things as she saw them. I smiled to myself, and closed my eyes, imagining it more.
I imagined learning her name, and asking her to dance with me. Both of us would finally step and swing to our own beats. Even if we both were dancing to different music, the beat would be exactly the same. Our souls would be in sync, and the whole night would become the best I had. I sighed and opened my eyes looking back where she would have been, had she been there.
She wasn't, though. Instead, she was standing right in front of my window, her hands held behind her back, her round face shadowed, but not threatening in the shadow from the light in the park behind her.
I jumped back, a silent scream seeming to fill the room.
She raised her eyebrow, as if to say, “Oh, did I scare you? I'm sorry.”
I panted, putting my hand over my heart dramatically.
I saw her bite her lip and seem to snicker at me.
I narrowed my eyes, and glared at her.
Her eyes widened in a way to say, “What? I'm innocent.” Then her eyes looked up at the latch that locked my window, a silent suggestion to me. I stared at it, also, contemplating. This girl had most definitely caught me staring at her if she was at my window. What if I let her in so she could call the cops on me? I'm not sure what she'd charge me with, but I was too terrified of being arrested to think of what.
As I hesitated, I saw her expression fall, and she started to back away.
Before I could think about it, my heads were unlocking my window, and I raised it, for once glad that my window screen had broken years ago and my parents had forgotten to replace it.
She waved, her expression suddenly slightly sheepish. “Hello.”
“Hi...” I rubbed the back of my neck, feeling slightly awkward, now.
“I think it's going to rain,” she said. I blinked, and looked up at the sky. There were, in fact, big, grey clouds covering the sky, and the humid air seemed to just hit my face. Why, on earth, had she decided to start with the weather.
“Yeah, it does that this time of year,” I answered. I kicked myself internally. Stupid. You're so witty, commenting on something so obvious.
Then, she smiled, and her whole face seemed to light up. I mean, it was nice before, but her eyes just sparkled when she smiled. It was then I realized that I would do anything, anything at all, just to get her to smile again.
“Do you want to come in?” I asked her before I could truly think about it. She bit her lip, and for a second, I thought she was going to run away from me. Then, she nodded. I pulled the window up entirely, and held onto her arm as she pulled herself in. She sat on the window sill, for a second, looking around my room.
“It's not always this dark, is it?” I knew it was an obvious question, but I answered anyway.
“No, I was just...” I stopped myself. Better not let her know my tactics for spying on her dancing. “.....just going to go to bed early tonight.”
“Well, if you'd rather sleep, don't let me stop you.” I watched her lean back slightly on the sill, and fear struck me, thinking she might fall out.
“N-No!” I exclaimed a little too loudly. She smiled again, and I immediately relaxed.
“Alright. I'll stay.” Her voice was soft, counteracting my loud exclamation.
“What's...your name?” I asked, rubbing the back of my neck awkwardly.
“Leigh,” she answered. I smiled.
“Nice to meet you, Leigh. I'm Milo.” I anwered.
“Milo...” Her voice breathed my name, and I felt a shiver run down my spine.
“That's....that's me.” I answered, feeling much more awkward that I thought she could have ever felt at this moment.
“I like your name.” She grinned, and my heart burst. “It sounds like you belong in a teen beach movie, of some sorts. Do you surf?”
“I...” I puased, feeling heat rise to my cheeks. Yes, I could lie, but I felt, somehow, she would know if I did. “I don't. I'm kind of wishing I did, though, now.” I felt my pulse quicken.
“Don't. Surfer boys aren't half as good as gamer boys.” She giggled, and I swear, my knees turned into jelly.
“I am a gamer boy.” I answered, feeling silly as I said it.
“I can tell.” She answered smoothly, like she had had this conversation a thousand times.
“How?” I asked.
“You have shaggy brown hair, and glasses, wearing a nerdy t-shirt with....that is Mario, right? And, you have the posture of the gamer boy.”
“What posture?” My voice was defensive, and I felt slightly proud of sounding so confident when the rest of me was freaking out.
“You know...” Her shoulders slumped forward and she held her arms in a awkwardly bent position at her side, like she was holding a controller, and her eyes were narrowed, seemingly focused, her forehead creasing as her eyebrows furrowed and she bit her lip.
I realized I did that exact same thing every day, and I mumbled a noise of complaint. She laughed, and then covered her mouth, realizing she was being the loud one.
Outside roared thunder, and she turned to look worriedly. “I can't go home soaking wet...I should go.”
“Alright...if it does rain, take my umbrella.” I said, shuffling through one of my drawers by my door. I pulled out a rainbow umbrella, and laughed softly.
“What?” She asked, walking up behind me. I forced myself not to shiver at the presence of someone behind me, in the dark. She giggled again, seeing the umbrella.
“Perfect. The girl with the rainbow scarf and the boy with the rainbow umbrella.”
“Yeah...except you have my umbrella, now.” I said, handing her my umbrella.
“Don't worry, I'll bring it back, Milo.” Her voice saying my name sent a shiver down my spine that I hoped she didn't see.
“Alright...I'll be here.” I answered, awkwardly, wishing I had something witty to say.
“I'll be counting on it.” She giggled again, walking to the window, and looking over her shoulder, smiling one last time. “It was great meeting you, Milo.”
“You too, Leigh.” I answered, my voice embarrassingly soft.
“Take care, nerd.” She laughed, hopping out of my window. I walked over, and I saw her walking away, swinging my umbrella in her hand, like it was some kind of cane used for a broadway show, her rainbow scarf waving behind her, as if it was telling me to wait till I saw her again.
And I intended to.