wtf are you doing here???

[bootyscientist-deactivated20160]

surround yourself with people that are more excited for your birthday than u are

[gaydicks420-deactivated20150829]

tbh lets bring back “random” humor

[gaydicks420-deactivated20150829]

you know what never mind 

[septemberbells]

*hacker voice* anyway here’s firewall

[goingtrickster]

delete this

[general-laegjarn]

*deletes firewall* *hacker voice* I’m in.

[daughterofdiaspora]

my mom taught me the therapeutic power of cleaning. open all the windows. throw out the old. wipe down the entire house. burn some incense. roast some coffee. then rest. that way the tears from last night don’t feel as heavy. 

[umushingwe]

She just wanted you to clean the house

[sleezed]

I wanna kiss you in places you’re insecure about

[flacomexicano-deactivated201806]

my hairy booty hole

[eearth-deactivated20180601]

[paulradd]

The Rowdyruff Boys had two dads and nobody had a problem with it

One of them was even a cross-dressing devil lobster. Did anybody complain? Nope.

[thisisbully]

Went to the Apple Store today to tell them my phone keeps restarting and freezing and stuff the guy told me “many people don’t know that u have to turn off ur phone for 10 mins everyday to let it rest” I was like you tellin me I paid $700 for a phone that can’t handle its own software and needs a day nap……….

[stopharry]

how is screaming “I wanna suck your dick” to a band member you just met any different from someone catcalling you on the street

[hustlerclique-deactivated201505]

READ THIS READ IT AGAIN AND AGAIN

[unsanitarys-remade-deactivated2]

i hate meeting new people and them being like ‘oh ur so quiet:(’ like ????????? what the FUCK am i supposed to tell u jessica i dont even KNOW you

[kaijuno]

Observation: I have never broken a bone Hypothesis: I am boneless Data: I appear to have broken at least two bones in my foot slipping on the ice Conclusion: I have at least two bones. Strong evidence suggests the possibility of a third one. 

[kaijuno]

I’m an astrophysicist. 

[jrealica-deactivated20170729]

Sometimes I forget how young I am, I have time. There’s enough time.

[mwg-drwg]

A sword?

A board?!

A gourd?!?

A LORDE!?!?

[fag]

isn’t it amazing how minding your own business literally costs you zero dollars? no tax. no shipping and handling. absolutely free. Incredible

[asian]

Baby boomers be like “I went to college without my parent’s help so you can do the same” like no I can’t do it after you fisted the economy you fucking walnut

[just-shower-thoughts]

Christian people say, “no one is born gay”, but no one is born Christian either.

[lilxanniee-deactivated20230222]

whoop there it is

[timidkoala]

This Fursona Generator is both amazing and genuinely terrifying. It comes up with stuff like “black hamster. it is made of glass. it never blinks.” BUT THEN ALSO  “fairy crab. it is a witch. it is always coated in glitter.”

[amorpha]

today👏is👏the👏ides of march❗️❗️❗️📆😜 Julius Caesar 💬might💬 have gotten💘the knife😩 but I'm ❌NOT❌🙅 going to stab🔪🔪YOU in the back👌🙏 because you're my 👬HOMIE! send this to 1⃣5⃣ Rulers 👑of Rome that you 🚫won't🚫 stab in the back 🔪🔪 ET TU BROTE?? 🙊