Lucifersdoll

F19/ bpd /🖤

[lonerdoll]

this is me and my fp(favorite person) he’s also my boyfriend my best friend.i’m learning to change and find healthy ways of communicating and trying to express myself he’s the only person that has actually been honest and he’s never lied or tried to hurt me he’s the only person i genuinely love and i will always love him no matter what im afraid to split on him cause he’s so sweet he’s patient with me and he’s trying he’s the best

sorry this isn’t the usual sad depressing stuff i post about but this is my relationship and i felt comfortable to post about it

[lonerdoll]

maybe i’ll always be to much i’m sorry.

[lonerdoll]

this goes to my best friend,my love,my fp (favorite person) no matter what no matter what you think i’ll always love you and i’ll always be their for you i’ll always be by your side even if you ever grow to hate me or just fall out of love i’ll be their for you cause you mean the absolute world to me and i wouldn’t want to lose you at all im sorry for the pain i’ve caused you i know i will never be able to take that pain away but just know i don’t ever wanna cause you pain like that again.i really hope you stay and love me through anything.

[lonerdoll]

i’ve never had my anxiety spike so bad it feels like i’m in highschool again struggling to catch my breath and trying to get a hold of everything i feel like i’m sinking in my own thoughts this feels so fucking sureal i’m struggling

[lonerdoll]

me trying to fight my anxiety im the cat on the floor

[lonerdoll]

not being able to sleep due to my thoughts racing over how their tone was different how their asleep and you’re just overthinking and wondering where you went wrong what you did what you said

[psychotictendencies]

killing myself is not enough, I wish I never existed in the first place

[lonerdoll]

not being able to see him hurts so much and it’s the fact that he says we will and last minute we don’t it hurts i start crying and wanting to throw up cause why.

why can’t you tell me in the first place you weren’t gonna be able to why did you let me get my hopes up.

[lonerdoll]

having these emotions all bottled up cause i don’t want to show you how it hurts and how badly i just want to be gone.i want to disappear and never be found i want no trace of myself nothing left of me no pictures no paperwork i just want to leave

[lonerdoll]

being alive is so fucking hard and for what just to be hurt by everyone and have everything taken from you

[booksandcows]

[lonerdoll]

every moment we spend together every kiss is like the very first time.i get butterflies in my stomach and a huge smile on my face, but knowing you made someone else feel the same way makes me wanna puke and stab myself in the stomach

[lonerdoll]

if you’re not around i don’t know who i am.

my whole personality revolves around you my love.

[lonerdoll]

did i get a matching tattoo with my fp(favorite person) yes am i happy with it also yes will i ever stop thinking about the fact that someone actually loves me enough to get something permanent with me no

[bunnysystem-deactivated20230801]

I hate having extreme frivolous feelings over stupid things. I hate my black and white thinking. I hate that I cry when he doesn't text me back. I hate that I always feel abandoned. I hate that I feel heartbroken when I can't see him. I hate that I always feel like the world is against me. I hate that I can't let myself be happy.

I hate that I have the life I do.

[lonerdoll]

the thought of us going separate ways one day hurts me it makes sick to my stomach it makes my heart pound and ache with knowing it could happen one of these days i simply hope it never happens and i don’t fuck up anything for the both of us let me show you im not a monster like everyone portrays me as please all i’m asking is don’t leave me

[crazedlove]

I can feel the withdrawals kicking in whenever you're gone. Do you feel it too? Does your head pound and ache when you don't hear my voice? Is it like the life was taken from you whenever we're apart? I can't handle not having you here with me. I can't handle not being able to touch you. I need you.