𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐜𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝

[lookclike]

elizabeth astor, THE LOOKALIKE. dependent mun for woodrowhq as penned by rose.

intro * ˖ ✰ musings * ˖ ✰ development * ˖ ✰ visage * ˖ ✰ interactions

[lookclike]

when: around 3pm

where: common area

with: @riverbills

eliza was prowling the halls of woodrow in a way that could be considered almost unhinged. mrs. tristan announcement had thrown her into the search for something she might do, read, be, during the talent show. normally, she wouldn't be quite as focused on it, simply doing on of the many shakespeare monologues lodged on her brain, but... this felt like something. something for richard, perhaps. and it had to be good. she entered the common area in a flurry, looking around in such concentration it took her almost 30 seconds to realize someone else was there. "oh, hey river." she said, trying to relax and not look as crazy as she felt. "so, watcha doing for mrs. tristan talent show?"

[lookclike]

when: after 11pm

where: mickey's room

with: @themickey

eliza had been feeling out of sorts the entire day. in any other occasion the talent show would have been a fun, easy time, but richard's absence was like a well hidden cut, always present, always bleeding. standing in the spare room with her siblings, it had been suffocating. so, after twisting and turning in her bed, eliza had given up on a reasonable bed time and set out to discover if the day had been weighting down on anyone else. that's why she knocked on mickey's door and slipped her head inside. "hey. you awake?" she mock-whispered.

[natcliachen]

LOCATION: Hall near the Dining Room DATE: Wednesday, September 7th, 2005 Closed starter for @lookclike

As breakfast eventually came to its end and the wards began to scatter from the dining hall, Natalia, brushing shoulders with Eliza on her way out, decided to strike up a quick chat with her before everyone retreated to their usual corners of the house. Tired as she felt from last night's outing with Mickey, she still managed to flash the younger ward a friendly enough smile.

"I have a feeling I'm looking at tonight's inevitable talent show winner," Natalia said, her voice carrying a playful lilt. "Let me guess — you’re planning to dazzle us with a scene from your last play. Romeo & Juliet, was it?"

[lookclike]

eliza mustered up a smile that looked relaxed, though she felt a bit unnerved by mrs. tristan task for the day. a talent show was hardly the way she wanted to pass the day, but then again, crying rivers in the room was probably not something the older woman would approve of. even after twenty years her practical ways were still foreign to eliza.

"maybe..." she said, shrugging. "but not romeo and juliet. i think i've grown a bit sick of it." that had been the last time she saw richard, discussing directing choices, trading quips about iambic pentameter. "maybe i'll read one of the sonnets. he always liked those... anyways, what are you doing? i remember you being quite the talented pianist." eliza herself had never stuck to the instrument, though she was passionately mediocre at it.

[natcliachen]

Natalia was nodding along in agreement until Eliza shared the conclusion she came to. No one is their own person? She'd argue that wasn't true. Though maybe Eliza was still too young to see it. "There's always time to become your own person," Natalia said. "Growing up is just... unlearning what everyone else taught you and being who you want to be instead." That's how she saw things anyway.

Of course, it was poetic and eloquent and wise. It was Richard after all. Natalia pressed her lips together after hearing it. Not quite a smile, but something polite. Respectful. Maybe no matter how you spun it, it was hard to hear about Richard all the same — whether it was something he did or something he said. Natalia quietly drew in a deep breath before letting it out slowly, hoping Eliza was too caught up in her own thoughts to pay any mind to what she was doing.

The image Eliza painted of Woodrow closed up and forgotten was surprisingly more appalling to Natalia then she expected, and quite frankly, painful to imagine. She quickly found she hated it too. But for the sake of this conversation carrying on, she kept the spark of emotion she felt to herself. She caught the tremble in Eliza's voice, the emotion in her eyes... she didn't want to contribute any more emotion if it could be helped. She didn't want the younger ward to become overwhelmed and start crying. It wasn't the kind of watering these plants needed.

"You really have a way with words, you know that?" Natalia said after a long beat, having let Eliza’s words sit between them for a moment. "It's not silly," she assured the other ward. "It's…" More vulnerability than Natalia would ever be capable of. She’d sooner choke than let feelings so desperate and sincere be known to another's ears. "Honest." Woodrow was practically Eliza's whole life. Of course, she'd want to hold on to it.

A silence lingered, stretching a beat too long, before Natalia finally spoke again. "It is worth being unreasonable over," she admitted — quietly — but admitted all the same. She hated being sentimental and letting memories cloud judgement, but even she couldn't deny that Woodrow held this sort of... magical quality about it. It was grand and beautiful and serene and... safe. But like Eliza, she grew up here. Of course she was biased.

"I'm not saying I wouldn't want it to be in our lives moving forward." Because who wouldn't? "It's just... if we can all somehow figure it out, I don't think it'd be the same. Not like how it's been all these years anyway." With all of them using it as a sort of second home. Of course Natalia was just going off of the numbers she'd caught a glimpse of once, but it never hurt to operate with the worst case scenario in mind. Unless sixteen minds could come up with a grand scheme to keep this place running, they wouldn’t be able to have their cake and eat it too.

"I may not have as many fond memories as you do of Woodrow, but... it's home for me too." Natalia's voice wavered slightly, surprising even herself with this unexpected moment of vulnerability.

[lookclike]

she frowned. "i don't think so. we can make our own way in life and have our own personality and all that, but... everyone is shaped by something. whether we want to admit it or not. even trying to run away from what you were taught is letting yourself be shaped by it." eliza surely didn't believe that blood ties mattered that much - how could she when her mother was almost a made up figure she left behind by age 6? but proximity, love, family... those were inescapable.

eliza's face lit up at the (sort of) compliment. truth be told, she never saw herself as a wordsmith, not the way richard or even sebastian were. she made a life by memorizing and reciting other people's words, feeling feelings that were not her own. but she liked knowing that perhaps a part of richard had stuck to her, poetry and metaphors that filled her mind and escaped through her mouth.

"it's okay if it's not the same. how could it be?" even if time stretched out, keeping them living within woodrow as if they were kids again, it would never feel the way it did when richard was there. it was a painful thought, but the pain wasn't what eliza was trying to run away from. "we should think about it. that's all i want." not quite the truth, but not quite a lie.

eliza smiled at natalia's admission, a bright and genuine one. "i know. no matter what happens, it will always be home." and that at least was a full, unaltered truth.

[rcubens-a]

He hums in agreement, a toasted marshmallow would solve many of the problems ailing him at the moment. And maybe, juuuust maybe, he was mature enough to not try to get the confectionery stuck in Natalia’s hair. But a blunt bob would be very chic in Paris. “Dining tables are overrated anyways,” he shrugs. He had never bought one for his apartment, opting to eat on the couch or leaning against his kitchen counter. It was rare that he ever had company over either so the makeshift solutions worked. He was in the same takeout boat, he was the sort of chef that burned water. “Maybe 16 screaming kids kind of ruined the atmosphere—” he offers, though he agreed with the initial statement. They were all older and now brought together by grief, if it were a birthday or Mrs.Tristan’s retirement party maybe the situation would be different. “The house feels weird in general now, sort of more museum-y if you will,”

[lookclike]

"don't you miss having dinner with others, though? sitting around the table, sharing the day..." that was one of the little rituals eliza always missed. it was easier in college, when she went to the dining hall with her friends, but her big studio seemed especially empty in the evenings. "the screaming wasn't so bad. i think we were quite polite. sometimes." she added the last part with a smile. "you know, during my senior year everyone else had already gone to college or to their big kid jobs and it was just me and richard for a lot of the year. it was nice, but i really missed the chaos. it made me wonder if he also missed it after everyone was gone." she sighed, finishing her lemonade and lying back on the grass. eliza didn't want richard to have been sad, but a part of her wished that he did miss the liveliness of the house being full, at least as much as she missed it. "maybe we should do a mattress surfing competition down the stairs. spice things up."

[vesvius]

Eliza disliked him, he knew that, he always did. It never affected Sebastian in any sort of way. Being disliked, feared, and avoided became the norm, and Eliza's attitude towards him surprised no one. They met when she was way too young, and even if he thought that perhaps she would be clever and realize Sebastian was not as dark as he seemed, he couldn't blame her. She was nothing but a baby and grew up watching others dislike him. Eliza was a reflection, not much more.

She approached him and that he did not expect. Minding his own business while searching for any sort of clue he could find in the library, Eliza walked towards him with a question in her mouth, and honestly, Sebastian knew what she was going to say before she even said it. She was a shadow, and as soon as he looked at the picture in her hands and how much she resembled the dead girl, Sebastian couldn't help but smirk, he looked at the photograph and faked a surprised expression. "For a moment I thought you were showing me a baby picture of you." His left eyebrow arched, he could tell her words had a question behind it, and he had no issue in avoiding it with what made Eliza uncomfortable. "I looked at it, wondering if they finally found each other again."

[lookclike]

the remark was not something she hadn't heard before. in fact, as a very small child, eliza herself thought the pictures of winifred were of her, unquestioning of how that was possible. perhaps that's why sebastian's simple words were able to cut to the bone, a painful reminder of all that haunted eliza. "kids all look the same." she said just to be a contrarian, clearly not believing her own words.

"i guess that depends if you believe in heaven, or the afterlife. do you?" eliza had never been the religious kind, only sometimes accompanying mrs. tristan to mass out of curiosity and fascination. she surely liked to think richard was in a better place now, looking down on her. though that last part was perhaps as chilling as it was comforting. "besides, no one knows if winifred is actually dead." the name was heavy in her tongue, something she thought about often but never actually spoke out loud. eliza had wondered about it sometimes, wondered what might have happened, tried to imagine a grown version of winifred (of herself) walking through woodrow's gates. for the most part, she tried to lock these fantasies in the same part of her brain where she locked thoughts about her mother and biological father, long lost ruminations of a sad, confused little girl. but winifred was somehow harder to escape, confronting her every time she looked at the mirror.

[finalgirlabigailhobbs]

abide by the warning signs

[natcliachen]

"Was there ever a time you tried to forget?" Natalia had asked casually, but she really did wonder. It was hard to imagine Eliza carrying a single bad memory from Woodrow. Other than Mickey, it was obvious to anyone how dear the youngest ward held this place.

"And was what that?" She asked, holding the ladder steady as Eliza made her way down. What did Richard think really mattered?

While talking about Richard had become such a heavy thing recently, there was something about hearing Eliza talk about him that made her more curious than it made her chest ache. What was he like to someone who was so special to him? What special things did he tell her that no one else got to hear because they weren't his favorite?

Natalia's brows furrowed a little, trying to make sense of what Eliza was talking about. Like Richard, she got carried away with words sometimes. But being brought up in this house, around Richard and his love of Literature, it felt like most wards had some sense in understanding the words between the words. They grew up solving his riddles for scavenger hunts after all.

"You really want to keep this place don't you?" Natalia concluded, her voice softening with the realization.

She knew Eliza wanted Woodrow in their care from what she shared at dinner last night, but she didn't think she really understood how serious she was about it until this moment.

[lookclike]

"once or twice. it never lasted long." she admitted, biting her lip. "you know, like when you're a teenager and want desperately to become your own person? and then you grow up and realize no one is their own person..." there had been a time when eliza had agonized over her life choices, wondering if she was trying to become herself or the person she thought richard wanted her to be. and then she realized every other one of her friends also worried about their parents wishes for them, let themselves be influenced by it. perhaps eliza carried more ghosts than the regular person, but who would be able to tell the difference?

eliza mulled the question over her mind for a little bit, pretending to look for other vines before answering. "that you need to let things grow in their own time. that the blooming only matters as much as the seeds and the saplings. and that the only reason why flowers bloom is because someone loved a piece of dirt enough to seed it once upon a time." she smiled sadly to herself, thinking about a conversation had many years ago, when the world still shone a little brighter than it did nowadays.

she descended the stairs carefully, taking a moment to breath deeply before facing natalia, trying to examine the older's facial expressions. "yeah. i really do." she let herself admit it, sighing with the relief of saying it out loud. "i'm not saying we should keep it exactly as it is, close it up and let it collect dust. i would hate that, actually. but... woodrow is the only place i've ever called home." eliza's voice trembled, but her face remained collected, only betraying her emotions through her eyes. "and it was richard's home, and his parents', and their parents', probably. i want to be able to see what the vines and roses will look like next spring, and the next, and ten years from now..." the words spilled all at once, and she had to stop herself to take a deep breath. "i know you probably find it silly and unreasonable or whatever. but you can't tell me you don't think this place is worth being unreasonable over."

[asravenous]

How juvenile really, to be holding onto this one intense dislike at the grand old age of thirty; which started over something as petty as Richard’s attention. And as much as he was loath to admit it, Vikram was nothing if not desperate for exactly that as a young teen. It was the sort of attention he was denied in his childhood; warm and kindly. As he raised his head, he caught the expression on her face, recognizing it all too well. Vikram pursed his lips, eyebrows furrowing as he consciously reminded himself to tone it down. Whatever gripes he had about Eliza would quickly be forgotten as soon as he left Woodrow.

“That’s nice,” said almost perfunctorily. It wasn’t his idea of fun, but the same could be said about the little adventures Will dragged him on. The last of the cuttings went into the garbage bag, and he immediately returned to his job. There wasn’t much left now. Vikram’s lips twitched at her last sentence. Home. What a funny word to describe it; but this at least, the attachment she had to Woodrow, he understood.

“You don’t have to, you know.” A noncommittal hum. It was the most open he had been with her, for what it’s worth. “Leave. Go to another country. Being near Woodrow suits you. Isn’t Broadway nearby?”

[lookclike]

the suggestion was enough to make her freeze. leave. she had tried to, at one point. private school, college, moving away. and yet, she never found the courage to go beyond the state borders, like a ghost attached to their house, faded to spend eternity haunting one singular place. she had gone on vacations, traveled aboard and to other states, but nowhere ever brought her the same feeling of belonging the walls of woodrow did. perhaps vikram was right. perhaps she should stop pretending that she would one day be able to walk away from this house without feeling utterly heartbroken.

"yes. new york is just an hour away, really." an hour that sometimes felt entirely too close or entirely too far away. it depended on her mood, really. "i was born there, you know? when i first moved to manhattan i thought i would find myself or have this cosmic connection to it, but..." she shrugged. "i just felt really homesick. and i kind of hated myself for it." perhaps that would be hard to admit some time ago, especially to someone like vikram. but the past few days had been such whirlwind eliza hardly cared about exposing her bleeding heart anymore. it couldn't be more hurt than it already was.

[themickey]

"yeah, i get that," mickey said with a grimace. last nights dinner was a disaster for mickey but even without that, it was hard to sit around that table without richard there. his absence was everywhere in the house but that one felt so much bigger. the idea of pulling weeds was not the most fun, but at least it was something to do and probably better than some of the more heavy lifting or dirty jobs. "yeah, i never had a green thumb either, but i can help until we break for lunch if that's cool. i'm sure angus and natalia will probably reconvene and assess how much more we have to do after lunch." god, she really hoped this would take more than just today. she let out a sigh when eliza brought up last night, she knew it would start to come up eventually. "yeah, she kinda was. i kind of walked into it though, i shouldn't have brought up jessica. natalia has been on my case about her since i got here."

[lookclike]

"come here." she said, gesturing to the outside of the greenhouse where some pesky weeds has started crawling, trying to overtake the entire garden. "all of these are weeds so you don't have to worry about ripping out a priceless european flower or something like that. just make sure to put on some gloves. they can be prickly." eliza herself put on her garishly pink gloves, left in the gardening shed from when she was a teenager. "you know you don't need to help right? not if you don't want to. natalia and angus are not the voice of god." eliza had her own reasons for slaving the day away in the garden, nostalgia and stubbornness and the inability to just let go. but she knew mr. davis and his company could very well do the clean up job on their own if needed. "what you did or didn't bring up doesn't matter, mickey. natalia should've known better than to just put it out in the open. in fact she probably did." she frowned, pulling on a weed with too much force. "but hey, now you can be a part of the singles club." she joked, giving a humorless laugh.

[willripleys]

"What's that Jurassic Park quote? It ends with woman inherits the earth -- that's what I feel right now." Even the shrivelled limbs of flowers decayed in pots seemed to William like arms; he couldn't ponder how they seemed to reach out to him hopelessly, without tempting fate to cover him in dark thoughts. "Several of my exes have said the planet's rotation wouldn't skip a beat without me, but I tend not to think of the scorned as philosophers. Plus, isn't it a comfort of sorts? We're all quite small -- we should live as we like, while we still have chance."

[lookclike]

god creates dinosaurs, god destroys dinosaurs. god creates man, man destroys god. man creates dinosaurs, dinosaurs eat man..... woman inherits the earth” she quoted with a smile. existentialism had always been one of eliza’s weaknesses. or perhaps her strength. it all depended on what kind of day she was having. “the planet wouldn’t stop for any of us. it doesn’t mean other people wouldn’t…” she looked out of the glass walls, at the well known building sitting proudly outside. “you know, woodrow always felt so enormous, to me, something that will stand here for centuries. but it never made me feel small. i guess i like knowing it will outlive us all.”

[natcliachen]

Natalia leaned away on instinct when Eliza tore down the vines, fearful they would somehow muddy the cleanliness of her shirt on their way down.

"He sure is capable..." She responded absently, her focus more on the vines on the floor than the conversation for a moment before it returned to Eliza fully. The mention of roses created an unexpected stir in her chest. Richard's favorite, she thought.

The sudden stop of Eliza's voice pulled Natalia's attention, brows pulling together slightly before she responded. "Sure..." She began slowly, her mind whirling with possibilities for her abrupt halt. "You know better than I do when it comes to this. I chose to forget most of what I learned in here once I left for Kingsbury." Something that felt almost sacrilegious to admit within these glass walls, but it surely couldn't be worse than the derelict state they've let the greenhouse devolve into.

"It probably comes as no surprise, but I never liked being in here," she admitted. "Not unless things were in bloom. To look at how pretty everything became. The planting, tending... wasn't for me."

[lookclike]

eliza concentrated on getting the last of the vines, not quite ignoring natalia but not facing her either. this, having a healthy distance between the two of them, was the only safe type of interaction she’d ever known with natalia. though an entire ocean was much better than a couple steps of the ladder. 

“i don’t think i’m a very skilled gardener, to be frank. i always loved following mr. davis around, or helping richard in here when he needed, but my own gardening is very subpar.” she thought back to her dying succulents in new york, or the childhood garden she had. “but i know a couple of things.” she added. the thought of natalia simply forgetting about the greenhouse once she left woodrow was slightly disconcerting, but then again, she knew not everyone was as attached to small things as she was, always collections pictures and dried flowers and memories. “i don’t think i could forget what i learned here even if i wanted to.” she confessed.

when the last vine had been successfully pulled, eliza finally looked down. she had a thoughtful expression, thinking over what natalia said. “i also like the blooming. as a kid i thought it was all that mattered, getting to see and smell the pretty flowers, you know… but richard always had a way of reminding me about what really matters.” she climbed down, starting to inspect the vines and look for one that would make good sprouts. "i thought i was getting better at that. letting things grow and also wilt. but now..." she shrugged a bit pathetically, not turning to see natalia's expression. "i'm not really sure."

[asravenous]

“Yes.” A single terse word was said, the man remaining silent after that. Hand stretched out as she passed the gardening shears to him. Vikram listened as she chattered on, making quick work of the branch. Snip, snip, snip. With every word, his grip got tighter as he’s reminded of the reason why he didn’t like her in the first place. That breezy tone, the little shrug of the shoulder as she had everything handed to her. Right — because getting a PhD was easy and every Tom, Dick and Harry down the block could decide to enroll into the programme on a fucking whim. No doubt due to Richard’s influence.

His grip relaxed once he realized he was squeezing the gardening shears too tightly; the offshoot snapping off with a loud noise and landing a few feet away from them. “My bad,” he offered curtly, putting down the shears to stretch out for the part that fell. It’s deposited into the garbage bag she held open, along with the rest of the branch that he had cut off. “I’m glad you had fun in London, those must have been nice holidays.”

[lookclike]

she jumped in surprise at the snapping branch, heart fluttering in her chest like a hummingbird. eliza was not a very jumpy person, but she had been on edge for the past couple of days, and vikram’s presence was not exactly soothing. as a kid, she had learned to keep her distance from him, which wasn’t exactly difficult when he was 15 and she was 10. but there was always the anxious need to be liked, to make sure they were all a family, and that she belonged there. those things were hard to let go of. “it’s okay.” she said, softly. she almost wanted to apologise, though she wasn’t sure what for. her general existence, perhaps.

“oh, yes. it was a lot of fun. me and a couple of friends saw camelot, and mary poppins and a bunch of shakespeare. the folks at the globe theatre probably knew our names by the end of the month.” the memories of last year’s summer came in fits and starts to eliza, lovely warm days and bright nights alongside her theatre friends. their fallout just a couple of months after is something she liked to ignore. “but i don’t think i could live so far away from home.” her heart squeezed at the thought. what even was home anymore? woodrow and its ghosts? new york with its sharp teeth and mysteries?

[themickey]

mickey let out a groan at eliza's go-getter attitude. she wished she felt like that but she just wasn't in the mood for cleaning out the greenhouse today. "dinner is so far away," mickey whined maybe it was left over sour mood from the night before, or maybe she just hated how much work it was going to be. of course, she would listen to angus and natalia and help out rather than hide away for the day, but she was not going to enjoy it. "yeah, i guess in the end its going to be nice," she tried to change her tone so she wouldn't ruin eliza's mood. if she was enjoying restoring the greenhouse, mickey wasn't going to be the one to tell her how stupid she thought all this was. mickey just didn't have a greenhouse and it was one of the few things mickey couldn't bond with richard on. "what are you working on now? anything i can do to help?"

[lookclike]

“i’d stay here for a couple more hours if it meant missing dinner today.” she muttered, keeping a light tone but not quite able to hide her frown. if yesterday was a blueprint, dinners of the upcoming week would be hellish. not just because of the weird tension that having all sixteen of them reunited brought, but mostly because of the almost physical ache eliza got when looking at richard’s empty seat. “oh, i’m just weeding. it’s actually quite relaxing when you get into it. i like the idea of growing things even if i don’t have the biggest green thumb in the world, you know? you can totally help me, but we should go into a lunch break soon anyways.” she bit her lips, unsure if she should talk about the elephant in the room. “natalia was kind of an asshole yesterday.” 

[vesvius]

ELIZA | "THE FAVORITE'S FORSAKEN"

"THE FAVORITE'S FORSAKEN" by BASTIAN S.S.

"Oh, my dear daughter, if only you knew how special you are to us, to me..."

In the shadows of a sprawling forest, 16-year-old Maude finds herself torn between gratitude and unease. Abandoned by her parents and adopted by the enigmatic Apatow family at the tender age of ten, she has grown accustomed to their unnervingly perfect treatment. They clothe her in silks, serve her the finest feasts, and lavish her with affection beyond measure. Yet, beneath their benevolent facade lies a chilling mystery.

Maude's suspicions deepen as she struggles to fit into the Apatow family's meticulously crafted world. Her siblings, each peculiar in their own right, harbor secrets that whisper of ancient rites and arcane rituals. The mansion they call home echoes with voices from a forgotten past, and Maude's dreams are haunted by cryptic visions of a life she can't remember.

Driven by a yearning for truth and a primal fear of belonging where she doesn't fit, Maude embarks on a clandestine journey through hidden chambers and forbidden realms. With each revelation, she unravels the dark threads of her adoption and uncovers a web of deceit, confronting ancient evils to break free from the Apatow family's sinister grip.

Bastian S.S.'s 2nd published book "The Favorite's Forsaken" following the success of his debut novel, Bastian reached the Best Seller List once again with this captivating tale of abandonment and magic.

© @lookclike

[lookclike]

where: the library

when: 6:00 pm

with: @vesvius

there were a couple of things eliza was very good at. acting, singing, making apple crumble and, of course, ignoring things that were upsetting. as a child, she ignored some of the wards distaste of her, ignored the fact that adoption was never a word that passed through richard’s mouth, ignored her own empty past with the easiness of someone ignoring a stubborn wine stain in dark clothing. it was a habit that she still held onto, and when it came to sebastian, it was a useful skill. there were many a time when she passed through a bookstore only to be confronted with murky reflections of her family, shrouded in fiction and ink, and simply walked past it. sebastian could write whatever the hell he wanted and she didn’t need to read a single page of it. out of sight out of mind.

of course, ignoring things always became harder when face to face with them, but eliza was also very good at compartmentalizing. that evening, exhausted by the work at the greenhouse, eliza had been the one to seek out sebastian, approach him with an amicable but serious expression. she had in hands the small photograph of winifred that resided in the great room, the one that she was so fascinated by as a child. she passed it to sebastian. “i saw you staring at it earlier.” it might have been a declaration, but her tone was questioning. why? was the part left unsaid.