Thil

25yo | she/they | dutch | queer | autistic

[loona-catcher]

I'm in a "buy physical media cause streaming sucks" hyperfixation and now I have to buy a new shelf cause my kpop album collection has expanded by 60 albums in the last month (I just hit 200 albums this week)

I am in the process of making a wishlist for albums. Only albums that I like a minimum of 75% of the songs are on there, and I'm only at the letter N (by going by artist in alphabetical order) so I still need to add the letter O and onward...

This is the wishlist rn:

Shelf 3 here I come! Once I have the shelf I'll post a pic I guess. Shipping for the shelf is €40 though and I can't pick one up (as I don't have a car) so it'll be a little while. Hopefully next month

[loona-catcher]

I'm gonna say something that's (apparently) controversial in the food industry

If an animal had to die to make the food product you sell, it's not vegetarian. Doesn't matter what type of animal it is.

A vegetarian product shouldn't contain fish. That's an animal. I know for a long time people claimed vegetarian = no meat and that fish wasn't a meat, but it's still an animal. Don't sell vegetarian burgers and put on the BACK OF THE PACKAGING that it contains fish.

Same for candy, only recently did brands start saying if their candy was vegetarian based on if there's gelatin in it or not. Cause gelatin is made of bones. So yeah candy with gelatin in it required an animal to die. But you know what's also an animal? Bugs. Even extremely tiny bugs. I don't want my candy to have E120 in it either, cause that's a red food dye made of blood of lice.

I'm not vegan. I eat cheese, eggs, honey, wear wool. As long as an animal didn't die for the product I am fine with buying it, especially cause I can source these types of animal products from ethical farmers where I live quite easily (so no egg laying factories where chickens sit in a tiny space for their whole lives). But having brands say that fish or lice blood is okay to be in vegetarian food is so stupid to me. Not wanting to eat something with a dead bug or a dead fish in it shouldn't be considered "vegan". I should see a label that says it's vegetarian safe and not have to check the ingredients for dead animal products anymore. That's like, the whole meaning of the term

Anyway that was my rant, bye!

[eggman86]

If ou say as long as an animal didn't die you are fine with the product, it really feels like you agree with veganism and the fact you aren't makes me think you don't know about what happens.

In dairy industry, all cows are killed when their production quantity drops, this happens after about seven years, when the cow becomes fatigued from constant toll being put on her body body of daily milking and being forcefully impregnated every year. It is often the case that cows often become lame before they are taken away to be killed when they aren't able to stand and support their own weight from being physically exhausted.

The same is true with egg laying hens, even on ""ethical"" farms, all egg laying hens will be sent to slaughter. That is on top of that male chicks, since they do not lay eggs, are useless in the eyes of the farmers and are killed on their first day of life after hatching.

It is the case for every animal in animal agriculture. As soon as they stop being profitable for the farmer, they have outlived their usefulness and are killed for profits. Whether it's cows, hens, bees, sheep, goats, or any other animal, if they are on a farm, they will be killed

[loona-catcher]

While I agree with what you explained, I do know that the sources I use for eggs and milk are genuinely as ethical as I can get within my surrounding area. A family who has some chickens (and hens, yes) isn't the same as a laying factory. Same for a family farm with a few cows. Once they become too old yes they do eventually get slaughtered for meat by the farmers. But not for how useless they have supposedly become, but based on age. In the same way we as humans get to live out our lives when we are no longer useful to capitalism.

I try my best, but I also need the proteins from these food items, and with my long list allergies I can't easily replace it. Trust me, I've tried.

But my post wasn't about convincing me to become a vegan, it was about the stupidity of the food industry in what they choose to label as vegetarian. Not vegan, vegetarian.

I agree with veganism, but it's not for me in the current standing of what is accessible to me with my allergies. Which sucks, but I try my best in the situation.

[loona-catcher]

I'm gonna say something that's (apparently) controversial in the food industry

If an animal had to die to make the food product you sell, it's not vegetarian. Doesn't matter what type of animal it is.

A vegetarian product shouldn't contain fish. That's an animal. I know for a long time people claimed vegetarian = no meat and that fish wasn't a meat, but it's still an animal. Don't sell vegetarian burgers and put on the BACK OF THE PACKAGING that it contains fish.

Same for candy, only recently did brands start saying if their candy was vegetarian based on if there's gelatin in it or not. Cause gelatin is made of bones. So yeah candy with gelatin in it required an animal to die. But you know what's also an animal? Bugs. Even extremely tiny bugs. I don't want my candy to have E120 in it either, cause that's a red food dye made of blood of lice.

I'm not vegan. I eat cheese, eggs, honey, wear wool. As long as an animal didn't die for the product I am fine with buying it, especially cause I can source these types of animal products from ethical farmers where I live quite easily (so no egg laying factories where chickens sit in a tiny space for their whole lives). But having brands say that fish or lice blood is okay to be in vegetarian food is so stupid to me. Not wanting to eat something with a dead bug or a dead fish in it shouldn't be considered "vegan". I should see a label that says it's vegetarian safe and not have to check the ingredients for dead animal products anymore. That's like, the whole meaning of the term

Anyway that was my rant, bye!

[loona-catcher]

my cat is sitting across the room staring at me cause he wants dinner, even tho it's not even 5pm yet

[loona-catcher]

I went to see Stray Kids in Amsterdam!!!

Even with my autism and social anxiety, the experience was very nice. Does my entire body hurt from carrying around a bag with 4 liters of water in it cause I didn't want to overheat when in Amsterdam the whole day? Yes. Was I there the whole day unneccesarily just cause I was paranoid my train would cancel on me, meaning I queued for 9 hours while I had an assigned seat? Also yes. But mentally I am doing a lot better than I have for any previous concert, and after almost 48 hours I am finally mentally recovered enough to write about it. I'd say my electric fan and hearing protection did most of the heavy lifting in terms of me not being overstimulated for a week afterwards lol

The concert itself was so much fun!! They played almost all my favorite songs, my friend (who doesn't know any k-pop besides ONE Taemin song) also enjoyed it after I basically dragged her there just so I didn't have to go alone, and the people I met in the queue also all seemed to have enjoyed it and were very lovely! I was actually so suprised to see they brought out the carts (to drive around the stadium) like they did for the Asian and American tour. I wasn't expecting it in Europe since our stadiums are smaller in comparison.

I would add a video, but I had a seat all the way in the back of the 2nd story balcony of a massive 50k attendees arena, so you can imagine how bad the footage would be with my horrible €200 phone that also doesn't have any stabilisation to fight my chronically shaking hands.

Anyway I can some pics of me in the stadium and me at the pop-up store!!

My outfit was nothing special by the way. Usually for concerts I like to diy an outfit that looks like a MV outfit of the artist, but because of the insane heat I just went with a tanktop and skirt in the colors of the tour.

[loona-catcher]

you know what gives me anxiety? unpredictability

i have a concert next friday. i have been to 10+ concerts before in my life, but this is a new venue for me. and the site of the venue literally tells me NOTHING about what to expect

then there's no lockers at the venue itself, so i'd have to get a locker at a parking lot across from the venue. i can't just not get a locker, cause i am sleeping at a friend's place after the concert, so i have pyjamas and a toothbrush and stuff on me which can't fit in the maximum size bag allowed into the venue.

but the lockers at the parking lot might be full by the time i arrive, cause they have 300 lockers, and the venue i am going to is sold out and has a 17k capacity. meaning only 1 in 6 people can get a locker, and that's not accounting for the other 2 venues around the same parking lot also having a concert at the same time.

so i looked up the locker managing company and at their site it said you can reserve a locker, but only after 10am on the day you want to use it. by then, anyone with VIP will already be at the venue to try and get the best possible spot. hopefully enough of them don't need a locker i guess, or else i am screwed.

i guess i'll pack the thinnest pyjama possible, as well as bringing my oldest toothbrush, so that if i can't get a locker it's not as horrible to have to throw it away. then i can buy a toothbrush in the morning, and sleep in just the tank top i will be wearing under my regular clothes at the concert.

it'd just be so much easier if i knew whether or not i could get a locker, and if i knew what to expect inside the actual venue. i wish companies were more clear on things on their websites so people like me who stress about everything and have an autistic meltdown over the lack of certainty don't have to suffer as much. oh well

[loona-catcher]

my mom asked if it would be okay for my sister to come have dinner with us today, and while i love my sister and i haven't seen her in a while, absolutely not

with my mom gone more often now due to her having a boyfriend, i am already having a hard time when my mom comes back. even if it's a small change, it is a change in atmosphere in the house every time she leaves, and everytime she comes back. when she leaves i can manage it, cause while that change is sudden and difficult, there's nothing else that's difficult for me to manage, so i can cope with just that 1 thing. but when she comes back, it's a change AND she wants to tell me a bunch of stuff and thus more noise from talking and her moving around.

so with my mom currently gone and coming back right before dinner, i cannot cope with the house going from 1 person (me) to 3 (me my mom and my sister) when both of them have adhd and i am sensitive to sounds and chaos cause of my autism.

normally i would have said yes to my sister coming over, and i would have taken the time to recover from the energy drain and overwhelm, but i have 2 appointments tomorrow AND a concert 2 days after that. i wouldn't be able to recover from those 2 appointments AND my sister's visit all in 24 hours before a concert. for the concert i need to be at my best possible condition, cause concerts are VERY draining and if i go to the concert already at 50% i'm not gonna be able to enjoy the concert at all.

anyway that's today's little rant on why autism and hightened sensitivity to stimuli isn't just "cute and quirky". i wanna see my mom and sister but i can't cause my brain can't handle change. so just my mom coming back home is enough, at least my mom is able to tone it down a little when i tell her i am getting overwhelmed. my sister can't

[loona-catcher]

I think my cat wants me dead cause for 2 days now I've walked out of my bedroom in the morning, only to step on a toy of his (normally only kept in the living room) and almost fall down the stairs that are right next to my door.

Mind you, we only keep toys downstairs in the living room, and the living room is closed at night, meaning he's taking toys out of the living room at a time the door is open, and plays with them at night when the living room is closed. And somehow keeps leaving them at my bedroom door for me to trip over... Suspicious

I hope he realises that if I fall down the stairs and die there's nobody to give him food

[loona-catcher]

I haven't even watched Kpop Demon Hunters and I still have Soda Pop stuck in my head 24 hours a day

[loona-catcher]

I've got a concert (Stray Kids Amsterdam) next week and I feel like my paranoia is bothering the person I'm going with.

Like I have to rely on public transport, so in case of delays or cancelled trains I'm going quite early, but I'm also very prone to overheating, so I'm basically worried to either show up too late and miss the concert due to train cancellations, or show up too early and collapse from overheating.

Meanwhile she's coming to the venue with her car so she's basically gonna show up 30 minutes before doors open. I wish that was me but my paranoia won't let me LMAO

[loona-catcher]

You know the world has gone to shit when your country's government and the police are arguing about immigration and you're agreeing with the police...

[loona-catcher]

One of my international online friends has said Denmark when referring to my country twice now.

We were talking about the current heatwave, and I mentioned it was gonna be 23°C here tomorrow. So she went "Omg I wanna move to Denmark"

Anyway I'm from the Netherlands 😂

I think she keeps confusing it cause both Denmark and Dutch (the language here) start with a D while Netherlands obviously doesn't.

Gonna start calling her Finnish now since she's French

[loona-catcher]

I deleted instagram!! 🎉🎉🎉

Well, kinda For one of my hobbies (k-pop photocard collecting) I rely on a trading community on Instagram. But I wanted to be off Instagram so badly, cause it's such a toxic place and did more harm than good for my mental health.

So I deleted it from my phone, and now have it only available to use on my laptop. That means I can still go on there when I need to for my trading hobby, but I won't be doom-scrolling for hours wasting away my life.

Did I do this impulsively in the early morning? Yes, it was 7 am. But I had exchanged phone numbers with all my closest online friends, so it was time to delete it. There was literally no reason not to anymore

That being said, I like writing out my thoughts on things and basically live-blogging my day, which I used to do on my Instagram story a LOT. So... I am back here!!! Less toxic, less algorhitm based, also only on desktop (for me). Perfect for my specific wants and needs for this site.

As for Instagram? F*** Zuckenberg, F*** Meta, I AM FREE

[loona-catcher]

Damn I'm so bad at actually going on this app to write on here...

Anyways tomorrow will be a big day for me! Maybe

I have this appointment with a goverment aid worker that should help me find a job that fits my accommodation needs and my skillset. Basically they'd start a trial where I go to a few of their volunteering locations to basically have them observe me and how I manage in different environments. Then that info + a skill test + my diagnostic results + imput from my therapist on what I need would be combined to try and find me a job that I can do.

And if there's no job for me that fits those criteria, I'd be deemed officially too disabled to work and would be put on permanent disability aid (instead of my current disability aid situation that gets reviewed every 6 months).

I really do hope something comes out of this. I don't want to work a 9 to 5 for 5 or 6 days a week, that'd be depressing and also not possible for me with my energy levels, but I do want to do SOMETHING. Staying home all day every day of the week except for 2 hours of an art club is just not fulfilling. I'm literally getting depressed at my own uselessness for society.

Having been a therapist before autistic burnout happened doesn't help cause I went from literally helping teenagers overcome anxiety caused selective mutism to not being able to leave the house without my emotional support plushie. I went from very useful for society to useless. It sucks

[loona-catcher]

I've decided to restart my youtube channel!

It's weird cause it says I have 5k subscribers, but my average views is about 20. Those subscribers are all from the videos I used to make a decade ago. But I don't want to just move to a different channel, since my old friends are subscribed to this one, and my old videos are still (privated) on there. It's like a time capsule of my digital activity over the decade, I don't want to abandon that. So the subscriber count will be really high compared to view count

But who cares, I'm not doing youtube for the views or subscribers or whatever. I'm doing youtube as a video diary!

There's currently 2 videos up in this new direction, a 1 month vlog, and a lego speedbuild. I'm just gonna film whatever I feel like doing. I wanna paint? Painting video. I wanna play a game? I might do a let's play. My favorite artist has a new song? Reaction video. There's a topic I wanna rant about? Commentary video.

I don't want to have a channel that's 1 specific type of content, I want to have a channel that's all content I'd enjoy making. And if nobody watches, that's fine. It's for me after all.

Anyway if somebody does want to watch, I'll leave the lego video here:

I'm so excited to start up this channel again actually! I have a whole list of ideas in my notes app for videos to make, so whenever I feel like filming something I can just pull that out and do one

[loona-catcher]

Is there a way to do at home activism?

Seeing everything going on in America right now, I just feel so useless. I'm in The Netherlands, and I'm autistic (high support needs, not good at leaving the house, let alone joining protests or something of the sort). So with my inability to get out of the house (and on disability aid so also no money to donate), idk what to do to help out

I try to do my part on social media. On my instagram I post about politics often on my story, trying to keep others around me informed as best I can.

But aside from that... Is there anything I can do? For queer people, for immigrants, for trans people, poc, fellow disabled people, anyone currently threatened by the American goverment.

If anyone knows anything I can help with, please let me know. I'd love to do more ❤️

[loona-catcher]

Not even 2 months ago the local farmer's market took my favorite smoothie out of their stock, and I had to find an alternative... I'm bad at eating fruit everyday, so if I eat my fruit daily for the week I allow myself a smoothie for the weekend as a little treat. It's a good motivator for me to eat fruit daily cause I LOVE a good mango passionfruit smoothie.

I found an alternative at a local supermarket, it didn't taste the same but similar enough that it could pass as a safe food for me (safe food = doesn't trigger my autism texture or taste sensory overload)

And now THEY TOOK IT OUT OF STOCK AT THAT SUPERMARKET TOO???? Now I have to find another one AGAIN????

I'm so annoyed why can't stores just keep the same products in stock so those of us who have difficulty with change don't have to have a meltdown over a smoothie 🙃