Fuck vocab lists of sexy words. Here’s how to talk absolute shit about someone in french
Il/elle est fagoté(e) comme l’as de pique : they’re badly dressed (lit: they’re dressed like the ace of spades)
Il/elle est maquillé(e) comme une voiture volée : they wear too much makeup (lit: they’re as made up as a stolen car)
Il/elle laid(e)/moche comme un pou : they’re ugly (lit: they’re ugly as lice)
Il/elle est haut(e) comme trois pommes à genoux : they’re very short/young/naive (lit: they’re as tall as three kneeling apples)
Il/elle est maigre comme un coucou/clou : they’re thin as a railing (lit: thin as a cuckoo/nail)
Il/elle chante comme une casserole : they’re a bad singer (lit: they sing like a pot)
Il/elle a une araignée au plafond : they have a few cogs loose (lit: they have a spider on the ceiling)
Il/elle n’a pas inventé l’eau chaude : they sure didn’t invent the wheel (lit: hot water)
Il/elle se noierait dans un verre d’eau : they can’t find their way out of a paper bag (lit: they would drown in a glass of water)
Il/elle est con comme la lune/un balai : they’re really stupid (lit: they’re as dumb as the moon/a broomstick)
Il/elle prend des vessies pour des lanternes : they’re grossly misguided/delusional (lit: they mistake bladders for lanterns)
Il/elle n’a pas les yeux en face des trous : they miss the obvious (lit: their eyes aren’t in front of their sockets)
Il/elle est un panier percé : they’re a compulsive spender (lit: they’re a basket with a hole)
Il/elle est bonne poire : they’re easy to dupe (lit: they’re a good pear)
Il/elle est ennuyeux comme un rat mort : they’re as boring as drying paint (lit: boring as a dead rat)
Il/elle a un bâton dans le cul : they have a broomstick in their ass
Il/elle a un poil dans la main : they’re lazy (lit: they have hair growing out of their hand)
Il/elle pète plus haut que son cul : they’re arrogant (lit: they fart higher than their ass)
Il/elle a les dents qui rayent le parquet : they’re ambitious to a fault (lit: their teeth are reaching the floor)
Il/elle bouffe à tous les râteliers : they will seize any opportunity as long as it benefits them (lit: they’re eating from all the racks)
Il/elle se croit sorti(e) de la cuisse de Jupiter : they think they’re so special (lit: they think they were born out of Jupiter’s hip)
Il/elle a les chevilles qui enflent : they’re getting full of themself (lit: their ankles are inflating)
Il/elle a le bras long : they have clout/influence (lit: they have a long arm)
Il/elle ment comme un arracheur de dents : they lie like a rug (lit: like a teeth-puller)
Il/elle a une chance de pendu/cocu : they’re insolently lucky (lit: they’re as lucky as a hanged man/a cuckhold)
Il/elle tient la chandelle : they’re the third wheel (lit: they hold the candle)
Il/elle a du sang de navet : they’re a coward (lit: their blood is parsnip juice)
un gros bonnet : a bigwig
une grenouille de bénitier/punaise de sacristie : a religious bigot (lit: a holy water font frog/ a sacristy stinkbug)
l’oeil de Moscou : a narc/spy, someone who’s attentive to an uncomfortable level (lit: the eye of Moscow)
une course à l’échalote : a rat race (lit: a scallion race)
le maillon faible : the weak link
un mauvais coucheur : a difficult personality
faux-jeton : hypocrite, backstabber
beurré(e)/rond/bourré(e) : drunk
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