“i know.” kaine mouthed out as his voice was barely above a whisper, his nose burying into her hair as he hugged her tight. his hand brushing up and down her back. kaine couldn’t help but press a kiss to her shoulder as she pulled away. his eyes showed how god damn beautiful she looked and he made sure to tell her so with words. “not fair how you make my shirts look better than i do, but seeing them on you again is making me feel more at ease.” emotions and nerves were shared by both, but as he scratched at his scruff on his face, he reminded himself of everything he made mental notes on to touch on, to talk about and how to open up his entire heart without hesitation. being her other half like she deserved. the feeling of her lips was he exactly what he needed and he took a caramel hard piece of candy to help his dry mouth as he sucked on it a bit. “i know where a lot of the issues come from, lo. i have been mentally and emotionally so broken because of wanting to be with you. the waiting game is hard as hell. because you’re it for me. you’re my forever and always.” laying on his side next to her, his hands showed kai’s nervous habits by how he struggled to figure out where to place them. taking in a deep breath and letting it out slowly, he felt his heart beating like crazy. pretty sure it was echoing off the walls. “i never want to be that asshole, it kills me that i lashed out like that, there’s no excuse. i’ve just been off, even during games, i have been ripping myself to shreds and not getting to go home to you or explaining to Tide when he’s going to see you or me again, this isn’t how either of us ever wanted things to be. I know we gotta figure it all out and that’s what I’m wanting to do tonight with you. I don’t want to hide kissing or be in limbo, I want to be us, I want to make you laugh, party out here like old days, Shit, I’ll even dance to keep that smile on your face and shake my butt for you, sneak into weddings then pick you up when we run. I love how we were in Costa Rica, I want us back.” clearing his throat, his hand moved to rest on her knee and his thumb brushed along the softest spot of her skin he could find. “and all of this starts with me recognizing that you deserve better than what my mindset was when we first started having issues. me thinking you’d want to stay at home with the babies. i’ve been doing my research and i talked to my mom about it. I never knew how miserable she was not getting to do anything but have kids, raise them, give up her modeling dreams or how controlling my pop was of her. you deserve to have and do whatever you want in this world just like i get to with your support, so i want you to know that I was so wrong. I was so dumb. what you do is so important and you’re the most amazing mom in this world. you juggle it all, and our boys are so in love with you. i’m so in love with you, sometimes it gets the best of me and i want to break the norm, i want to show you off, gas my girl up, make sure you know that i believe in everything you do and want to do, always. i have been blessed with the most perfect love of my life and I can’t keep messing up or fumbling things, Lorena. I know that and I’m here to fix them all with you and show you I’m a changed man, the one who you deserve and can trust.” with a heavy swallow, he knew he was rambling, but he needed to get it all out. he needed her to know it went deeper than just communication and started at the root of where he messed up. cause that’s his baby, his world and wants her to feel his love in its deepest form, from the depths of his heart.
❝ it’s just frustrating because I’ve shared why I want to go slow and why we haven’t gotten back together yet , and it’s like that makes me a heart player . you know I never want to do that to you , kai . and I know you’ve never said those things , it’s just H U R T F U L when that’s the type of stuff I’m reading about online . i’m just trying to do the best I can for us , and I know by trying to do that I fuck up sometimes . ❞ lorena took a deep breath and broke a piece off her candy bar , plopping the solo two pieces in her mouth . ❝ I just don’t want , you know , to get back together and then not have our shit together . I just feel like that’s a recipe for diaster and I want us to be in the place we were when we first got together . I want to go back to that honeymoon phase where all we did was kiss and laugh and never fought , or at least didn’t fight over things that mattered . ❞ she remembered those times fondly . her heart ached to go back in to time to those moments where the two of them lived in bliss . lorena’s pinky wrapped around the male’s lightly . she wanted to feel him , she wanted his comfort because sharing her emotions and thoughts was hard for her to do . ❝ I want you to know that I was really embarassed by that , like honestly , I wasn’t expecting that . I know I’m trash at expressing myself , that’s no secret , but please don’t ever twist my words and come at me like that again on social media , ❞ the brunette said ━ petitie finger wrapping around his tighter now . ❝ just please ask me what I mean by something because I never want to hurt you with my actions or words . I never want you to think I’m saying one thing when I totally mean something else . ❞ a tear trickled down her cheek . she hated how emotional she was , she hated crying in front of kaine , but her emotions always took over with him . it was like she had no control over her body or what happened moving forward.
❝ I know it’s hard , kai . I know you want me back home , I want to be there too , but you know deep down that we shouldn’t rush that just because our hearts want it . we both aren’t that stupid . ❞ his next comment made her smile admist the tears that were shedding . he always managed to do that ; mix up her emotions . he had the ability to make her sad one moment but happy a slit second later , and she hated him for that but loved him for it at the time . ❝ I’ve been waiting a L I F E T I M E to hear you say those things . I just felt like you started to hate me because I didn’t want to do this whole ‘ cookie cutter life ‘ you had in mind . it made me crazy because all I’ve ever wanted was for you to realize that I could be a mother but still have something I love to do too . I wanted you to see that I could be the greatest mother but still have my own life . I wanted you to C A R E about my feelings and what I wanted for my own life . I always supported you in everything you put your mind too and I just wanted the same in return , and I feel like I never got that from you . it’s like every time you didn’t say something supportive but something bitter instead , my heart would break . ❞ it was at this point that both her cheeks were covered in tear water . him saying those things just made her cry even more because she could tell he meant it . she knew that he was trying , and she knew that all this time , but she just wanted to hear from him that he was wrong about making her feel like shit for not wanting to be a stay at home mom for tide and evian . ❝ I think we should see a couple’s therapist . ❞
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