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taylor chiesa | 19 | Canada

[andyoucallmeupagain]

What a year March has been

[leninisms]

it’s still march???

[orriculum]

My boss’s first language isn’t English. However, she loves giving inspirational speeches to everyone. I think today she was trying to tell us “don’t just stand around looking pretty”, but what she actually said was “WE DONT HAVE TIME TO BE SEXY”.

[gentlechaosgoblin]

It reminds me of my Russian boss at the bakery. I didn’t wrap the bread correctly so she told me to “Snuggle like baby. Bread is your baby, Shelly. It’s sweet and gentle. Fragile, Italian.”

[catchymemes]

[hipnerd]

This is the same man.

[comic-chick]

I think about this a lot.

[hemligplats]

[jacknolazme]

[sakura-haruka]

[themagicalladycat]

[penguin-and-kiwi]

I'll do it for you, creamy

[xslytherin]

Robert Pattinson's commentary in Twilight is hilarious

[unclefather]

[theblogthatgoeswrong]

The song hallelujah always makes me cry but it also makes me think of Shrek???

[halles-comet]

Okay now that I’ve finally quit Denny’s let me tell you guys about the bizarre fucking otherworld it is

The music and the room temperature are controlled by corporate. Corporate plays a lot of pop covers of Disney princess songs I’ve never heard before. I now have a dance routine to the K-Pop sounding version of Let it Go.

Our sign flickered fast and red and demonically for a week and the repairman said he couldn’t find anything wrong with it.

People did drug deals in, like, broad daylight in the middle of the parking lot multiple times a week.

It’s open 24/7. We had a backup generator none of us knew about until there was a massive storm one night and we looked out to see a tree knocked over and our lights the only thing on for miles. You could weather the apocalypse with no idea the apocalypse was even happening. 

Regular customers included:

A man convinced the chemtrails are real who gave me six separate pieces of literature on the subject

A little person named Kevin who told me “sometimes I call myself a dwarf when I’m feeling whimsical”

An actual group of Neo-Nazis

An actual Earth, Wind, and Fire cover band (they played for us)

Twins who came in separately on the same day and I thought they were one woman changing outfits rapidly for the longest time

A Scottish landscaper who told us we “couldn’t prove he doesn’t know Simon Pegg”

I have more these are just off the top of my head

[halles-comet]

I can’t believe I forgot

two line cooks got into a really heated argument about whether Vin Diesel is bisexual or not

I asked an elderly man if he wanted to use the AARP discount and he said “No, I’m not a socialist”.

[luthorsandsupers-blog]

[goblinsnufkin-deactivated201905]

same energy

[bloodyborsch]

[fairyfawm]

another Same Energy: so ive asked my family to refer to me as they/them bc im nb, and a few times ive corrected my cousins when theyve misgendered me. and so when my little cousins were playing superheroes, one of them said i could be supergirl, and my four year old cousin immediately pipes in with “but sams not a girl” and then, after a bit of thought, “you can be superthey!”

[schrodingers-fyke]

Theydies and gentlethem

[alltimevirgilant]

I love this

[galren]

check out this periodic table

[galren]

I have made a lot of bad jokes but this is still probably my greatest hit

[agentxpoe]

I’m on mobile and I just thought the image kept messing up

[deletemurdock]

2007 was so important

[overcalm]

[duals]

Aesthetics

[jh-ddh4-7gbjv-xf6347bch-deactiv]

My nephew likes to play McDonald's, which is what you'd expect it to be. He says, "Welcome to McDonald's. How may I help you?" After you order, he says, "Okay, coming right up," and pretends to give you your food. He has another game called "Silly McDonald's," which is the same thing, except no matter what you order, he says, "Here's your cold hamburger."

[jh-ddh4-7gbjv-xf6347bch-deactiv]

I know I'm biased, but he's a comedic genius, as far as I'm concerned.

[jh-ddh4-7gbjv-xf6347bch-deactiv]

The last time I saw him, he said, "Let's play McDonald's," so I assumed it was regular McDonald's. But then he hit me with a cold hamburger. It was Silly McDonald's the whole time. I got played.