I am never going home

names are complicated | it/its or they/them | early 40s | agender | aroace | friending greyplatonic

[lost-long-ago]

Profile picture: icon by Tumblr user aceinthefreakinspace. Description: a still image from the Project Hail Mary movie, showing Rocky in his xenonite ball and Ryland Grace sitting next to him with his hand on the ball, with the aroace flag as a background.

About me

Name: there isn't really a name I vibe with right now but some people call me Rain and I don't mind that. I guess Lost works too (because of my username) or just my username is fine

Pronouns: it/its or they/them (you'll see me occasionally use he/him to refer to myself when I feel like it)

Age: 40+

Other stuff: aroace, agender, aplspike friending greyplatonic and full of alterous yearning, I talk too much

Sometimes I write fanfiction and post it on AO3 (account required)

Currently obsessed with: Project Hail Mary (mostly the film although I have read and enjoyed the book too)

Always into (in the background): The Realm of the Elderlings series by Robin Hobb, The Hands of the Emperor and At the Feet of the Sun by Victoria Goddard, The Locked Tomb, Withnail and I

Music I like: Pet Shop Boys, Hamish Hawk, Future Islands, Warrington-Runcorn New Town Development Plan, Empire of the Sun, Linkin Park, The Crane Wives, The Alan Parsons Project, Kylie Minogue, Rufus Wainwright, God Is An Astronaut, Florence + The Machine, Good Neighbours, Richard Hawley

Some day I swear I'll add shortcuts to relevant tags and retag my entire blog because that's my idea of a good time

Pinned post last updated 11 May 2026.

Full size version of my profile pic:

My username is inspired by lyrics from the song “Sisyphus” by Andrew Bird and my blog title is a line from the Pet Shop Boys’ song “The Pop Kids”.

Useful tags to block: #life tag, #work tag, #IBS tag, #my unhelpful brain, #liveblog tag.

My past pinned posts are here.

Sometimes I'll refer to other "people" who are also me but also kind of not me. Don't worry about it.

[spider-mann]

Project Hail Mary (2026) | Dir. Phil Lord & Christopher Miller

[minotauri]

ocean sounds for those of you who need it

[heyhoneyfox]

"I'm lying to you but this sentence is technically the truth without context" is such a good trope. Like yes the way that I am spinning these words forms a lie but if you squint I'm actually not lying.

[mortalityplays]

there is no single argument against including trans women in sports that doesn't boil down to "women aren't supposed to be good at this" and it's fucking insane to me that every woman in the world isn't up in arms about the way this issue has laid institutional misogyny bare to the bone

[our-loveless-experiences]

Apls, are you loveless and aplatonic at the same time? Or just aplspec? (We're curious)

I'm both alovespec and aplspec

I'm aplspec and might be alovespec, maybe..

I'm aplspec and I don't know if I'm alovespec

I'm aplspec and I'm not alovespec

Remaining time: 6 days 13 hours

Loveless definition: Anyone who doesn't experience, relate, or identify with the term love.

Alovespec definition: Someone whose identity falls under lovelessness or is closely related to lovelessness when placed on the breadth loving and loveless.

It can also refer to people who don't wish to further label their identity.

[lost-long-ago]

I think I want to watch Iron Lung again

[lost-long-ago]

Project Hail Mary isn't showing in cinemas in my city anymore, and the thing is that the last few times I went I didn't quite enjoy it as much as I used to, so I probably wouldn't see it this week if it were available...but the fact that it's no longer there for me to go and see again feels so wrong that it's physically hurting

[cloudabserk]

🩵

[lucianinsanity]

Rocky "I want to watch you sleep as close as possible, on your chest" would not be horrified by feeling Grace insides during a hug!!!!!!

He would probably feel Grace calm down while doing it and go "I am now a hugging kinda person"

Come on, he gets RIGHT IN THERE when he wakes up and Grace sees he's fine for the first time

That clingy little crab-rock wouldn't think twice

"Yes yes, Grace might be gross looking, but he's my beloved best friend, I need to hear his heartbeat slow down and his breathing get steady while surrounding me with his arms"

[ymutate]

The perfume bottle in the shape of a lily of the valley by René Lalique, the International Perfume Museum in Grasse, France.

[lost-long-ago]

"Six Weeks" by Future Islands is having me crying screaming lying on the floor because I've been in a long-distance relationship and it brings me back to how that felt

Sending this back [redacted] years into the past so that [Deadname] can listen to it while crying on the plane

[lost-long-ago]

This song is still haunting me and I think I'm going to have to write something about it

(It's so annoying though. I don't have anybody I feel like this about so why am I filled with those emotions??? I didn't ask for this take it back)

[cholvoq]

weight of the world.

[lost-long-ago]

I have never wanted to have children.

As far as I can recall, I have had exactly two (2) dreams in which I had a child. The first one was over 8 years ago, the second was last night.

They're always nice dreams. I'm happy in them. I can feel how deeply I love my child and how they mean the world to me.

Then I wake up and I'm grateful to have experienced that for a few moments. But I'm even more grateful that it was a dream. I have never wanted and will never want to have and raise a child.

(Sometimes I tell myself these are glimpses of alternate universes. This isn't something I seriously believe but I find it fun to think about.)

[rainbowryland]

“War, famine, pestilence, and death. Astrophage is literally the apocalypse. The Hail Mary is all we have now. I’ll make any sacrifice to give it even the tiniest additional chance of success.” – Eva Stratt, page 431

PROJECT HAIL MARY (2026) dir. by Christopher Miller & Phil Lord

[limbel]

we have to thank our brave soldiers in fandom who write gen fics. we have to thank our brave soldiers in fandom who write character studies and stories with no focus on romance or sex. we have to get on our knees and thank the brave soldiers in fandom who write about minor characters and friendship and family with no focus on romance or sex. i know it’s hard to care about characters in a world that seems to only revolve around ships but i see you. and i love you

[feefal]

At the party with my best friends🪼