something edited.
The light filtered in, it’s warm glow settling upon your cheekbone. The sun had been rising later and later each day with the apocalypse coming closer. Although, with everything going to shit, that didn’t quite matter to me. The sun always found you. I knew it’d never leave you alone. I knew it would seek you during every waking hour it had, because it loved you, and it’d never stop loving you. It was drawn to you, even in your sleep. As you slumber, i watch the sun cast it’s rays onto you, as if to say “Wake up. The time for slumber has long passed.” Your nose scrunches in response, and with a sleepy sigh, your eyes open. A sleepy smile graces your lips, and somehow, the world stops in its tracks. When i’d first met you i’d noticed your energy. It was a burning, bright thing that melted my defenses away. It claimed the space in my heart with a swan-like grace, and a soft kind of comfort that'd I'd never expect. I loved you in silence yet, I also loved you louder than anyone i have loved before. I thought you’d be something comforting and warm to bask in, until the clouds came back and solitude found me again. I was wrong. You were so much more. You were the brightness and the darkness, both warm to the touch and no longer terrifying. You were death and life, happiness and bone crushing sadness, dramatism and minimalism. You were everything i thought I’d never need to experience. Yet, here I am laying next to you in a lone bed we'd found next to this abandoned building. We'd run from The End, when it first appeared. The feeling of everything falling apart was something we couldn't handle. So, instead of handling it, we pretended it never existed. We skipped town at the first chance we got, and pretended that we were headed to a resort. Like, somehow if we dreamed hard enough, it'd come true. But running doesn't stop the arrival of the things we didn't like, it only fooled us into thinking we were in control. I gaze into your eyes, and feel my lips split into the brightest half moon I could manage. Looking into your eyes was gazing into life’s deepest secrets and finding the beauty within them. The warmth of your soul feels like a hazy afternoon standing in front of your kitchen doorway. An afternoon that leads to the warmth your mother’s hands on your shoulder, the other above your head. It’s the softness of that hand and the aroma of the food it played part in making. It’s the gooey feeling inside your chest; warm like chocolate chip cookies. I say all this to say: Darling, your soul feels like growth. Life changing, bursting growth. And as i stare growth in its face, in love with every growing pain, you open your mouth and- “Baby? You ok?” a chuckle, and then, “You’re kinda staring baby boy.” The world comes rushing back. I nod, brushing the hair off your forehead, before leaning down to plant a kiss on the unnatural warmth there. Pulling you closer, I mumble into your skin, “Fine, babe. Always fine when I’m with you. “ I pull back from your embrace, eyes teary before crushing you in my arms again. “Love of my life. That’s what you are. “ Your nose brushes against my chest as your head tilts heaven-ward. Big eyes blink back at me, love wrapping around your irises. A stretch of silence follows as we stare at each other, and then, “We have a month, you know.” Those words vibrate against my throat, as I continue to run my hands through your hair, hoping for a quiet death. Quiet, but full of love as the leaves fall in October. My answer comes late, but it still comes. Soft, and truthful, and finally tired of running. “Yeah. Yeah, I know.” My nails scratch against your scalp as the lighting brightens, before deepening. My lips find your forehead, and press against it with fervor. A pleased hiss resonates in the air. I pull back, glancing at your lips. At how sweet-looking they are, at how enticing they are. Before I know it, I find myself leaning forward to reach your lips. When we connect, my heart picks up an extra beat before smoothing into the same soothing beat it’d been before. This kiss, held every insecurity I couldn't voice, and the hope that somehow, on your lips, it'd speak volumes. We separate a few seconds later, and somehow the room somehow feels a little warmer. My hand traces a line from your hair to your nape, and then caresses it’s way to the skin of your collarbone. “Is there anything else you wanna do, before next month? October, I mean. I mean, you know what I mean.” I stumble over my words. The End was next month. Still, thinking of the end as The End was harsh. So, without much questioning we’d taken to calling it October. After all, it was a little more comforting to turn "The End" into memories of pumpkin spice lattes, chilly weather, and carnivals. Your breath hitches, and I swear that if your body wasn’t pressed to mine, I’d completely miss it. “No. I hope we never see October.” It spills out of your mouth like black ink on parchment paper. You close your eyes and bury deeper into my chest. “I’m gonna miss this when it’s done. Don’t know where I’ll be...but I’ll miss it anyway.” The words twist at my insides until I can feel nausea rising to the surface. “Yeah. Me too, darling. Me too.” I sigh and run my hands along your back in an attempt to comfort you. You let out a slow breath as the tears you were trying to hide behind your eyelids come rushing forward. Slowly at first, and then much faster. Your shoulders start to shake and barely audible croaks sound from your throat. I lift your chin so I can kiss it. While there, I bury my head into your neck and rest my lips on your neck. I knew for a fact it soothed you, so i layed there, feeling your pulse against my lips and having the urge to hold it in my mouth. I’d take good care of it. I’d let it live in my mouth and be intimate with all the words I could never fully articulate. As retribution for taking your pulse, I’d give you mine, and live within the warmth of the best person I’d ever known. In another world this fantasy of mine could be real. But, this world is the way it is, and no amount of praying, and begging, and hoping can erase it’s issues. (I’ve tried, and it never worked. The first time I prayed to a god I didn't believe in; begging on my knees with hands outstretched, was for her. And ever since then, the only way I can force my tongue to give devotion to a god who never cared, is for her.) I began to hum a song I knew she loved in hopes of soothing her and getting her to go back to sleep. After all, her strength was fading, as was everyone’s strength here. As her health further deteriorated, her skin seemed to cling to her bones. Before long her hands had begun to shake, and her breath began to slip out of her control like elusive wind. Simply put, the world was tearing everything apart, and it had started with her. I tighten my hands around her skinny frame, and find myself begging to whatever god would listen. “Don’t take her without me, don’t leave me alone! If she has to die, take me with her. I’m not needed here, you don’t need me. Just don’t... let her go on her own. “ And as the sun (which i hadn’t even noticed was doing her last dance across the planes of the sky, until now.) said her small farewells, I felt a warmth race down my spine. A warmth that signified, that at the very least, she shouldn’t be on her own when it was her time to go. Whether that be now, next week, the next week, or in October. That small consolation was enough to remove the shake from my hands (that i also didn’t notice was happening, wow. That’s weird, right?) like it’d never been there. My hands caress her back, and i watch as her breath lifts and rises in a synchronized dance that signified sleep. With a last squeeze to her body, I move her away from me and tuck her deeper into the bed. She needs all the sleep she can get. I exit the bed, and put on my hunting coat. I grab my hunting rifle, a switchblade, and with one last kiss to her head and a glance, I leave to collect dinner.
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ik i’m not that amazing of a writer but please do not steal this :). I worked really hard on it and now i’m rlly sleepy and i dont wanna have to hunt you down and snatch my writing from ur nasty fingies. still, thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy whatever I come out with next time.
